Hi, I.,
I know what it is like to live with "unofficial in-laws" as the family of my first fiance, now ex-fiance, asked me to "foster" their 17-year-old son when I was 23. My relationship with my then-fiance disintegrated as my relationship with my fiance's rebellious adolescent brother deteriorated. That being said, not all living arrangements like yours and my first with a significant other turn sour. I know some people who are glad that their in-laws live with them or next to them. My husband and I lived with my parents for nine months (before the birth of our first healthy offspring), and my husband seems to think that it was a good experience.
From what you've written, I can't say that I feel that this issue is a matter of right or wrong. It seems more an issue of flexibility of all the involved parties. How flexible are you? How flexible is your boyfriend? How flexible is your boyfriend's family?
I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'll just ask a few questions. Ideally, they will help you make a wise choice for all involved:
1. Before the issue of where to live came up, what were your and your boyfriend's plans for your future (as a couple or as individuals)?
2. Is there a reason, beside your boyfriend's desire to minimize cash outflow, for your boyfriend to encourage you to live in his house?
3. How do your boyfriend's relatives feel about you and your child living in your boyfriend's house? It seems reasonable to consider their wishes and needs, too.
4. You said, "I don't want to have to live with anyone." What exactly does that mean to you? Do you dislike the idea of living with your in-laws only because you consider them messier than you or for additional reasons?
5. You said, "I can't give in." Why? Are you trying to get your boyfriend to prove his love or commitment to you by insisting that he move into your house?
6. How much do your parents want you to stay in their property? How willing are your parents to rent it to someone else or leave it vacant if you decide not to live there?
7. What could you do with that $300/month that you would consider beneficial to your new family or enjoyable? How financially prepared are you, without the financial help of your boyfriend, to take care of your new family?
8. How much time do you feel you have to make a decision about where to live? If you moved into your boyfriend's house and then after say six months decided that you would be better off living where you are living now, could you move back into your parents' property?
Before I had kids, I, too, felt more comfortable in an organized, clean home and took pains to keep my home organized and clean. Two kids later, I am more relaxed about housekeeping. I'd love to have a perpetually organized, clean home, but I'll take sleep over a completely organized, clean home if forced to choose, which I usually am!
By the way, I know how it feels to be told indirectly that my well-being (physical, in my case) is not worth $5 or even $2 (in a recent case with my husband).
Good luck in deciding.
Lynne E