It's Her Choice, Right?

If she will go to counseling, she should go to counseling. If you can help her get there and/or support her going, do it. It may help her find the strength to leave.

It's her choice. You can't reason with her. The only thing you can do is let her know that you are there when she decides to make a permanent change. After that, consider distancing yourself a bit. She's going to continue lying to you and my guess is that the husband is going to start insisting that she cut you out of her life because you know the truth.

Good luck and I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this. Just keep in mind that WHEN she's finally had enough, your only obligation is to open your heart again... no strings... no judgments... no questions.

Encourage her to go to counseling for herself. Encourage her to wait on getting back together until she had gone to several counseling sessions. Ask her what will be different this time since he is not changing and not going to counseling. Does she think this is her fault? Probably.

She will probably go back to him Don't cut her only lifeline to the world off and that is YOU. She is the only one who can help herself. Until she does, nothing you say or do will matter. Good luck. She is lucky to have a friend like you.

You will have to be there when she is so low and desperate, that she has nowhere in the world to go. Women stay, they leave, they go back. They will only stay gone, when it's literally the only choice the have left to live.

You can offer her counseling, woman's shelter resources. However, you will have to just be there. If you want to distance yourself, because of the chaos...do so. Just make it very clear you are there, if she ever needs you. She probably will. She be isolated from everyone else. If you don't want to be there, then don't. You can't save her, only she can. It's totally understandable, if you don't want to be dragged into this. She is an adult, she makes these choices. You aren't responsible for them. I'm not sure that is the best move, though. She might seriously need you someday, and everyone else might have abandoned her. I would give her space, but make sure she knows she can call.

She's making a terrible mistake, but ... you can't compel her to un-make this mistake by threatening to withdraw your friendship. All you can do is be honest with her. You can tell her it hurts you to see this, you can tell her you know she knows better, you know she can make a wiser choice, but ultimately you have to stand by her and help her pick up the pieces -- and there will be broken pieces to pick up. Friendship hurts like that.

It takes more than one time leaving for a woman to leave her batterer.

She also will eventually learn that what she's feeling isn't love. It's more like Stockholm Syndrome... she "loves" him because it's safer to love him, and it's self-protective mechanism. It makes things easier.

If I were you I'd read up on Battered Woman Syndrome. It's very real, and your friend is a battered woman. She needs support more than she needs abandonment.

She needs counseling. She needs to get strong. Thing is, she needs to be the one to want it for herself. You cannot help people that don't want help. He has convinced her she is worth nothing. She doesn't see things clearly like you do. If you give her an ultimatum, you will lose her to him forever. Tell her that you love her, and will always be there for her, but you have to take a step back from the friendship because it's difficult for you to see her being abused.

It's just (sadly) where she's at (mentally, emotionally) right now.
As her friend, you're in no position to offer ultimatums.
You just need to decide whether to keep the friendship, change the friendship, or ditch the friendship.
I'd understand if you choose "ditch" because she can probably use a friend.
You can't change her, only your own actions in response to her.
Hopefully she knows she can call you in the event of an emergency.
Are there kids involved?
If so (and maybe even if not) I would certainly report ANY abide that I witnessed.
Tough situation to watch this, I'm sure.

At this point, she knows already knows and all your going to do is just talk to a wall the best thing is just be there. Cause sooner or later she going to get fed up with you telling her about how wrong her realtionship is. You have already spoken to her about it and I bet you have talked to her a few times. Its up to her, what she wants to really do. I went through this with one of my dearest friends, we been friends since 7th grade. And this guy she with ( Now married to) would beat her up so bad, in front of the kids, Once while she was pagnant he kicked her in the belly she lost that baby.He tried to throw her out of the car while driving. Just crazy and i would cry and tell her to leave him,please. But through out the years, I had to realize she a grown women and she going to do what she wanted not matter who it hurt. There was a point were I just stop talking to her because her life was so chaotic and it was like she was addicted to the chaos. Really all you can do is just be there..

She needs counseling but she has to be the one to realize that. Don't give her ultimatums. I think you should still be her friend but maybe distance yourself from her but don't cut her out of your life completely. If she does finally leave this loser for good, she is going to need someone to talk to. It might take something really drastic like near death for her to leave this guy and when it does, I hope you are there for her.
I had a friend who was in a bad relationship and she would not listen to friends at all. She fell off the earth and i really didn't hear from her for years. Finally, one day, she left the loser and we've been hanging together a lot ever since. My friend basically fell off the earth and crawled back on and I really hope your friend will do the same and you will still be waiting for her to be hang out buds.

I have so many thoughts on this so I will try to keep it short. You should still be her friend, but you can tell her how you do not agree with what she is doing by remaining in a situation that is unsafe. She is worth more than that. He could eventually hurt her very bad. There are domestic homicides in this country all the time, that is the scary part. Hopefully she will realize this, and know that she is worth more than what he does to her.

She is worth the kind, loving, thoughtful, sweet relationship that someone who really loves her can provide. She is precious to God. She deserves real love, one that doesn't hurt, unfortunately she is too close to this to realize that what she has is not real love. She will have to make a stand at some point to get away from him. I hope she does. There are too many women that settle for someone who treats them poorly rather than having enough respect for themselves to not stand for it.

Maybe tell her you would go to counseling with her?

It's her choice but I would say she needs to get into counciling herself even if he wont go. She does not think she deserves better probably. But that's up to you if you want to end your friendship. But if you do to me you are not a true friend. NO you don't want to see her hurt but to turn your back on her would not be a friend at all!

its not that she is attracted to him, its that he is attracted to her..and he has spent a lot of time intimidated anyone of the male persuasion to stay away from her, isolated her slowly from anyone who might help her see that the guy has a real problem, slowly substituting her friends with friends of his that will gladly keep tabs on her for him, dont be fooled, this guy has spent a lot of time, money and effort to have a walking punching bag around. she has to willing to ditch the guy and his friends, you cant do it for her. abusers take over your life so slowly that you rarely notice until you start asking questions..like " why did you shove me? why are you sleeping with my cousin? until she starts asking these question herself, you cant do much except wait it out, and offer her help..more later
K. h.
people tend to overlook the fact that it is the abuser who seeks out someone to abuse, not the other way around, just as a lion will lure a Giselle away from the pack, an abuser does pretty much the same thing..cull, lure, isolate, toy with and eventually kill or maim..

She should go. Encourage her to go anyway. My mom couldn't get my father to go to counseling but it was ultimately her counselor who said, "This isn't right and you have resources. Please get out for the sake of yourself and your kids." It's very very hard sometimes to leave an abuser. I knew women who would leae for a shelter, stay their 6 or 8 weeks, go home for a few months and be right back again.