In Need of Disciplining Advice

He loves her, but he is extremely jealous of the time you are spending with her, which is why he is acting up so bad while you are feeding her. You should continue to feed her, and ignore him, unless he is doing something where he is going to get hurt. He knows if he throws a fit, you will stop with her and tend to him. Try your best to ignore any outbursts from him while you are feeding the baby. Any attention, negative or otherwise is what he is looking for. Finish feeding her, and then tend to him. Spend time one on one with him when she is napping. Maybe you could try getting him to help with feedings. Getting the bottle, rubbing the baby's forehead, or something. Maybe as simple as putting on his favorite video before you start feeding the baby.
Good luck. It's all about his not wanting to share you. He had your undivided attention for 3 years. Very common for young children with new siblings.

just before you feed her get out crayons & paper or playdoh, etc to keep him busy....tell him to draw a pic for daddy.....maybe let him pick out a special movie from the store & tell him he can watch it only if he is a good boy when you're feeding the baby....good luck

You can try 1-2-3 Magic, which is a good book for that age. But I agree that it's going to be a hard time for him with a new baby to adjust to, and he is going to want more of your attention than you have time to give for a while. I also had my second child in the fall, and it's hard because you can't get out as much in the cold and the other child gets stir-crazy. If he's not in preschool, can you have a sitter take him outside and get him active for an hour every day?

It sounds like he is wanting your attention good or bad. Try to spend time with him BEFORE you feed your daughter and then set him up with a special toy or snack that he only gets when you are feeding her.

I'll second the recommendation for 1-2-3 Magic. It's been great for helping my husband and I discipher different types of behavior and how to respond.

Make sure you are giving you son as much positive attention and hugs as you can. I used to nurse with my son next to me so he could cuddle up too. Make sure your positive attention is outwaying the negative attention you give him. I know that's tough to do when you have a baby. On the really hard days, I used to save my son's screen time for when I was nursing. I was able to read a book (1-2-3 Magic)or magazine while I was nursing and sneak in a little me time, which is something that helps my sanity.

Good luck!

I haven't read the other responses, but I would recommend renting a DVD called "1, 2, 3 Magic". Your son is the ideal age to start their techniques. The only thing is both you and your husband have to agree to use the techniques they teach. It was recommended to me by many friends and I eventually rented it and it has completely turned our lives around. I now can take both kids on vacation (without my husband) and we have a great time because they no longer misbehave or fight. my kids are 3 and 4 and we've been implementing those techniques for about a year now.

The only things have have worked for me (and I use Magic 1-2-3 - but that is a tool, not structure). We either have reading time while feeding, where we reads books while the baby eats (so everyone is together and noone is left out) or I give him "assignment" or projects to do while I am feeding. Not independant projects, but things we can do together (without much involvement from me). Like we play a game together, or an art project where I offer advice on the things, but he puts it together (by his choice - a reward).

It is a stage of life....good luck!

I just received an ezine article from my good friend Connie Hammer a parenting coach. Your 3 year old is afraid of being replaced by the baby. Make sure you have Big brother time, tell him stories about how he made you smile when he scrunched his nose or squited or crooked smiled you, whatever. It's a good way to let him know you like him and remember things when he was a baby and how you enjoy who he is now. Then assign a small "task" like choosing the story book for bedtime, only a big brother is allowed to do that.
Also let him know that no matter how big he gets he will always be your.... (special nick name that might be cutesy wootsey).
For more detailed information to answer any more questions about siblings and /or parenthood go to www.theprogressiveparent.com, you can sign up FREE for enews or e-zines. Very helpful for you and your friends.

When we adopted our grandson, I thought we would do fine as we had raised three great kids already. What I didn't anticipate was the emotional upheaval he was going through and how it affected his behavior. I learned a two things to be rules for us. 1.) Never forget that your child wants to please you. That's in the basic makeup of kids. 2.) If he is misbehaving, he is probably acting out his frustrations on how to handle a situation and his behavior is begging for you to notice and help him through it. Always tell him you love him no matter what he does, i.e. "I love you very much but I can't let you behave like that" and help him find a better behavior. Once we initiated these rules, life improved for all of us. Grandchildren who are taken in by their grandparents because of loss tend to have a need to be physically close because they are afraid they will also lose the grandparents. I nicknamed my grandson Velcro because he clung so tight. I always knew when something was bothering him because he became more clingy. I also found out that this is so important for their social development. Many grandkids wind up with Attachment Disorder because of losses in their young lives. You have many valuable tips in the responses to help you through this.

Hi J.,
I have a couple of ideas to add to your possible bag of tricks. For feeding times, create a special box or basket with special toys that only come out during feeding time. Let your son play with them quietly while you feed the baby. A few special books that you read to him only during this time is another possibility.
Also, learn to use a sling so that you can continue to keep up with your active three year old while still keeping the baby close and caring for her. A sling has saved many moms I know during the family transition to another baby.
Remember, this too shall pass. When my third baby was born, I thought my second had adjusted beautifully to his younger sister. In his delightful 2 year old speech he repeated over and over "Her so cute.", then out of nowhere, when she was four months old, he began to have several tantrums a day. It was a trying time but with resolve to simply provide him with as much extra love and attention from myself and my husband as we could, that behavoir ended as abrubtly as it began. Today, those two are the best of friends, though I haven't heard him say "Her so cute.", lately!
All the best,
A.

I kept a box of special (quiet) toys under the crib that my oldest could play with only during nursing time. This made nursing time a positive thing to look forward to: "Is it time to feed the baby yet?"

You could also reward good behavior. If he is quiet during nursing, afterward he gets to choose a reward....watch a video, get a cookie, pick from the prize box (junk from the dollar store wrapped up), etc. Don't give him the reward unless he has been perfect. He will have a couple of disappointments to learn the behavior you expect. Otherwise just some hugs and kisses to let him know he tried really hard to be good.

I suggest a two pronged approach. One is to spend some alone time with your son. It doesn't have to be a long stretch of time. Talk it up before you do it. Then remind him when you are busy with the baby about the time you spent together and when you have your next special time.

this will not work immediately! But over time it will and it is very necessary for you and your son.

Then I would discuss with your son before feeding time that you are going to feed the baby, that you don't want to be interrupted by bad behavior and that if he does act up he will immediately go to time out. Then carry thru with consistency!

One thing you have to do now is understand in your own mind that your son is used to be the center of attention and therefore he is acting like his misery is earth-shattering. But really the gift of a sibling is priceless. Don't feel guilty! Your son will be fine. You and your daughter have every right to have some quiet time to bond and feed in peace. It won't be peaceful every time but you are right to insist that your son generally respect your time with your daughter. He'll get over it.

Good luck!

He is only wanting your attention so try sitting him down with you when you feed the baby and either talking to him or reading to him at the same time. This will make him feel like he is part of what is going on and not being left out. When my son was 3 we had my daughter and we reinforced to him all the time that she was not only our baby but his too. He became very protective of her and her needs instead of being jealous. Hope this helps, good luck.

Been there, went through that! He wants your attention, try to ignore him. My daughter got enough even through the interruptions...

J., perhaps u could invite your son to "help" you with his sisters feedings by sitting next to you quietly while you feed her. Tell him that baby's need quiet whike they are eating. Share with him that loud noises and additional activity going on during feedings could upset the baby's tummy. Perhaps this will make him feel that he is ur assistant during feeding time