"Hi Honey, How Was Your Day?" Going Beyond "Busy."

My husband works for the Navy and a lot of what he does is classified. You talk about how his drive to/from work was, weather (is good for all occasions), how co-workers you know are doing, are they having an office party (for what ever occasion) and what kind of dish/cookies do you need to bring in. Being a doctor he can talk about cases without getting specific about who they are (most medical professionals do) but sometimes after dealing with the job all day you just don't want to think about it anymore once it's quitting time.

Besides asking if he had any interesting cases, ask how the people are that he works with, like if he works in a private practice that has medical assistants. Are there any people that stand out, and why. Also, depending on where he works (private practice, network, hosp, etc) ask him how the other doctors are.
Good Luck =)

I have to say, I can't believe there are so many posters who are basically suggesting that you don't ask your husband about his day! My mother is a therapist, and she was always able to talk about her day and NEVER divulged anything that would have violated confidentiality. Lots of stuff happens in a day. I don't know if you're a SAHM, but I know that when I'm home all the time with the kids (like summer vacation) I can't wait to talk about something "adult." He probably is tired, but that doesn't mean that you can't converse!

If you're just doing it to be polite, then don't push it, because it doesn't seem like something very important to your husband. But if you're hungry for a little conversation, clue him in. Tell him sometime, in a non-confrontational way, that you really would like to talk to him a little more when he gets home from work, and you'd appreciate it if he could make little mental notes of things to tell you when he gets home. Say that you're going to do the same. It could be really cute and romantic. You know, if you ask him in advance, he might say something like "walking in to the office, I noticed that the apple tree was in bloom, and I couldn't believe we were so far into fall!" Nothing exceptional, and he probably wouldn't have mentioned it, except that you asked him to. And you do the same. It's a nice way not only to start conversations (oh, should we go apple picking this year?) but to think of each other during the day. Seriously, there's no breech of confidentiality for your husband to mention that one of his unnamed patients had on polka-dot socks that made him think of you.

Good luck!

Being a doctor is not an easy job.
I work in a hospital. So much happens in the course of a day that he is likely being very honest with you when he responds with "busy".
My son always asks me how my day was and I say Great or Fine or Crazy or Busy. It usually takes me a little time to unwind. Let go of all of it and get in home "mode". Later on, in the evening, I might share a funny story about one of my co-workers or something sweet a patient did or said without saying who they are. I'm just not one who can come home and start spilling about my day.
I think people need to decompress sometimes. You can deal with very sick people, people who are dying, family members of someone who passes away. At least for me, I take all those things to heart and it takes me a little while to process my day for myself let alone explain to someone else how my day went.
Maybe instead of greeting him with Hi, Honey, how was your day? You can greet him with, Hi, Honey, I hope you had a good day. I made such and such for dinner.
One of my friends husbands was getting so upset because as soon as he walked through the door she started in about everything bad that happened and the kids got in trouble for this and that and the bank account was off by a few dollars and did he use his card for something. She really had to learn not to do that to him.
I think it's the same with asking about the day thing.
Give a little buffer zone and then try to talk about things or let him find a minute when he feels like spontaneously talking about things.

Just an idea.

Best wishes.

You have received quite a few differing answers here! I hope to add another thought to the mix...

I used to ask my husband about his day, too. Then I stopped, and now we actually communicate. What I say instead is something like, "Tell me the bast part about your day." Or maybe, "You look really tense right now. Can you tell me why?" Or even quite possibly, I'll share a story about my day with him to get him into "home" mindset. Then I'll say something like, "I'd like to hear a story about your day sometime tonight, if that's okay." He then has time to think about what he wants to say, and when I ask him about it later, he is usually ready to talk.

I just try and avoid making it a question... more just a part of regular conversation so he doesn't feel like I'm interrogating him when he comes home.

Try asking more detailed questions......being that wide open allows for a small answer.......so next time try "Hi honey, what good happened to you today?' Or Hi honey, missed you today, what ALL did YOU do today? Or even try with something that happened to you that day..........Wow, today I just couldn't keep from dropping things, was your day like that too? If he says, no, say that's good, how many patients did you see? Or meet anyone today that you really think you can help more than others...........since I don't know what kind of doctor, that leaves you to fill in the blank there.......

Good Luck and keep trying......I have a hubby that is the same way......he's an engineer.....and he thinks I will be bored.....and sometimes I am, but that is ok..............I also learned a bit about what he does to help in asking questions that are relevant.

Take care.

Just from a patients perspective....I'd be pretty pissed if I knew my doctor was going home and talking about me or my case with his wife. Unfortunately your husband has the kind of job that he can't really talk about with you. I know in our state we have a confidentiality paper we sign that says that the dr can't talk about it with anyone, so you may be SOL.
L.

Hi K.,

My husband seems to deal with a lot of grown men acting like big babies and I find when he comes home he is most often trying to unwind and shut that part of his day off. As for me, some of my work is rather confidential and he often likes to give me a call while I am at work and ask what I am doing. Sometimes I can't talk and he used to not get it when I just said nothing. I had to explain to him that I can't always talk about the happenings at work, so he has learned if I say nothing to just accept it for nothing, or something I can't discuss.

I would say ask him what he had for lunch, if he had a lot of patents, how is his staff, etc. Then keep in mind he is a guy and they just don't talk as much as perhaps one of your girlfriends might. For some reason, they often don't find it necessary like we girls do.

At the end of the day, when I come home, sometimes I am so tired that the last thing I want to do is talk about work. I just want to enjoy home.

As a doctor, you husband see's the patient. Then he reviews the information as he charts or dictates. Taking care of people throughout the day can be exausting. Talking about the experiences a third time can be an annoyance.

For those who bring up the issue of confidentiality, you are right. Patients trust their doctors to keep confidientiality. However, that doesn't mean that he cannot speak in general terms about a case without divulging the identity of the patient. A doctor's wife also has the responsibility of maintaining confidentiality if she does suspect or figure out a link between a case and an individual.

Instead of asking how his day went when he gets home, give him a little time to unwind...20 or 30 minutes to transition from getting home to "being" home. Then talk about things that are important to you and your family. You can still show interest in his worklife, but focus on familial interests, hobbies, what's going on at home and let him volunteer the work stuff.

I guess you could say "Hi honey anything exciting happen today?", or "Was your day everything you expected?" It's kind of hard. But if hubs says 'busy" all the time, then that's usually code for , I don't want to talk about it. He could be wiped out from the day and just wants to chill with you and not talk about the work he was doing all day. I'll get that from my hubs, I'll ask how his day was and he'll say I'm so tired talking about stuff about work can we talk about something else? Or maybe it could be "hi honey guess what I did today?" and tell him of your day and adventures I bet he'd love the distraction.

I kind of agree with Shane B.
When you have that kind of job, a doctor, you hear your name called a thousand times a day. You have to make so many decisions and so many people and situations depend on you. When you get home - you don't want to even think, much less talk about the day or even hear your name called.
I'd have a friendly discussion with hubby about a routine that would allow him to decompress and just be himself instead of doctor so and so.
That could include - "I am so glad your are home, I missed you - dinner will be ready at so and so. If' you'd like to talk about your day I'd love to listen." Depending on his personality - he might be one of those people who just needs space and quiet to decompress - to shake off that business and job responsibility so he can be dad and husband the rest of the night.

Interestingly, I find that the less I ask of my partner, the more he tells me about his day (and his life, in general). For me, in my experience, the asking of questions comes *after* he initiates talking about someone or something in his day. For example, we were eating at a great Latin restaurant tonight, and my bf mentioned something about a professor he had, who had eaten a meal with Fidel Castro. This opened up the conversation for me asking him what class it was, and I found out he had taken a Latin Film class (which I didn't know about him before)...

And I usually find that our best conversations come when the bf is most relaxed... whether it be a meal, or bedtime. :) You can coax more information out when you are less direct (sometimes) - unless you see your hubby looking obviously upset, in which case, you probably can also give him time to vent when he is ready to... I'm no expert, it's just my experience.

Hi K. J.
My hubby is not a doctor, but is a man, and not a talkative one at that. jajaja. What works for me is a lot of questions, what did you do, how many services did you have, what tool did u use the most? how have you been doing with the rain,.... you get the idea...
My husband comes from school after work super tired, so while I fix him something for dinner, I start asking the question, after a couple questions, he'll get into a talking mood and tell me a little bit more.
Give him a chance to respond, and try to have everything ready when he comes home (I'm sure u already do) so that he will only concentrate in answering your questions.

My husband is a cook so I often ask him what he ate, or what special he made for lunch/dinner. Ask him about his co-workers, maybe someone mentioned a good movie they saw recently. He can talk about his patients, as long as he doesn't mention them by name or give an personally identifiable info. It's ok to let him vent about frustrating work situations, etc...the key is to listen not give him answers to the problems.
But often. we just talk about what the future holds, what we are planning for the upcoming week, or a vacation we are planning, or a night out we want to have, where we want to go, etc...
We have a lot of common interests, so i update him on the podcasts I listened to, or an article I read or whatever. We often talk about food, what the menu is for the week, etc..

As a pharmacist, I can understand why he wouldn't talk when he gets home. He talks all day long and at the end of a long day, it's nice to just have quiet time and not be expected to talk. My suggestion would be to ask if there is anything you could do for him, maybe give him a massage, talk about your day and see if that gets him talking. The best thing though, is to try to see where he is coming from and give him some space when you think he needs it. My husband has the same issue with me and has finally learned that I need some "me" time. Between talking to patients, being on the phone with doctors all day long and dealing with 4 year old twins on a daily basis, quiet time is hard to come by! Hope this helps!

One thing you can try, is at the dinner table go around and have everyone share the High Point and Low Point of there day. That way it isnt just him, if he feels pressured to share. And it is nice to be able to encourage each other with there low points and exciting to share high points. This is great with kids also. Gets the whole family talking!

We also do what Michelle K suggested. Everyone at the table tells what the best and worst part of their day was. I also wait until the kids are in bed to ask the question. I'll start by telling my hubbie all the mundaine things that I did that day and how I felt about them, then I ask him about his day. Sometimes this works good and sometimes I still get the busy or borning answer. I'll ask him what he had for lunch, or try to ask him about a project he is working on. My hubbie often needs specific questions, yours may too.

Don't forget that due to your husband's profession, there is only so much he can say about his day as it contains quite a bit of patients' personal/confidential information. My guess is when he gets home, he doesn't want to discuss it. My suggestion would be to stick to the "anything interesting or special happen today?"

Not all men (few, in fact, in my expience) like to talk about their work day once they get home. Give him an opportunity to tell you by asking "Anything interesting happen today?" and if not, leave it at that. As a doctor there are a lot of things he cannot share with you because of doctor-patient confedentiality (sp?) and over sharing with oyu can actually get him into trouble. Try to find other areas of mutual interest to talk about, sports, family, cooking, etc. or develope new interests together.