Jealousy

M., Sometimes the jealousy increases at this age when the younger sibling comes into his own. Maybe it would help if you could read to your older son alone at night while your husband reads to the younger one. He may just need a little more one-on-one time.

I would not let him dictate getting in the car seat first and all of those things. Let him know he is not in charge of all of that. That will set up more rivalry because the younger one is only go for that for a limited time then they will beoth be fighting so you make the rules about that stuff. But a little extra alone time with you may diminish the other things.

You don't have much control over making them close but you can do things that don't prevent it. I would never compare them. I used to try to prasie each of my kids in private rather than in front of the other. Praise them when they are playing well together, "You guys are so good at sharing with each other" etc. My sons were not very close when they were young but as they have grown (23 and 26) they became close on their own. It is a great joy to me. But they are unique people and sometimes siblings are close and sometimes they are not. It is too early to judge for yours. Plus they go in and out of phases as they grow.

I had a friend that had two sons and she always bought one of their Christmas presents that was to share and required them working together. I thought that was a great idea. I remember one year she bought them the large lego electric train and they loved it.

Good luck. Have you read the book SIBLING RIVALRY (can't remember the author, old but good advice--get it on e-bay)

A.

I think it's normal although it IS frustrating. My children had the same issue. They outgrew it (for the most part~they are 22, 19 & 17) with our help. My hubby & I made one-on-one time~like a special outing or special playtime with each child. We found limiting TV time encouraged them to play together and allowed them to bond. As they got older I repeatedly explained that it was important that they respect & tolerate one another since this would reflect on all their relationships.

Make the stories about both boys. .the older being the hero and the little guy being the underdog. It'll make the elder feel more important. This is normal behavior for all children and sad to say, some adults never outgrow this sibling rivalry. Let the elder child push the smaller one in a stroller or grocery cart (with your supervision) and praise him for the great job and for helping mommy; a treat is in order for his good behavior (graham cracker or something healthy.Serve the older one 1st after giving the little guy a string bean to gnaw on (whatever vege you're serving that meal). Hopefully daddy gets involved. Both boys need him too. He can keep the elder busy with special daddytime while you bathe the little guy and have mommy time- then switch off the next day. Good luck.

TOTALLY normal. I have 3 boys who do the same thing. They protect each other when push comes to shove, but argue and fight for attention constantly. It's called sibling rivalry. It's mostly between my two younger sons, ages 5 and 3. The only thing you can do is include them both in everything. Don't "baby" the baby in front of the older child. One thing I try to do is spend one on one time with each of my kids. It's extremely hard to do, but even if I take one of my sons to the grocery with me, it's time spent alone with that child. They love it! Siblings will always fight for attention, it's just extreme right now due to their age. Once they become more self sufficient, it won't be so intense.

Dear M., I think it is normal. My two boys did the same thing. Especially when they were that age. They are 10 and 9 now and are not as bad with being jealous of each other but they do have their moments still. Just be patient and show them both how much you love them equally and I think as they get older and wiser they will become less jealous of each other. As they get older they will do there own thing and show different interests. My one son loves sports and the other is more a bookworm. Have fun and enjoy them. They unfortunatly grow up too fast. Good Luck!!

So normal. My 6 year old always needs to be first above all his siblings young and old. I suggest that you have some time etched out during the week that is only for the two of you. I take each of my kids out on a date for their birthdays and on their 1/2 birthdays. Usually on the Sunday of their weekend we'll go out to lunch, and they get to choose where they want to go, putt-putt golf, to a movie, to the mall etc. Then through out the week I make sure that at night time before bed that each child gets 5-15 minutes of me all to themselves. It isn't much time but it goes a long way. We will read together, just talk, sing and say prayers. Then through out the day I try to steal moments with each child. There are many times when I am alone with one child at a time because one is busy doing something else. Does your 2.5 nap? one or two times a week if you get a chance you can do something with the 4.5 year old. He still may want to be first and still want to test you to see if you still love him along with his brother but at least you know you are cutting out some time just for him, making him feel special.