Inviting

I would treat that shower as a celebration like you would the wedding. They must just not have enough money to be having a larger wedding than they are. Try to forgive it - there's an expensive little bundle on the way.

I'm not saying that I don't blame you being sad about this, but I hope you'll look at it a different way, or try to.

Dawn

Having been on the "other" side of not being able to afford to invite every family member to the wedding because of budget I can say that when you are the one doing the inviting it is really hard to have to not invite certain family members. Now that we are celebrating pregnancies & new life we are thankful that no one is harboring ill feelings towards us for not being able to have them at the wedding.
Hopefully, you will go and celebrate the joy and forget about the wedding.

How does we don't want to make a big deal about oops but we do want to make a big deal about our baby equal you weren't good enough for one but the other?

Their wedding wasn't planned it was a reaction, people don't think clearly in reactions. Tell me every detail about your last car accident, ya know?

Now they are thinking clearly and want to celebrate with everyone! Nothing more, nothing less.

My husband & I had a "quickie wedding" when I was about 9 weeks pregnant by which I mean the mayor of the city we lived in (a family friend) married us on a Friday evening at city hall with only my parents & sister attending. The 5 of us went out to dinner & that was the whole she-bang (no pun intended). There was no church, no reception, etc. That certainly didn't stop any of my family or friends from attending the baby shower that was given to me & thank goodness for that!

Honestly, I was never planning on having a big white dress type wedding to begin with, but once we found out we were pregnant much sooner than we'd planned on, I REALLY didn't want all of my family to be there. Everyone knew what had happened & even though it all worked out in the end, at the time (21 years old) I was kind of embarassed. I sure did need everything I was given at the baby shower, though, and was extremely thankful & grateful to everyone who came.

Clearly the wedding was an "oh sh*t" moment and they acted quickly, inviting immediate family only. My guess is that not a whole lot of thought went into the wedding at all. My guess is also that they were embarassed by the circumstances surrounding the "quickie wedding", but are very excited about celebrating a new baby.

One of my closest friends eloped. We were all a little miffed at first, but after some discussion understood their reasons. Because we didn't get to host a bridal shower, we threw a huge baby shower. No biggie.

Don't make an issue out of this one. Go to the shower and celebrate the baby. They may do a vow renewal at a later point in time and you can celebrate the marriage then. Two separate occassions... two separate guest lists... two separate celebrations.

Could just be that they were embarrassed to invite a lot of people to the wedding when they were already expecting. Maybe pushing the date up almost a year they didn't have the money to host a wedding. I know my son is getting married next spring. if they were to slam it up faster no way could they have a wedding to invite a lot of people to. In my family I know if this had happened I would have sent a congrats card with a gift in it for the wedding. The baby is a blessing. Bring a gift for the new baby. Tell your niece congrats.

Seems like they made a very smart move in not spending a bunch of money on a wedding with an unexpected baby on the way. Sounds responsible and mature to me. The deserve a nice shower present and your smiling face at the celebration!

I bet they threw the wedding together in a hurry and accidentally left you off the list. Now, realizing the oversight, are trying to be sure you are invited to the baby shower? Trying to extend an olive branch? I bet they are just too embarassed to say anything.

I would go to the baby shower happily! They were probably nervous and a little scared and maybe even felt a little embarrassed about the situation since they had a rush wedding, which is why they kept it very small and quick. She probably had to scale back the wedding since it was so quick too, so it likely wasn't the dream wedding she was planning. She also may not have been feeling very good either at the time since it was early in her pregnancy. Don't take it personal at all, they couldn't invite everyone they wanted too then, but now that they are more stable and she is likely feeling better, they are able to include more people.

My feelings would be hurt too, especially since you knew they were planning a wedding this year and then ran off and (I assume) you didn't know PRIOR to them getting married, but found out after? I'm sure it was a factor of not paying for a big wedding since a baby was on the way. I would go to the shower and be happy for them and support them regardless. Good luck!

Yup. It hurts. Been there.

The best part of your situation is that you have a good relationship with this side of the family before. So it would seem that this was not about your relationship, but rather about the rushed wedding.

I hope you attend and thoroughly enjoy yourself and your neice. I imagine she'd appreciate your support.

Our DD was planned, but before that, DH & had been engaged for a while & had to pay for the wedding ourselves. So, we decided to get married in Vegas & only invite a few select family & friends, and when we did end up pregnant, we invited way more people to the baby shower. I'd really hope that no one thought about us in this manner.

My point is, it's not about you. You're being too sensitive. Stop analyzing it. Be a big girl & go to the shower with nothing but positivity moving forward. You can't change what's done, but you CAN change your attitude & choose to leave the past in the past. That's how you handle it.

It was a quick wedding, they didn't get to invite EVERYONE that they otherwise would have wanted nor did they have a lot of time to plan or invite.

Look at it as they didn't want to invite you to both things so close together (knowing you would probably bring a gift).

I've been invited to a Bridal shower & not the wedding!! Just go and have a great time!!

I agree with the good hearted moms as well as yourself... maintain a good relationship and don't question. You never know what is exactly going on and reasons. I know I don't like to have to explain myself to people I have a relationship with. Unconditional is the way to go. It'll pass...

You know what, I think it would be nice if some family member had a little welcome to the family party for them, like a small reception. They are pretty much newly weds.

Think of it as eloping and the little place only had so much room. Then the reception/welcome to the family idea would be really nice too. It's a celebration of their wedding and nothing to do with the baby. That might make you feel more included, perhaps other family members are feeling the same way.

I always invite all my family to everything. I dunno, I don't get invitation drama. I guess its because I don't have a big family. I'd probably be offended to but not enough to say anything. Just go to the shower and have fun.

Maybe they deliberately invited some to the wedding and others to the shower because they couldn't invite everyone to both? I have friends who have a massive family; some got invited to the sons' wedding, most didn't. It is irritating but if you're happy for her, go along to the shower and wish her well.

I totally understand how you feel. If it was me, I would suck it up and go to the shower. In planning a "rushed" wedding, things can get out of control and some people get over looked. I'm speaking from experience cause I had to help my sister plan her rushed wedding because of her little "oops". Don't take it to heart. Go to the shower and congratulate her on all of the new beginnings in her life.

Could not have said it better than Krista P. Quickie wedding for real close
family members. Now they want to celebrate this new life they created
together. Life is too short to worry about things like not being invited to a
wedding that was planned on short notice.

My own half sister didn't invite us to her wedding. She also had an oops, and is rather unhappily married to the inlaws who paid for the wedding then of course we wer invited to the shower and went (ninety minutes away-would have been close enough but well here's the problem)...my other sister won't talk to her and thinks we were invited to the wedding and I told her we weren't. We sadly have about the most dysfunctional family I can think of. One day I will write on and on about this. So, my point is, I am close, very close to half sister that was married and didn't invite me, was close to my other sister who is mad at her and then got mad at everybody else in the family related to us and yet wants US to all come to her events. And well, I just kind of try to not feel too hurt about any of it anymore and stroll along, go to the things I can and am PLANNING a HUGE PARTY FOR MYSELF in a few years so I can get back a million presents after I paid for so many. Did I mention my husbands side yet? Yikes, he has quinceras or however they are spelled and weddings (usually with people who have already had five ooopsses) and it is every month. I just try to tell myself I am popular and they fantasize that we are rich!!! Just move on, life is too short. And don't buy an expensive shower gift.

oh, well....you're not the mom, & so with quicky weddings - that's how things go. They did not deliberately leave you out...it simply happened.

Please be the bigger person & continue as if nothing happened.

Life's too short to hold (or even imagine) grudges.....