I am at my wits end AGAIN. My husband and I took our children away after the holiday. My MIL called every hour and a half and then his sister would call. He is a grown man (42). Then my mother came over to store decorations and help me out in the house. My SIL stopped and just came in and started into my daughter's closet. Mind you, I pay for my mom's help, so we left a key. I don't know when they will let him be his own man. The home we live in was shared by he and his father before we married. Then while on vacation, I realized how out of control our daughter is. It's because I am the only disciplinary she has. The IL's would never correct her. They give into every cry and wimper. When I get our daughter back ... she expects the same from me. I can't do it. I am tired. I need a break from a break but don't want to send her over there for fear that she will become worse. I only let her go to my mom's and his mom's so this is a real problem. Laundry is nuts around here. I am sick again with crohns. My mother does correct our daughter. Oh and everytime she is over there she gets sick because my nephew is so rotten that he doesn't even wash his nasty hands. He screams, is rude at the table and is very high strung. I can not Not let her go over there or else I will never Really have a "day off". My husband is trying to do better with correcting our daughter but truth is they still see him as two and that includes his sister. They have very deep rooted secrets or something that makes them so weirdly close. I really just want to freak out and tell them to all get out of our lives. I would say a transfer would be nice but then I would really be worn out. I sometimes think it's because they all had full run of his home before we married. I had to have him ASK for the keys to his place back once we married. Notice I said HAD TO ASK. Invading a newly wed couples home is not suggested!!!!! I hope it will all change when we sell this one and find one that is OURS not HIS. Am I over reacting. Any suggestions???
Moms,
I haven't had any problems lately. They are never going to correct her. She is still going on Wednesdays. I do have to ask my MIL to keep the baby on the schedule she is use to. If I were not chronically ill I would limit her visits to Sundays for a few hours. God gave me a miracle baby and I am so grateful!! She saved my life because my disease went into remission for awhile. Thru it all I have two wonderful mothers. My daughter is very strong and I need strong women to help me. I can't think of any stronger than my mom and mother in law. I seen the MIL correct the other grandson the other day. Boy did he need it. I have hope. We can love and teach children without being total pushovers!
Nope. People who can't behave and don't understand boundaries are a problem. When it's your in-laws, it's dangerous because you don't want to hurt your husband's relationship with his family. I'd suggest talking to him and making sure you and he are really, really on the same page and having him deliver the "these things have to change" speech -- and make sure it's not a "my wife says to change" speech!
If you don't have a say so in anything,thats not good. The saying is "Theres nothing like your own" .I've been there......
I have no qualms with putting people, even family, in their places when it comes to my kids. Fist off, you should inform them that she is your child and while you understand that they love and care for her, you don't like how they are with her. Lay down the rules and if they can't abide by them, inform them that the only way that they can see her is if they come over, at your convenience, so that you can be there to monitor your child's behavior. As for your husband, he'll have to put them in their places himself. You can explain to him the repercussions of an unhappy marriage or divorce and maybe he'll understand how serious you are. If he doesn't, it's apparent that you are not #1 and you can weigh your options at that time. Believe me, you can function without a day off. I am a single mother of 3 daughter's, all of which have extracurricular activities, a full time worker and no family to help me out. I never have a day off and although I get tired sometimes, I make it (with a smile on my face).
I suggest that you limit your children's time with the in-laws, since they feel that they should let the children do as they want. I think that it will be better when you and your family move into a house that you and your husband have paid for or will be paying for, because the in-laws have no reason for having a key to your house. I would try to move into a different house as soon as possible.
Good luck
P. S
I'm not sure I have enough info to go on in your situation, but I couldn't live that way. My Mom, my sister and me all live in different states, and we talk on the phone maybe once every couple of weeks. It works fine for us. Other than changing the locks, getting an unlisted phone number and maybe getting a restraining order, I'm not sure how you will get any privacy short of moving away. Either you learn to live with them or learn to live without them, and I'm not altogether sure who your husband would pick to stay with. He doesn't seem to care about what you want. How many people are in this marriage? If your husband, MIL and sister are all part of the package, you don't even get a 50 percent vote on how things should be. I'm not seeing a happy future for you in this relationship.
