My 6 year old daughter likes to play dolls with me. She tells me to be the bad guy. Should I read anything into that? Also, everything I say or do is wrong. My dolls are not allowed to dance or sing. The conversations I start are not the conversations she wants to have. I ask her what I am supposed to say. Sometimes she tells me what she wants me to do, other times she just tells me to play. Anyone ever run into this?
Thank you to everyone for your responses. Everyone agrees, this type of play is natural at this age. With everyone's good natured responses - I laughed out loud a few times - I will look at our play time more optimistically. I greatly appreciate getting "perspective" on this topic.
Here is a link about that:
http://www2.scholastic.com/browse/article.jsp?id=679
Its developmental based.
All the best,
Susan
Young kids are very concrete, very black-and-white in their thinking, acutely aware of fairness, and eager to feel any possible sense of control over how things turn out. (My 4yo grandboy loves this kind of play, too.)
Your daughter's games are normal for her age. She's exploring right and wrong, an incredibly important process in the growth of ethical and moral behavior.
What she's still lacking is empathy that comes from understanding the nuances of people's situations. That will develop naturally in coming years, especially if you take opportunities to kindly offer your own nuanced observations to the news, drama, and situations with her teachers, classmates and neighbors.
You can insert shades of grey occasionally into the make-believe games now, but your daughter will generally find those variations perplexing and unsatisfying, because she's still firming up her more basic concepts of justice.
Very normal. My girls play together (they are 7 and 4), and the 7 year old is always telling her little sister, "Pretend you're the wicked stepmother!" Or "Pretend I'm the beautiful princess and you're the frog!" - so not only is she the good guy, but she wants control over what her sister says and does. This is also true on the playground among all her friends, I've noticed.
Honestly, it would be far more worrisome if she cast herself in the role of the villain.
Maybe you can get yourself a robber costume and teach her the standby from when we were kids - cops and robbers! =)
When my daughter and I play Cinderella I'm the stepmother, Fairy god mother, Prince and anyone else she can think of. The positive side is she has to clean her room before she can go to the ball.
I am TOTALLY familiar with this!! Have you ever stopped to think about how limited kids are in the choices they get to make or the things they get to do when they want to do them? It's empowering to be able to play out scenarios where you get to control the situation. I would grab the opportunity you have with your daughter and explore that play with her. Maybe she's trying to work out a problem she's having through play with you (a safe person). Check out the book Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen
Hi. My five year old son is just like that. He always wants me to play super heros with him and I am the sidekick or the bad guy but I never have any powers and always have to say what he tells me to say. I really think it is just the age and them being in control of something. Don't worry. It will pass and there is nothing wrong with her wanting you to be the bad guy. It can be frustrating but a part of who they are! Have a great day!
Very normal.
Playing "pretend" is one of the rare occasion when she is in control.
As for my and my boy, I'm the dragon/shark/snake and he is the knight/prince and dad is usually the horse! He is only 2 1/2 years old, but I expect to be the bad witch and any other bad guys for the 4-5 years to come!
What an opportunity you have to show her how to deal with others. I would play along the way she wants to for awhile, but when you get tired of being the bad guy and playing things her way be a good roll model and show her how she should handle this situation if it arrizes with friends. explain to her how you feel ( that you are tired of always being the bad guy or you would like to share some of your ideas in the playing because when you play her way all the time you get bored and don't want to play anymore.) If she continues to insist on playing her way politely excuse yourself and tell her you are tired of playing for the day.
You daughter sounds like a natural born leader and will most likely attract follower type friends and may even go on to become a famous director someday. But she does need to know how to get out of situations she is not comfortable with, some of which may be dangerous as she gets older. Now is a good time to model how to politely negotiate/ stand up for yourself.
hahah, no i am not the bad guy when i play with my five year olds. i am, however, the witch with a wart on her nose. hahaha. i am not allowed to use my normal voice, i have to use a 'mean' voice. so, yes i have run into this. do i like it? nah. i could do without. but, i figure that's what we have in all fairy tales, there's the princess or the girl in distress, there's the wicked woman, and there's the prince. so i get the witch. yay for me :)
That all sounds painfully normal. Kids are incredibly egocentric, so everything is about what they want to do, how they want to play, etc. And is it any surprise she doesn't want to be the bad guy? Neither do you! And with a child's fragile distinction between reality and fantasy it may be uncomfortable to try to be that bad guy without really feeling like she is that bad guy!
I don't think you should have to worry about that. Most kids just like to have someone else to follow their script. And of course, who wants to play the bad guy, and who DOESN'T want to play the hero!
I think it's hilarious. Have fun and play along with it. Not harmful at all.
