Is He Spoiled or Is This Normal?

I think this is perfectly normal for how young he is! As he gets older it might pose a problem, but for now he's definitely not spoiled!!

I understand where you're coming from. I have a son who will be 1 on the 13th of April. We rocked him to sleep when he was newborn and I fixed it by letting him cry it out in his crib. It didn't take long at all for me. Now all i have to do is put him in his crib with his blanky and pacifier, and he goes right to sleep! ITS WONDERFUL!! I know its hard to listen to them cry, but to be able to put them to sleep like that is AWESOME! Even if we are out somewhere, all I have to do is put him in his carseat with his blanky and pacifier and he goes to sleep.
Hope all goes well for you.

He is NINE WEEKS OLD. You cannot spoil an infant. They cry when they are hungry, dirty, sleepy or need comfort (that comfort thing that is a very real need too). You can expect your child to want mommy "so much" for a very long time. He's your child, you brought him here and he is entirely dependent on you in the entire first year, and beyond. It is COMPLETELY NORMAL for newborns to have irregular and short sleep cycles. If he's waking up he NEEDS something. Please put down whatever awful parent literature you are reading, check out www.askdrsears.com and What To Expect: The First Year, and start being a good mommy by listening to your natural maternal urges instead of worrying about "spoiling" a helpless infant. Crying it out, so early especially, can do serious damage to a child emotionally and physically.

People told me I was going to spoil my daughter by holding her all the time when she was a baby. When I asked my pediatrician abiut that, he told me it was BS - that it was impossible to spoil a baby by holding it too much. Babies need that physical contact.
Wanting to be held when you go to sleeep is a perfectly normal human desire. Don't you like to fall asleep with your husband's arms around you? Doesn't it make you feel loved and secure? Your son wants and needs that same closeness and security.

I'm glad to see many of the other responses say that you can't "spoil" a baby that young. I am friends with a child development specialist, and she is constantly reminding people that holding babies is good for them, not spoiling. I would also be careful about using the Babywise method, especially on such a young baby. That method has been associated with poor weight gain and even severe dehydration. That said, I understand your frustration. I have an 8 month old that is a bit tricky to get to sleep. As someone else suggested, the swing has worked really well for us. It gives him that secure "cuddled" feeling and movement. I've also heard about something called the Amby bed, you might check that out. Good luck and enjoy your little baby time! Before you know it, he will be crawling all over the place! Oh by the way- we tried a version of the "cry it out", not leaving the room, just not holding him, and it backfired big time. He got frantic, even when we were standing right there, and for several days has gotten upset anytime I try to get him to sleep (even holding and rocking).

You cannot spoil a baby! Your little one feels secure when he is being held. He isn't trying to be clingy - he doesn't even know what that is. All he knows is that when Mommy, or Grandma, is holding him all is right with his little world. I have four kids and, while they are all different, they all liked to be held - A LOT. When my three year old was a baby I invested in a snugli carrier so that I could get some housework done and that helped a lot. My youngest is almost 4 months old now and she still likes to be held a lot. A swing also helps and swaddling is a life saver! But, you are a Mommy now - the housework can wait. Treasure your little boy and enjoy this time when he wants to cuddle with you - trust me, it won't last long. And, remember, he is still very young and he won't develop a normal sleep pattern for quite a while. You can help him develop a naptime routine but he is still very young to be sleeping through the night. Also, if you are breastfeeding him that might have something to do with him wanting to be held a lot. I am breastfeeding my daughter and if she sees me walk into a room she will watch me and if I don't pick her up, she lets me know that she needs some "Mommy time." I guess what I am trying to say is this - you can't spoil him and if he wants to be held - hold him! Wouldn't you like for your husband to just put his arms around you and hold you close so that you felt secure?? That's the way your baby boy feels. They grow up way too fast, before you know it he won't want to be held and then you will miss these times.

Physical contact with baby & mom is important. If it isn't intereing with your daily schedule and he will sleep when you lay him down. I say cuddle. They grow up so fast and they don't cuddle as much. My son is 1 today and he still wants to be held by either of us when it is bed time. But he'll lay down and go right to sleep when it is time as well.
Love that baby boy!!! I know you do!

First of all, you can't spoil a baby under a year old (this is what I hear). I really don't think a baby that young is just clingy. They want their mommy's, but until they are about 5 or 6 months they dont usually prefer any one person. If I were you, I would read Marc Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It is still early enough for you to change the baby's sleep habits. Don't wait until the baby is 7 months old like I did! It will really help you. My husband said I spoiled my baby in the first few months I was home, but he'll come around. You're just responding to the only way the baby can communicate with you! At the child's age, they really don't have a schedule for sleeping. You definately have to put the baby down to sleep. Mine got used to sleeping on my stomach when she was 3 months and it took forever to break her of that. You really don't want a 12 month old that you HAVE to rock to sleep. My friend had a 9 month old that it took her 45-60 minutes to rock to sleep because thats what she'd always done. Our doctor asked me, "have you ever cried?", to which I responded "well, yes", and he says "did you die?" ;) Whatever the case, don't feel like a bad mother if your baby cries. It doesnt hurt them! As long as you know they arent hurgry, wet or dirty, sick, or hurt, they are ok! I don't know if youre feeding formula, but try some gas drops when he's really upset.

A., I've always heard you can't spoil a baby under one year old. At this point, until your baby learns to talk to you, he's still trying to communicate basic needs to you. Don't worry about spoiling him and just enjoy him. My boy is four and rarely lets me rock him now. It'll fly by, so rock him while you can.
As far as sleep goes, we liked the Ferber method of helping a baby learn to fall asleep on his own. I can't remember the name of the book, but I'm sure if you google Ferber method, you'll get some info.
What I did with mine is build some rocking and cuddling time into the bedtime routine. We'd sit and read a book or I'd rock and sing songs to them. Always ending with the same song, a prayer, and the same words "Time for sleep! Goodnight!" Then we put them in the bed and left the room. If they cried, we'd wait five minutes, then go back and repeat the same phrases, "Mommy loves you, time for sleep,"
This time wait ten minutes, then if still crying go back and repeat same phrases, actions. Add five minutes to the waiting period each time. This way they aren't left all alone to cry it out, but you're giving them enough time in between to fall asleep on their own. And of course before we started this process, we made sure all needs are met, full tummy, clean diaper, etc.

I encourage you to find a balance. I know the laundry and stuff has to get done sometime, but at the same time you only have this baby once. Give yourself the indulgence of rocking him and holding him if you want to. You won't be sorry you held him too much.

All I can say is, I know what you are going through. And also, all babies are different. I have twins and one, I can just lay down and she falls right to sleep on her own, the other, wants to be held all of the time, sometimes we have to put her in her swing to get her to go to sleep, then we move her to the bed. Don't worry about rocking him, that is a wonderful way to be close to your son. It is also possible that the change from you being home to going back to work may be playing a part in this. You could try swaddling him before you lay him down, this helps because sometimes we you lay them down, they feel insecure, and swaddling can give them a sense of security.

My daughter was the same way!!! It was SO hard and exhausting because I couldn't get any rest. Everytime I'd lay her down she'd sleep for about 15 minutes...and then wake up!!! I finally knew that my body couldn't do it anymore. I had to have an hour or two of down time, whether it be for a nap or housework. After several moms suggested a book called On Becoming Babywise, I bought it and read it. We started it when she was about 6 weeks old, and it worked after a couple of days. It was very hard for me to do the first few days, because it involves using the cry it out method. My heart broke when she would lay in bed and cry, but I promise you, the results are wonderful. AND, I contribute the results to her sleeping through the night at 8 weeks. It helps them to learn how to put themselves back to sleep without having mom or another relative help them. It's not cold turkey at first. You put them in bed drowsy, but awake. Every 10 minutes or so, I'd go in and pick her up and calm her down and reassure her that I was still there and then lay her down...and repeat until sleeping. It would take forever for me to go into depth, but at least read the book.

I hope that I helped! If you have any questions, ask and I'll answer them the best that I can!!
GOOD LUCK!!

Welcome to motherhood! Isn’t it ironic that you spent 9 months planning for something that is completely impossible to plan for? Does that make sense? Lol.. It did in my mind at least.

I know what you mean... My son would play AWESOME by himself when he was as little as your son but he didn’t want to go to sleep without me holding him. (He was breast fed so he would fall asleep while feeding.)

My suggestion....... buy a swing. The only way my son would nap was in the swing. When we finally got rid of it (when he was about 6 months old) I was like OH NO WHAT DO I DO NOW??

Good luck and congrats!

J.

And don't feel bad for needing your time too... you're a mom BUT the dishes still have to get done eventually and you still need to eat occasionally... lol

A.,

Congrats on your new little baby. I agree with the moms who said that you can set your baby down and let him cry it out. This method has worked well with all three of my children. (Results: The most frequent compliment I receive about my children is how happy and confident they are. So don't feel guilty.) As long as your baby is getting held at other times (which is obvious as concerned as you are) you should be able to let him sleep on his own. If you constantly hold him and rock him to sleep, he is dependent upon you (not spoiled) for his ability to sleep. Giving him this independence will be better for him long term and will give you more energy to give him while he is awake.

FYI: In the early 20th century, some doctors came up with the theory that babies shouldn't be held too much because they can become "spoiled." Many mothers responded to the extreme and were afraid to give their children adequate cuddling. Then, when people realized this, the "you can't spoil a baby" advice became popular to counter the advice previously given. Well, again everyone overreacted and many mothers have this idea that if they put their babies down to use the bathroom, take a shower, fix dinner or something equally important, that the baby will somehow be traumatized or feel neglected. It's absurd. Holding a baby 24-7 is unrealistic and trying will only make you feel guilty and frustrated.

You have got to find a balance. Help your baby learn to put himself to sleep and back to sleep when he wakes between sleep cycles. When you use a crutch like a swing, car, Snugli, etc. you make your life easier at first and magnify the problem long term. Training him should take less than two weeks at this point, but the longer you wait the longer it takes to train him.

Best wishes,
S.

What you need is one of those little packs ( they used to call them a snuggli) to cary your baby with you - evenflo makes a good one. this way you can do a little light housework and hold your little one.

babies want to be held...
we started useing a heating pad when we put our little one down...
that helped a little.
i also used a sling
it helped me get housework done...
at 9 weeks old ... you can't really spoil them
(or so i have been told)

Rest assured you cannot spoil a baby this young. Babies like to be held. It reminds them of the security they felt in utero. I don't remember how we got my son to sleep on his own. I think he just kind of did it after a while, but I rocked him to sleep for a long time and now at almost 18 months old he gets put into his bed awake and falls asleep on his own. I think the most important thing is routine. Like anything with little ones it takes some time. Putting him to bed drowsy but not awake is something that I have heard a lot of moms say and I think that is how we got Jayden started on it. But don't feel like you have to rush it. They don't stay little like this for long. I wish my boy would cuddle with me like he used to but he has to much get up and go in him to sit for more than a minute. I'm a working mom too, and when I would get home from work my son and I would nap for about an hour and a half together on the couch until he was 4 or 5 months old and he transitioned to "mommy free" sleeping just fine. Do what feels natural and what works for you.

Hi A.! I have a similar living situation, two older ones from a previous marriage of my husband's and one daughter of our own that will be two in May. I had the same trauma about the Ferber method! My husband, who had already been through two infant stages with his others, encouraged me to let her cry it out after she got to be about 8 months old and I had discontinued breast feeding. We did the 2 mins, then 5 mins, then 10 mins away while she adjusted to falling asleep. We did still go in and check in the middle of the night when she woke to make sure that she wasn't wet, hungry or uncomfortable. It's a bit difficult! My husband had to calm me and the baby down sometimes! But, she is a very happy, healthy (physically and emotionally), smart toddler that sleeps all night long...for twelve hours! It only gets better and better...different difficulties...but better sleep!!

Hi A. C.
My name is M. D. I have two boy's that are 23 and 20 yrs. old. But, I am the nanny of a set of triplets and as you well know you can not hold everyone at one time. You will not be a bad mother if you just put him in his bed and let him cry himself to sleep. When you put him down at night or for a nap tell him that you love him and that it is nap time or nighttime and he will be reasured that you are not going anywhere and that you will be back to get him. He will cry the first couple of times that you put him down, but he will get into a rutten and that will give you more time to do things.

M. D.

Are you nursing? My children were both clingy to me b/c I nursed both of them. I won't make my response long but that was my first thought. My daughter would cry when I entered the room b/c she wanted me, not hungry, she just wanted me. Good Luck!