Independently Minded 2 Year Old

Wow, do I know what you're going through. I have a 4 y.o daughter, a 2 y.o. daughter, and a 7 mo old son. With my very determined first daughter, I discovered that giving in when it was convenient for me only taught her that to get her way, she just needed to scream and cry for longer. A 2 year old cannot always control emotions, but need to know with complete certainty what the consequences will be. One of the hardest challenges is offering this time-out discipline with gentle compassion and not anger. I struggled with this (and still do), but found I got much better results if I was very calm and understanding.

Some painful rigor and consistency on your part now will save you LOTS of pain later. I'd rather teach a 2 y.o. these boundaries than a 3 y.o. Also, you need to make sure that you and your husband are on the same page, and never undermine each other. These little ones are so smart, we need to stick together!

My oldest daughter was the same way. She started the "terrible two's" around 16 months and I think it is now just ending at the age of 4. She is very independent minded and stubborn like you say about your daughter. My friends all reassure me that is it a phase that will pass. I like to think that because she has such a strong personality she will be a strong willed adult who will stand her ground when needed and know what she wants out of life. I remind myself of this when times feel tough... when the tantrum leads me to just close the door and walk away until the drama subsides. My best advice is DO NOT GIVE IN! My husband and I like to joke around to each other and say that we do not negotiate with terrorists. With a strong willed child giving in will only make the problem worse. Stay strong and work as a team with your husband. Be on the same page about discipline. Best of luck and know that your hard work will pay off.

Oh Boy, do I know what you mean. My DD is 5 and truly has a mind of her own. This is how I maintain control: If she wants something like a snack, she can have it as long as she eats a fruit or veggie first. If she wants to watch tv, she has to wait until a certain time. The timer is my best friend. My DD really likes the timer too. But most of all, you have to hold firm in your negotiations. If you give in now, you will always give in. My motto is "I say what I mean and I mean what I say." If I promise something, I keep it. I never promise something if there is a chance I'll change my mind. She has learned that I can be just as stubborn as her. Don't get me wrong, she still has her tantrums and time-outs, but not that many. Negotiating is the key. Let her think she is winning sometimes like when you're playing a game. You have to be sneaky. The situation could get better, it depends on you. Best of luck to you.
M.

I think our daughters were cut from the same cloth. My two-year-old has one heck of will. I've read advice about not responding to tantrums or trying to calm them down. It seems to work okay. When we're at home I ignore it. I don't yell at her to stop or get mad- then we're both basket cases. I don't cuddle her or try to calm her down 'cause then she seems to associate tantrums with getting attention and extra lovin'. I let her cry it out in a spot where can't bang into anything or I put her in her crib and leave her alone. She settles down fairly quickly and never does get what she wanted in the first place. If she hits or kicks I make her say "sorry".