My 3 Year Old Son Loves to Dress like a princess.......what Should I Do?

I wouldn't worry about it. All the kids at my daughter's day care, boys and girls, like to play dress up in the poufy dresses, it's just fun, it doesn't mean anything to them more than just fun and being silly.

Just go with it, and don't make a huge issue of it. This could just be a phase he will grow out of, or maybe it is who he is. No matter what, support him.
My friend's son David was Cinderella for Halloween, and his dad actually made him a wooden carriage. He loves to dress as the Disney princesses, and his parents accept him tne way he is so as not to destroy his self esteem.

My grandson was in daycare with almost all girls and he did exactly the same thing when he was about 2 1/2. He often took my daughter's things and put them over his head and told me he was a princess. He is 5 now and is all boy. I think you will find when he is a little older and around more boys his own age he will outgrow it. My advice would be to not make a big deal out of it and know he will change. Considering some of the rough and tumble things my grandsons do, you might miss the princess phase.

My son went through this too at about that age. He is now almost 9. It will pass eventually. My husband had a little trouble with it, but I suggest just going with the flow.

Princess clothes are so sparkly and fun (and heavily marketed) - no wonder boys want to participate! My son moved on to knights and wizards in terms of fantasy play. Now it's all Star Wars and Transformers and police officers. Enjoy your son's sweet innocence while you can.

I don't think you have anything to worry about. My son (also 3) likes to say he's a "princess" or a "girl super hero" (he loves 'Word Girl' on PBS). And he loves to put on my more "girly" shoes and walk around in them. He also LOVES his cars and dinosaurs and says he's Winney the Pooh -- it evens out.

Kids this age have GREAT imaginations, and lots of things tickle their fancy. Don't make a big deal about it and enjoy how creative he is. Take it as a complement that he wants to be more like mom. There's plenty of time for him to take up football (or whatever) with dad later.

The real truth is, is that your son doesn't have gender identity. They don't really grasp the concept of "boys" and "girls." He doesn't know that he is a "boy." Children are just creative, natural, healthy creatures. It's the adult world that changes that.

It's funny that you brought this up. My son whose almost 4 dressed up in his sister's princess dresses for about a year (on and off). I always let him and took pictures, etc. Now he just won't put them on. I bought my children a prince costume, a dinosaur costume and a fireman costume to add to the princess costumes. He now generally goes for the prince and my daughter and all her friends are the princess's.

What I would do is get him a bunch of different costumes (including one tutu) and see what happens. I know you are probably better off with this situation than your husband, but trust me...this does not reflect what type of man your son will become!!!

All the best,
E.

Hey K.,

Hi, My name is V. and I have a 17 year old son!!

Society has put alot of pressure on us through the years and has made "things like dressing like a princess" abnormal for boys, like showing emotions is something they aren't suppose to show either but should!! Maybe we would have better "men" these days!! Let him be who is suppose to be, trying to change him into something you think he should be or society has say's he should be will only make him more attracted or drawn to the issue at hand!! He knows the difference and say's so, that's all that matters!! Yes, it's odd but expressing himself and you letting do so, is the important thing here!! Good Luck

V.

Don't worry about it, it's totally normal. Your mom and you have nothing to do with it.

Take a ton of photos. I have pictures of my very athletic son wearing a tutu and intend to use it as blackmail at the right time!

You are doing a great job honoring who your son is and how he wants to express himself. You don't need to tell him about girl and boy identities as he clearly knows who he is and what he wants to do. Also, girl and boy identities are not something that can be taught...you can only teach him stereotypes which are limited and limiting. Don't box him in with boys are this, girls are that. Enjoy how cute it is because before you know it, he will be over it.
A

Well as I am sure you are aware, when something changes in a childs life, such as a parent leaving, it can cause some stress. The princess dress up happened with a friend of my son after a stressful time. She just did not continue to give it attention she allowed the dress up with no comment and after a year it passed. Support your son try not to have gender conversations as it really is not going to change the dress up but will only make him feel bad. Try to get those male role models involved a few times a week and do not have them discuss the dress up, he will get over it.

HI K.,
Don't even worry. I think every boy goes through tutus and dress up. It's normal. I was a nanny and I had one child that was three and he was very creative and liked to wear costumes everywhere. I was a bit taken aback, but his mother just went with it. I thought for sure he was gay, but he's not! So, don't worry. It is out of your control. The only real sign they have linked with being gay is when boys are exhibiting extreme effeminate qualities, (like effeminate gay men). Intuitively you will know. Being gay is as inborn as being straight and your parenting style or lack of a father have no effect on biology. Stop beating yourself up and just enjoy your son. I bet he will tire of the Princess thing in no time. If anything he might be using it to get your attention! Maybe try a little reverse psychology and really get into the whole thing. He might have been feeling that it concerns you.
Don't worry. Just be grateful that he is healthy and happy. There are so many parents that just want their child to survive the next surgery or year. right?
Your son is great!

My sons have done the same thing. They grab there sisters dresses and dance around with her. My husband was considered initially too. My 3 yr old stopped when we pulled his Halloween costumes out and let him play dress up with those. I really think it is a stage of exploration they go through. All my kids still dance around together, it's good exercise, now we just have it as a princess, cowboy, and space ranger!

I have to tell you this story....I have a friend who has a son who loved playing princess. I think he was around 3 when it really got serious! I moved away from them for 10 years. When I came back I was not surprised that this boy was now wearing skinny jeans and acting very feminine. I knew he was gay. I did not bring it up to his mother, who would! lol. Anyway, when he turned 14 he "came out of the closet". His mom was all freaked out about it, I couldnt see how she had missed it. I know he was born this way and it was not a decision. Hes a real neat kid. Well liked by kids of both sexes.
So, ya never know! Either way, being gay is socially accepted more these days.
I would not squash his activities though. Like everyone said it is normal.
;)

Lets start I am the baby of 12 kids I have 27 neices and nephews ranginging from 18 to newborn plus 3 children of my own. That being said.

Creativity is different in everychild and is different at everystage of growing up. Gender identification is and adult concept at that age children know they are a boy or a girl period. Playing with dolls or dresses doesnt make your son wierd or gay or anything else. I loved hotwheels and army growing up and let me check, yup still straight Its just an expression of creativity. The issue isn't his, it is yours.

Set resonable boundries about dress up and don't make a big deal outta it and it will pass alot sooner the more you make it an issue then it becomes a way to get aqttention. Enjoy his creativity take lots pics, they make good blackmail for later

Do nothing please! Relax and enjoy your little boy. I am a Mom to 3 boys AND also have a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and can assure you that you have nothing to worry about, not a thing...all of what he is doing is perfectly normal. Ali :)

Let him, its natural and normal!

Esp since you are the one who's home all day with him he wants to be like you. When hes like 5 and still doing it talk to him and explain why girls wear the dresses and fancy stuff and take him and show him a tux store of men dresses up nice.

And if you tell him its bad you are labeling him to be a homophobic not joking either. We teach them young to think anything girlie is automatically bad there for they call people flamboyant or gay. Do you want your kid to be the guy who is like it? I don't think so. Look it up online if you don't believe me.

Also all of my friends sons who are VERY boyish and who painted their nails wore dresses & heels! All normal kids. One even has had since age 1 a Tinkerbell blanket, he is just fine.

Dont over think parenting. Just let him be a kid, he only gets to once.

I wouldn't worry about it. My son's favorite color was pink when he was three, and now at six, he says, "Pink is for girls". He plays princesses when his sisters dress up, but he's always the prince. He probably likes to dress up because he doesn't have those things at home. Maybe you could start a dress up box at home for him. You can find lots of great dress up stuff at the Dollar Tree and the Dollar Spot at Target.
I'm sure it's just a phase. If not, look on the bright side, maybe he'll be the next Ralph Lauren! :)

My son does similar things and he is the same age. He like to put on his little sister dresses as skirts and dance around doing hula. I dance hula so it isn't a big deal for me. But he also like to wear jewelry and often says that he wants to be a girl like Mommy and sister. Then the next second he is jumping off the couch like a monkey and driving his cars all over the place.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. It's just a phase.

But it does get a little weird when he wants to wear this stuff outside when we go to public places. So we try to leave those things at home and it doesn't bother him at all.

K.,

Enjoy that he is creative. I had twin boy that would dress up with family and friends. We would all enjoy it, complete with high heels and wigs that I picked up at garage sales. (spray any hat or wigs and bag for a week before you do this) We even took pictures. I think that it probably lasted a year or so. My boys and my friends boy are 17 and 22 and are very much regular guys. I think that time gave them an avenue to get out any questions they might have had about doing this.

Evelyn

laugh ....
hi there !!
my son will be 18 this summer ...
o.k.
we have photos where he dressed with a funny wig and miming a girl ...
trying to walk in my highheels ....
no worries !
I'd suggest to introduce your little one to a children karate -class where he can bruce lee and kick and what not -
then I'd get some good oldschool ninjaturtle-stuff ...
" Richie Rich " was a good one , The Mask,
" home alone "...boy-movies ....
shifting that disneyfrequency out the windowowowowow 4 some winds of change !
Boys are boys even in princess -dresses...
Much Love & Laughter to you,
peace ,
N.

K.,
My Nephew and niece went through similar phases at this age.

My nephew would regularly dress up like a "tooth fairy" and deliver "teeth" to everyone in the house. He would make ellaborate costumes from scarfs, wings, pointed wizard hats etc. He also would start stories "When I was a little girl..." He was three! My sister and I thought it had more to do with the textures and fabrics and dancing and music that princess get in movies and stories than his desire to be a girl. In comparison, the princes don't get any of the fun stuff. If you are worried about it, maybe show him examples of other things he could dress up as that are as fun as a princess costume (peacocks, or Chinese dragons). There is a great book called "Children's Year" that is full of project and games for kids. It's a little Waldorfy, but worth checking out at the library.
My nephew, now ten, is very creative. He loves playing the drums and guitar and soccer. He is also a very sensitive playmate to his younger sister and can appreciate the "pretty" things like flowers and her make believe play.

My niece at that age insisted she was a puppy, only barked, played "fetch" and would start stories "When I was in outer space..."

I think your boy will be just fine. You are right to allow and encourage his make believe play. Who knows! In another month or two he could be pretending to be a goldfish!

Good luck and enjoy your creative son!

about me: 27 and expecting my first in 3 weeks. Used to live with my sister, her husband and their 2 beautiful children (now ages 10 and 6 1/2)

I have a 3 yr. old son who has a baby doll. It's one of the water-babies dolls, where you fill it up w/water, and it's kind of weirdly heavy. My husband and I both agreed, that he should be free to play with toys he really enjoys. How manly is a 3 yr. old boy expected to be?? Also, the Disney company has over-saturated the world with their dolls, costumes, and DVD's. My son also loves butterflies, & has a Barbie fairie doll set. Again, he is 3, and toddlers like things that are pretty, and sparkly, and full of color. I would like to say, children should be free to like the toys, and things they like, it has no bearing on their future "manliness".

Maybe you can try switching the focus, since the fun is in the "dressing up". When I taught preschool, there was a boy in my class who absolutely loved Batman. If there is a Batman cartoon appropriate for 3 year olds, maybe you could introduce him to it and get him a Batman costume or cape. Just introduce it without mentioning "princess" stuff so he doesn't think about it being replaced. You could also take him to a store to choose his own dress up clothes (from the boy section). Good Luck!
T.

Hi,K.
I think that your son i just going through a stage whwre he he is trying to figure out whether he is going to fit in the family better as a boy or a girl.
R.

My three year old likes to put on my older girls jewlery, and play with their polly pockets, but he is also so boy that i just don't worry about it. He also plays with his cars and trucks and builds blocks and destroys them. Kids need to explore things, and if he has a lot of female influence then that is what he knows. Maybe you need to get on the floor and play cars and build blocks or whatever. just keep reminding him that the difference between girl things and boy things.
Just think when he gets older he will be more in touch with the female side of things and make a wonderful husband one day. :O) His wife will thank you. :O)

Hi K.,
I would like to encourage you. I wouldn't worry about your son's creativity with dressing up. My son will be 2 in two weeks, and i have a three year old daughter. They love to play with each other. My son watches his sister, and me (of course) get dressed in heels and dresses, etc. so he tries to mimic what we do. i was a bit concerned as well, when i saw my son constantly playing with purses, and babies and want to put on heels, but he's exploring. i've heard it is very natural for boys to behave this way. As you may know, boys are much more affectionate and klingy to mommy, while girls are more affectionate and klingy to daddy. with that in mind, your son is looking at you and wanting to be like his mommy. it's a stage and he'll grow out of it. so don't worry! You're doing a great job and being a great example to your son. Right now he's interested in the glitzy part of the "dressing up". girls dress up stuff is much more sparkly and eye catching than some boy things..so don't worry. you'll cherish these days when your son starts bringing in bugs and yucky things he finds :D Have a great day!

Don't worry about it. He will eventually grow out of it.He's just 3. Don't make a big deal of it and maybe get a few more costumes prince, DRs., knights, animals,peter pan...it's the magic of it all and at that age it's really fun to pretend and figure things out. My son is now 7 and has pretty much grown out of that stage just recently. Nothing wrong w/ it.

I am sure it is totaaly normal and nothing to worry about. However, you might want to get him some kind of prince outfit and let him know that dresses are for girls and tell him how valiant and handsome he is in his prince outfit (:

Please don't worry about it, my brother went through the same thing when he was about that age and even younger. He used to like to dress in my mother's nightgowns and panty hose and we thought it was weird when we were growing up but we found that he liked the silkiness of the fabrics against his skin. Anyways, my point is he eventually outgrew this phase and more than likely, so will your son. I'm sure you love your son unconditionally and what harm is there really in allowing him the freedom to use his imagination to play. He's surely not hurting anyone and all too often, I think we as parents try to fit our children into the stereotypes that society dictates as right and wrong and truth be told, there is absolutely nothing wrong with allowing our children the freedom to pretend play. We should let them pretend to be whatever they want whether that be an animal, a tree, or even a princess. Before you know it, they grow up and pretend play goes away so just love him and let him play. Good luck!

In my opinion this is not an issue to be concerned about at all! He is playing pretend - and who better to pretend to be than the person he spends the most time with? Even if his father was in his life, it is likely he would still be spending the bulk of his day with you. Plenty of young boys much older than your son will pretend to nurse their baby dolls, be pregnant, cook dinner - all the things they see their most immediate role model doing. They are not truly differentiating between man and woman - and certainly not doing it in such an adult way as you are worrying about. Trust me, his willingness to not worry about what other people think is a blessing that will fade all too fast! Treasure the moment and the influence you have on his life.
For what it's worth, my husband used to dress up with his sister all the time at even older ages (8 or so?) and he is totally straight! (Though people still question it sometimes. I am so thankful to have such a considerate man in my life!)
Another thought - what about getting him a kilt? I have considered it for my son, since he enjoys skirts, but I don't want to go out and buy a bunch of dresses in case I never have a girl. . .
Regarding the male influence, I'm no expert, but if he is starting school or taking extra classes, etc. perhaps you could try to find male teachers/care givers? My son has a GREAT time when his grandfather watches him for a few hours, and with his male swim instructor. Just a thought. . .
Good luck, and trust your instincts! He's just being a kid. ;)

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Two of my boys did the same thing because of sisters and friends. They end up liking boy stuff too.

Hi K.

I have a friend whose son went through exactly the same phase. for him it was about fairies and he wanted wands and fairy dresses etc. As a child he's extremely creative, expressive and gregarious. The fairies were just another dimension to him. She allowed him to follow his creativity with it. Made sure he was exposed to all kinds of influences, male, female etc. He had both boys and girls as friends. And finally when he got to kindergarten the fairies had started to fly away and lose prominence in his life as he began to make different friends and be influenced by a whole raft of other things.

There's a philosophy that comes from physics that the harder you push something, it will come back to you with more force. So if you get intense about him being one way, then he will give more energy to the opposite behavior.

So the long and the short of it is, let him express, don't stifle him (very important), take some videos and show them at his 21st!

Good luck and enjoy this phase.

I think this is probably a phase. My lil bro always wanted to play barbies with me and since I didn't want him to he would steal my barbies and play with them himself. I have known other lil boys who want to dress up as princesses or play the mommy when playing house. I think it has to do with being close to mom and plus the princess clothes are more fun. All of the stories focus more on princesses so that may be what he is focusing on. Maybe try finding books and videos where a boy is the main character and getting the dress up clothes for that. I think he is just exploring the world around him. Just continue to not make a big deal out of it and he will move on to something else.

He is only 3-I wouldn't worry about it. None of my 3 kids was ever into dress up. But, I have boys, and the only dress up stuff I had was boyish-so maybe w/ a tutu they would have. But, my oldest still has purple as his favorite color, around 7 he figured out that was a little girly, so he'd chose something else. And he still digs sparkly stuff. I think 1st grade is when they REALLY figure out what is for boys and what is for girls. Unless you tell them otherwise. I never did. But, I also dont think liking a color means you are gay. And, i also think if my kids going to be gay I am going to love him no matter what. He is playing w/ a kid that dresses up too-so, what else are they supposed to do?

HMMMMMMMMMMMMM.....MAYBE I SHOULD STOP BUYING CARS FOR MY 3 YEAR OLD GRANDAUGHTER. i had two sons so never had girl clothes but my husbands gay cousin said about my oldest son (now 30) when he was a little boy that he had a gay wiggle in his walk & was sure he was gay! he is straight & married & was very much a boy. i was worried my younger son was gay, had a feminie side...wrong again! married & has a baby & loves the girls!

I have a 2 year old son who loved to wear my daughter's princess dresses and my high heels for months. My husband was hoping that this stage would pass quickly. And it did. Not too quickly but it did. Now he is into soccer.
You are everything to him, he looks up to you. It is normal that he wants to do things that you do. You are a girly girl. He sees you in your pretty dresses, so of course he would like to wear beautiful, sparkly ones too. Do not worry about it. This stage will pass.

I think your son is fine. I have guy friends who sisters would put them in dresses all of the time and they would play with their Barbies. They are all fine. Just let him express himself.

You're a single mom so he is going to identify more with being the pretty princess but that doesn't mean he won't be masculine as he ages. There is nothing wrong with what he is doing. He understands the difference between a male and female but young children tend to try to find a "figure" to identify with that is usually based on their surroundings. If there aren't a lot of men around he is going to play girly but that doesn't mean he won't be manly...honestly it's not a bad thing for a boy to learn to understand or identify with women.

I had a student that liked to do this and we found out that it stemmed from the lack of father in his life. He started feeling bad about himself and rejected kids place blame on themselves much of the time when a parent leaves the home. Get him some counseling, also...enroll him in some kind of positive activity with good male role models...maybe Karate, Kickboxing, or other...good luck

Hi, K.,

My good friend also has a young son who would want to dress is dresses, pink cowboy boots, all the Disney princess outfits, and now he's six and he is the SHARPEST DRESSER in school, i.e. hats, suspenders, and is the MOST adorable little boy. I just don't have good advice, but I wanted to let you know that my friend's little boy is who he is and you love him no matter what. He seems to be all boy, if that can really be identified at six. That doesn't mean you have to let him wear all his outfits any time he wants. There's appropriate dress for everything. My friend put the brakes on his wanting to wear his outfits out of the house. He has older brothers and they would tend to get embarrassed. Good luck. You sound like a great mom.

I have to disagree with the idea that his attraction to princess dresses has something to do with the fact that his dad is out of the picture. Nonsense. My son (now 8) went through this at the same age. I will never forget walking into the Disney store and seeing the Halloween princess dresses on the and his reaction - he gasped with joy. LOL. He thought the glitter was cool.

My husband was not thrilled with it, but I told him to lighten up. I told him this was a phase that would pass. (I took lots of pictures!) We didn't have any dresses either, so I went to a store and bought a Green Holiday dress (he loved to twirl in it) and a blue Cinderella dress. He also used to wear dresses in the preschool (and thankfully my play-based, developmental preschool had no issues with it. It's hardly a "red flag" or anything.)

My only rule with him was that he could NOT go outside to the park across the street wearing it (I didn't want his peers/neighbors remembering this and teasing him for years about it).

One of his friends was hosting a princess party and he went dressed up as a princess (just like the other little girls).

I never tried to explain the difference between a prince and a princess. I just didn't talk about it. As I predicted, it was a phase that lasted a few months then he totally lost interest. He loved SWORDS for a long time and Knights.

You have no worries. I'm not very girly-girly... he could be attracted to it because he is a visual learner (I'm a visual learner and love to look at things). He might also be a kinesthetic learner, needing to touch things (and those fabrics sure are diverse) and that sends information to the brain. If he likes to swing in dresses (the way my son loved the way the dress swayed back and forth) he might enjoy more swing time in a tire swing at a park (also good for brain development).

Stop asking him if he is a prince. Let him be. It will pass. My son is SO normal! Very athletic, physical, and outgoing. He can't believe he used to wear a dress, but yeah, when you are 3, your brain is in a magical, pretend place. Let it be.

Hi K.,
I have worked with young children for about 20 years. I would just like to say that you must be a great mom, because your son wants to be like you. Is it not strange that he started actiing like a princess right after dad left? I would suggest you continue to talk to him about this and not stress over it too much, now if he is 5 and still dressing like a princess, then you may need to re-think some things. Does he go to preschool? All the girls at preschool talk about princesses, the boys don't talk to much about being a prince. (a firefighter mabey.
Good luck and don't stress.
C.

K.,
I really good book to get is Dr James Dobson's Bringing Up Boys. Like all child books you take what you'd like to use from it and leave the rest but it covers things like when boys realize the difference between boys and girls and when boys start relating to men instead of women. Also covers the single mom and the roll of grandparents in our boys lives. I am now pregnant with my third boy and my oldest who is your son's age played with my moms scarves for a little while but we put an end to it because he would wrap them around his neck and it was starting to freak me out that he may nearly strangle himself. I guess when you begin to strongly feel he needs to be a prince try to bring his grandfathers around more and maybe demonstrate how girls are princesses and boys are princes. I hope this helps. Good luck!
*M.*
*M.*

He's only three, let him be. He will figure out as he gets a little older where he should be, don't make this a weird thing for him or you.

Your son is totally normal. Let him dress up and have fun...whether it be a prince or a princess. Honestly, it sounds like you're worried he'll be gay if keeps dressing like a princess. First, I don't think it means anything like that and second, if he is, you should love him just the same.

-M

Hi K., ok, I am certainly by NO means a child psychologist so take what sounds good from this and form your own thoughts..I am however a mom of two boys, 3 1/2 and 2 and SICILIAN...need I say more...alright, without knowing what the circumstances were of the separation and the father no longer in the picture my mommy gut tells me that a part of this may be simply (not so simply) insecurity on your little guys part. He started this 4 months ago and it has been 4 months since his dad was around. I know you said he has male role models BUT I think he is trying to form a SECURE CONCRETE BOND with a parent, namely you, hence he is going to try to have common ground and you mentioned you are a girly girl. Although wonderful I am sure the men in his life, goo bad or in between are not his father and he is probably feeling a form of separation anxiety. When my older son now 3 1/2 turned about 3 he became out of the blue a total daddy's boy, anything his dad did he copied, including not limited to putting food on his face to shape it like a goatee (I may have spelled that wrong) he also at this point focused on what I was doing, this is where it may get more interesting to you, when applying my mascara and or any face product he started to ask if he could do it as well. I told him he was already so handsome he did not need it and that he was a boy and boys typically don't wear make-up. I also asked him if he new what I was doing and he said "you are cleaning your face" ..clearly he had NO clue what I was doing...I am sure I will get thrashed for the firm line of boy vs. girl activities but as I already stated, Sicilian. Now, both of my boys are incredibly sweet, gentle boys by nature and I nurture that in them. They have a baby doll each and both love to cook in the kitchen with me. I have never had the issue of them wanting to be the girl but honestly I have never had my sons watch princess movies, they have no interest probably because they were not exposed to them...since all kids like to be the hero or star of the cartoon/movie the movies should probably be things he can relate to like Peter Pan (get him a little outfit with a sword-again I know I will be slammed by somebody reading this-better they learn responsibly at home then outside the home) and let him RESCUE Wendie (the girl in the movie)you can play Wendie or even if he wants to be Wendie you can be Tinkerbell or Peter Pan, I think seeing the movie is a good one as is Jungle Book. Get him playing with some boys his age and a bit older so he can have that kind of mentor relationship. You can't control whatever happened with his dad, so now it is time to get into his head, set up the house and his environment with the interests of a 3 year old boy...I really hope that helps...but in reality I think you have nothing to worry about, maybe he will be an Architect like my husband who STILL has his cabbage patch doll that he made a flower for and sewed to the doll(Michael's)..Another note in Italy and Sicily, most of Europe boys (siblings, cousins close friends) often share bedrooms and father's kiss there sons on the mouth, it is affection...it takes a real man to love out loud! ciao-F.

I do believe that the timing of your son acting this way and his father being out of the picture is no coincidence. Perhaps your son relates "happily ever after" in the cartoons to what he desires in reality. It's a tough call w/a three year old. Either way, just support his creativity. What's the worst that could happen, even if your son does want to play dress up??

Dear K.,
I was almost exactly the same age as you when my 2-3 year old
son had some of the same type tendencies.
I lived with my mom at the time. She one day brought him home a big baby doll-cuddly with a big head. At first I didn't think it was such a good idea...But my son loved his baby!
He grew out of it in short order--all by himself.
He is now a handsome young (26) man with a girlfriend.
I wouldn't worry too much.
C. S.

You should just let him be creative while he can. My son is three and has a play kitchen, but that doesn't make him a girl. Children learn gender roles at a later age. You should let this go and worry about something else. Just enjoy him as much as you can because he won't be this age forever. Seriously, stop worrying.

A 3 year old doesn't have the "gender identities" that we as adults do. I think that's the amazing thing about kids. They don't care about what they're supposed to do. It's just our society's adult thinking that a man can't wear a dress. I admit, it would be weird to see a grown man walking around in a princess dress, but if you really think about it, who cares? It doesn't mean anything, especially at the age of 3. Have fun and play with your son.

You know honestly my 3 year old son is in LOVE with the princesses, he has a 5 year old sister and they play dress up, i think he just going through a phase. i wouldnt worry as everyone i talk to says its normal. we dont react one way or another. my husband had a tougher time because he is a burley biker but he has found that his "boy" is very much a boy, and if our son plays dress up then its okay. i wouldnt worry at all. on a funny note my son says he is going to marry ariel, sure hope she likes all the bugs he collects. lol

Not to worry - it is normal. At this age, boys identify with their main caregiver - usually a female. When my middle child was this age, he had a baby doll and he would lift up his shirt to "nurse" the doll because he saw me nurse his baby brother. He said that when he grew up he wanted to be a mommy! Well, he didn't grow up to be a mommy, he grew up to be a strong, brave United States Marine! While it is not necessary to encourage your son to play "princess," you don't need to discourage him either. In a year or two, he will be have a better understanding of gender, and you will see him playing policeman, ect. (In one year, my son went from playing "mommy," to constantly playing fireman and army man.)

Hi, K..

I don't know if I have any advice, however, I made the observation that his behavior started when his father was no longer prevalent in his life.

I'm sure this is normal as many of the moms have already stated, but if you're uncertain at all how to deal with this, maybe it would be a good thing to get him to talk to an outside source like a therapist.

It may also help you better understand what he's going through. I am by no means saying there's anything wrong with his behavior, but maybe the absence of his dad has effected his own identity.

I think any additional help will mae things easier for you.

I hope you find a solution that works best for you.

Good luck!

E.

He is 3 years old, let him be who he wants to be right now. He will grow out of it in the next year or two. My son and my neighbors son both did this and then about half way through kindergarten they both decided that they didn't wanat to play with girl things and turned into a typical boy. So don't worry it's normal and just enjoy him. Take lots of pictures and video to use for blackmail later. LOL

N.

My daughter went through a period of time when she was your son's age, where she was 'the prince'. We would role play - she was prince Phillip and I had to be Cinderella. So my point is, for your son, I wouldn't worry about a thing, embrace this cute, fun phase and take lots of pictures ;o)

when my daughter was about the same age she started playing with "boy" stuff and even changing her clothes to look like a boy. (she didn't have much hair still and looks like daddy) everyone thought she was a boy, she hated dolls and would play games that ken kidnapped barbie and kelly and would poison him with all the food out of her barbie fridge (eggs milk soda ice cream pizza) that was poison for her. (that spooked me) I even had one friend tell me so much as my daughter was going to be gay. (HA)
Remember a couple of things, this is your child! don't freak out on a couple of things, they are who they will be and you should love them no matter what. Your great to let him play.
My little tomboy is a well balanced child, and plays with both girls and boys to this day. (roll playing is not always about sexual orientation it about being comfortable enough (by you) to express himself.
If you are really worried ask you pediatrician, but they grow so fast he probably will go on to the next joy in his life soon.

Hi K.! I see that you've gotten so much good advice but I wanted to chime in, too. My almost 6 year old hasn't ever put on dresses, but he has a baby doll that he used to play & sleep with often. He has always loved babies & watching him play, change & even "nurse" his baby has been so sweet. When I was pregnant with baby #2, we talked alot about what it meant to be a big brother & after finding out it was another boy.. he called his baby doll Joshua too. And from what I've read.. boys playing with "typically" girls items is healthy & nothing to be worried about. Many girls play with trucks, trains, etc..and it seems to be more socially "accepted". It should be for both sides..I also noticed you said his father has been out of his life for 4 months..the same amount of time that this behavior has been going on. I wish you & your little one all the best..

Dear K.,
I believe everything is just fine...whether he changes ANYTHING later or not!
I would suggest that you show him as many different outfits AND costumes as you can. A bright, colorful sarong ( South-East Asian wrap-around worn by men or women) might be the perfect summer outfit. Maybe he sees YOU as a princess! Maybe he is fond of "traditional" woman's colors.
Either way, discouragement from the princess attire could
have the effect of making it more attrative to him...
even though I strongly feel it isn't a problem.

My son did the exact same thing at that age. I am a single mom and I am also very girly. Him dressing as a princess is no indication of anything other than his appreciation for beauty and beautiful things. He likes what you like and at that age there is no socially constructed norms by which a child lives by...these things are learned. Gender ideologies and norms are not inherent in biology or genetics, rather they are social constructs that our society dictates to establish differences between a man and a woman. This is why these norms range across cultures and are never the same across the board.

You have nothing to worry about and love it while you can because by the time he is in school he will become the complete opposite and you will more so have to worry about keeping a balance between what society says your son should be and what you want him to be.

I have pictures of my son at that age in a fluffy white princess dress and he can't believe that he was playing dress up in such a girly dress. I walked into his preschool one day and there he was as happy as can be twirling around in this cute little white dress...I fell to the floor laughing. It was so precious. He is definately a roudy boy who obviously likes girls but by telling him that it was okay yet letting him know the reality of how boys and girls are different and different points of view...he doesn't take on a male sexist point of view with regards to gender roles, instead tells me all the time- girls can do anything that boys can, and boys can do anything that girls can.

Don't worry about it. My nephew pushed around a pink stroller for 2 years while living in San Francisco before he finally gave it up (2yrs -4yrs old). If you don't make it a big deal, then he won't. If you feel weird about it, then just don't make it a big deal...or you can do what my sister-in-law did...go with it. Have fun with it. Our nephew outgrew it completely and now he's 5 yrs old, totally into building lego trucks and playing with trains. Typical boy...

Hi K.-

It is only a phase its only been 4 months and his Dad has been gone for 4 months. My Nephew went through the same thing and loved Barbi's dressing them and playing with them, he also had a fit when his mom didn't buy him a princess wand that made noise. He was almost 4 yrs old and the only boy at the time so I think getting to play with items that he normally didn't get to or even see such as Barbi's and princess goodies was fun and new. He is now 18 yrs old and perfectly fine my sister in law and brother never made a big issue out of it and it soon passed! Don't worry this will pass for him to he is exploring the world and it BIG!

Do not even worry about this. I have 2 boys age 5 and 3. When my older one was in daycare he was the only boy. He would play princess constantly. He was a princess, he wanted to be a princess - but eventually it went away. He is 5 now and in preschool. He has switched over to play the more typical boy roles and laughs at his little brother when he plays princess now. This is perfectly normal.

Well I too can think of a boy I know who used to love to wear dresses in pre-school. His parents were very permissive and just let him walk around town dressed like a girl. He was in pre-school at the time. My younger sisters are close friends with him and they are all grown-up, typical college kids now. They still laugh that they first met him on the softball field at age 4 and made friends by saying "hi, we like your dress". For him, I just think he liked the comfy free-flowing feeling of a dress. Sounds like your son loves the color and panache of the princess clothes.

This also reminds me of some frat guys I knew in college who loved ANY opportunity to dress in drag (you know the greeks, always having theme parties). And there are always those guys at Halloween that go all out with the costumes.

I think you are doing the right thing, don't stifle him (like you said). He's a toddler, he'll be all obsessed about something else before you know it. Sounds like a lovely, creative, imaginitive little fella!

I am at Pacific Oaks College and have studied some about gender identity in context of developmental stages. I think studies show that a boy can dress up in this way and not necessarily be feminine by nature. There is a good argument for letting girls and boys explore play of the stereotypical opposite gender behavior. I think some of this is healthy behavior.

I don't think you have anything to worry about. Many kids go through this. I used to put a dress on my little brother and call him Roberta, and he turned out fine. It's just a normal part of childhood and trying out different things.

I am sure it is just a stage, just try to avoid putting make up in front of him.

Hi K.,
Who wants to be the prince when the princess gets to dress up in sparkly things and wear shiny stuff on her head? I too have a three year old boy, and yes he loves sparkly things, what preschooler wouldn't? Personally, I thnk it has more to do with the soft, shiny things than it does the boy/girl thing. Up until Prince Phillip in Sleeping Beauty, the princes didn't have names, they were just "Prince Charming", how much fun is that to emulate?
Does he play with swords as well? I also have a 9 year old boy who doesn't dress like a princess, so my youngest balances out by playing swords, kung fu,army, etc.
Does he have any little boy playmates? If you're really worried, maybe set up a play date witha mom who has boys, that way he gets a balance.
I wouldn't worry too much though. Boys are forced to "man up" so early these days, he'll be fine.

why don't you try showing him other Disney movies like Finding Nemo, Cars, Madagascar, Carwash Etc. These movies don't contain princess characters and maybe your boy will change his Cinderella dress for a fish costume.

Do you have plenty of other types of dress up clothes available? I watched "Jon and Kate plus 8" last night on the tv. The dad mentioned that all of his kids love to dress up. Before the boys would dress like princesses ( while carrying around cars and trucks in their pockets). He laughed about it. But now that there's firemen/policeman clothes complete with equipment ( hats, hand cuffs, etc) the boys are thrilled to dress in that stuff. I personally wouldn't talk too much more about it with him- just let him explore. Maybe he's insisting that he's a "princess" because he gets a lot of attention for saying it. Granted the attention is a bit constrained, and he feels that...but it's also a "power" word. It reminds me of how kids will use potty words, or cuss words that they've overheard- because they know they're powerful words.

Myself- I have 3 kids (26,23,15) and have worked with kids for 30 years in the public school setting.

Just let him! He is only 3, and having fun. He will grow out of it.

Hi, K.!

I can relate to this one. My son at your son's age did the same thing, to the point where I was embarrassed. At age 4, he got invited to a Princess and Knights party for his girlfriend. My friend purchased all the kids' princess and knight costumes. My son refused to wear the knight costume. He insisted on the princess costume. To exacerbate the matter, he insisted on going through his girlfriend's toy chest and getting the princess slippers like Cinderella. So at this party, there were the boys as knights, the girls as princesses and my son as a queen with his high-heeled slippers on. The other adults thought this was funny and actually told me not to worry about it, that he'll grow out of it. They told me not to make a big deal about it. My son is now 5 going on 6, and he still loves Cinderella and loves pretty sparkley things -- as most children do -- but if given the choice today to be a knight or a princess, he'd chose a knight. So I would do exactly what you've been doing. You can confirm his opinion on how pretty princesses are and continue to remind him of the differences, but do continue to allow him to be creative knowing most likely it won't last. (0:

I hope this helps a little.
M.

Whatever you do, DON'T make a big deal about it. I saw a TV show where the parents decided that their son was gay because when he was 2 he wanted a pink sippy cup like his twin sister and he would unsnap his onesie to make a "dress". It was a crazy assumption and when he was older they let him live as a girl.....they probably ruined their son's life because of it. My five year old likes to play with his 3 year old sister's girly toys and she loves to play with her brother's masculine toys. My 10 year old son even says that his favorite color is pink and he is very masculine. There is nothing wrong with it. Don't worry about it.

When my daughter came along, my son was 2 1/2 years old. Once she started receiving dress up clothes, he always dressed up with her and the neighborhood girls, and they were princesses. They are now 7 1/2 and 5, and he will play dress up with her at times. He's exploring the world around him through play - and that's wonderful. You can suggest other play that boys do (such as catch, cowboys, etc.) but try to refrain from suggesting "boy" play, it's stereotyping. You can also schedule playdates with other boys if it will make you feel better. He's 3 years old, and that type of play is normal. Your son will figure out what he likes the more he interacts more with other kids around him.