Is This Too Cheap of a Wedding Present?

I would never be offended because someone didn't give me enough free cash... What a concept! ESPECIALLY if you won't even be attending the wedding. I certainly hope I won't be expected to shell out a minimum of $50 just for getting invited to a wedding!

I find it sad how many people actually do seem to get offended over something so petty.

OH, good lord. I HATE that weddings have become a cash cow. Spend how much you CAN and WANT to spend. Don't care about the rest. I actually think it's crazy people are inviting people who they haven't seen in a decade - twenty years. Can you say just looking for gifts?

$25 is FINE.

I think $25 is fine. I asked a similar question a long time ago (except we did go to the wedding), and most of the answers I got said I had to give at least $50-$100 because that's "tradition." I disagreed because weddings should not just be about money, especially if they're inviting people that they don't know well or would likely not be able to attend.

I say card and $25 is great.

Wow - I don't get the "too cheap" answers AT ALL. Somebody I barely know gives me a gift of money, I'm gonna be happy. You are fine with this amount.

I'm going to rant on the "too cheap" answers ; )

For pity's sake, the economy has been in a downturn for years, is only starting to recover, why would I judge someone's gift as "not enough". I'd be more inclined to think, "how nice of them".

Maybe my standards are low, but unless I KNOW somebody is swimming in cash, I would never judge any monetary gift over $20 as cheap. Maybe I've been strapped for cash too many times in my life, but a GIFT is a GIFT.

My mom held a reception for my husband and I after our destination wedding. She invited many of her friends and their children. One of the children was someone I went to high school with, liked a lot, but was never especially close to. That person and his wife gave us a card and a small check, something around $25-30 I think. I was so touched that they made the gesture. I absolutely took it as a lovely thought and not rude or cheap in any way.

It's probably likely that you were invited out of courtesy for your parents and they aren't really expecting you to come.

I think you should send whatever amount you are comfortable with.

When I was growing up, I had an aunt that would send me $1 on my birthday. And as a child, I questioned why she bothered to send it since it wasn't much. Not so much that I wanted more, but I wondered why she even sent any at all. My mom taught me that it wasn't a lot for me, but it was a lot from my aunt as she really had no spare dollars to spend. So it was a big deal that she saved $1 for me as a gift.

If someone I hadn't seen in 20 years sent me a check for my wedding, I would be grateful regardless the amount. Actually, I'd probably feel guilty that they felt obligated to send me something because I had sent the invitation in the first place.

People should appreciate what they are given and not be offended by how much they didn't get. And even if they happen to be unjustly offended, I bet they won't be offended enough that they won't bother to cash it.

Any amount you give is fine. If they are Jewish (which not everyone is who lives in Israel), you might consider a gift in a multiple of 18 ($18 or $36, for example). Because the same letters in the Hebrew alphabet are used for numbers, the letter in the word for life ("chai" as in "l'chaim" - to life) are the same as the number 18. That might show a special understanding and the reason for the amount.

I'm not sure why you say they don't need presents - I'm sure every couple could use things but perhaps the shipping would be exorbitant. Perhaps gift cards are problematic for the same reason. But I would think a small check would be terrific, along with a nice card extending your best wishes.

Cash is a great gift and you should give what you afford. It's common in Jewish weddings to give money in increments of $18 (equivalent to chai, meaning life). So, maybe give either $36 or $54. It might feel more meaningful as it shows that you thought about their culture.

http://www.jewishcelebrations.com/wedding/Conservative/Et...

$25 is fine. You aren't especially close to the bride or groom. It was your parent's relationship with the bride's parents. To all that think $25 is cheap or insulting, you must have BIG wallets to spend on people you barely know. If she were going to the wedding $25 would be inappropriate.

BB - send the check for $25. I'm sure the happy couple will be glad to receive it and not judge you based on your amount. I don't consider that the same amount as a birthday gift or whatever else people have compared it to. I give or spend based on MY RELATIONSHIP with the person.

Glad I wasn't what sounds like a typical "northern money hungry bride" as some have implied with their responses when I got married. I was just glad to get a card and for people to come to my wedding! Geez!

$25 sounds like a perfectly fine amount to me.
That's about the average amount we got as a cash/gift card gift from a lot of our wedding guests.
Give what you can afford and give what you want. It's petty to be upset that someone didn't "give you enough" as a gift!

I am shocked at some of the answers! If I was the bride, I would not expect a gift at all and would be very grateful for anything. How absolutely distasteful and selfish would I be if I thought the gift was not enough money.

I vote for $25 being fine. If they are good people, they will think it's fine as well. If they don't then you didn't waste much money on them.

BB, here's my opinion. If they think that a card with nothing in it is better than $25, then it would be better for you to send nothing at ALL. Either you have been invited because the parents have fond memories of you and want to invite you for old time's sake, OR the entire guest list is a money grab.

You do not need to try to figure this out. You can send $25 to people you don't know as a gesture of good will, or you can send only a congratulations card. If these people would think it's a cheap gift and think ill of you, than it's all on THEM. And they should be ashamed of themselves for feeling that way.

You do what feels right to you, and then don't worry about it any more.

Hi. You are not that close and you stated it's Jewish tradition to do cash, so that should be fine. I would not be offended. I feel large sums are for close family or very close friends.

As you really have no active relationship with them, I think that $25 is perfectly fine. Honestly, I don't know what to make of them inviting you at all. Very strange.

My solution: give a gift jointly with your parents!

It's your "parents' friend's daughter". So have your parents give their "friend's daughter" a nice amount of money (or nice gift), and you can chip in, and on the card just say that it's from all of you.

(If you give $25 and your parents give $175...that equals a very nice gift!)

You're from NJ. You know that $25 is too cheap to send. I would say that you cannot send less than $50.

That seems a little chintzy for wedding gift. I know all about wedding in the NE among the Jewish population, that's my family. I'd send at least $50. I know you're saying that you can't afford to send more. If you're going for a lower amount, if the bride and groom are both Jewish, then at least give some multiple of 18.

It's just fine, unless the bride/groom are entitled snots, in which case then who cares if they have a fit. :-)

All newlyweds appreciate cash. Setting up a new home is expensive. Given that a cash (check) gift is culturally accepted/expected, I think $25 is fine.

$25 is fine. I gave my friends son $25 at his wedding last year. We attended the wedding, but they weren't providing a meal or drinks, and we weren't particularly close to him. I think it would also be fine to send a card without the cheque.

Honestly, yes that's insultingly small for a wedding gift. I would either spend more, buy a small physical gift or just send a card with your good wishes for them. Not that invitations are invoices or that people should keep score of these things, but I would guess that the daughter is younger than you? If she is, has she ever given you (and your husband and/or children) gifts from her or have all been from her parents? If she were one to send you gifts herself, then I would go ahead and be a bit more generous. If she hasn't actually been a gift-giver in your life, then just a card is fine. And just because they live overseas doesn't mean that they don't "need" presents. Really no one needs presents but it's the thought that counts. If many family and friends aren't attending the wedding because of the distance, she may enjoy receiving a physical gift even more. If there is a registry, I would check it out and see if there is something reasonably priced that you could have shipped.

ETA: To those who don't understand the "too cheap" comment, you clearly don't live in the Northeast or other area where the scale of everything his higher. A monetary gift recognizes the significance of the occasion. To equate someone's wedding with the same gift that you would give for a child's birthday party would come across as cheap at best, insulting at worst. That's just the way it is around here. A monetary gift needs to match the import of the occasion - otherwise, just send a card. Obviously if your great aunt Hilda who lives on a fixed income and chooses between cat food and keeping the heat on is giving you a gift you appreciate anything, but for people in the same social and financial circles, you know what is and isn't appropriate.

You don't know these people well and do not plan to attend, so just a card would be fine. If you feel the need to include a small money give then $25 or 30 would be fine. If they were very close family friends of yours then a larger amount would be more suitable.

Honestly, I think $25 is too cheap. I'd either just send a card or send a card and at least $50.

ADD: This is just my opinion, but yes, I'd be fine with just receiving a card. I'd know that the person was thinking of me. I'm not sure of the price of things in Isreal, but if I decided to send money,I'd send enough for the 2 of them to go out to a nice dinner.

I think $25 is cheap. That is pretty standard for a birthday/high school graduation gift around here.

I would go NO less than $50, preferably $100 and if that is not doable.... spend $5 on a very nice card of Congratulations with no check included.

Think about it.... these are dear friends of your parents. They have been involved in your life through your parents. I would respectfully be a little more generous due to your history with the 2 families or send no money at all.

I know they don't expect you to travel to Israel, they are just trying to include you because of their relationship with your parents.

It is odd that you are invited if you have no relationship with the bride. MANY people now invite as many people as possible just to make a few extra bucks. That said, it they are true friends, they would appreciate a simple card of Congratulations. It is the thought that counts.

$25 is good. It seems really odd to invite you to a wedding for someone you haven't even seen in 10 years and your parents are friends.

You obviously weren't going to attend.

You know the saying...if you have to ask the question - you already know the answer? That's the answer in this case...I personally think it's cheap. But that is ME.

If that's all you can afford - then that's all you can afford.

If it were me? I would personally give them a card wishing them well than a check for $25. Buy them something off their registry and have it shipped to their apartment address instead of Israel - or even her parents house - so they can hold it all for safe keeping.

If you don't know them - then a card is nice.

I just went to a wedding this weekend, and the registry was filled with gifts for around $25 and under, plus many above that. I got an iron for $25. I feel cheap now lol. But I am a student, and I can't afford much more than that

the least i would send is 50 bucks. 25 is offensive.

I think $25 is perfect!!!!

How nice of you. :)

When my ex and I got married we did not register either, we got a lot of cash anywhere from $5 (not even kidding) to $100. So although I believe there are people out there who are able to give WAY more than $100, I was happy to get any cash at all because it all adds up. So I say $25 is generous considering your relationship and I would NOT send a wedding card with nothing in it at all. JMO. Good luck!

Personally, I would do $50.00.

Ask your parents what they are going to do. If they are sending a monetary gift ask them if you can add to it then make the gift from the whole family. That way it's a more substantial gift and still part from you.

sounds perfect to me.
khairete
S.

I like Diane B's suggestion :)

If you're not attending the wedding, there is no obligation to send a present at all (according to Miss Manners), so any amount seems generous to me. But since they are Jewish, do make it divisible by 18, as another person here noted, as that amount is significant and meaningful in Jewish culture. So $36 (or $54 if you listen to your husband!).

Too little. And yes, it is better to send a card with no money than a check for $25. A card contains your wishes for their life together. A $25 check states that their marriage is no more important than a friend's child's birthday party or the equivalent. An invitation does not obligate you to send a gift.

I think it's very nice of you to even think about sending anything to people you barely know. Since they're getting married in Israel my only suggestion would be to send in the denomination of $18, that's their number for good luck. I think $36 or $54 is fine since you don't even know them. Since they went to your wedding and you're not going to theirs the principal of give what you were given doesn't apply. Don't stress too much about it, you'll probably never see them again since they're so far away.

A wedding gift costs whatever you decide to spend, and "cheapness" isn't about cost but quality. :-) Any cash gift given should be thought of as generous, no matter the amount.

By the way, I live in the North East and people give physical gifts at weddings all the time. It's done. It's polite. The recipients are obligated to be grateful and thankful to the gift giver no matter what is given to them since gift giving itself is not an obligation.