In Need of Some Advice on Multi Tasking and Stress Managing!

K., this may not be what you want to hear but perhaps you should not have the older children take dancing and music lessons in order to save money. By saving this money, then maybe you would not have to work the second part-time job and thereby be able to spend more time with them and have less stress.

sometimes money isn't everything and believe me they will remember how hard you worked but they will also remember that you weren't there for them when they needed you thats what happened to me and my grandmother was the one who took care of me always and now i always say that my grandmother is/was my mother because she is the one i remember that i turned to her everytime i needed her because my mom was always working. love for you children or actually you spending time and loving them for who they are is stronger bond than money. what you buy for them now they can not take with them when they grow and marry but your loving tender care and advice and support they will take with them and spread that same loveing care and support to your grand kids.

S.

One thing at a time, dont feel guilty when you take time for you, give yourself some credit for your accomplishments and think of the memories you want your kids to have of their childhood ten years from now. Extracurricular activities are great but they look back and remember curling up the couch with mom, popcorn and a book, sitting and talking, cooking dinner together.... We just have to do the best we can today, focus on the present and realize that this is life, work is a neccessity and you and your kids will be just fine. Dont sweat the small stuff, just laugh about it. Your kids will one day truly respect you, look up to you and recognize the sacrifices that you made but even if they dont that doesnt mena that you have done anythign wrong so long as your motives for what you do are the right ones. None of us is perfect.

Wow, you have your hands full. Honestly, I believe that you should spend as much time as possible with your children, because they won't be little for long. If you want to spend more time with them, eat dinner with them every night, help them with the homework, put your feet in the water while they bathe, read them a book, etc, etc. There are so many things that you can do with them that do not cost $$$. I say quit the PT job, cancel the lessons . . . your children will love you for it!!

Hi K.,
I understand your need to provide as a single mother. I was a single mother of four and it was tough. I worked two jobs for a while and it eventually stressed me out. I made the sacrafice and committed to them. In the end, children remember the memories. They don't seem to understand you working hard to give them a better life. My children are much older now but it feels so good to hear them say...Remember when we...
This is the greatest feeling because all children understand is the one who is there around to give them the comfort and security-This creates a bond and also a trust that goes a very long way. And it does pay off love. I promise...so maybe try to make the sacrafice because they don't know anyone else who would love them like you do. Just speaking from experience. I hope you have a great day.

I can't imagine only seeing my kids at bedtime and then just time on sundays.. anyone would be stressed!!! First, you have not time for yourself, which is not healthy at all... and then the little time you have, you have to give it to the kids because as a mother you miss them offcourse... I really don't see how you do it, and I'd like to applaud you for it... but to be honest with you I don't think that in the long run this would work out if you want to have a close relationship with your kids... Believe me, kids are smart, and if they had a choice to have those lessons or be with mommy, they'd pick you. Plus, there are so many things they can learn just from having you around.. hey maybe you can be their dance instructor.. maybe you can teach them to paint, etc. Little things, that mean so much, and plus would keep them close to you... working during the day is enough... If you are having a hard time with child support, then you need to work on that... I think you know already that you are working too hard.. and I honestly can tell you by lots of examples around me that as much as you think that it would help them, I honestly believe that if you do not spend the time with them and form that bond they need... this will only lead to many other things... drugs, unatached kids, etc. I think you sound like a hardworking mom that only wants a great future for your kids... but you know what, those dancing lessons won't give her what she needs when she gets older... she needs you.. She is going to need to remember mom was there when she had a bad day at school, or homework was too hard.. let me go to mom when I have a doubt about a boy, or trouble with someone... I hope you know what i mean... I think you do. I wish you the best... and if you need help financially... there are many churches ready to help out... believe me, I would do anything just to be home with my kids. Let me know if I can be of any assistance. Perhaps I can direct you to some places, so that you can stay home with you children. That's how much your story touched me... Our kids need us more than you know... Specially after Katrina... God bless you and your children always.

IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD BE LOOKIN FOR THE CHILD SUPPORT CHECKS AND NOT KILLING YOURSELF ON THAT P/T JOB! SPEND AS MUCH TIME W/YOUR CHILDREN THEY GROW SO FAST! DON'T FEEL GUILTY! YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN! SAVE YOUR MONEY AND DO NOT PUT YOUR CHILDREN IN ACTIVITIES JUST TO EASE YOUR MIND........
HOPEFULLY YOU DO HAVE A GREAT BABYSITTER WHO CAN TAKE THEM TO THE PARK AND STUFF!
GOOD LUCK ~

Hi K.! I give you all the respect for raising your kids on your own. You mentioned putting your kids into dance and music, and working a part time job. It was just my mom and I growing up and she had to work 3 jobs to support us, so I know how the extra jobs go with single moms. I just wantd to ask if you r working the extra job at night to put your kiddos in dance and music? If so, I would quit that job and spend the time with the kids. I don't know your financial situation, but if you work more to give them the lessons, I would work less and stay with them. I remember the times my mom wasn't there but I remember the times she was. Our financial situation was one that she had to be gone, but I would have rather her be there. Kids would give up all the extras in the long run to have their moms there. Good luck to u and let us know how things work out.

honestly, your kids will not remember you killing yourself 20 hours a day at 2 jobs so they can have dance lessons and such. What they are gonna remember, what is gonna be with them more than anything is that they hardly ever saw you, that you were not home alot.
take it from a girl who hardly ever saw her dad growing up because he was always on business trips. I don't remember the money, the stuff he bought. All I remember is him missing my birthdays.

everyone else gave you good advice too.

I would quit the evening job and spend time at home with them. Maybe you could find some work that you could do at home and still be with them. I hope the father is helping you financially. You need to rest and be with your children. If you got more rest, you wouldn't be so stressed. God bless you.

I have to agree with the others, take your oldest girls out of their extra activities and guit the P/T job and spend more time with them. They would much rather spend time with you than go to a dance class. And maybe you could try flylady.net it is wonderful. She will tell you how to get your life organized so you can have time to spend with your family. Try it out. I was sceptical at first, but it is working out great for me. Let us know how it goes. Good Luck, TJ

Your girls will remember that you where a strong woman who did what it took to give them everything that you could. As for your 3yr.old I know that it is tuff my youngest is 3 and I was able to stay at home my entire pregnancy and the first two years of his life. But let time teach your daughter a new routine. It is a HUGE adjustment but once you and your girls settle into it you will see that you did the right thing and in 30 years when they are Moms and asking you these questions you'll know what to say. Hang in there!

Kim,

The girls will realize like all of us do (when they are adults) what a great mom you are! I really can't provide any clear ideas about how to reduce stress for you and your girls. But, I can say that YOU ROCK for doing the right thing! Of course,I would enlist any family members to assist if possible.

Maybe you could put your girls on a reward system of sorts. That way, on Sundays you can review all the good things they did and praise them with something special. Like cooking a favorite meal or baked treat upon reaching so many points collectively. And maybe the daughter that got the most points gets to plan a picnic or pick a movie rental. That way, it is give and take, they work and get reward, and maybe the fussying will be reduced and replaced with reward and praise.

I had to find a way to reduce stress in my house with my kids. The reward chart help me turn fussying into a proactive way to praise my kids for their accomplisments. It is working pretty good. Although, they are still kids and I still have my fussy moments!!

If you think this is something that might help you, I'll be more that happy to send you my reward charts for my kids. They are made individual for each child so they can accomplish things they are capable of.

Bless your heart! Pray for guidance... One day your girls will understand and they will say thanks!