Is It Right for My Mom to Pay My Grandparents When They Don't Care?

To answer your question, no. I don't think your mom should pay that amount. But it's really not your place as a minor to even know the terms of whatever financial support your mom is paying your grandparents. How do you know these figures? It's not something any of the adults in your life should be concerning you with. You should only be focused on your own education, basic needs, and well-being regardless of the monetary amount of support and the breakdown of how it's being spent and not being spent.

This real issue is I am sorry to say, is that you are not living in a loving or healthy environment. I think you should stop focusing on the amount of support exchanged and instead focus on getting yourself into a better living situation.

Do you have any other relatives? Close friends with good parents? What would happen if you talked to your mom about these things going on at your grandparents home that you shared here? You are nearly an adult, you do not need to be watched like a small child. Would it be possible for you go and live with your mom for awhile? Can she skip the support payment and send you a ticket?

Are you still in high school? If so, please go see a guidance counselor at your school, or go back to your old school if you graduated, and ask for some help with resources and making a transition from your current living situation into something much healthier

you need to talk to your counselor at school and let them know what is going on.
You need to be with your mother or father. If you have friends or family you can go to, do it.
In MY opinion? You need to be with your mom.

I am so sorry you are living like this. Do you have any good friends with kind parents you could live with until you can live on your own? Your mom could pay them if you know they will use it for your expenses.

Do you have any other relatives that you could live with?
While your mother (and father) should be taking care of you - and paying for your upkeep - it sounds like you need to start earning money and paying more for your own needs.
Look for work and see about moving out.
Once you have a job maybe you and a room mate (also with a job) can find an apartment.
If the work in another country isn't working out for your mom and dad then maybe they need to come home, find work locally and take care of their kid(s).
Staying with your grandparents doesn't sound like a healthy place for you to be.

You need to begin planning to move out. You can start by getting a job. There are clinics that can help you with your medical concerns. I assuming you are in school at this point so go see a counselor and get some direction on how you can make this happen. Since you are seventeen you probably have good computer skills and can work in offices or in customer service. You probably have an additional language that would come in handy? I don't think this issue is about how much is paid to your grandparents so much as how you will be able to become independent. It isn't always easy, but I was out around your age...(check state legal age to leave) and have been surviving many years. You aren't a little girl anymore. You are a growing young woman. Many seventeen year olds do get jobs. Then you can buy things for your throat or other necessities. without going to grandparents. Your English is fine. My sister in law is always using natural medicines. I think it is culture and people are used to doing that to cure things. I don't know where you live, or if you have access to a car or buses but getting to the doctor would be a good idea even if you see a nurse practioner at a Walgreens. I know at this moment I am all over the place, but I am not going to edit this but wish you well! Keep us updated.

It might help us to answer more helpfully if you told us why you're not living with your mother and why your father and aunt have been away your whole life.

Are your grandparents your Mother's or your Father's parents? Is your aunt in your Mother's or Father's family? Have you told your Mother about the way your Grandparent's treat you? If so, what did she say? If not, why not?

Are you in school and does the school have counselors with whom you could talk?

I looked up employment requirements in Portugal. Teens can begin work at 16. If they have dropped out of school, they can begin work at 18. I wonder if your situation is difficult because the adults in your life believe you're not making responsible decisions. Perhaps they are frustrated, even angry. They don't know how to help you accept responsibility for your decisions.

Are you living with your grandparents because you and your mother did not get along? Now you also don't get along with your grandparents. Do you know that everyone involved in not getting along each has a responsibility to work together to figure out how to be respectful and live in that situation?

I suggest everyone is angry and would be helped with counseling to learn how to better talk with each other. There is no easy way to resolve what is happening. We only have control over how we behave. Perhaps there are some things you could learn that would be the beginning of making life better for you.

All teens rebel in some way. Often parents and grandparents don't know how to get along with their teen. If you and your grandparents were able to set aside anger long enough to calmly talk and really listen to each other many situations can be changed. This is why I suggest counseliing.

Of course you're upset and angry. You feel they don't care about you. They may not. Consider that they may care and don't know how they can show you love. They did not have to agree to you living with them. I suggest that if they didn't love you they would not have you living with them. Do you love them? It's hard to feel loved when we don't get along.

Why do you ask if it's right for your mother to pay them when they don't care? There are two meanings to the word care. Your mother pays them for your physical care. Providing your basic physical needs. A place to live, providing a place for you to live and your physical needs such as food, personal care items, clothes. The money also pays for the increase in household expenses such as electricity and hot wster.

Your mom does not pay them to care. The money pays for food and doesn't require they buy food you want. So it's pointless.for you you not to eat. I suggest that you're hurting yourself when you talk about money. How much your Mother pays is her choice. How much your grandparents ask is and.how much she pays is an agreement amongst the three of them. The money has very little to do with how they treat you. So leave money out of your complaints.

You want them to treat you in a way.that shows you they care. You probably feel powerless. Stop fighting about money. Know in your mind that you feel powerless. Sounds like you have no power or their decisions that negatively affect you. Know that you have power in how you respond to them.

You are doing the best that you can in this situation. Recognize that they are also doing the best the can in this situation. This situation is very painful for all of you.

I pray that you can find help in learning how to react in a way that gets you what you want. You can only control.what you do and say. You can't change them. However,.what you do and say may change some of what they do and say to you

Change is very difficult. Few people are able to change on their own. We need.help. when we aren't getting help at home, professional counseling is the next place to go.

My 18 yo granddaughter has lived with me for 4 years because she didn't get along with her parents. My granddaughter wouldn't go to counseling and so I did. I saw her change as I changed. We get along most of the time in part because I changed what I expected from her. A counselor can help you know what to do in your situation.