Choosing to Stop at One Child...? Looking for Moms of Onlys or Moms Who R Onlys

My dd is now 14 and an only child by conscious decision on mine and my husbands part. We always just wanted one, then after several miscarriages within a year (all different, some dangerous and unusual for someone my age...early 20's. I care for children as a career (have for over 20 years now), so its not that I doubt my skill or capacity with children...and we both have a few siblings, half siblings and step sibling as well....no onlys in our history!

But we wanted one...we were not sure how our lifestyle could support more than that (selfish a bit, but we were realistic as well about finances and uncertain futures at the tender ages of early 20 something)....then the health issues kicked in. We finally were able to have our lovely daughter and we were told that should be it...and we were OK with it since that was our orig intention!

Our daughter may have alot of material things in her teen years...probly always did with doting grandparents and adult age cousins and Aunties and Uncles (like I said, there are many close relatives and she was much anticipated after all the health issues)...but she was never a "brat". We were always complimented in restaurants, at stores, etc about her great behavior, her kindness to others and her ability to control herself in most situations. I absolutely HATE being places and seeing what parents let their children get away with in public...what must they be like at home???? OMG! But remember, I work with children...my tolerance and experience might be different? My daughter never expects things or whatever....she may have alot now, but that is by our choice...she never has her hand out...shes just not like that at all....

So, to sum it up...."only" children get a bad rap and my daughter is definitely an exception to the rule...and I have know and seen many who are....."only" does not equate to "brat"....children are a reflection of their parents in my view....parents have the ability and control to shape those manners in their children no matter their natural tendencies...maybe I will get flamed for this, but in general...many parents choose not to do this these days...thats where the brats come from. JMO....

Hi Erica,
I'm an only child and I think I turned out just fine :) I think it's so hard to guess how being an only is going to effect your own child. I don't think it made a difference to me growing up...I was very social and had a lot of friends. And I loved never having to fight for my parents attention. There were downsides, but there are negatives to having a big family too.

To me, being an only is definitely more of a factor in adulthood...since marrying and having children of my own. My mom is still very involved to the point of still trying to control me a bit. Rightfully so, I was hers for so long, but I think it's harder for her to let go of that role since I'm her only child. It's also a bit of downer for special events, holidays, even just day-to-day sharing of things...I get a little sad when I hear all of my friends talking about all of their nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters etc. Sometimes I wish that I had a sister or two to shop with. A brother who made me feel like he'd beat up anyone who was hurting my feelings. But, then again, I guess that's why I have a lot of friends and a husband. And on the flip side, I know quite a few big families who constantly bicker, back stab and barely see one another.

It's impossible to predict what will happen. I think you should try your best not to overanalyze it too much and just go what you feel is right for you deep down. For me, I wish I could kick the idea of having a third child (it makes the most sense financially and sanity wise), but I just can't. And maybe it's partly because I am an only child and I want to give my kids the larger family that I didn't have!

I was an only child until I was 18yrs old. The doctors told my parents they were not able to have anymore children after my mom had complications at my birth. Some people will tell you that I was and am spoiled. But I don't feel like that...I get along with most everyone, and don't have any major issues.

BUT...I can tell you that I was lonely as a child--and still am. Growing up I never had anyone to play with at home or to share holidays with basically built traditions or memories with. Now, when all of my friends are sharing life with their siblings as adults--and their families, I truly don't feel like have anyone with that close bond. Yes, now I have this younger sibling but he is WAY younger-- maybe some day the gap won't be so large.

I envy those families that are large--and hope to have a large family now with my husband. I have watched a few of my friends lose their parents and I see that they have each other to lean on and keep traditions. I want that for my children.

I say everyone is different, but think about what life will be like when you are not around. He may wish he had someone else to share life with. Good luck!! Your son is only 2yrs old, I don't think that is a decision you need to make ASAP. But think about it from that angle.

My daughter is an only child, but she is only 2 1/2 years old so I can offer much info on how she turns out. I think a BIG part of how a child turns out is how the parents raise the child.

I have a cousin who is an only child (to a single mother) and at times she was spoiled, she was the only niece/grandchild that lived in AZ around most of my aunts and grandparents so she got A LOT of attention from them. She is now a junior in college and has turned out to a fine young lady. My dad's side is HUGE, tons of aunts, uncles, cousins and it is great but I have always wanted no more then two kids because gettogethers have always been VERY crazy.

I know for my family we are stopping at one due to medical issues my next pregnancy would we high risk which kind has discouraged me from having a second. BUT we are talking about adoption, it is a maybe and we would wait till we moved to a house with at least 3 bedrooms. When people ask me "when is your daughter going to get a sibling" I usually don't have to think and say at the moment we are just enjoying having one. Maybe some day we will want a second

Just go with your feelings (including the hubby) and if you both never get the feeling of wanted a second that is ok, maybe one is right for you.

I was an only child til I was 12 then my parents had 5 more kids. I was never spoiled once my mom married my dad (he adopted me, at age 6) and it was good. I have resentments from when I was littler and my grandma and aunt spoiled me though, they tried to after my parents married but my dad wouldn't let it happen. Spoiling me really set me up for some falls, and it wasn't always monetary it was telling me I was the best and stuff like that. Once my brothers and sisters started coming I was always the babysitter ( they are 16, 14, 12, 10, 8) so now I am still there to help guide them into life and stuff. For instance I have had some interesting talks with the older ones about various issues. So it's not a normal situation.
Now I have one child and cannot have anymore. We wish we could adopt a child about our son's that way he will have someone to share the memories with. That is the reason we want more. I know I talk about my childhood and only my parents and me remember our trips and stuff (the pictures were destroyed moving). Once they are gone I have no one to share that stuff with and no one to reminisce with, it hurts. I don't want that for my son, but I can't change the fact he is an only child. The only nice thing for my son is my brothers and sisters are his age and we do so much together that they will be able to share and remember each others life.

My daughter was a only child til she was 7. She was a only mostly becuase things didn't work out between her dad and I and I stayed single for years. My child was a spoiled brat, I not only bought her everything but she was spoiled with being getting uber amounts of attention and being the center of attention ALL the time. I loved having a only child I could give her whatever she wanted or needed whether it be having the time to have her involved in almost every extra curricular out there or not having anyone else to concentrate on so giving her everything from me time, money,attention, love you name it. My daughter and I were extraudinary close but it almost hurt her as she didn't trust anyone else, etc.

The need or want to have a second child never went away for me, I felt ok and fine with it when my child was a toddler she was my baby after all but as she got older and went off to school etc., my need/want for a second baby got worse. I was so jealous of mom's who had 2 kids or a husband. I later met a really great guy and we just had a baby together recently and I now have a 7 year old and a 2mo.old. I love the age difference and I really appreciate and love and hold onto the baby stages a little more now knowing I probaly won't have more children.

I also have a best friend who was a only child, because her parents could give her everything she's really sucessful and has mastered her dream. She's a DEA Agent (drug enforcement agent) but she's a tomboy and so career orientated she'll probaly never have children therefore her parents will never be grandparents.

Hello - I am an only child myself and I think that any size family can be great and any can have its issues. I had a great childhood and now adulthood. I now have more than one child myself, but I truly believe that any size family can be wonderful. As far as spoiling a child or having sharing issues, that stems from parenting and having grown up around a variety of different family sizes - 2 and 3s and many with several children - 5+, there were spoiled children in all combos and kind and compassionate children in all combos. So - go with what works for your family!