In Need of Some Advice

I wouldn't say anything about it to him. I'm not saying that he is right but it would seem like you invaded his privacy.

I'd say...if it bothers you, say something. If you are okay with him looking at other women...then don't. You know? Personally, I would say something ...but then again...this sort of stuff bothers me :)

Well ofcoarse. He needs to understand that it is not appropriate to have things like that on his computer...and of his ex??? Talk to him openly and ask him how he would feel if the situation was reversed. Good Luck!

A.,

I certainly feel you need to confront him about the pictures. There is certainly a reason that they are there. Let him know that your daughter was able to access them because he let the computer open to her little hands...that should be disturbing to him I would think. He has NO reason to have a picture of his ex on his computer.

Good luck.

Jen

A.,

Honesty is your best policy. He should have his head examined. The ex girlfriend's picture is too much. You don't need to feel bad about looking through the pictures. Be glad your daughter is too young to think anything. He needs to be committed to you and your daughter. Let him know how you feel about it and don't let him blow you off. If you don't like it, than tell him so. Sometime these computers can make people so secretive. Keep you eyes open just in case. I share my password with my husband (not that he can remember anything) but I want him to know he can trust me if he wants to look go ahead. My best to you.

Well you are certainly calmer sounding then I would be. First of all you have every right to see what is on his computer! He might not like that but really that is part of marriage and it sounds to me like your husband needs someone to keep him accountable. I'm not sure if you believe that what he is doing is wrong but I sure do and it is also damaging to your relationship now that you know about it. I have no idea what you should say but I would be blunt/straight forward and don't make any excuses for yourself. Good luck...I'm so sorry you had to discover this, hang in there!

I just wanted to say this exact same thing happened to me. I was horrified. I just wanted to die. But I confronted him very abruptly and he denied it (I guess his way of freaking out that I caught him). Well, long story short I explained to him how much it hurt me and that to me, it is the same as cheating. I told him if he really wants to make it better that he needed to go to some type of church counseling or something. (My hubby actually had pornographic videos on his computer). He did actually go and things SLOWLY (very slowly) got better. I tend to hold a grudge. He has to earn YOUR trust back. I feel for you - good luck. PS it helps for YOU to read some books about this type of thing. I also had my hubby read a book about pornography in a marriage written by a pastor. let me know if I can help you anymore!

I definetly think you should say something. He is your husband, if this bothers you talk to him about it . You shouldnt have to ingore stuff like this, espically if you daughter saw it.

Hi A.,

I want to start by saying that I think you have a right to know what is on his computer, you are married to him... there should not be any secrets of THAT kind... and he left it open where your child was able to see these photos... I think this requires some serious straight talk about what is going on with him.

My husband and I faced a similiar issue when he I found he was writing to his ex (we were living together and were getting married the next month) he admited it was wrong and I said I would not stand for any communications written that I wasn't allowed to see. He no longer writes to her. And we share our email box and computer.

I know it doesn't seem politically correct and all to check up on them or to admit we have looked into their stuff, but there are way too many temptations out there and I think if you really love someone you have no need for secrets about other women/men ever.

You need to do what makes you feel comfortable with your relationship. And obviously those pictures are unacceptable to you (and you have a right to feel that way). Tell him, definitely. Talk to him. It DOES hurt for them to have something intimate about another woman that they keep and keep secret.

Good luck Sweetheart, and remember that relationships always take work to keep on the right track. I am sure he loves you very much and will do what works for you as a couple.
L.

Ask yourself these questions? Does he love you, does he respect you and is he providing for you. If the answer is yest to all of these questions. I wouldn't worry about what I saw. If the ex-girlfriend was stupid enough to pose nude for a picture and give it to him, how much respect do you think he has for her, not much. Why don't you spice up your sex life and make love in odd places that would throw both of you off guard. Go to his job with a coat on (long) and nothing underneath; get on the elevator or in the stairs and open it up. WORK IT GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By all mean you should ask and you also have a right to ask. This could be an oversight on his part - sometimes men have their heads in the clouds on on their jobs but you must ask. This is the Godly thing to do and the fair thing for him to tell you about it. I would be cautious how you ask but ASK!

Wow, this is a horrible thing to go through! I would suggest a book titled, "Every Man's Battle," by Steve Arterburn, which deals with men's sexual struggles. I haven't had exactly your problem, but my husband does still struggle with memories of the past--even without pictures to make it even easier to mentally go back. I think it's unacceptable; however, you should know that most men have very serious problems that way. Your husband is probably like most men in America--but that doesn't excuse his behavior. To me, he's cheating on you--just because it's mental and visual rather than physical doesn't change things.

I wonder if he didn't accidentally-on-purpose leave his laptop out for you to find this stuff, so you can start the conversation and he doesn't have to. He may not even feel guilty about it, in which case I feel very sorry for both of you. Anyway, read the book--there's a website, too: everymansbattle.com for you to look around.

What you should do depends on what he thinks about it. If he doesn't think it's a problem that he looks at half-naked pictures of other women, your course of action will be quite different from what it would be if he confesses that he's really struggling with trying to break free from pornography. Either way, it *is* a problem with your marriage, even if he refuses to believe it is. On a personal note, I can tell when my husband has been having more difficulty keeping his mind pure by the way our relationship is--by how he talks and acts. I can't really even put my finger on it, but I know it when it happens. I daresay the same thing has been happening in your marriage--although it may be so habitual with him that he's always the same way.

Every Man's Battle, by Steve Arterburn

You've gotten a lot of responses already, so I'll try just to add to earlier comments and not repeat too many.

Yes, you need to speak with him about it. You need to let him know it hurt your feelings and that you'd rather him not continue to do it. If he feels you're invading his privacy, then at least on some level, he believes there's something "unacceptable" about having the pictures in the first place.

It matters even more if he is a professing Christian. The Bible clearly calls pornography sin. He needs corected in love. An excellent book on the subject is "Every Man's Battle" by Arterburn and Stoeker. My husband and I both recommend it for both men and women to read. It is well written, clearly lays out the challenge, but does not belittle or scold. Good luck and God bless.

A.,
I think that you should mention this to your husband. Get him alone and when he is feeling good. Then in an easy way ask him if there is any other women in his life and what is going on, then if he denies it or whatever tell him that you know about the pictures on the computer.

So, your saying your daughter pushed that many buttons and it went straight to pictures?? Ok... First, when your daughter started to push buttons, you were supposed to get on top of that right away, because that is not a toy whether your husband left the labtop out or not. My next thing?? Why?? would you question yourself if you should ask him about the pictures or not, if your baby was pushing the buttons??? So, yes, ask him about it. Be polite about it. Say, honey, the baby struck a few keys on the labtop the other morning and some nude pictures displayed on the screen, can you tell me what this is all about. you and your husband should have enough communication within your relationship to have this discussion, unless something else is going on. Please don't take this wrong, I am not trying to put you down, but women need to stand up for what's right and what we feel, but do with respect of each others feelings.

i'd simply tell him that he should leave out his laptop with pornography on it while your daughter is around. then go where the conversation takes you. if he chooses to discuss it, let him know that you saw a picture of so-and-so while you were closing everything down, but that your main concern is for your daughter who doesn't need to see women objectified in that manner. be calm.

Absolutely. It was not your fault you looked, you were not snooping so you have nothing to worry about. But I think nude pics of ex's is completely inappropriate. Good Luck...

Since the discovery was accidental I would ask your husband about these pictures and why they are on his computer.

You weren't prying!

First of all, let me say that I'm so glad your daughter is not old enough to pose questions about the pictures. A child a year or two older could be very confused about those type of pictures.
Please confront your husband in a calm manner. Explain what happened and that you are concerned that he was trying to hide something from you. It is especially suspicious to me that one of these pictures was of his ex girlfriend.
It is not normal or right for a married man or any man to look at pictures like that. Remind your husband that all these women were once someone's little girl.
If it seems like your husband might have a problem with pornography, make sure he gets help for it. Also, you may want to consider installing a program that will email you with his internet activity.

Of course he will think you were just snooping, but rather you were or not shouldn't be the debate. If he didn't have stuff like that on there, it wouldn't matter. Men are pigs, no doubt, lol. I would definitely say something to him about it. I would not be comfortable with that, especially if one was his ex.

Yes you should talk to him about it. Of course, you need to be calm and rational so that you get your point across. And are able to say all that you need to say effectivly. If you just let it go, it will eat at you from now on, and things will enter your mind that shouldn't (speaking from experience)

A., I am so sorry! I disagree that you shouldn't have been looking. He has a naked picture off his ex-girlfriend, I would be LIVID.

Pornography is rampant these days, isn't it?

What to do? I would say it depends on what your family's values are. In our family, this would be bad, very bad. I would talk to my husband and invest in a program like COVENANT EYES and BeSafe, and get an accountability partner like a minister or trusted friend.

I would feel betrayed, if my husband looked lustfully at naked women. I'm sorry you are going through this.

You ever get the feeling things happened for a reason? I'm getting that feeling just by reading your question. Just come right out and ask him!! If he gets defensive (which may be a sign that something is going on, or he is just embarrassed he got caught) try to explain what happened. Unless you have prior concerns about infedelity I don't see why this is an issue. If he is cheating, give him the ultimatum, either he stops and gets counciling (this is VERY important. No one will just stop cheating. They need help. So unless you want to go through all this again at a later time he needs help now), or you are leaving with your daughter. It will hurt to think about and it will hurt like hell to do, but you really need to raise your child in an environment where mom and dad respect each other..... think about it. Hope I helped!

I had a similar incident happen when my son was 4. My husband had those kinds of pics on his machine too and my son found them. I don't know about the x-girlfriend part but I would let him know what happened and ask that he put a password on that folder so that it does not happen again. The good thing is that as 22 mos. she was unaware of what she saw but you don't want that to happen when she is old enough to know what she is looking at. Good luck.

S. A.

YES, I would say something to him, because if you don't he will continue to download these nude photo's. I say this as I have a friend, & her husband has been doing nude photo's for 2 years now. He doesn't know that she knows what he is doing. She is getting a big file on him, to show this to the men at their church. And now she is afraid if she says anything to him, he will say "Well, you knew, & didn't say anything, so you must approve." She has let it go on way too long, & should ahve said something to him 2 years ago, when she found out about the nude photo's.

If i was in your shoes i'd ask, if not it would eat at me until i blew up, maybe its nothing and he just likes to look at the pictures, altough he should have enough respect for you not to have one of his ex in there!! Just tell him how it happened and you had to close everything out so you could put it out of your daughters reach. He obviously wasn't trying to hide anything or he would have had a password lock on it. Or he is just that brave... Who knows, but i'd definatly ask about them!!!

A.,

If I were you I would first of all pray about it. These pictures shouldn't be on his computer, but there's no way for you to know what, if anything, your husband is really guilty of. I don't know if you are a Christian or if you believe in God, but only He knows the truth about every single detail of this situation. Even your husband doesn't know the complete thruth, his perspective is biased and incomplete...somehow he has justified having those pictures on there, which now your daughter has seen. It's a good thing she's so young. The bible tells us that "love believes all things and hopes all things" (1 Corinthians 13:7), so try not to get upset with him unless or until you have a reason. I would pray about how to talk to your husband, ask God to give you the right words and to help you stay calm, and to give you the right timing, and to soften your husband's heart so he will be truthful and not defensive. I'll pray for you too...good luck!

I would mention it only if it really bothers you. It has been my experience that just about every man has some "files" on his computer that may be questionable. Whether it be actual pornography, or just some suggestive material. As long as its nothing too extreme or of disturbing nature, I wouldnt worry too much. As they say, "boys will be boys".

However, since there are photos of his ex-girlfriend that would probably worry me some. Chances are, he doesnt even realize the photo is still there and would have no problem deleting it if casually confronted.

Good luck!

I would confront him about the pictures if they bother you. It's not like you were snooping around and found them. Anything left on the coffee table is fair game in my opinion. If it is something that bothers you though, I would definitely confront it now before your mind starts racing (as most women's minds do). Good luck and keep us updated.

M.

It sounds like you feel guilty. You really shouldn't feel as though you did something wrong. I also think you should talk to your husband about it because it sounds like you need a little more 'baby proofing'. As your little one gets older those kinds of images can be confusing. As far as the x-girlfriend pic is concerned...it's crappy. I would get pretty ticked off and have my feelings hurt over that part. Men have a different perception of cheating than women so it is likely if that is the only suspicious thing you probably don't need to worry but if it makes you upset he should get rid of it out of respect for you.

Dear A. C
This is terrible! Yes, this is an adulterous act! His is committing a sin against God,you and your daughter! He needs to be confronted immediately! Don't allow things like this in your home or let your daughter think this type thing is acceptabe for her future husband! Love him where he is. Find out why he needs to have such photos of other women. Let him know you are his love! You want to be there for him, not his pictures. This is a false reality!

Yes! You have every right as his wife to inquire about the photos.

How you ask will determine how he responds. Since there are two sides to every story, let him try to explain why he has the photos, much less the one of an XGF.

Bottom line, it is unacceptable and he needs to know its not ok.

A., I think you should definitely let your husband know what happen. Let him know its not intended to start an argument, but he certainly owes you an explaination. If you don't ask it will always be in the back of your mind. **The key to a long lasting marraige is communication.

This is something that will eat you up if you dont ask. Tell him what happened and what you saw. Ask him why he has that on his computer. Then when he's done explaining it, let him know the picture are hurtful to you! Dont try to ignor things like this they have a way of making you angry over time if your not already. It will begin to shake your confidence in your marriage and thats too important to to let something get in between you and him. Not saying something will be a problem!

Ill keep you in my prayers!
M.

So I think you should say something to your husband and if he asked how you knew explained what happened that your daughter was pushing buttons on his laptop. How did it make you feel? Are you upset? I would be pissed if I found half naked girls and his ex girlfriend on my husband's laptop. How does that make you feel as a women like your not good enough for him... well thats my view on this... Good luck girl whatever you do..

Yes I think you should question him about it. Don't try and convince yourself that it's nothing, more than likely things will just progress into more as time moves along. I would comfront him now and I pray for you that he will be open and honest about what going on. If he gets angry about you questioning him then I would guess he probably hiding something. I don't mean to sound so harsh towards him but I've been in your shoes.

There could be reasons to worry, then there could not be reasons to worry.

Do you trust him... Does he trust you...? Can you call his cell phone without a fuss, does he answer? Does he come home straight from work? Did he have the laptop before the marriage? What's his libido like? Does he satisfy both you and him in bed?

Like a lot of the others have said, men will be men... and if you love and trust each other then there should be no reason why you couldn't confront him. Just tell him that he left the laptop on the table and ______ got it and by the time you noticed her she had opened up some of more graphic pictures. (if it's cool with you)... tell him you would like for him to add one (or more) to his collection and try to remember to put the computer out of ______ way, because she's only getting older.

Hopefully this will break the ice and he can explain why the pictures are there, and may even open up a whole new world to your marriage.

good luck
J.

First, your husband shouldn't have anything on his laptop that he feels is private, since he left it out. And second, if you can't talk about something like this, then how close are you really. My husband and I are truthful to each other, even when we know it might be painful, but being truthful about it brings us closer, even if we cant be up front about it as soon as it happens. Something like this is really important to talk about, because if you don't discuss why it happened or what it means, it might come back to haunt you both. Good luck hope this helps.

Computer security: I would advise simply letting your husband know that your daughter accidentally pulled up material on his laptop that was inappropriate, and that he needs to properly shut down/password protect/etc his computer.

Unlike 99% of the previous repliers, I do NOT see anything wrong or unhealthy about a man-- even a married man-- looking at nudes. The only thing that would bother me would the one (1) picture that was of the ex-girlfriend. Hubby having private fantasy time is one thing, but I would prefer that the fantasy NOT be based on someone real, if you know what I mean.

Good luck to you, however you decide(d) to handle things!

First of all if he has nude pics on his computer than you can bet there not forgotten. Hes a man and men look at women. In all honesty Id be pissed about the ex and I would def confront him about it, and also confront him about leaving his laptop where its easily accessed. As for him having half nude pics in general. I dont think its anything to worry about. He obviously wasnt trying to hide it from you.

If your marriage is built on trust, something should be said or it could drive you crazy and further from him.

A., I have been in your situation before and believe me it is a not good place to be. I cant tell you what to do but I can tell you what I did. I too found pictures in our family computer so I spoke to my husband about this, and he said that it was a habbit that he had, he did not have an explaination really just told me that he had never cheated on me he just likes to look. I told him that I did not like it and if he respected me, then he would not do that again. So far he hasn't done it. Now I have only been married for 8yrs now and well I can honestly say that I do not like him having the pictures but atleast he is not acting on them. All I can say is just if you are going to talk to him about this do it in a calm voice as if you were talking to your child.

I would DEFINTELY say something about it, tell him what you found, and ask him to explain. In my opinion, there's no excuse to have pictures like that on his computer, especially of his ex! You have every right to know what's on his computer. I don't believe in secrets in a marriage. Please keep us posted, and I wish you all the best!

Hi, A.. I think you should gently let him know what happened. Tell him what you saw and how you feel about it. But, don't fight with him. Just let him know you know and then pray for him. I know how this makes you feel and you have every right to your husbands purity as he does to yours. So tell him and pray for him. But don't fight with him, Just keep loving him. If you aren't the praying type then just tell him how you feel about all this and keep loving him and treating him with love anyway. He will either delete it out of respect for your feelings, or his macho ego will hang on to the pictures, but every time he looks at them he will remember your words! They will eventually settle in his mind as he matures, and hopefully he will, and he will delete them afterall!! I have said a little prayer for you and your marriage!

I think you SHOULD say something. If you don't it will bother you for a long time. You should be honest, even if he isn't. I would personally be very upset to find out my husband had a nude picture of his ex-girlfriend! Just think what your husband would do if it was the other way around! I hope by now you have talked to him about it. Good luck.

Okay, let's look at this in a different way(like a man). First of all depending on how tight your marriage is he may think that you were just snooping and you are using your daughter as a cover up. Some people don't give kids the utmost credit that they deserve. So WHEN you talk to him about this issue you have to make that part convincing. As it was said before nude pictures are no stranger to men. They were taught (almost trained) to look at these things. It's almost the same as watching a movie. Shoot I have gone on the internet with my husband and downloaded some movies. So I know he likes them.
I have also had the issue with the ex to come up before. They see it as just a picture, but of course we see it as disrespectful and low down to us. It is. Address that concern with him, delete the picture, have dinner, and show him what he should be looking at right before you have the best make-up sex that he can offer. He WILL feel like he messed up so take advantage of that. Hiding the issue will only hurt you mentally. So definitely speak up, but once again do it in a convincing, respectable and understanding way. ENJOY because this is definitely not the end of your relationship.

God YES you have to say something.
He wouldn't like it if you had nude pics of your old boyfriends.
But then if he is like the one that I use to have, he will come up with some kind of excuse and make you believe ever single lie of it.
But don't let him do you that way.
That should not be happening.
If he says you were being nosey... let him know his daughter helped you out.
Oh that burns me up when guys are like that!!!!!
I had one of those too. But now, thank God, I have an angel. I guess God figured he let me suffer way too long.
Don't be the niave girl that I was. Stand up to him and don't take it from him.
Actually... I think that I would go in there and erase them all before I said anything to him. Just make sure you empty the recycle bin or he can get them all back. Then if you ever see them again, you will know he did it while you two were married. Then .....

I feel that some things happen for a reason. If your child wouldn't have opened that file, you would have never known about the photos. It is something he is trying to hide from you and that's not good. Especially since one of the pictures is an ex-girlfriend. I would ask him about it and if he says its nothing then he shouldn't have a problem deleting them from his computer. If you feel uncomfortable about it he should take your feelings into consideration and get rid of them. Guys will be guys and are always gonna look, but keeping nude pictures of other females is an insult to you. So, I think you should confront him about it or it will lead to other suspicions

I think until there is more reason to ask questions then you should not say anything. Boys will be boys and naked women will always fascinate them. That does not mean that our husbands don't love us. As for the picture of the ex girlfriend, as long as that is all he has then I am sure there is nothing to worry about. If it was a phone number or love letters that would be another story. Consider him innocent until proven guilty or you will go crazy over what might be nothing.

Actually, I don't think the issue is any of the afore mentioned things...the issue is that he has these pictures where they are accessible to your daughter. First and foremost is her well-being. Ok, and I don't mean this to sound disrespectful to anyone here because everyone has their own beliefs and they are entitled to them. BUT...personally, there is nothing wrong with men looking at pictures-they all do it at some point (don't lie to yourself-yes, they do). As long as it is not interfering with your own sex life or he's not trying to go out and pursue these other women, there's really nothing unusual about it at all. It's the same as if a woman looks at another man and says "wow, that guy is hot" or something like that. Men and women think very differently about sex and what it means. It's more emotional to a woman. Any therapist or expert in this field would tell you that it is human nature for any human to look at the opposite sex.

However, if you feel upset by it, you should be able to voice that concern to him. After all, you married him so you should be close enough to talk about these things. I know that my husband has looked at these pictures before because I found them on our computer, but he had left them up on the screen. My problem was that they were where our son could have seen them. I told him that he needed to be careful and it as absolutely not ok to leave those pictures where our son could easily find them. He agreed and apologized. He just forgot to close them out. We have been married for 13 years now. I feel that we can be open with each other on any subject in existence, especially sex since we chose to be partners. Of course, if he had pictures of his ex then I would be a bit more upset with him. I wouldn't think that I would be happy about that. I would have to ask him to remove that particular one.

There are alot of answers that refer back to religion. If you are a religious person, by all means, go by what your religion teaches you. If you believe strongly that spiritually what he has done is wrong, then you should discuss it with him this way. If he is religious also, then you should maybe seek out advice from an elder in your chosen church, temple, synagog, etc. I am not quick to use that subject because not everyone is religious and not everyone believes in the same supreme being(s).

But also remember that you set an example for your daughter. Sex is natural and healthy. She should not be afraid of it or afraid to discuss it with you. Approach the situation with the mindset of how you would teach your own daughter to confront the same situation (once she is grown, of course). You are both rational adults & can certainly converse and have a relationship like adults. He'll appreciate it more if you DISCUSS it and not fly off the handle.

Uh............ YES! 1st - your request is NOT strange. The fact that a married man with a child has nude photos of girls and his ex-girlfriend is strange? How would he feel if his little girl was married to a man who had nude photos of his ex-girlfriend? What would he say to his daughter? I'm sure it wouldn't be, "oh don't worry about it; there just photos".

I think you should just explain what happened and that you saw the photos and ask for his explanation. If he gets defensive of why or how you saw the photos (because most men would), you remind him that the issue isn't how the photos got on his screen; the issue is WHY does he have them. Good luck!

Yes, there is not much more to say. Rather purposely or accidental, why are they there, nude no less? Just pictures is one thing, but nudes (half or otherwise) is a whole new ballgame. You could also ask yourself, would he ask you if it were reversed. If you have no problem testing the waters to get your answer, do just that. Find some pics off the net and let him find them. See if you get a reaction. If not, one of two things, he's not the jealous type and they are just pics to him or he doesn't care because he's up to something himself and wouldn't want to cause attention. If so, well that's when you say so...about your ex. I hope this helps, good luck.

A.,

First off, sorry that you have to deal with this. I'm sure it threw you for a loop.

I would say that you need to talk to him about it, if for no other reason than you're going to be stewing about it if you don't. That kind of tension is heck on marriage.

I'd start with an explaination of what happened..."baby girl fussed with the laptop, opened a file, and...was in it"

Then say what you felt (always "I" statements, no one can say your feelings are wrong!) "I was shocked and upset when I saw..."

Give him a chance to talk "Can you explain why those things are on your computer?"

See what he has to say, then tell him what he can do to fix it/make you feel better, "Having the file deleted would make me feel more secure..."

Try and keep things low key and non-accusatory, you'll get more honest discussion that way. There very likely is an innocent explantaion for it (an old file).

If you are calm and he flies off the handle about it, it could be he's feeling guilty about it or hiding something.

Good Luck,
J.

Honey,
When you marry someone you become one with them and you share everything with them(meaning that there should be no secrets). The point is not that you saw them or how, but why they were on the computer in the first place. The computer shouldn't have been left out if he didn't want you to use it or see it. Trust me, my two year old turned our computer on and was about to get on the internet somehow when I caught him. Know that whatever you choose to do, as his wife you have the right to know, question, and express your concern and hurt about the pictures. No woman deserves to be hurt. Stand for yourself and know that you are a beautiful woman and you deserve a worthy husband, marriage, and life!

Ok, I have read all of the responses, some good some well, I am a strong independent women who has probably been through most of yours and everyone else ?????'s. This one definately been there. I don't believe in beating around the bush. 1.If he didn't want you to find out he would not have left the lap top out.2.Don't spare his feelings yours weren't.3. If he feels the need to look at that stuff, then he has a problem.4.Keeping a photo of an ex in your old shoe box is one thing putting it on his computer is an issue. 5. And most important of all he married you because he loved and respected you, wanted you to be his partner for the rest of his life, the mother of his children,.So why is does he feel the need to look elsewhere? Now don't take that as you are lacking in any department because that is probably going to be his excuse. Men always feel the need to justify their bad behavior by laying the blame on the woman. Do not let him do that. Stand up for yourself, let him know you know. If it is a problem, offer him the opportunity to get help, if not you get some counseling and work from there.

A.,

I'm a firm believer that if you have a question ask it. Often, we're afraid to qustion someone and we dwell on the issue so much it makes us miserable. Misunderstandings can also happen if we don't ask questions.

It's my personal opinion that your husband should'nt have photos of half-nude women or a picture of his ex-girlfriend on his computer. It is pornography, plain and simple. You have to ask why he would be looking at these photos. Is he fantasizing about being with other women,being with his ex-girlfriend?

I know you may be reluctant to question him because you feel you were spying on him. The photos were found by accident and now that you know about them you need to ask him because it's clear it bothers you.

yes i would at least ask him about it.

As a wife I think you have every right to ask him about the pictures and to look through his belongings. There is no reason for him to have those pictures on his lap top. I have been married to a great man for 18 yrs now with 5 kids. There is no such thing as a man being a man.

i would tell him exatly what happened and ask him if he really needed to look at those pictures to feel better about himself and then i would tell him that you feel like you are not making him happy and ask what he would like for you to do to stop him from looking at those pics and try to help out if its within YOUR boundries and if its something that you would want to do.

I think you should confront him about it. But, don't go to him with a bad attitude. Let him know how you came to see those photos and that it really was an accident. But still, it did put a negative spotlight on his "hobbies". Try asking him if he's been chatting with women online. There are many men (married and single) who go online just to have cyber-sex with a variety of women. (I know this from personal experiences) Don't badger him with questions like..."Don't I make you feel good anymore"?, Do you still find me attractive"?, etc. Maybe try spicing things up a little. Have someone babysit overnight and you and your husband go somewhere like out to dinner and a movie. Try having a "date night" once in awhile. Don't talk about what the kids did, or anything about bills, or stuff like that. Try doing something romantic together and let him know that you're still the sexy vixen he fell in love with and that you still "got it". Just give it a shot. It doesn't hurt to at least try, right? Good luck! ;)

Hi A.. My name is S. and i'm a 53 year old divorced (after 16 years) mother and grandmother. My advice is to go with your gut feelings. Your husband wasn't to concerned about you finding them or he would have hidden them where you or your daughter wouldn't have found them. So to him maybe they were no big deal. Before this happened did you feel you could trust your husband? Had he ever given you cause to doubt his love and faithfulness to you? If he hasn't then take on faith that there's no reason to worry. Maybe you should just come out and tell him not to leave it where the baby could get it and by the way,those were some interesting pictures she found.
If you don't feel that's the way to go all I can tell you is to let it go and not dwell on it. You'll only hurt yourself if you do.
Hope this helps,
S. M

Yes, you should say something. It doesn't matter if you were in his computer. He left it out, your daughter got in it and walla, the pics'. shame on him for having them...the pics, I mean. If you don't draw the line somewhere, he will have freedom to violate the blur, over and over.

Since he left the computer in reach of your daughter & you had to move it, you have every right to question these pictures. I would be furious if something like that was left in view of my daughter. Especially since his ex was in the photos too.

Ya know... you could always just go delete them when he's not looking.. I'm sure he wouldn't be like "hey honey, did you delete these pictures??" haha ok maybe that's not nice...... (if you take this route, empty the recycle bin too...... :P )

Hi A. - I am only responding because this happened to me. I do not intentionally snoop but I had the same issue a few yrs ago. I explained to my husband upfront that I was not snooping, however, our child did. My husband tried to "blame" me for snooping, forgetting the fact that he had naked women on his laptop, worst was his ex! We discussed why he had them and how it hurt me to see them and we actually went into counseling because of his need to "see" other women naked...I dont know if this helps but I would absolutely confront him. We managed to make our marriage stronger w/ counseling

I would wonder how long he has had the laptop and if not long then I would non confrontationally ask him straight up. But here is the kick. You have to take a step back and evaluate his answer without your heart. Do you trust him completely? If you do then tell him how it made you feel to see these pics and ask him to respect your feelings and not let this happen again. Especially with your duaghter finding them. That's really not good. Good luck

Maybe, a date night would be great for you to talk to him about your relationship. What are somethings not being fulfill with in the marriage.Sometimes when we have younger children they require plenty of time so lets find out the reason his going to the nude pictures.

Hope this help

A.,
First of all, you need to look at how your husbands temper is, like is he easily angered or not? Then if your answer is he is not the just pose a question to him about the subject or explain what had happened with your daughter getting ahold of his laptop. Just rememeber to remain calm yourself. Don't try to pick a fight with him or act like you want to fight about it. This is just my opinion. Remember you are the one who has to live with him.

A.,
I think the best way to keep a healthy relationship is to be honest. I think being completely honest with your husband about how the pictures came up and how you feel about them is th eway to go. Not talking to him about it won't make your questions and feelings go away. If nothing is said any negative feelings resulting from the incident could only grow and create more of a problem.

I have been married to the same man for 19 years. We have had our ups and downs but the thing that pulled us through was our love. I will give you the advice my mother gave to me before I got married. He's just a man. All men have this thing in them where they have to look at and sometimes touch women.............it doesn't make him love you any less.......he just can't help it because he's a man.

If you truly love this man and believe he truly loves you then you will find a way to deal with this.........or you could just tell him how you found out and that you're ok with him looking at naked women on the internet and even looking at the pic of his x but tell him if he wants to venture out and experiment you would like to be a part of it. You may think I am crazy for giving you this advice but sometimes you have to experiment in your marriage to keep things spiced up. I mean you set your boundaries but tell him what you are and are not willing to do......and you might be surprised....you might like it ;o)........B in LR

Everyone has said everything. I'll throw in my $0.02. Communication is important in any relationship. Don't freak out, but do have a sit down conversation and discussion about what you found - stressing that it's by accident. It's important for him to understand why and if it upsets you, and it's equally important for you to discover what he gets from it. The important thing is to not freak out and not act as if he's a deviant for having the pictures. That's the surest way to ensure he gets defensive and shuts down communication lines.

If you're confident in your relationship and commitment to one another, I don't see any reason why the pictures should bother you (unless they're of minors or some such). My husband has pics of old girlfriends, both clothed and not as clothed. I've met his XGFs, and even had a couple stay at our house while they were in town. But I'm very confident in our relationship and marriage to know he won't stray. My husband and I do also understand that while we love and respect each other, we're not blind and both of us can appreciate the beauty and sexiness of another human being. As long as we don't stray :) Although we have an agreement that if Johnny Depp shows up at the door all bets are off...

Yes, you should absolutely say something! He is your husband and he shouldn't have to hide anything from you. I will be praying for you.

Well, I would be all over it. Not freaking out - but relationship is about honesty, right? Though, I would probably be wondering what I haven't stumbled on in happen-stance. Have you checked the history files on your computer lately - interesting what you might find...

Good luck - definitely ask!

Unless he's shown signs that he's actually seeing other women, I really wouldn't worry about pictures, even of exes. My husband has a collection of Playboys in his nightstand. He has pictures of exes, and is still friends with many of them. I've even met some of them.
I don't feel threatened by his collection of pictures, whether they are bunnies or former lovers, or by his continued association with women with whom he has had sex in the past.
I know where he spends his nights - I hear him snoring. I know that I'm the only one he has had sex with since we became lovers. In other words, I know he's faithful to me, and that's really all that matters to me.

Please be honest with your husband A.. It's the only respectful thing to do. When secrets are kept in a marriage, no matter what that secret may be, it is a recipe for disaster! Communication is key to a happy, healthy, long marriage. If he loves you then he will understand the circumstances in which you found the pictures. He will know that you were not "snooping". What ever you choose to do, it will be the right thing as long as you listen to your heart. Good luck.

I'd do one of two things: the first would be to "accidentaly" over write his pictures with pictures of your daughter. Or, the second being add a picture of yourself in same said attire as the other ladies. Because, I would not want him keeping pictures especially of his nude ex girlfriend. And more than likely he won't look at them on a regular basis so when he does discover the new picture/s he will be in shock that you know and will probably delete all the others. If he throws a fit then he is hiding more than just these pictures and YOU need to be the one throwing fits. Either way the pictures would go!!!!

I would sure ask him about that. You didn't open the pictures on purpose. It was an accident, maybe it was fate.
Just hang in there and don't get to upset. Maybe you have seen this at a good time, so if confronted, he can stop now.

Ok, my first reaction would be to get mad. But before you confront him, might I suggest going back to the folder and checking to see how old those pictures are. He might not even remember they are on there. I have pictures on my computer from as far back as 2000 when I got my first digital camera. I would say if the pictures are old, prior to your marriage/relationship, you might mention that your daughter was messing around with buttons on his laptop and what she accidently pulled up was these pictures and that while you know they are from before your relationship, you are concerned that she was able to find them so easily. If the pictures are recent, i'd yank a knot in him and get mad.

I would wait till he comes home and open the computer before he comes thru the door, open the picture folder and leave it there. Then watch his reaction. It may be innocent, someone may have sent them to him, but let him explain. Tell him that your daughter accidently opened them. Don't let this sore fester.

S. S.