Importance of Part Time Work

You're husband is being a selfish jerk.

It's not your job he's not valuing, it's YOU. He's not giving you any respect, regard, or importance. Big problem. Does he do this about other things? I would not be OK with this attitude.

Your question is not titled correctly. This problem has nothing to do with a part time job, it's about respect or your husband's lack of respect.

Respect towards your employer and respect towards you, it seems he is lacking both.

My husband is a physician who is making about 6 times as much as I would make if I were using my teaching degree. He is encouraging me to start working from home, and is making it a priority by giving me a generous babysitter budget so that I can start getting it set up. Even though this will only give us a very small increase in our monthly income, we both feel that it is important to my mental health to be able to engage with adults on a regular basis. It is also going to help set me up so that when my kids are all in school FT I can transition the side job into a FT role as well. That would be hard to do if we weren't taking it seriously right now, as professionalism is key. I can't be late or unresponsive to the people I am working with right now--that'd be detrimental to our long-term plans.

ETA: After looking at your profile - this PT job of yours is a PROFESSOR? How can he even TRY to mimimize that? A professor can't be late for classes! Your students are paying tuition and deserve to have the full time that they paid for! Hubby needs a swift kick in the pants.

I am not sure its the part-time aspect your husband doesn't value.

Well to answer your exact question, not as much as FT work. But that's not really the issue here. My husband and I both work FT but my FT is way more hours than his and I out earn him by a lot and carry our benefits. If he misses a paycheck, we cut back on groceries and pay a utility a few days late. If I were to miss a paycheck, the mortgage wouldn't get paid. Of course my job is more important than his because of those things, but that doesn't mean that I would belittle his work or him. My ego doesn't require that I dismiss his contributions in order to feel good.

Your husband sounds inconsiderate and self-absorbed. Of course he should call if he's going to make you late for something. Doesn't matter if it's a paid job, a doctor's appointment, a PTA meeting or a manicure. Courteous people value other people's time.

ETA after reading your profile...sounds like your husband has a lot of issues. Just wanted to add that I'm sorry you're struggling with this BS. Mine is a PITA too. Also, I teach part-time at night during the school year (my 2nd job) and can never, ever be late to class. Given the kind of work you do (it's not like being late to the office) I would definitely hire a sitter proactively and just plan on paying for an hour of care even if he's home on time. If he is home, then perhaps this person could help with getting dinner on the table or playing with the kids for a bit if you teach in the evening.

Wow...... This is very sad.

Of course your job is just as important as his.
You are working so hard, you have a work reputation to keep up. His behavior and words are so disrespectful towards you.

When I have been able to work, it has helped us get ahead... But it is not nearly as much as my husbands salary, but he is always so grateful and proud. He makes sure I get enough rest, he will pick up extra chores here at home.

I would not trust that your husband is going to be home on time.. You may want to consider using some of your money to have a person that you will pay $8.00 - $10.00 to just be there for the time it takes you to get ready, leave and for your husband to come home. Maybe a young teen..

You do what you want to do. Do not take his comments to heart. Instead just take this bull by the horns and work because you want to. Not because you need his approval.

I don't it's about your P/T job being valued but what about your time & character. If you value your P/T job, that should be all that matters.

You stated your part time work makes almost as much as full time work - so, how can he say it is not supporting the household?? What if you don't work - where would you guys be financially - maybe bring that up and see how 'supportive' he'd be with half the finances.

However, as others have stated, I think this is less about the $$ and more about respect. I think this needs to be addressed. Sounds like you do a ton and are expected to just be there when needed. You are just as important as anyone else in the family and you should be recognized as such.

I work full time, so I don't know that my response is completely valid, but there was a time when my husband made comments about me not really working "full time" because I was a school psychologist. So, I worked from 8:15- 3:45 each day and 10 months out of the year. In his mind that wasn't "really full time" because it wasn't a 40 hour week with 3 weeks of vacation. Yes, I felt completely devalued and blew up on him one night about it.

I actually broke down my hourly rate and his, factored in my benefits (we were all on mine, not his) AND the daycare savings and guess who made substantially more... that's right. Me. Bottom line, I told him (in a not-so-nice way I will admit) that if he didn't think my income was supporting our household then I would happily quit my job and he could shoulder it ALL! Needless to say, that never came up again.

Now I work in school administration (8-9 hour day, 12 month contract, etc) and he finds himself missing my old "part time" job on some days because guess who makes more money and can't just drop everything when something happens to take the cat to the vet? You got it, me.

You never know when the tables will turn and you are very wise to keep your resume active and your portfolio building. He could get laid-off next week and you will still have income coming into your household.

I think you are missing the big picture. I work full time but I have a flex hour job. I can work two hours today and fifteen tomorrow, they don't care and I have such a job because it allows me to be there for my kids.

Dum dum dum,,,,

And there you have what your husband is doing a damn poor job of articulating, you have the job you have to be there for your kids. It is not that he is really putting your job down he is saying you have it to be there for the kids, not him.

My husband and I work around the same hours per week but the only time he is asked to step up is when I have something static in my job that cannot be avoided. Being late one day does not fall in this category.

Really when you look at the big picture my job, and yours, are actually more important because flexible jobs that pay good and fit the needs of the family are hard to find.

I think this all comes down to poor communication.

this is more about your husband respecting YOU. this has nothing to do with your job. he's putting you down and belittling what you do. sounds like a great guy.....

So... what he's just said is that from now on you can take your entire paycheck and hide it away in your own personal account?

What an odd thing to do... tp say that none of the money you earn from then on should be used to "support the household".

Or maybe, he just can't see/think clearly, because his head is so far up his bum that that little bump in his throat is his nose. Dis. Re. Spect. Ful.

_____

Btw... my exhusband makes in 10 hours of work, what I make in a month of 40 hour weeks. Sigh. He used to only make 12x what I can. Now it's bloody 16x what I can. So vexing. From a monetary stand point, his "part time" work was one heckuva lot more valuable than my full time work. NEITHER of our jobs had an "It's okay to be late because this job isn't really important" clause attached to them.

You know, there ARE other reasons to work besides the money! Doesn't he get that???

Both jobs contribute to the family's well being and are important to each person. My opinion is that it is just a matter of respect. He needs to respect you more and if he is gonna be late...call you so you can get a sitter. He needs to respect you and show some courtsey.

I know this is not answering your question... But the thought I get after reading it is your husband is passive aggressive and it seems that he resents your job. Maybe he feels threatened because working part time you can make almost as much as he makes working full-time

I guess my question is is he able to call you if he's going to be late?

One reason I will not/can not get a job is because I cannot count on my husband to get home on time or even be able to call me if he's going to be late. He simply does not always have access to call me.

If he has access to contact you but chooses not to, then he is just a jerk. The lack of respect for you and your employer/clients is beyond reasonable.

If it's the choice between full time vs part time (Like... one of the kids is sick, and one parent needs to stay home...) then I would place the full-time job higher on the importance scale...

BUT a job is a job... If you are being paid to do a job, then I believe that the job should be done to the best of your ability... and that includes showing up on time. He should have the common courtesy of calling you so you can make arrangements to get to work on time.

I think you need to sit down with him and go over the budget. Then go over what you would spend if you were commuting more, paying more in daycare and gas, etc. And what it would mean if you didn't work at all. Don't let him disrespect you or your job as not supporting the household when you do, just not alone.

I work PT, too, and when DH thought I didn't do enough around the house, I started writing it down. He said my lists made him uncomfortable, and I said that his attitude made me feel disrespected and he obviously needed to see it written down because he didn't believe me. I wrote down every book I read to DD, every potty break, every meal break, every telemarketing/charity call and the calls he made to me that also interrupted my day. I went overboard because I really wanted to make a point, which I think he got. I said I need his support and respect because I do alll this and still work and when he telecommutes, he locks himself away. It's not the same.

It sounds like the job is just one way for him to devalue your time and worth. He's being disrespectful and he's wrong. I wonder why he finds it beneath himself to let his wife know he'll be later than planned. It's simple curtosey. So what's his problem, really?

He's being a jerk!!! That being said go to the bank and set up your own account and have your money direct deposited into YOUR account. The ammount may seem insignificant to him but I bet he will miss it. After a few months explain to him that your income is important also.

Wow-that is just all out wrong. Ask anyone, even a child, if it is ok to be late for work and the answer will be NO! No matter what your job is. For your sake I am hoping this is where his horrible and disrespectful attitude ends -but somehow I doubt it.

I think I would hire a babysitter to come in to make sure that you are on time for your job.

If you continue to let your hubby treat you this way you will lose yourself and your dignity. He will try in his own way to sabotage everything you do because he feels threatened. Perhaps something happened when he was a young child that made him this way. Do stand your ground and be respected for you.

Good luck. Keep the faith and move forward. I know you can do this.

The other S.

PS Remember the Clairol commercial, "I'm worth it!"

I have an online part time job. I do not have any set times, but I do have deadlines and need to dedicate time to emails and answering questions in a timely manner. My husband laughs in my face when I say its important, and that all it does is pay for our kids clothes (in which I have expensive taste). I think that is very important. Its more money in our pockets for other things that are more dire. It really does tick me off. If our wireless goes out, or he forgets to do something with the system, he really doesnt hurry to fix it, or even help me watch the kids occasionally so I can finish up the emails, that really does bug me something aweful.

If he needs someone on call 24/7 then he needs to accept that you are going to quit working, as well as hire a mom's helper so that you can work out, have some time to yourself, etc.

He can't have it both ways - i.e., accepts the money your job brings in without the responsibility that comes with holding down an outside-the-home job.

It sounds like you guys are rivals instead of a team. I would think about some marriage counseling.

PS: I would make sure that your job is worth it financially (i.e., that it doesn't "cost" more than it brings in).

Of course your job is important and contributes to the family. He is being short sighted. It shouldn't be a big deal to make a call or send a text saying he is going to be late. Even if you guys could get by fine if you lost your job, it is important to you and therefore should be important to him. It comes down to respect. He should respect you enough to not put you in a situation that makes you feel like you are letting someone else down.

It doesn't sound like you are asking him to alter his schedule, it is just a matter of better communication and respect.

How unfortunate that your husband does not support you working. I'm sure the extra income is helping your bottom line. Moreover it's important for you to be working to contribute to the household, to build your career while attending to your children and for a variety of other reasons (including you getting a much needed break from home).

Sounds like you need a heart to heart conversation with your husband. Though based on the way you portray his response, I'm doubtful he really values your true worth and contributions.

I work 3 part time jobs. I iron for people and that is usually my pocket money. I supplement the groceries with it almost all the time.

I clean my FIL's house and he gives us a gasoline card. It is in my hubby's name so it helps rebuild our credit.

I work in the clothing store inside our dance'gymnastics studio. I work 1 1/2 hours and that pays for 1 hour of lessons. It is fun work and I get to do a lot of different things like enroll people, help them pick out good leo's, fit them for class attire, shoes, etc...I really enjoy the work a lot.

Hubby discounts all of it. He acts like I am out just gallivanting with my friends and leaving him home with the kiddo's. He has the option of getting respite vouchers from the state to help pay for child care but chooses to not call them and find out why we haven't got this 3 months worth so he can have a break for the kids too.