How does one get over "being jealous"? I have struggled with this FOREVER. I'm not the overly jealous type, reason being because I hide it! I know I'm being silly most times and over reacting to I keep it inside and act like nothing is wrong. I guess I have trust issues? That's the cause of jealousy right?
My boyfriend has given me NO reason to not trust him. Here are the stupid things I have gotten jealous about. He checked his phone and this girl Katie he used to work with had text messaged him. I dont know what it said and I didn't ask. But, now I am always thinking about it. I check her facebook all the time! And, Thur morning he has an appt and his car is broke .... he's not sure his (male) roommate will have the gas money to take him, etc so he told me last night he might ask this girl Jessica he works with to take him because he thinks she would do it. Um, here I am .... JEALOUS! lol - I didn't tell him. I think I am going to tell him today when I talk to him. He tells me he loves me all the time, all he does is work and sleep and on his days off either I go see him or he comes to me (we live about an hour and a half away from each other) - we talk on the phone every day. I work days and he works nights, he calls me on his breaks every night.
What is wrong with me? I don't WANT to be like this.
Oh, and PS - my boyfriend is not jealous AT ALL. I went out with a long time male friend and my boyfriend didn't even wait up for me to call or even ask me about it the next day! LOL I dont know how he does it.
So should I NOT tell him??
I would ask him why girls are texting him, thats kinda weird, but the ride thing you shouldnt worry about.
Maybe Katie invited you guys to go somewhere? It may be completely innocent, but you have a right to know. Ask him if it bothers you.
If you really do not want to be like this and really do noyt like the way it makes you feel.
Go and get help from a therapist. People that are jealous have insecurity and trust issues. There is a reason for it, but you will need to work with a professional to help you solve this mystery.
You deserve to feel secure and happy. The people around you deserve to be trusted. All of these negative feelings are wasting your time and causing all of you too much stress..
Trust is not at the root of jealousy, insecurity is at the root of jealousy.
You need to think more of yourself. You need to think that if he decides he doesn't want you, that's HIS loss.
You can't force someone to be with you, so you might as well trust them. If it's not meant to be between you, it won't.
NO, DON'T TELL HIM. Jealous, insecure people are really unattractive. You really need to do more interesting things with your life than constantly checking some chick's Facebook because you are afraid your boyfriend will like her better than you. When you become a confident, interesting person, you can be certain he will choose you over her.
This is an age thing. Younger people I think tend to be more jealous because we're more insecure when we're younger. We think that other girl may be prettier, smarter, sexier - wahtever - than we are. As we get older we get more comfortable in our own skin - we accomplish some things, we become more confident in our abilities, our beauty, in who we are.
Ther is always going to be someone who is prettier than we are or more sexy or more successful. But our guy is with us - not with that other person. When we act insecure it's like an advertisement that the other person is better than we are.
I've learned that love is blind - it's not always the gorgoues girl that gets the guy - it's the one who is confident and comfortable with herself. Who knows why we're attracted to the people we're attracted to - and the same goes for your guy.
Do not let him see your jealousy - be confident in your own accomplishments and the person you are. Make a mental list of your accomplishments and see yourself as God sees you - one who is precious and lovely and highly valued. He does not make junk - you are amazing!
I am glad that you know that jealously - overt or covert - is probably the number one relationship-killer. You are very wise to want to take care of this.
Are you a journaling sort of person? If you are, try writing down what you feel right now. Everything. Why would a perfectly good boyfriend turn away from you so easily? Are you not worth his time and attention? Have you had mistrust issues with other people in the past? What is eating you exactly? Is your boyfriend a tease, and you're wondering about the teasing?
You might even think about seeing a counselor to get to the bottom of this - if you go to church, ask there for a recommendation. Friendships and marriages are based on trust.
You can also learn there how to talk to your boyfriend about this.
Jealousy is just a sign of insecurity. I think in time (age), things will get better. Looking back, I felt the same you did did (I was in my 20s). There are probably books you can read, but I don't know off hand.
Good luck.
If you have never been cheated on, and if you are young, this is normal insecurity. Also, when someone is a boyfriend and not a husband, you tend to have constant, "what if" feelings even though married guys can still cheat just as easily.
You do have to choose to trust him and feel confident if he has always been on the up and up.
His work friend texting him is borderline worrisome, but ONLY IF you guys were married or similarly committed, had problems in the past, and agreed he's not allowed to have texty female friends. For a normal boyfriend with coworkers and no offenses-he's allowed texty friends until any problems arise, or until you guys agree differently. So are you.
The fact that he isn't jealous is a very good sign that he's trust worthy, because most guys who are cheating tend to project accusations of their behavior onto their significant others. If you have any kids (since this is a momma site), that should be your focus, embodying love, trust and confidence until further notice, not being jealous over boyfriend stuff with no bad history. That would set a poor example to the kids.
Keep reasonably aware, but stop torturing yourself!
i don't agree with everyone to hide it, I agree acting on it is bad, but my boyfriend and I both confess when we're jealous, J. to share how we're feeling....if he talks to a girl at the bar or texts one I'll say I know how you feel when I do it, because I' a tad jealous, not that I want you to stop anything you're doing or don't trust you, but being honest I am a little jealous, and he'll do the same. If its a bigger issue than we'll discuss it more, but mostly its J. admitting hey I'm feeling a little jealous...expecting someone to change b/c of your jealousy or checking up on them is whats unhealthy, everyone gets a little jealous, it shows you care...be honest and maybe ask him if he ever gets jealous or how he manages not to....its a normal human emoption I'm sure he does at times too
Maybe try keeping a journal of things you are grateful for? It may help you focus on the positive things & you might actually end up forgetting about the insecurities you have. Start with one thing each day, or every over day if that seems too much at first. I think you will really surprise yourself at how much it helps & will spill over into other ares of your life & relationship :)
Don't tell him you are jealous! Jealousy is nothing to build a relationship on. You probably won't get any better until there's a ring on your finger and a wedding date set. If that's not in the cards for this relationship, perhaps it's time to move on.
Blessings......
I've heard the exact line that one of the other mama's used on me by my husband about a million times. The line is: It's not that I don't trust you, it's everyone else I don't trust.
That is a lie, not only to me, but to himself as well. He doesn't intentionally lie to me about this, he believes it's the truth. He knows he's screwed up in the past. A lot. He believes in karma. He truly thinks that he has a boatload of pain & hurt coming to him directly by my hand.
If he was able to be honest with himself, he would realize that he has taken all of the wrong things he has done & projected them onto me. What happens then is he thinks it's fine to watch me like a hawk figuring eventually he'll catch me doing something I shouldn't be. It's not a fun way to live for either one of us.
If either one of us was to have trust issues, it should be me, and I did for a good long while, rightfully so, but I've moved past it. I've learned from it. I've realized that if he's going to stray, me being my own personal detective isn't going to stop that from happening. I've made a conscious decision to stay in the relationship, but to listen to my gut. If it tells me something is wrong, I KNOW it's right, it always is. Until that happens, there's no sense wondering what if, checking his phone, reading his emails, etc. etc. etc. I've chosen to live a peaceful life & deal with whatever comes my way WHEN it comes my way instead of looking for trouble where there isn't any.
Girl, you better tell him. If you want this relationship to go any furhter, he needs to know "who you are". I wouldnt do good with a long distance relationship just for htat reason also. He must think its ok or normal and be very secure with how you two are. You go out with a guy hanging out and you expect him not to. (That is a double standard. ) He must trust you which is a compliment entirely! If you talk to him about it, he can either ease your mind or say end the relationship. If its the 2nd, then your better off i think. It will Always be an issue between both of you.
I have found that it is not in my best interest to tell my partner of my jealousy. It is usually used against me...
I agree with the other ladies that jealousy gets better with time, but also in my experience, acting into my jealousy always makes it worse. For instance: If I am feeling a bit jealous about my significant other being chummy with another girl, if I start checking his Facebook and phone, then it starts this crazy cycle where I think about it more and more and start looking harder and harder for things to be jealous and mad about. The best thing for me to do is to distract myself... go work out, read a book, schedule fun things with my friends or husband, take my kids to the pool, whatever....it is funny that once I distract myself, the jealousy pretty much goes away and then a while later I can see things more clearly and things don't seem to be a big deal at all.
No advice just know you aren't alone I am just like this, I think past experiences come into play in this. been married 10 yrs and I still have these issues. I trust him it's THEM I don't trust. And if you want to know what the text said , then just ask him, " hey what did Katie have to say?" or something like it. As khim to call you when he gets to the appt to call you , or offer to give him gas money to give the room mate, after all it is his appt and he should supply the gas anyway.
