Has anyone felt like their inlaws or family members think that you aren't doing something right? And they try to take over. Then it makes you feel like a failure or your child just doesn't like their way either. When my daughter was first born, I had family and friends and complete strangers telling me what is "best for the baby" and it was just very overwhelming. I would just smile and say thanks. And I got thinking afterwards that maybe what worked for them, might not just work for my little one. Now that she is 14 and half months old, I feel like sometimes I don't have a say or control over different situations that come up between my inlaws and family members. I don't want to be rude or advoid the situations either, but it's just getting overwhelming again. And when I meantion that we are planning on having our second child, my inlaws say well, I don't think ......is ready for a brother or sister yet. Maybe you should wait a while longer and so on. Although my daughter is so exquistive about everything and loves her baby doll and being around other children including babies. I'm just so confused with so many mixed emotions. I guess I want to know how to go about handling these very delicate situations. I know that my inlaws and family members are just trying to prepare me for the outcome of having children so close in age. And I thank them for that but, I think having children somewhat close in age will have a strong bond between them throughout life. I grew up with 4 other siblings and we all about 1 1/2 to 2 years apart. We are all so close now even though we are living in different states.
A.,
I know exactly how you feel. They are only trying to help. But my best advice to you is to be blunt. Be blunt in a good way. Then and only then will they get it.
Hi A.,
I went through the same thing too. I made my guy talk to his parents and tell them to back off a little, then I told my family that I needed some space when it came to my son. They will still try to give advice, but won't be pushing it as much. They are just trying to help, but if you don't need the help just say so...it will get alot worse if you don't speak up. Your guy should speak up too.
-J.
I Have went through the same problem with inlaws and my own side of the family and while it is ok to accept help from them only you know what is best for you and your child. Since it's becoming a problem again you might consider asking your husband to address the situation privately with them. If that doesnt work you will have to firmly put your foot down in a diplomatic sense. I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old and my family was saying it wasnt a good Idea tohve another baby and maybe I should get my tubes tied only after #1!!but basically you have to to what is right for you and your significant other and your child, be firm and you'll be ok.
I feel like I have similar issues. I am not sure how to handle it either. so far, I have been just saying "okay...mmhmmm" but do whatever i feel i should do with my son. Sometimes i think my (future) in laws know that they are over-stepping whatever boundries are there and will say something like...you dont have to do (whatever they're trying to tell me what to do) but this is how we did it and i just think...blah blah blah. and i always respond with something like thanks the advice but i'm going to try this because....or thank you for the advice yeah that sounds like a good idea if (whatever i'm doing) doesn't work i should really give that a try. I will always back up whatever i'm going to do with...well, we're going to see the dr. soon so i'll check with them but for now i'm just going to go ahead and do....
I also want more kids and the one time i brought it up, my future mother in law laughed and said i think one is enough for now for you guys isn't it? and i didn't say anything.
and then recently while i was at a family function of all girls on my fiance's side i bring up my sons first birthday and she blurts out OHH I told (my fiance) that i call his birthday and it's going to be at my house!!! I was sooo stunned and intimidated that i said nothing and she's even trying to plan it. i guess there I'm just trying to ignore a lot of what she's saying but compromising and letting the party be at her house, but i will let her know that i am inviting who i want to even though her house is small and i have been going to her with my ideas of what i want at the party and just saying "oh yeah, that's so cute (or nice)" to things she keeps pointing out to me.
I hope this helped in some way :( we should really just get it over with and stand up for ourselves once and they will know that we will not be push-overs any more!!
hello,
just wanted to let you know that I went through this myself *and still am eventhough my kids are now 9 and 7* I just smile and nod, and march to my own beat. My mom told me that those are my kids not everyone elses, and do what I felt was best. Eventhough she tries to give "advice" lol! I even tried talking to my hubby to tell his mom to back off which was hard because for a little while we lived with them. my best "advice" that's your daughter, you do what feels right for you
I feel for you, I am sure a lot of us do. My exs mother wanted control of everything from what they wore to when to move them up to the next stage in baby food. She would bring in hideous outfits and I would throw them away and she would see them in the garbage and say now how did this get in here. She even tried to pick our wedding date saying that this day was best for her and her family. My suggestion is to choose what you want to listen to. I know this is hard, believe me I know. If you and your husband want another child, the only 2 people involved are you and your husband. I have 4 children ages 6,4,3,and 2 and they have a great time together. Your daughter will do what every other child in her situation has done, adjust, and she might love the thought of being a big sister. Get her a baby doll and get her ready. In-laws are, most of the time, nightmares. I think that you and your husband are ready for baby #2 and forget what your family said, they have the best intentions I am sure, but only you know what is good for your family!!!
A. i am 22 years old a mother of a set of twin girls which will be 3 in A. and well i can relate to your issue with the inlaws my advice would be acknowledge what they say and do what you want with it just remember they only visit your child (children) they are not with them 24 hours a day you know your kid the best they only see what they want and well let's face it if our parents treated us the way they tell us to treat our kids man life would be so simple wouldn't it ? but if you need anything just write i will try my best to answer anything take care and keep your head up
hi aprial, if you dont say something now it will get worse.I've used the saying thats why they say mommy knows best as a response to family telling me how to raise my children. theres no doubt that it's hard to do but you call the shots she's your daughter & it's your family. having another baby is all up to you no one else don't let peoples negetive thoughts effect what you really want good luck
J.
Hello A.,
I know what you mean about in-laws and family. My mother-in-law is always putting in her 2 cents. When my husband and I fisrt got married she told us that we should what 5-10years before having children. I wanted children right away, so we got pregnant on our honeymoon. If you are ready to have another child that is you and your husbands choice. You could try to politely say that you appriciate their concern, but you think that your daughter will adjust just fine. My son just turned 14 months, as well, and we are going to try for our second child next summer. Both my mother and mother-in-law think that we should wait until our son is 5 or older. However, I want my children closer together. I'm sure once you are expecting they will be happy about it. Good Luck.
J.
You have to make your own decisions. You do what is the best thing for you and your family. Tell them you appreciate their input, but you need your space. You can't let them control your life. It sounds like they are really pushing you to your limits. Imagine what it will be like in years to come, if they keep it up. Sometimes counciling helps too, someone to talk to, and help you sort out your thoughts.
dear A.,
It is not anyone else's business as to whether you have another child or not...that being said, has your little one been around other little ones? How does she act around them? If she shows a real interest and likes the baby, then I would point that out to those who object. Also, the new baby wouldn't be here for atleast 9 months, she will grow and change alot from now until then, and may be ready. I am not sure at 14 months that one can really determine whether she is ready for a brother or sister...Maybe they are really trying to tell you that you aren't ready for another child. In which case, ask them, "wouldn't you be excited to have another wonderful grandchild like this one?" ...They'll all be happy the day the second one comes! Good luck, follow your heart...
