My Daughter Likes to Talk but Not to Play

Your daughter sounds exactly like my son. In small groups or in places where he is comfortable he is the life of the party, but when you get him in bigger groups (especially with bigger more aggressive children) or in uncomfortable surroundings he clams up. I have found that the key to his happiness is to put him in situations where he has a comfort level or in small groups and then he does just fine. Some kids are more shy or cautious at this age than others. It is a part of their personality and it is okay. I have found that pushing my son into playing when he isn't comfortable is FAR worse than letting him find his own way. Let her be who she is and try to find social situations that provide her the sense of security that she needs.

Have you thought about small play groups.
A tea party with a small group of girls.
She just might not feel comfortable around loads of kiddos.

You may want to check out
personalityinsights.com

They have some books about personailty types and traits for each type. I took a class with Dr, Rohm (the author) and learned so much about the personality types - the biggest thing is everyone is different. She may not like to play with certain kids (avoiding conflict), she may like to observe, that may be part of her personality.

She might interact more if you role play with her what activities or games the other kids will be playing before you go to each playgroup, park or event.

It's so hard not to place our own thoughts, feelings, and memories from childhood on our own kids. And being able to be compassionate and remember what childhood was like for us is a great tool as a parent. But it's important to bear in mind that even though these children came from our bodies, they are not 'us'...they have their own thoughts and motivations and fears. You have memories of being a child wishing she could get in on the activity. I was a shy child who was constantly pushed into activity -- it doesn't feel very good, either, and clearly you're trying to do what's right for your daughter.

Have you asked her why she doesn't want to go play? Even though she's only 3, she might be able to explain herself, especially if you can really ask with just curiosity and not condemnation or urging. But mostly, I'd let her be who she wants to be...offer to take her to play, perhaps, in case she's shy and isn't sure what to do...but let her be who she is.