Im Lost, with Emotion!

Please give this change some time! Your kids will play on your emotions on purpose! My daughter usually loved going to daycare, but I would see other kids cling and cry and their mothers would be upset. A MINUTE after the mother left, the kids were happily playing with friends. The daycare teachers told me they see this all the time!

Every decision we make has sacrifices. Staying home with your kids gives you satisfaction, so does your work. You say they are at daycare FOUR days a week, so you have found some balance already. Very soon the two oldest will be in school most of the day, five days a week, whether you are at work or not. You can be an effective, wonderful, loving parent and still have a career. What do you want for your children when they grow up? You are modeling, especially for your daughters, what is possible for them.

I work with unemployed people as a Career Counselor. Many, many women find themselves divorced/widowed/separated and unable to find work that can support them (much less be enjoyable) because of being out of the workplace for even a few years. They counted on their husbands to support them with no thought for the possibility that they would need to be self-sufficient.

I don't believe your last sentence that you are "loving life." If you were loving life you wouldn't be "dreading" and "missing" and your days would still be full of "fun and laughter." Maybe it is time to rethink your choice and go back to centering your life around your family until they get older. If you are so "lonely" that your dream job is not "worth it," then your dream job right now is probably being a Mother. Go for it! Your children will grow up and leave you some day. Enjoy them while they are young and need you. I still remember my children when they were babies and now I wish I could see more of them. But, I have never regretted being a stay at home mom when I was able to make that choice. And...I can look back and remember the fun and laughter...and still smile that I have those wonderful memories.

Sounds to me like you know exactly what you should do. You know where your heart is, even though you "love" your job. If it's hard to make the decision though do the list thing... two columns and right the pro's and con's of being a SAHM and then on another sheet do the pro's and con's of staying at work full time. See which one makes the most sense. Good luck though...

one last thought... your children are only children for a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things. Don't place them (and your happiness) on the back burner... you can always work when they are older.

Hi M.,
Everyone is different about being home with their kids. I was one that wanted to be home to raise my children. My oldest daughter was in daycare for almost 3 years before I became a SAHM. It ripped my heart out everytime I went to work to leave her. I can say it is the best decision I ever made to quit working. Once the kids were in school I was able to go back out into the world (I went back to school for nursing) but then we had another baby...unplanned but God sent :)
Anyway...I finally found a way to help financially from home after many years of looking so now I have the best of both worlds. I work from home and get to be a SAHM! Just another option for you to consider.
Good luck in your decision and most of all Pray about it!

Blessings,
L.

You need to decide what is more important to you, your career or your children. Children are supposed to be raised by their mothers, not babysitters. While I understand that not everyone can be home with their children, some women MUST work if you don't have to, don't. Your children are expressing a very real need they have, they need their mom. Your feelings are a God-given gift. Let your husband be the man and pursue a career, you be the woman and raise your children. You can always go back to work later in life when your children don't need your presence so much. These years are so precious and short, don't miss them.

I hear you loud and clear.Add on 2 hours of commuting and that is where I am..with my 3 year old at home with hubby. I feel like an outsider and only get 1-2 hours a night with my daughter. Its heartbreaking, lonely and frustrating because I can't quit my job. I make too much money and am the main breadwinner. I have decided that all I can do is continue my eduacation to get out of this position and do something that is more flexible so I can be with my child more.

This is never an easy thing to do. You just need to give it time for both your children and yourself. Make the best of the time that you do have and eventually you will start looking forward to the time off rather then dreading the time you are apart. Moms can do anything so i am sure you will be able to handle this. Good luck!

First of all, good for you for going for your goals. Its awesome that you are doing and trying all that you wished to do.
It sounds like you are a great mom and that our kids love you very much! Time is always a good help when it comes to things like this. But you also don't want to me miserable either. Not sure if your are religious at all but praying always helps me feel good about making deisions that affect my family. You are in a tough spot...Just ponder what is really important to YOU and you family. When you make the decision you feel good about...everything else will fall into place. Good luck girl and God Bless!

Hi M.! I know this is a tough time! IF you really are searching your heart (and wallet) and find that going back to being a SAHM is for you, then that is by all means what you should do!

However, if you really are excited about this new future and the job that is your dream, don't let anyone here make you feel guilty about choosing to have a life outside of being a mom. There is nothing wrong with being multi-faceted as long as you have good, solid care for your child(ren) - which it sounds like you do.

If this is the first week of the transition, just know that ANY child who was used to staying at home would react the same way. Even after 2 weeks off for the holiday my two year old fussed the first two or three days back to daycare - even thought she loves her provider. Think about it - if you had the option to stay home all day (without the work of being on mommy duty ;) ) or going to work, we'd all choose to hang out at home. But for a lot of us that is not an option - either financially, or mentally.

I wish you the best in making your decision but just know that it is YOURS to make, not another mom's, not society's, and not anyone on here (including me!) :) AND it does get easier! I promise. :D

If you are unhappy and think that your dream is not worth it right now, QUIT! You can always return again when the kids grow up. Once they are grown up, you can't return them to being little......

Children are truely a gift from God. Being a wife and mother is (in my opinion) the best job out there. There is nothing wrong with chosing to do that now and going out to work later! God made us to be keeper of the house and a joyful mother to children! ENJOY IT!

I did daycare for 5 years. Done when our first was 9 months old. It was so hard to have to take care of everyone elses needs before my own child. And I just wasn't enjoying it the way I did before I had my own child.... It has now been 4 years of being home. I have LOVED life being a stay at home mom! I get to enjoy my kids. I get to spend so much more time with them now.

Congrats on the 3 kids!

Wow! J.L's post could have been written by me. I experienced the same thing. All I can offer is two thoughts:
1. Give it time. It is a big adjustment for everyone: you, your kids, and your husband.
2. If you are truly unhappy, and are able to, look into other work options. I currently work PT (2 days/week, after my son gets on the bus and my hubby is home to get him off the bus) and it is absolutely the right fit for me. Follow your heart (with common sense of course) and make sure you have the right fit for YOU. Good luck!

Hi M.,

I am a happily married older mom. My oldest is 37 and my youngest is 17 and we have two in college. We also have six grandchildren.

M., your time with your children is so valuable, both to you and to them. What values do you want your children to
grow up with? You can choose who will be the one to influence them, the one to have the pleasure of seeing that first step, first drawing, first time of sharing willingly. Who will fix lunch, read stories, walk through the park, make snowballs, watch Arthur with your little ones?

For some moms they are just not happy staying home so seeing the second step and the second drawing are just fine and I cannot say there is anything wrong with that.

Form some moms they choose a caregiver they are happy with and they fell good about the values their children are taught from that person.

These are all perfectly acceptable situations.

It seems to me that the question you need to answer is "what makes me and my family happy?"

Money and career are so unimportant compared to your family.

If your family cannot survive happily without the extra income or if you are finding yourself unhappy without the career than you have no choice to make. A happy, healthy family is the goal - right? And if it takes you being away from your children during the day to achieve it then that is what you need to do. It may get easier to be away as time goes on.

But, truely, I am hearing you say that you are/were perfectly happy before and this new career move is sort of an extra thing. Maybe it will wait until your children are
off in school all day. You can never get these years back so, as long as it is in your power to choose, be sure you are getting what you really want.

Blessing to you and your wonderful family,
L.

im wondering if im going to feel the same way when i start working. my son was 3 at the end of november. i have been a stay-at-home work-at-home mom for all 3 of those years. no one has ever kept him for long periods, i dont even know where im going to take him. but when i do, im thinking im going to feel the same way.

make sure to set aside one day on the weekend or whatever where its just you and the kids. put aside any other responsibilities and just be with them. my day for that is saturday. we dont go shopping, we dont clean, we just simply focus on doing things together, whether its playing at home, or taking a walk or enjoying nature together, whatever. something relaxing that doesnt require a lot of planning, work or stress! it recharges me and really gets me back up for the week!

also, during the week, one hour a day after work is a lifesaver. ;)
also remember to take time for yourself alone! :)

good luck. if you want to message me more and talk please do, im facing this and it would be nice to have someone to talk to about it.

I agree that time is going to help make the transition much easier.

I've always been a working mom. I wish it had been harder on me when I left the kids with a sitter or at Day Care. Sometimes I don't know why I am not more emotional (other than knowing I'm making the best decisions for all of us).

Your kids will adjust very well. The best thing you can do is to make sure the time you do have with them is every bit as rewarding as the time you used to spend with them.

Having started a different job late last year, I no longer get to take them or pick them up from Day Care. There was no better feeling than seeing their faces light up when I was there to get them. Now, it happens when I get home from work, and we make sure to spend their waking hours with them.

You are not a bad mom for making this change. And, perhaps, fulfilling your career dreams will make you a more complete person which will make you a better Mom. You won't love your kids any less, you'll just have to get creative in how to let them know it as much.

Good luck!

I agree with Kristi H -- your kids are only little for a short time. And you sometimes think something is going to be a great idea only to get there and realize it's not. And that's perfectly okay. It happens to everyone and we shouldn't beat ourselves up over it.

I'm not sure if it's even a possibility, but you could possibly find out if you could work fewer days a week, or less hours. Maybe not reasonable with a new job, but it's a thought.

I have to second Dana W's response. I'm a working mom, and it is by choice. By the end of maternitiy leave I was ready to go back to work. I still love my daughter dearly and look forward to coming home to her every night, but I needed that outlet a job offered me. Sure, there are defintely moments where I feel guilty because someone else is with her all day, but she also loves seeing all her friends at school and getting the social interaction.

Most of my friends are SAHM and they couldn't see themselves doing anything else. So every person is different in what works for them.

I'd suggest giving it at least a month before making a final decision. Kids (and adults!) need time to adapt to new situations. We recently moved and it did take a week or two for our daughter to completely settle into her new routine at the new daycare.

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Being a younger mom with a husband with a similar background I remember not being taught by my parents, I was taught by so-and-so at daycare, my teachers, and whoever they could find to watch myself and my sister while they worked. Same with my husband an only child other taught him. And then to be told later in life how "we didn't teach you to be like this..." I remember them saying things like this...well they DIDN'T teach me others did. There is a lot to teach children at a young age and beyond. You need to weight whether or not you feel that you teaching you kids is worth being home with them. You seem to feel like you should be back home with them. Now I personally would never be able to work night while my hubby works days. I would get depressed badly. Yes the kids would be home the whole time with parents but I would be secluded from my husband and the world for the most part so I have chosen to stay home. Have been at home for 5 years and with another one due in May will be home for many more years to come. Yes, it is not easy living on one income especially right now. And with my husband just getting a job after being unemployed for 3 months. But that is live. Even during times with no income our family has held strong, I take pride in knowing that my children will be who they become because of my teachings not some person I hardly know. But that is just me. I am not saying that being a working parent is a bad thing. You can still have wonderful kids being a working mom. But this is just how I see it based on how I was raised. " I absolutely cringe everytime my mom praises herself now for how well she raised me...when really she didn't"!!