Stay at Home Mom

You seem to be in the same boat I am . I am 29 and have a 3 year old boy. I have been in OKlahoma for 3 years and I still do not know anyone. My son has diabetes and there is always plenty of stress. We have no help from family here and it's hard to have a sitter for his condition. Anyways, the main thing I do for stress relief is going to the gym. They have a great kids room and even a pool and hot tub. I also take my son to mothers day out on tuesdays and fridays which is a big help. But,I am always looking for a friend so if you need to talk or get the kids together let me know. J.

I am a first time SAHM as well and for the first several weeks of my daughter's life I thought I would go crazy. Then I joined a group called MOPS (mother's of preschoolers) we meet every other Tuesday at the civic center from 9-11:15. They provide childcare and you can talk to other moms about things make a fun craft and just get to know some people in the community. Not all stay at home moms but several.

Hi E.!

I'm in the EXACT same boat as you! I've only lived in KC for about 8 months and don't know anyone. I never am able to get out of the house and am going insane! I probably could get out more, but I don't know anyone...so what am I gonna do?? My husband also works and is gone from 6am - 6pm. BTW I'm bipolar also, but haven't found a dr here yet to see. Perhaps we could get together sometime and get to know one another. :)

Hello E.,

It sounds like you are pretty well stuck right now. If you were in my area I'd offer you baby sitting serices.
I know that it is cold right now to be outside, and that dragging all the girls to the mall (to be indoors) would most likely prove to be more stressful.
But I recammend going for a walk. Doesn't have to be along one. Bundle the girls up, put them in a stroller and go around the block, or two. It will get you all some freash air. It will give you great excercise. You will have time to think to yourself. And since it is something that is good for your body. You will fill like you have spent the time wisely and acomplished something. In my experiance the babies love it too!
If you have to go to the mall because of weather, you will have the oppertunity to shop, or if nothing else window shop, and stay up on all the latest trends. There will be lots of people there to meet, or just to be around. Instead of just you and the girls at home. Lot's of people go there just to walk the strip. They even rent strollers if you don't have one.
Again if you were in my area I would walk with you. I am waiting for my walking partner to start getting back out. She recently had two beautiful baby girls. Who are only like 14 months apart. Not like your twins, but close! She too is feeling couped up. Walking is what we both have done after having our children, and in between children to stay in shape. Spring can't get here soon enough!!
Do you attend church? If so talk to your minster, or someone there you can confide in. Maybe there will be someone there who will help you with babysitting from time to time. Even if they only came to sit with the girls for an hour, so you could have a long shower or "Calgon" bubble bath in peace.
Hang in there, and be strong! It's tough right now, but seriously! They are going to grow so fast, so enjoy the time you have with them now. Because later on you will look back and miss the times when they were little. I know because mine are almost grown. And yes I have had my share of "Calgon take me away" moment! I say that all the time. Lol!
But it will get easier! And I promise that before you know it you will have some quiet time to yourself!!
Best wishes to you, and your girls!

(sorry this was so long winded!)

I too share your problem. I'm new to the Chatham community, we moved here last fall and I have yet to find any play groups and what not around here.

how about playgroups? i totally feel your pain! my husband works every day from 10 am to 10 pm except on monday nights and saturday afternoons.

literally i am NEVER without my kids! Our family time is so limited too but I belong to several fun playgroups and such where everyone brings their kids and we all hang out, etc.

Email me at ____@____.com if you want more info! :)

thanks!

C.

Hi E.,
Hey I hear your heart! Oh and have I been there. I would hear everyone's advice about getting some "me" time but honestly couldn't figure it out. Part of me could not trust anyone with my kids and the other part honestly could not afford to pay for the services. So here is what I did; I earnestly started looking for some other adult(s) to connect with. Then as opportunity presented itself, I started inviting them to the park or a McDonald's playdate. Something where I could still be with my kids and get the interaction with another adult. Eventually that led into exchanging afternoons with the other moms of childcare. That was another blessing because one week I would be free for the afternoon, and the next week I would have playmates for my children. E., it is hard and it does not all happen at once. So be patient. Make some new friends, share your heart and do what you can in the mean time.

Have you considered joining MOPS, or attending church or other social event where there is lots of young moms?

Just some thoughts to consider.....some times we have to make our wishes happen.

Much love,
L.

Have you tried a MOPS organization? I am part of this group and we meet 2 times a month, they have caregivers who watch the kids and you would get some freetime to just relax and talk to other moms in the same situation as you. It has truly been an awesome experience for me. Not only do I get some me time but my kids get to play with other kids. To find a MOPS (Mothers of preschoolers) group just go to www.MOPS.com. I hope this is helpful!

E.,
I understand your situation totally. I am a SAHM with 3 boys. My oldest 2 are in school so that is a little relief. Yet, there is not a minute I don't have at least one kid. My husband also works evenings so we see very little of him. I moved her 6yrs ago and still have no one to watch my kids or any friends that I can visit with. When I first moved here we only had 2 kids and I worked outside the home. Than I had my 3rd son and my oldest was going to school. I just wanted to be home with them and involved. What I decided to do before I came home was find a Homebased Business. That way I still felt like I was involved with something, and had my kids.
Now,with the support of all the friends I made working at home, things seem to be a little easier. I can still have an adult conversation and feel like a human not just a mom.
Of course, I made sure that my kids got on a schedule and they stick to it. That way I have about a hour before I go to bed to rest and do things for myself.
Another idea is to put your daughter into a program (dance, etc.) When you take here to practice you start meeting new people and making new friends. I put my boys in Karate over a year ago, they love the class and I love being able to get out of the house and seeing people. You start to have your own little support group while your daughter is having fun with other kids.
Good luck, wish you the best. If you have any questions you can email me at ____@____.com

E.,

There are classes at your local vo-tech or college you could take to make friends and get time to yourself, these college classes do have night classes and maybe the vo-tech would too, its how i did it and i enjoy every minute of it i am 2 semesters away from an associates degree in legal assistant at my local college and the pell grants and other grants they give me go a long way to help with bills and extra cash.

Bless you, E.!! You do have your hands full! We put the kids to bed at 7:30PM and I spend evenings doing my errands, shopping or housecleaning all by myself. Also, one Saturday every month I go to All Fired Up in the afternoon and make a plate to add to my growing collection - all by myself - while daddy has kiddo time. It helps to have friends and join playgroups and such, but you also need peaceful time to yourself to recharge your mommy batteries.

Big hugs!
J.

E.:

You truly have your hands full :-)!! Does your husband work on the weekends? You should claim one day, for example Saturday, as "E. day". Do something that you enjoy doing alone (going to the gym, getting a manicure, going to the mall....) or with friends. Maybe you can put the twins in a one day mothers day out program, and join a mother's group with your older daughter. You need to carve out time for yourself. The happiness of your children actually depends, in part, on your happiness.

A. L

E.
where are you? i'd love to make some suggestions, but i can't unless i know where you are. if you'd like to email me directly please do.
also you may want to look into churches - they often have day care and have "drop in care" or ALOT of churches do "mothers' days out" where they watch the kids and moms go have fun.

don't know what a sahm is, but there has to be someone that has daycare if for nothing but half days. Check with your local public assistance office. sometimes they have a list of daycare facilities. Be sociable and introduce yourself to some of your neighbors so your conversations can not just make a friendship, but also help make you knowledgable of your surroundings and what is there that you need.

Where do you happen to live at? At least what town.
I am in the Springfield, Missouri area and thought if you lived close by maybe we could meet and hang out and if you trusted me enough I could watch your girls for a few hours from time to time that way you can have a break. I also have a wonderful little girl that will be 15 months on Valentine's Day. I do understand on wanting a break from time to time and it's something I don't get alot of with being a single parent but I will say her father is coming around more and he is taking her on the weekends so I do get some time now.
Well feel free to email me back either on here or you can email me at ____@____.com
I hope to hear back from you.
A.

Dear E.,
I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated. I know how it is. I just moved here two years ago from Florida and still don't have many friends. The ones I do have don't have kids and I have three! My eldest is in Preschool, but only for half days and though she'll be starting kindergarden next year, my two year old won't be in preschool for a whole other year because of his birthday and the cut off. My hubby isn't working right now because he hated his last job and now he wants me to try and find work if he doesn't and he hasn't even been trying. I'm worried and even if he does get one, I still have to take him and pick him up because he's legally blind and can't drive at all. This posses a problem for my sleep cause my 7 mo. old isn't sleeping all night all the time and I still need to be up for my other two and to take my five year old to preschool. All my responsibilities are really overwhelming me and I have no energy to figure it all out. I know I'd just like to have someone to hangout with and have coffee or something. Maybe take all our kids to the park. I've tried chit chatting with parents at the park or at my daughters preschool, but no one seems to be very receptive to making a new friend. Since I too deal with the manic depression I find it hard to focus on the betteer things in life and just dwell on all the little things that build up. I wish I had some answers for you better than to just try and get out in the world and take care of yourself first because if you aren't okay no one else will be, but I hope you know you're not alone. Take care. ~Liz
P.S. We could always get some Mom's together in our area for coffe or what have you.

If you know your kids routine which im sure u do.. sometimes waking up just 30mins early and taking a shower, or going outside for a bit helps ALOT.. or steal some time while they are napping.. I say whatever you do make sure you steal some time for yourself.. I am a sahm of four.. and the dad works tons of hours.. Its a absolute must to get some time alone helps keep your sanity.. most of all I can't say it enough LAUGH ALOT...keeping a sense of humor makes the day go by.

The library and the YMCA are great places to meet other moms. I haven't been able to make it to it yet, but I know the library has story times and different classes like music classes for you and your baby. And the Y has baby swimming classes. Those are great places (and free...or you're already paying for it if you have a Y membership) to just be around other people, and to meet people. I would look at Mother's Day Out programs at local churches. Even if you can do it for one day or one afternoon a week and be able to get your grocery shopping done without kids begging for candy and toys and getting lost....or go spend some time at Barnes and Noble with a cup of coffee...you'd have some time to yourself!

Where do you live? I'm in Norman, and I know my friends and I would LOVE to invite you along for a play date sometime!

Love,
Missy

You should look around for a moms' group. I'm in MOMSClub, and there are chapters all over the country. Just check online to see what's available in your area. That will get you out of the house, meeting new people, and lots of groups have babysitting co-ops, which would help get you some "you-time" which you need!
Good luck!
J.

Have your husband watch the kids for you one day while you go out and pamper yourself. Or as soon as you get the kids to bed do something that you like to do, read, take a hot bath, etc. Even if you wake up before the kids do something that will relax you to get the day started off well!!

Where are you located at? I totally think the moms group is a good idea. Plus if you find someone there that you get along maybe you can switch off on watching each others children. I am a stay at home mom as well and I watch my friends children in my home which is nice. I have family who are local though but getting out of the house will make things better for you. While when I go out I think about my daughter all the time. It makes me miss her and be more appreciated of her and the time I get with her when I come home.

Honey, I feel for you, I really do. I am a SAHM with an almost 3 yo and a 1 yo. I haven't had a job for 4yrs. My husband was in the Coast Guard when we got married, I moved to the East coast with him, no family, 5 mos into my first pregnancy. His work schedule was erratic at best, one car, one couple for friends (we became friends not long before we moved again). I have also dealt with depression most of my life. One thing that I have learned is to breathe. Now we are back in Kansas City (for about the last year and a half), still one car, and my husband is finally starting a job with normal work hours. And still I say, breathe. When you don't know what else to do, just stop and breathe, even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom for five minutes (I tell my daughter that mommy needs a time out). Don't come out until you are calm, even if you still don't know what to do.

About not knowing anyone... If you like going to church then find one and go get to know people, if you don't like church then find any community gathering place that you like the idea of and be a part of it. The first step is to get to know people, let people get to know you. Also, call your local Health Department and ask about the Headstart program and Parents as Teachers. With PAT you get a person sent to your home that talks to you about how your kids are developing, they might give a bunch of you information that you may already know, but they are a part of the community. She will know which daycares and babysitters are good, they have playgroups and events, and other cool stuff that you wouldn't find out about otherwise.

Good Luck,
A.

Hi E.-
It propably matters more how close we live to each other but, I would like to help.
I don't how much help I am but I have 3 opening in my home childcare on mon tues thurs fri. At this point in time only one opening on wednesdays. I also do evening, weekend and over night care.I charge $3.00 per hour per child. Minimum four hours charge.
I'm CPR, First aid certified, have experience with several sets of twins, and can send you references if you want.
I hope this is some possiblity for you I also have several friends who watch cildren who may be able to help if I can't.
Thanks,
S.

Hi E.! I feel for you. You might want to check local churches that offer a Mom's Day Out. I do know of one mother who used it with her children. Stay strong and keep the faith.

Hello E.,
I don't know where you are located. It seems like a lot of people on here are no where near St. Louis. If you go to the MOMS Club International site they could contact you with the nearest chapter information. It has been a life line for me. Our parents live in the area, but I don't like to use them for everything. My husband works full time and goes to school full time so he is gone from 6 a.m. until 10 p.m. so I know the feeling of being home all day by yourself.

Also look into churches. Some offer free childcare as a community service. In the St. Louis area and across the park in my neighborhood there is a church St. John's Episcopal on Arsenal that offers free childcare with trained certified workers. I think that the hours are Tuesdays through Fridays from 9 a.m. to 2:30 p.m or something like that. You can't use them on a regular basis (like for work) but if you just need a break every now and then or just want to go grocery shopping alone then that's fine.

If you are in the St. Louis area feel free to e-mail me. We could get together for a playdate or just talk on the phone for sanity's sake.

Search for a Moms group online. It is a great way to find other Moms who share your woes and get involved in playdates. Also check out this guys blog. www.lookydaddy.com Being the Mother of twins yourself, I thought it might bring a smile to your face.

Maybe you could try to find a Mother's Day out program. Also, we belong to the YMCA and they provide childcare. I know I feel so much better and more relaxed after I work out for an hour or so and the kids have a blast playing with other kids their own age. The babysitters are really good about keeping the kids entertained with games and other activities that keep them moving and teach good lessons like taking turns and following the rules. My kids are also much easier to manage when they have had lots of physical activity in a place where they can run, jump and be noisy.

Try getting out and exploring places where kids and moms hang out such as parks and playgrounds and see if you can strike up a conversation - you never know who you might meet.

I too am a manic depressive. I have a few questions for you... have you had your blood checked recently? Are your med levels right? Do you have a therapist in your area? Is your stress because of the bi-polar or is it situational.... moving to a new place and all?
That being said, do your best to find some new friends where you are. Maybe find a mom or two through mamsource. Or see if there are playgroups around your area. Even if you can't find time away from the kids it's nice to have someone to do kid-related stuff with.
What about your husband? When he gets home from work or on the weekends... will he watch the kids for a couple of hours? My son is only 3 weeks old, but my husband has been wonderful about taking "kid duty" so I can at least take a bath and relax for 20 minutes or so.
I hope some of this helps. If you're in the Manhattan, Ks. area I'd be happy to meet with you and hang out some time.

Hi E.!
I know what you are feeling. I also am a stay at home mom that is relativley new to the area. I do know a few people, however they donot have kids so they dont understand that i cant just drop what im doing and go hang out. I also am being treated for a mild case of Depression, which isnt uncommon. I used to be very outgoing and always out and about. I have worked with horses my whole life and the out doors, and sometimes i really miss that freedom. I do get to have a few hours on Friday to myself because my husband is home, so i can go to the barn and ride my horse. But 3 hours a week isnt satisfying. Im not sure where you live, but i think just getting out of the house and talking to people who are in the same boat, really releaves some pressure, even if you bring your kids. I live by the great mall in Olathe, and they have a little childrens area that would be good for your 4 year old. If you ever want to meet just let me know. ____@____.com
J.

Well, i know that around the manhattan ks area (i'm in ogden) daycare and babysitters are expensive. I personally try to even out the things between my husband and I. So for example, i get the kids up so he puts them in bed. I get a bath with out distractions or kids, i run to town by my self, no kids, basically i just plain out tell my husband that i'm going somewere to be by myself. Also i'm very lucky to have a mother in law who wants to see her grandbabies so she doesn't mind watching them for us. I am unaware of any play groups but maybe call family connections, they will know of some.
good luck
J.

I am a SHM of only one child but I totally understand the need to get out! I find it helpful to go to the gym. I don't know what your financial situation is but we go to the YMCA, where they work with your budget and also have free childcare in the AM while you workout.

Also, because I have such an awesome husband, I get to schedule 'girls nights out' every once in a while, where I take a cab. If you don't have a circle of friends yet, maybe you could just catch movie.

Occasionally when he gets home from work, I run little errands, like get a candy treat from Walgreens. It seems silly but to just get out of the house and go to a store without stopping in the back of the car to get out/put in a child is GREAT!

My last piece of advice is Gymboree Play and Music. They have family classes so you could take all three kids and meet other moms in the area.

R.

I'm in the same situation as you are. I stay home with my 1yr old and 4 yr old. The good thing is my son goes to preschool in the mornings so that gives me a little break. I understand about the wanting to get away part. I don't get to do a whole lot myself. My husband works nights and sleeps most the day so he's hardly ever around. I suffer from depression myself and on meds but I agree on the depressed part. It's just so hard being a SAHM sometimes. I wouldn't trade it for the world being able to stay home with my daughter the first year but I still have troubles finding something to do away from home. The only thing I have really found to do is go and work out at the YMCA here or just try and keep busy with things. I'm tired of housework it just gets dirty within 5 minutes after it's clean anyway! Keep your head up and look around your neighborhood for ways to do a Mother's Day Out type of thing. You never know what you could find. Hope you find something to keep you busy. If you do let me know what it is so I can try it!

I have heard the Methodist church in Tahlequah has a program that started taking one year olds. I could be wrong but my co-worker takes her 3-4 year old there 3 times a week. It is only in the mornings M-W-F I think and they used to only take 3/4 year olds but I am pretty sure she said something about them starting a one year old program. I am not sure of the cost or your financial situation. My daycare (Wee Learn) requires you to be there at least three days a weak even if it is only half days. I know that would be expensive for three children though. Have you tried the 4 year old programs around town? All three schools have them, and there is also Cherokee Nation Headstart & Cookson Hills Headstart. I am sure you have looked at these but I am just trying to think of everything. If none of these help I hope somebody has a suggestion for you. Maybe there are other SAHM who you could develop a trust with to kid swap for a day and give eachother a Mommy time out. Wishing you the best.

OMG Erica, you sound just like me. My hubby also works from 7-6 and I dread waking up every morning to the same old thing. He works 6-7 days a week though. I have a 8 month old boy and a 5 year old boy who is in preschool 3 days a week for 2 1/2 hours a day (thank God) I love my kids very much and I am so happy that I am able to stay home with them. I suffer from depression but am not on meds b/c I am nursing and worry about the effects on my son. One thing you could do with all your kids is go up to the YMCA in South County (by St. Anthony's hospital). On Tues. Thurs. and I think Fridays they have open gym for the kiddos to just run, jump, swing, play and burn some steam. It is from 10:30-12 and only costs $5.00 per family for non-members. My 5 year old had a blast and my baby loved watching all the big kids play. Good luck!