My daughter seems to get overly shy when she is around people... Adults that try speaking to her... And even her peers.
I notice its when we are in a large group...or too may kids come up to her at ounce. She puts her head down, pokes her lips out , pulls her shoulders in and looks shifty eyed. People look at her like she's crazy. But, after 5-10 minutes she's playing. Should I be concerned ? I'm a little concerned because she use to be more of a social bug...(somethings changed). By the way she suffers from ADHD... Does that play apart in this behavior?
I talked to my little girl... And she expressed to me how much she hated the school she was attending and some of the problems that she was having. Luckily for us...our lease expired and I got an opprutunity to purches a home in a better distinct... We even had an opprutunity to check out the school together and meet the staff. She's been in her new school a week now... And her attitude has totally changed. She's back to being that outgoing happy go lucky girl I know. :)
It sounds like she is getting too much outside stimulus, at least in the large group, and she is shutting down until she can process it all. Then she is ok, and it sounds like she needs 5-10 minutes to do it.
there is nothing wrong with her. It's her personality. Some people are more shy than others. I hate that so many people think that if you are shy, there is something wrong with you. I am a shy person and I have made it through my life just fine so far. I hate crowds and being around loud people. But I'm happily married with 2 kids, a preschool teacher and I own a photography business. There is nothing wrong with your daughter
She's probably just going through a phase. A group swooping up on her might make her a little anxious for a few until she gets her bearings.
I wouldnt bring it up to her, as then she will continue to do it since it gets YOUR attention.
People with ADHD often also have sensory processing issues. It is possible that being in a large group or having people rush at her is overwhelming to her senses and makes her feel disorganized. You could have her tested by an OT to see if that is a factor and how to help.
No, you shouldn't be concerned. Let her deal with her social anxieties in the way that makes her comfortable. Anyway, what's 10 minutes?
I'm 31 and I get shifty eyed in a large group :P It's just who I am. I prefer small groups because large groups are just overwhelming for me.
At 6 years old she's really starting to recognize social behavior and learning how her behavior affects others. Who knows, maybe she put her foot in her mouth, got embarrassed and now it's safer to slowly warm up and observe the group. She's old enough to ask about though. Just say you noticed that before she seemed so comfortable before and now she doesn't.
T.:
It could be that she's taking your lead. Your previous posts are about child predators and deteriorating neighborhoods - so she might be fearful of people until she sees YOU relax.
However, it could just be her personality. There are times when people need to check out the surroundings before they go full-power. I don't just walk into a room and "make an entrance" - I scope it out. I listen to what groups are talking about, find people I know and go from there.
Are you expecting her to walk into a room and say "I'm HERE!! Let's get this party started!!" ??? What are YOUR expectations here?
I don't know how ADHD would factor into this. How do you think you have shaped her into acting out like this? Our children pick up on our fears. They listen even when we don't think they are listening! Do you WANT something to be wrong? You said she opens up after about 15 minutes. That is NORMAL, not wrong.
Your daughter sounds like she's just slow to warm up to people, and there's nothing with that. All it means is that she needs time and space to get a feel for her surroundings, including the people around her, before she feels comfortable getting involved in things.
I'm a bit sad for her that you would use a term like "shifty-eyed" to describe a 6 year old. So what if people "look at her like she's crazy?" I think maybe you're seeing something that isn't actually there in other people's facial expressions, such as your own criticism of how your daughter is responding.
What needs to happen is a shift in what you expect out of her when she's around people. Give her 10 minutes to warm up to people and feel comfortable before she gets involved in activities and cozying up to people. When you arrive somewhere that she's expected to greet people, you can simply say, "Let's give her just a few minutes to warm up. She'll be ready to say hello soon but I'd rather not rush her."
You didn't say how old she is. It would help if you'd add that.
I think maybe this is more of a personality trait. If she is young, I wouldn't worry about it. If she is 10 or older, I'd video it or take pictures when she doesn't know you are doing it and then just "happen" to show it them to her. Maybe if she knew she looks like this, she'd make an effort to not do it.
Dawn
I ditto Cheryl....
Children are very observant and she picks up on your fears. As parents, we model the way we want our children to act, therefore, if a child pick up on paranoid... they will be paranoid, etc.
The good (normal)part is that she does come around after a few minutes and engages with others.
Be careful how you are coming across to her and see if anything changes.
Best wishes.
I had/have learning disablities and this was one of the signs. Dont get me wrong my IQ is great my brain wont slow down to process and compute. When ppl speak very slowly or take forever to tell me something it aggervates me. I still hate large crowds and loud music. As long as she is comming around after a few mins I wouldnt be too consirned and would think it was part of her ADHD. Watch the sugary foods, junk foods and make sure she is living a healthy lifestyle. It helped alot when i did not eat sugary foods and got plenty of rest. Like my brain functioned normal again.
