I've Lost My Mojo--need Help Getting It Back!

Updated on October 18, 2011
J.G. asks from Baltimore, MD
5 answers

Over the course of a few years I have noticed my life changing for the worse. I don't feel like the same fun person I used to be. I'm 46, have 2 middle school girls, work 20 hours per week outside the home, the rest of the time I'm a home executive. :) I don't keep in touch with my friends as often as I used to. I attribute some of this to the email/texting syndrome. Does anyone pick up the phone any more and talk to a friend?

I used to go out with girlfriends, have "mom friends" in playgroups and moms of daughters' friends, enjoy photography, decorating, running, art, cooking, having people over. I've kept in touch with my girlfriends but we don't get together since everyone is so "busy." At work, my co-workers are envious because I work part-time so they don't include me in the goings-on at work (because I don't see them every day I miss all the gossip and FUN part of work). Because I work I don't have time to play tennis, go to lunch, get involved in what moms do that don't work at all. Aaahhh!

So I'm feeling "out of it" with both groups! I feel like I have so much responsibility between work, family and my home. I have completely put my interests aside and feel like I'm missing a big part of who I am. Anyone else have this trouble? I would LOVE some positive suggestions on how to reconnect with what I really love to do, find the time to do it, and how to make some friends! I never thought I'd be in this boat. It's like I've entered a new phase in life but don't know how to get around in it. Thanks for any advice you can give!

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T.K.

answers from Dallas on

well, Stella got her groove back by going to Jamaica and sleeping with a much younger man! Since that's not an option, you need to make yourself and your interests a priority. Sign up for a class that interests you at the community college. Or throw a wine tasting at your house and invite co-workers and mom friends. Never too busy to go to a party. If your coworkers see you in a relaxed environment they will be more likely to include you in outings. They may just think you are not interested in socializing.
What I've been able to do is introduce working out to my schedule. I meet friends at really fun excercise classes. I can take the kids with me and it makes me feel powerful.

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❤.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I feel the same way, in the same boat.
You have to find/carve out some time for yourself.
Call an old friend.
Do something nice for yourself (buy inexpensive flowers @ the grocery
store, call an old friend.
While I know it's hard when you're busy w/family & in the day of texinging & email, but 3 friends just called me today.

Make new friends: mom's groups, work & the park are the easier norms.

Don't worry about missing out on the "gossip & goings on at work". You're not missing anything. It's okay.

It's also okay to have the work schedule you DO have. It's not only ok, it's great and others would love to have that opportunity.

Be happy w/what yo do have, count your blessings, look for "new" things to do and take on. A cooking class (pick up those Learning Exchange type leaflets @ Starbucks), a dance class, try a new cardio class at your local gym. Don't belong to a gym, consider joining an inexpensive one near your home. Take up a hobby you never actually took the time to do: winemaking, jewelry making.

Make a list of 10 places you'd like to go/visit.

Make a list of 10 things you'd like to try: skydiving (ok maybe not that one), learning the rhumba.

*Learn a new language (check out a book/audio tape from library).

Get out of your rut. I know because I'm in that rut myself and it's hard. I had a very active social life, hobbies, friends and my own independent interests. Independent of my hubby & kids. I am going through a tough time too and am trying to carve out time to re-invent myself. The "new" me. the "Me" that has kids, family to take care of and responsibilities.

But I feel it can be done.

Start taking pictures again! Get out there. take your camera!

Take 30 mins a day just for you (for a walk, unwind time, bath, take pictures in your neighborhood, take yourself to a cafe for quiet time & a decaf coffee if it's late).

I'm slowly getting there. The "old me" is dormant. Not gone but not the same. The "new me" is slowly developing, emerging. I'm happy to see what "she" comes up with.

I'm taking pics for me & close friends to "journal" my life. Taking pics of our old school, homes etc.
Going for walks to rejuvenate myself until I can carve out some time for myself to really lose weight!

Take care of you! Hope that helps. Take it easy! One day at a time, one hour at a time. You'll get back there to that long lost self but she will be better!!!

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A.W.

answers from Washington DC on

I feel the same way. I think because I am in between. My old friends are too far away to connect to in a meaningful way during the week, sometimes month or months and with my newer friends I am not as close to yet. I don't have the time for many of the things I used to do. My suggestion is to invite some new women and old friends to do things. Maybe make a new goal to do something you always wanted to...a marathon or run...ask some friends to start walking, running with you on a regular basis. Delegate the housework consistently. If you make dinner, then the new rule is that the kids clean up, put away their own laundry, etc.

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N.B.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi J., I'm sure many others feel the same! I can remember similar feelings; my girls are now grown. Why don't you take the bull by the horns; "host" a girls night out! Invite everyone you know to meet you for dinner at a certain restaurant. I bet there are enough others that would love an excuse for some me-time that you'll have a good group - friends, co-workers, neighbors, your girls' friends' moms, etc. Good luck!

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C.L.

answers from Sacramento on

OMG, me too! Even though I see some friends every week, I feel so disconnected. I don't have much in the way of suggestions of my own (but I'll be reading all the replys), but wanted you to know you're not alone.

I think Tracy K. has good suggestions. Signing up for a class that has nothing to do with children or work can help you meet new people who have interests similar to yours.

Good luck!

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