Is This Considered Cheating? and How Do I Stop Worrying About It?

You are not overreacting. This is very damaging to a marriage. I have many friends, including myself who have dealt with this issue in their marriage and has caused many problems. It is not something to take lightly. If you want some advice about how to deal with it and move on I would be willing to send you email or talk to you privately.

Viktoria,

First off, I don't think it's fair for anyone to belittle you for having your own emotions! Second, I don't really consider that cheating. We had the same issue after our second baby. I was pooped, I was nursing, I'd had my second cesarian and was really sore (didn't feel like having any weight over me). I caught my husband doing the same thing. It really hurt my feelings, but then I realized he needed his own release (mine was dragging myself to bed and nodding off as soon as my head hit the pillow!).

So . . . I told him to be smarter about it, at least. Wait till I'm ASLEEP! Clean out your history and your cookies so I don't know that you've been looking. : )

And when we were intimate (probably once a month like you until the little one was a year old, and I started to get my drive back) I made sure at least a small light was on! That way what he sees it what he gets (or is getting anyhow!).

You sound like a wonderful woman, with a great husband. I wouldn't worry about the websites, but would tell him to clean up his . . . history, etc. ; )

Best Wishes (and don't worry, you'll be in the mood after your body gets back to normal, and you get some rest!).

K.

Hi Viktoria,
I think you're overreacting. You should forgive your husband since he has already promised you that he will not do it again. Don't let this little thing affect your perfect relationship with your husband. Now he knew you don't like what he did and he promised you he won't do that again so I think you should just let it go, and don't let it brothers you anymore.

A.

Hello VIktoria,
In my eyes too it is a form of cheating,but don't take it to extreme..i am the same way..lol...It is good that your husband is showing you his love when you are goin through a lot of hormonial changes too...It takes a lot to get back into having romantic moments with your spouse,but there is great fun comin your way..just give it some more time..if not then discuss your feelings with your husband...i am so glad to hear that he is still being so affectionant to you still when you are feelin no sex drive...Most men dont even try anything..lol..
I can understand the way you feel too with after having a baby that you don't feel desirable enoough and have those horrible thoughts in your head about cheating with other women...you are not alone..lol...Just remember that he is with you and no one else and you have this beautiful little baby boy to share with your husband..enjoy it cause babys grow up so fast...
take care and congrats!!

I had and still have the same problem with my husband. Part of the reason i lost my sex drive is because he was doing so much of his business online. I and a very insecure person and i also feel that that is cheating. My husband never did appoligize and never will. He doesnt see that he is doing anything wrong, and doesnt care that it hurts me. I think about it all the time. I think that since your husband was upset and felt bad that he hurt you, that you should try to trust him. If again he does it, all trust is lost. I know my husband wont stop. I tried the trust thing and he tried even harder to hide it.

I have lived your story. I caught my husband on the porno sites to and he even knew when we got together how much they bothered me. Of couse he apologized and said he would never do it again, but guess what...I found more! It is a very big trust issue that he has broken. I am always checking on him now to see what he is doing and this happened three years ago. In my book it is definately cheating. It has killed my self esteem and I still have not gotten it back yet. I'm not the slimmest girl in the world, but because of it I am now trying to loose the weight so he will want to look at me and not turn to the computer. It is very hard to get over and if I have any ideas to help you I would gladly give them to you, but unfortunely I am still stuggling with it to this day. Trust is a hard thing to earn back once you have lost it and I still check on him ALOT. I thought it was all over and then he started staying up late again and doing other things that were suspicious. My one problem is thought that I hate confrontation. If you can openly talk to your husband about it, that is the best thing, and let him know that he has broke your trust. If he is really that sorry then he will understand and won't do it again. If not, then you have years of dealing with it like me. Good Luck!

Hi Vik: I think Porn is good for the both of you. Next time sit down with him or even ask him to look at some of the sites that he is interested in and find out what he likes or wishes you both could do. Explain the situation and ask him to be patient. Having a newborn is hard but remember they are both vying for your attention and love. Let's say it's a little baby vs. big baby thing. I've been there and it was hard. Get yourself together and then plan a romantic moment for the two of you and start all over. Make it count!!!!!!!!!!

I' sending a private message.

I feel the exact same way that you do on the subject. I have a very loving husband who sounds a lot like your husband. I have caught him once on lingerie sites and to find out (and I do completley belive him) he says he always has me in as the person in hid mind instead of the actual people. I hope this might help get the other girls picture out of your head.

Viktoria,
He is a man and men need a release. I understand that you feel he should not be looking at other women. Just put this on check. He still comes home to you and he still makes love to you.
These are just pictures nothing more. Let him have his have his releases. AS long as he comes back to you, then don't worry about it.
Its when they go outside the home you should worry. Just because the look doesn't mean they will touch.
The train of thought I keep is this if they want to wonder they will and if they don't they won't. Trust Trust is the key.
My hubby goes to Hooters with his friends and I have gone with him once or twice. Come to find out he has told the girls about me and our daughter. They made me feel as welcome as they do when he is there without me.
Being jelous is not a keeper ticket.