A.M.
Wow, this is one is a little tough. First of all, how lucky is your son? You obviously care about him a lot and understand how important structure, boundaries, and routine are to his young world. My feelings are, if you yourself are asking the question, "Should I talk about this?", that you must know on some level that what is happening with Uncle is having an effect at home, to some degree. THe sticky part is how to bring up the subject gently with Uncle without making him feel bad or worse, to feel any blame. I'd begin by telling Uncle the truth- You and your wife are so lucky to have someone to trust to care for your son each day! How priceless is that?! I'd express how thankful you are to have his care and let Uncle know you appreciate all he does. Then I'd turn to the issue. I'd express it from what you are noticing at home with your son (that takes Uncle out of the relm of blame, to some degree). I wouldn't speculate about what he may or may not be doing that could be the "connection" as you put it. Perhaps you could mention that you are working with some new discipline approaches at home and one of the things you read about is the imporatnce ob being consistant and avoiding power struggles. Then, maybe you could give him some examples of things you are working on at home (ie setting limits/ transitioning from one activity or person to another smoothly/whatever else). I've read a lot by Jane Nelsen and LOVE her "Positive Discipline" website. I'd go there and look for solutions to some of your issues and then, when you talk to Uncle, you gan give examples of things that sound like they'd work with your son. I find that when we are specific about what we want and expect, others are better able to understand what we'd like them to do. Since your friend is so great with your son, he must care and want to "do right" by him. If this is the case, I am sure he'd love to be "on board" with whatever will work to make your son's 2-year-old world more predictable, stable, and with the boundaries to make it the best it can be. Good luck!
-A.
ps- typing this with a baby on my lap so please excuse any typo's. pps- I use Positive Discipline with my almost 4 year old and it is incredible!! Google it and I promise you'll be so glad to read what Dr Nelsen has to say! Invest the time now to learn about it and you'll save time later by putting an end to the power struggles. Trust me on this :)