I recently got hired where my fiance works, he works in one department and I work in another with a group of women. In this group there is one imparticular woman who is married for 19 years has no kids, is a christian and is in marketing. Ive noticed that she tries to be at the place at the same time where my fiance hangs out. like at lunch time in the break room with everyone else, she makes sure shes in there at the same time he is, and when she hears him at my desk coming for me at the end of the day. I do talk to her along with all the other women in my department, and she talks to me, occasionally shell talk to both me and my fiance.. But lately Ive noticed that she always makes herself available to be in his site whereever my fiance is. To go where his department is, you have to wear a hair net and goggles, sometimes she goes over to my fiances dept and she makes sure that on her way back I see her wearing the hair net and goggles, as she makes her way past my desk. I tell my fiance about all this, most of the time he giggles making me think tht he thinks shes cute or something. what should I do? How can i put it across to her without saying much, that hes my man, and to lay off, i mean shes married!!! I mention this to my finance and hes asks 'well, shes not wearing a ring.' i dont want to tell him much about her because i dont want to bring attention to her. How can i get him not to even think about gettin cute with her? help!!!!! o and today whilehe wa waiting for me at my desk she walked really fast towards us then without even turning to him she charged into another room, this was weird, we both made a comment like whats up with herr ??? he was waiting for me at me
want to hear ab about shes a 47 year old woman and hes 53,
today a woman collegue of mine and me were having lunch and I was telling her that my finance proposed to me on Valentines day, 2 yrs ago. D, walked in our conversation and said " I didnt know you were engaged to R (my finance). I looked at her in unbelief, because only last year at the company picnic we annouced that we were engaged. I reminded her of that, and she shrugged, and said well, he never talks about it, hes so quiet, he never says anything.....I reminded her again by saying...well we are and Im amazed that just slipped your mind. I said well what was he supposed to do jump and down and act stupid and scream Im engaged!! I wanted to tell her what business ws it of hers (busy body), Well, before leaving from work today I found a pic of my finace and me on my desk, when I asked her if it was her that had put it there she said, Yes I was going to give it to R. I asked why she was going to giveit tohim and she said so he can put it at his work area. I told her NO I will bring the pics told her to throw the neg and reminded her that she had already given me one of he same pics last year. when i told my finance about it, i mentioned that she was steppping over the line, and he said welll i don are, what she does, i just want you to be happy cause there is nothing going on. I told him i believe you and im just gonna blow her in the wind,and let her make a fool of herself, becuase i love you and were togther and tha all that matters, heheld me hand and told me n to worry.
Personally, I like it if/when someone else is hot for my husband. What, do I want to be married to some guy no one else finds attractive?
hmmm....very strange...are you in the same age group?
Has he been working there for long?
Maybe before you came along, she thought she had a chance? and she's realizing she doesn't now that you are there....but she's still hoping?
Do you trust your finance? If you implicitely trust him, there is no issue and she is making a fool of herself. If you do not trust your fiance, then you have some soul searching to do. If you can't trust him around women before you are married, don't expect to trust him after you are married. It was insensitive of him to laugh your feelings off. If he is trustworthy, he is the one who should have told her to lay off and that he is engaged to a wonderful woman and he should have pointed to YOU!
Sometimes you can't control who finds your significant other attractive, or funny, or whatever else. Its up to your fiance to curb the relationship. You should let him know that she makes you feel uncomfortable, without being too paranoid over the whole thing. Just let him casually know that you think she acts funny around you, and hope she isn't acting out of line.
There's been a few girls in the past that went to high school with my husband (I met him in college) who used to practically throw themselves at him. He's very cute I have to admit. I found both these girls extremely pathetic and desperate. My husband (then boyfriend) was too polite to completely blow them off so he would humor them and talk to them. I always hated them but I was never worried he would cheat on me, and looking back I just feel sorry for these girls, that they would try so hard to get someone that was already taken. If you truly trust your fiance then don't make a big deal about this, just let him know your feelings and leave the ball in his court.
to show her and everyone around you that you are confident in your relationship you completely ignore what she does or doesn't do. By paying attention you are showing that you have to know what is happening and have to be in control. A confident person doesn't pay attention to what other people think, say, or do because they know that they are alright.
Sounds like you're not confident in your relationship with your fiance. If you were you'd know that he's not going to hurt you. It sounds like you need to control this woman's actions because you fear that your fiance will become involved with her. I suggest that instead of looking at the other woman and trying to control her that you look at yourself and your relationship with your fiance and see if your relationship with him needs some work.
You cannot ever control someone else. The only person any of us can control is ourselves.
First, keep in mind that you are the newcomer to this work situation. They may have had this type of friendship for years at work, and you simply didn't know about it because you weren't there to see it. There's nothing you can or need to say to her, and it's not appropriate to do so at work. If she's flrting with him, then it's up to him to tell her to knock it off. He is your concern, not the woman. If he loves you, he'll ignore her flirting and if he doesn't, then he's not committed to you and she really isn't the problem
Good luck
I think that if there was something going on she would avoid you all together. I also think that there is too much emphasis placed on the woman who does the dirty deed and not the man. It takes two. If there is a problem then your fiance would have to be the one to set some boundaries. There are a number of things that could be going on and if there is a jealousy issue right now even before you are married then maybe you want to look deeper into the issue.
It's really up to your fiancee to say something and act not interested. Her not wearing a ring means nothing, so your fiancee can get that idea of her being available out of his head. I don't wear a ring, my hubby doesn't wear a ring, and my parents didn't wear a ring. I've seen people flirt with rings on. Some couples do not wear rings, because of it getting caught on things in their line of work, also it means they truely trust each other. When hubby and I go to special functions, we do wear our rings, which makes us more giggley than usual and feel like newlyweds. As far as lunch time...If lunch time is the same time, then everyone who has lunch then would be in the lunchroom. Going to your fiancee's dept. without any work related reason, is a problem that your fiancee has to talk to her about. He really needs to tell her point blank, that you're the only one for him and that he is not interested in married women. He needs to act more in love with you, to cool her heels.
my recommendation for a daughter of mine would be: ignore her. either she will get tired or your boyfriend will. either way, that's not a problem of yours.
Truthfully, the response of your fiancé ( "he giggles", "well, shes not wearing a ring") would concern me more than the actions of this woman.
If I were in your postion I would be looking more at him than at her. She cannot do anything he does not want her to do. Most women are not willing to continue to through themselves at a man when they are not getting an ounce of feed back in some way from him unless they are some type of stalker. It sounds like he may not be interested in her but is flattered by the attention. Just see how he handles the situation. Look to see if he is leading her on in someway.
If you guys really have a "connection" and are in a serous relationship you don't have to worry about her because all of her actions will be in vain. In the end all she will be doing is making a fool of herself.
ummm.. maybe it's your finance' that makes it a point to be where the other woman is and not vice versa.. so many women put it on the other woman that this woman should stay away from MY man or this woman is gonna hear it from me if she even talks to my man.... women are everywhere..... Truly, the ball is in your fiance's court NOT yours.... he is the one who needs to determine boundaries... not you.... I bet IF there was some flirting going on from this woman and your finance' said, look... this doesn't feel right, I am getting married, then that woman would stop it.. I think the problem here isn't the "other woman" in as much as YOUR finance' not setting boundaries and two... perhaps your jealously.. which IF you are already feeling jealousy, I can only imagine that that will get even worse once married. Also, at 53.... I tend to think that he is liking the attention... again, ball is in his court.. HE needs to set the tone and boundaries.. not you....
It could be an age thing as to why he's so laid back about how she's acting, but as a young woman his behavior would throw up like a thousand red flags to me. Because his behavior would naturally only make you feel crazy and isolated because you don't feel he's taking your concerns seriously and his next move would logically be to tell you how crazy your acting over her making you only feel guilty and more crazy. A guy wouldn't do that to his partner unless he was trying to deflect.
This sounds like trouble. Trust me I have been there. A supposed Christian married woman had an affair with my husband. I saw weird signs as well. He needs to take this seriously and end contact with her.
Kick her butt!! ;)
I'm JOKING!!!! lol
I suggest that you and your fiance see a relationship counselor before you get married. You are suspicious (maybe a bit too much?) and he does not treat the issue seriously. I would just want to make sure that you both understand and agree upon the commitment that you are making to each other so that next time this happens you can be more confident about your reaction.
You shouldn't have ever gotten a job where he worked...You was asking for trouble...you should have known better...I believe that you are over exaggerating...you are putting into too much energy worrying about this woman...you are jealous of her...you think that she is after him, if it was something going on it would had happened along time ago...Let that go, before you and your fiance' lose your jobs...Find another job, wasting all that good energy!!!Stay Strong and just stop it!!!
