Is It a Legitimate Choice to Be Irresponsible?

One of my favorite quotations is "The smallest unit in society is not the individual, but the family." Everyone is born in to a family - nobody is simply an individual. So everything we do really affects everyone around us. I am responsible for how I react, however. So, it may be legitimate (from legit in Latin for 'law'), but it is still a bad choice. In marriage we have to talk things out, bring things up, be honest and clear, without being rude or mean in how we speak. (I know, when I am angry, this does not make a lot of sense to me, but as I practice, I do get better results). I find it helpful to bring things up when the kids are not around, after I have made a good meal and he is full, not after 9:30pm (too tired). Then say, "Can we talk about something?" Then speak plainly, without yelling. If friendships are hard, marriage is even harder - but much more meaningful, too. So, try to bring it up soon - give the kids a movie if they otherwise go to be late, robbing you guys of alone time. It's worth the effort to talk it out.

I feel that way about a lot of birth and parenting things. Women use the "it's my choice" to justify all kinds of things like epidurals, inductions, elective c-sections, formula feeding, that all have proven negative effects on the baby. But it's widely accepted that the mother is allowed to make herself comfortable first and foremost and then take care of her baby as an after-thought.
But in the end, it IS the mother's choice. No, it doesn't make it right, but it is what it is.

Nobody's answered this question as I begin to write. We're getting into philosophy here! So I'll try to stick to philosophy, even though I could get into religion quite easily.

Most people believe that there is some sort of line beyond which a person's behavior, including his/her choosing behavior, should not go. Where that line is they argue about. However, even the most individualistic-minded people, who believe that they SHOULD be able to do whatever suits them, cry, "NO!" when something somebody else chooses to do affects them in a bad way.

"It's my choice" implies some freedom but does not imply an unlimited amount of it. I think it was Sartre who said that if you don't have absolute freedom you have no freedom at all, but most people don't use that thinking in real life... unless they're teenagers.

Some folks worry too much about their choices, and some should worry more. Stopping and thinking about all the consequences before making a choice - that is, worrying just the right amount - is what we call maturity.

Freedom and responsibility are so very intertwined that saying "It's my choice" always has fine print attached. My choice of chocolate over vanilla, or of $100 boots over $25 boots (assuming I can pay for them) may not be anything for someone else to worry about. My choice to fly to Europe next week and the heck with everything else - or my choice to do drugs - or my choice to have an affair with somebody - has repercussions on my husband, my children, my grandchildren, my other relatives, my friends, my neighbors, the organizations I belong to, and (in some sense) people I don't even know.

And if I can fool them or badger them into thinking they're wrong to feel affected, or into believing they shouldn't really count in the matter, shame on them and shame on me. That's not a popular take on the subject, but it's where I stand.

On the other hand... if we didn't make, or think about making, choices that influenced other people adversely, novel and film writers would be out of work! :^)

So ask your husband questions. And ask him to ask you questions, too.
I hope you don't have to ask him about something awful.

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I'm not sure what you're asking here, but my thought is that if you have a family (regardless of how you define it), you are responsible for making choices that improve the quality of life for your family- at minimum making choices that do not negatively impact them.

Young, single and childless? Do what you want, when you want, but then again don't run to your parents for help. You made the choice, you live with the consequences.

My BIL (and I love him very much) has consistently made life choices that he only sees from his perspective and it has caused so much worry and heartache... details aren't important, but it finally took us having a child for whom he felt some responsibility (living with us at the time) for him to realize that you don't live on an island and your actions have consequences for YOU and the people WHO LOVE YOU.

No, it's not okay to only worry about yourself.

My personal opinion is that if your choice has negative effects on other people, then no, saying "it's my choice" is NOT a legitimate stance. That being said, EVERYTHING we do affects other people. If I choose to eat unhealthy food and not exercise, then I am setting myself up for health problems, my family for higher medical costs down the line, and higher insurance costs for my employer. I have chosen to have 3 children, this means for me that it is necessary to have a larger house with higher energy usage than we would have it we were childless, a larger vehicle which uses up a lot of gas rather than taking the bus everywhere... the list goes on. And sometimes I feel extremely guilty that my "personal choices" do effect the world and other people... so I do my best to make it up in other areas such as volunteering, etc. and I also try to keep in mind how my choices effect others. I just think that is part of being a good person rather than a barnacle on society :)

I always liked the expression: "Your freedom to swing your arm stops right at the end of my nose."

I should be able to choose my course of action when it affects only me. When I start having an effect on other people, it's wise to remember I don't live in isolation. Friendships won't stay healthy unless the friends consider each other's legitimate needs. Families must take each other's needs into account in order to function well. Societies, too.

I feel like you do -if you're making poor choices but they don't affect me, then go ahead. However, if it's going to affect my finances, lifestyle, health, relationships or children, then it's no longer just "your choice." I don't believe in rewarding irresponsibility (and having babies you can't afford is perhaps the pinnacle of irresponsibility) with government assistance or any other help.

Well, if your husband for example had a problem with not being able to save money...to spend it frivolously, it surely will impact you because you both are contributors to the household, whether you bring in a paycheck or not. His spending habits could affect your family (ie. not having money for food for the family, or an emergency visit to the doctor for one of your children, if you have any). All of our actions can somehow affect those around us so no it's not legitimate to say it's okay to be irresponsible. IF my neighbor drinks and drives, I can't very well say that his irresponsibility isn't my problem. What if I am on the road when he's driving drunk and he causes an accident that I am involved in? We all have a responsibility to be responsible. that is my opinion.

So many things can be one persons fun and another persons idea of irresponsible. I think having motorcycles is irresponsible. I think they call the donor cycles for a reason. I also think spending money on finger nails and other silly things that one can do just by letting something grow out without spending the money is irresponsible too.

Every person is going to have what they think is irresponsible and what they think is just fun.

If my husband started riding motorcycles I would be very upset and tell him he was being irresponsible but my ex's wife would tell me he was just doing something fun. She rides a motorcycle to work every day.

So, you and your husband will just have to sit down and decide what's allowed and not.

what is your view of irresponible? if its having two beers after dinner once in awhile ..although i don't drink i don't think its a big deal. however if its leaving small children in the house by themself that would be irresponsible. smoking although is one person descion will negatively effect the non smoker spouse.

This is a provocative question. I think it is more about control than choices.

I think the answer is yes. How does his choice affect you? Is he blowing all your savings? If yes, then now you have a choice too. You can choose to stop sharing money with him. You can choose to live his way. You can choose divorce.

It's legitimate to him. It just may not be acceptable to you, and therefore you will need to make your own choices.