Is This Normal? - Chandler,AZ

She may be used to this. There's nothing wrong with it. I still read to my MIDDLE SCHOOL kids before they went to bed, mom. I was reading tough chapter books to them too. We'd talk about the stories, too. I am the one who wanted to tuck them in, and it didn't bother them at all.

If they don't do it at home, then she may be missing her mom. PLEASE don't shame her for this or act like something is wrong with her. She'll never forget that if you do.

Dawn

My oldest is 11 and youngest is 3 but they all listen to me read at night to them. It's discussion time and I always give them each a hug and kiss goodnight. I don't actually tuck in any sheets. I never thought to think my oldest is too old for it. He's not as enthusiastic as the 3 or 5 year old but the 7, 9, 11 would feel really left out if I only hugged the two younger ones.

I don't think anyone outgrows being told goodnight. Reading... well, I'm moving away from Dr. Suess and getting into JRR Tolkien. I still read a few silly things for sake of the younger ones but for the "family" reading I'm doing The Hobbit. Nothing baby about it.

Seriously???

Maybe I just come from a warm family... But the idea that being tucked in or read to are kindnesses reserved for little kids boggles my mind.

We took turns reading to my grandfather on his deathbed. My bestie & I often traded (last year) reading to each other over the phone (10 hour time difference). I have fond memories if both my Mum & dad reading to me in highschool (and my other siblings).

Whether its by starlight at bedtime, or while eating in front of a fire, or even just a snippet from a personal book (instead of a family book)... We read to each other.

My son's more of a poetry at bedtime guy (Kipling, Frost, etc.). We generally split between just sitting & chatting the wind down, or reading some verses.

I'm just blown away that you find this strange & concerning.

I think it is beautiful if she still is read to and tucked in at night. What a wonderful way to keep a strong bond with a tween.

ETA:

LOVE what S.H. just said about better for her to be acting 12 than acting 16. I think this is one reason why young girls turn to boys and get in trouble with premature sex--they are looking for closeness and intimacy. Oftentimes it is because they don't have the love they need from their parents. This girl sounds like she has a very healthy attachment to her mother. BRAVO for them both!

I am worried that you are worried.

Yes it's normal. I know some 12 year olds are more "mature" than others but a 12 year old is still a child and children usually enjoy warm attention from the adults who are caring for them.

It sounds like a ritual she has from home and a nice one at that. What a nice way for her parents to maintain a close relationship and keep the lines of communication wide open. She is getting to an age which is difficult for many girls her age.

My daughter is 18 and will go off to college in the fall... I STILL go to her room when she goes to bed just to chat and tell her I love her. I don't see anything wrong with that.

Well, I don't know if that's really being treated like a little kid. Some kids like to be tucked in or to be read stories till their about that age. I know I liked to be tucked in by my mom till I was probably 11. Now my Aunt, I probably wouldn't of asked her. But, I wouldn't be to worried about it. Now if she wants a paci, fed, babbles, ect. now I would defiantly be worried about that.

there is no child in the world too old for me to read a bedtime story and tuck 'em in. i'm sad my boys finally made me quit.
i feel sorry for this little girl whose sweet bedtime routine is being denigrated as if there's something wrong with her.
khairete
S.

Why does it bother you?
Because her mother obviously loves her, spends time with her, and enjoys her company?
When my brother was 12-20 he would go in to my parent's room, lay down on their bed, and ask my mom to scratch his back. She would for about 15 minutes and that was "their" time to talk about his day, his friends, his schooling. Their bonding time.
Frankly, I find that refreshing.
L.

12 is still a kid.. we often forget that.. My son is 11 and still likes me to sing you are my sunshine.. not so much because its soothes him into sleep but rather, it's a sweet little bonding time before bed. Kids still like to be cuddled and reassured.. and I ALWAYS tuck him .. It's a time when I can ask him to send his blessings out to those he cares about and what was the best part of his day.. Really, it's not so much about babying him, but rather spending a few quiet moments together and reminding him of how much he is loved. I can't imagine not settling him into bed. I know it won't be long until he won't want me to do that.. Time does fly by quickly..

Maybe your niece just needs a little extra attention.. She could be a bit homesick..

If these are the only things you find unusual, I don't understand why you're worried at all, let alone "a lot." It's not unusual. It's not being treated like a little child.

What's worrisome is that you're so judgmental about this that you're "worried a lot." I find it odd that you clearly clearly don't think that a child requesting shows of affection in normal ways are appropriate, and it makes you uncomfortable.

Did you rush your own children to grow up?

Yes, it is normal. It is a nice ritual for her and helps her feel close to her parents.

She misses her parents and wants extra TLC.

Add: I'm assuming you have kids. Why does this worry you? It implies a a close relationship with her parents. If you didn't have the same type of relationships I could see why it would be unfamiliar, but not worrisome.

What harm is there in tucking in a kid and reading to hem?

I think it's great. When I was that age my mom took the time to rub my back and tuck me in every night. it was a great moment during at time when other interaction with her was not so nice.

My kids are just about 11 and 13, and they loved being tucked into bed. Most of the time they are in bed reading their own books when I come in, but sometimes I'll have a story on my Kindle and will read it to them. Bedtime is also a great opportunity to talk about something that might be on their minds.

I recently read an article that said parents should continue to read to their kids long after their kids are able to read on their own, and to choose books slightly higher than the kid's usual level. It helps with vocabulary and comprehension.

She just enjoys the attention, and maybe she is missing her parents. Some kids are really attached to their parents and don't do well away from them overnight.
My own kids LOVE getting a little "independent" time, but I know a friend of theirs who doesn't do well overnight away from her mom. She's much better now at 14, but at 11 and 12, she slept with her mom at "away camp" instead of with her cabin mates.

Just read to her and baby her a little. It will be fine.
Did her parents mention any anxiety on her part about the trip? Do you know if she ever sleeps away from home for other things (sleepovers with friends, camps, lock-ins, etc)? If kids haven't been exposed to these things, they may be more anxious about overnight away from home, let alone away from home AND away from parents.

Twelve is a transitional age between child and teen. When I was twelve (grade 7) my best friend and I grew apart because I was interested in shopping, clothes, boys and dances and she was all about her new Cabbage Patch doll. By grade eight we were shopping at the mall together for new dresses to wear to the dance.

My son is 13 and we do a lot together. Maybe her parents have always read together at night. My son still crawls up on top of my bed between us both and we talk, watch tv.....go over homework. I see nothing wrong with it.

She's a kid.
Who is acting her age.
Better to be that way, than a 12 year old that thinks she is 16.
And believe me, there are many 12 year old girls and boys, who are acting like Teenagers, already. Or think they are.

Maybe a bit on a slope of the bell curve but I still call normal. Don't worry yet, just give her the attention.

Who knows normal? I spent my summers at my aunt's houses. If I didn't babysit, I helped clean. They weren't reading stories to me, I was reading stories to my cousins. Maybe your niece never got to be treated like a child?