Advancing in Career vs Motherhood

I chose kids over career. I do not regret it in the least. (so funny that i just had a dream that I went back to my old job and couldn't get back into the swing of things- ruining everything i touched.) Even though i know I'll be so far behind when I go back, its worth it.

If you don't need the money stick with the current job. There are many ways to challenge and stimulate yourself, and they don't have to be done through your "career." Heck, go PT if you can afford it. Work isn't everything.

Only in America is your career considered your defining activity.

I quit my ho-hum job a couple of years ago to go back to school. Medical school. Then another full time poition opened up in September that would allow me to retire in 12 years (I'm 32).

After working my butt off in school and being miserable...my kids missing me the whole time...I realized something:

I can chase wild goose for the rest of my life...but my kids need me NOW.

So I took the full time, not 100% what I want to do job. I love it, I'm good at it, and I make good money...plus I get plenty of time with my kids. No, I'm not a doctor...I'm a medical case manager. I don't see patients...I see and evaluate their conditions and ensure that their treatment plans make sense. It's really the best of both worlds.

And someday...I might go to medical school. I'm 1 semester away from graduation.

So...whatever you choose to do...make sure your priorities are in order. You can chase wild goose for the rest of your life, but you CAN'T get your kids' childhoods back.

I vote to stick with your current job - unless you really need the extra money etc. My career has stalled to a degree and I could care less. If my husband was willing to stay home, it'd be a different situation I guess. I already make a lot more than him but he's not willing to be a SAHD. If your husband isn't either or you still wouldn't be making more or enough to support all of you, I'd give up a promotion. But before you do so, make sure it really would be a lot more stress, OT etc. Maybe there's a happy medium. A step up but not a big one so you still would have good hours, little or no travel etc. If they're opening up several professional spots, they may be able to tailor one to you to a degree and scale down the pay correspondingly but still more than you make now. If you're going to have another child, demands at home obviously will just step up.

Without knowing you it seems to me that you have your heart set on being with your child. Listen to your mommy heart!!!!! How would you feel if you did go full time? Are you going to resent your job, or husband?

I had a coworker in a similar situation a few years ago. She had to sit down and decide for her and her family.
BUT, I was privvy to a meeting (we were in different divisions) where we met with our "big boss" and he point blank asked her if she was interested and she was so eloquent with her response and it was "motherhood is my most important job right now and I want to be a great employee and a great mom and this position allows me to do both, but when the kids are older, I'd love to be considered for a promotion."
WOW! She planted the seed that she wanted to move forward, but that the right time was later.
Just something to consider if you choose to stay where you are:)
Best of luck on making your decision!

Wow rock and a hard place!

When I was much younger the GM of the hotel I worked at was going to offer me the executive admin position but he told me that I would need to be the job. I had just gotten married and I knew that I wanted to have kids. He told me that I would need to choose. I told him I choose to have a family and I didn't get the job. Luckily I moved on to better companies that understand that being a mom comes first for me.

Is there any way you can sit down with either the manager or someone that has worked in the department or maybe even someone in HR? Tell them how you like the field, you enjoy the idea of being challenged but your family comes first. Ask them to be honest and if that would be possible with this new position. This way you have all the facts as does the hiring manager/HR before moving forward. If you decided to take the position and you child is sick or you're out on maternity leave, they are not surprised.

As someone once told me, "everyone in a company is replaceable, even the top, but you are not replaceable to your kids". Good luck.

Follow your gut/heart on this one. Try not to make "what people will say/think" a factor in your decision.

I will tell you my experience. I was in a high-stress managerial job when my son was born. After a year, I decided it was just not worth it. I didn't like going to work anymore, and I had no desire to "climb" any higher. Like you I need to work to support our family. So, I sought out a worker-bee position at a different company. I make the same amount of money (first company was not very nice to its employees!), and I leave at 4 p.m. every day without taking any work home with me -- literally or mentally. I am doing something I like, but I don't have to manage anyone or go to high-level meetings, or be on committees, or all that junk. If I need to leave because my son is sick, or has an event at school, there is never any pushback from others. I am never in a position where I can't answer my cellphone. I get to do my job, go home, and enjoy my son. I know that I have capabilities to do more with my career, but I am choosing not to use them right now so I can focus on my family.

Good luck to you!

My wife chose her career. Not over motherhood. It made sense. We wanted one of us to be home with the girls. She got a great promotion that made it possible.

We are done having kids. Three girls is enough for me.

We both made good money. With the promotion she made better. I can still do IT work from home and bring in some money.

I can tell you my wife is very happy being the breadwinner. She didn't get to spend time home with the girls like I am right now. She had her maternity leave and went back to work. Some women are not cut out to be at home all the time. You need to talk to your husband and find out what he wants. This was a long conversation for us. She just didn't come home and say - quit your job I got promoted. You need to find out what your priorities are and then go from there.

I would go for it. If you don't - will this take you off the promotion/management track for the long term? Often times it does. It doesn't sound like a couple of days of travel every few years is a big deal. My sister takes a couple travel days a few times a year and she is a SAHM. Her kids are fine. Besides, once you child is in school - you will likely be bored in the position you are in. Of course that is just my take on this - you need to make the right decision for you.

I would seriously consider going for it. It doesn't sound like it woud really be that much more stress, just a different kind. Also, as you noted, people who run projects can often be more flexible, as long as the work gets done you can do it from home, off hours, etc. I run several long term projects, and I would greatly prefer that to being a support staff person, because it engages me, which makes work more fun, and i'm much more in charge of my own time. If it was a lot more overtime, or a LOT of travel I might give you different advice, but a couple of days a year is not or few years is not much. And to tell the truth, now that my daughter is three, I'm actually looking forward to an upcoming two night business trip. It is an excuse to actually have space for me without feeling guilty.

Just my two cents as a mom who has worked her way up the corporate ladder... when kids are young, (like under 7 or 8), they need you a lot less than they do when they're older. An infant can be cared for by anyone, really. As long as that person is loving, attentive, makes sure they are fed, changed, and take their naps, it really doesn't matter if you're doing the caregiving or someone else. (I know every SAHM in the world is howling right now, but this has been my experience.) So I don't think you need to worry so much about that, or feel guilty.

Surprisingly, once your kids get older, they need your attention more. My older daughter is now 9, and when she got to be about 7, she started telling me she didn't like daycare, she wanted ME to help her with her homework, she missed me while I was at work (and I worked A LOT, most weeks 60+ hours, plus travel). Around this age, kids also start getting involved in more activities, and are more serious about the activities they're in than they were when they were tiny. In the past year, our household has been a madhouse with me working crazy hours, the kids being in after-school activities (that required me to rush home from work, pick them up from daycare, rush off to dance classes or whatever, then come home, rush through dinner which was usually takeout, etc etc). Anyway, a few weeks ago I was laid off, which was a HUGE blessing. I had felt for a while like I was ready to be home with the kids for a while, and just couldn't justify taking the leap (financially) to do it. I'm SO GLAD to be home with them now! Our lives are calmer, the kids are even sleeping better at night (less nightmares, less craziness right before bedtime). Anyway - I think my job was creating a lot more havoc than I realized.

Bottom line, your kids are only young once. Even if you go all-out and work 60 hour weeks, you'll still make less than your male counterparts. You may as well do what you want to do, even if it means your career will be stuck in slow-motion for a while. Life is too short to spend it questioning your choices. As of this moment (granted, it's only been a few weeks), I'm thrilled to be able to stay home with the kids. Life is a happier place for sure. I'm dreading having to go back to work eventually! But if you feel like you don't want to pass the opportunity at work by, then go for it. Your child will be okay no matter what you do. It's really up to you, and what you can handle at this point in your life. Best of luck with your decision!

Write down all the pros and cons of each. Try your best to forget about what people will think. In many other countries professional women - doctors and lawyers and so forth, do not work until their kids are in school and nobody bats an eye. There is paid maternity leave for a year per child...
Think of what you want.
For me, I chose being a mom. I work part time from home. I enjoy but don't love, what I do. I make money but not a fortune. We need my income. I take my daughters to and from school and I only work when the baby is napping. Luckily he's a good napper, and I usually work about 15 hours per week.
Everyone is different. Think of what will make you happy not just today but in 5, 10, or 15 years. Think of all sides. Think of your family, and what your personal and familial goals are.

Good luck to you!!!

"There is no success that can compensate for a failure in the home."

When you are on your death bed, no boss is going to be there telling you how good a worker you were and how gratefull he is that you worked so many hours for your company. The person that sold you the boat or the fancy car or the big home will NOT be there to congratulate you on your purchases.

But if you do it right you will be surrounded by the family you loved and cherished over the years. If you decided to enrichen your life by having more than one child and they decided to have more than one child, you will be able to rejoice in the joy of a large family who love you.

I don't know all of your positions or feelings, but knowing of the mistakes I made and wish I hadn't, I'd take the promotion, try to get pregnant, and when I got a chance to go on pregnancy leave, I do it at the last minute and never have any regrets upon leaving. I'd save all of my salary in either a company matching IRA or 401K and then put it all in a self directed IRA when I left. Then I'd use the money for retirement and kids college when the time came.

Good luck to you and yours.

Whenever you feel like you WANT to be there with your kid rather than take up a job with more responsibilities, travel etc, please listen to your heart. I know both are important , but you can always get a better job later on as well. If you miss out on your child's younger years , you are going to regret it always esp since you WANT to be with your kid. That's what I feel. These days with your family and kid will not come back, but you can always chase your dreams later too since you are qualified for it.You don't want to regret not spending time with your kid years down the line , and these days pass by so quickly. My son is almost 2 as well and I already miss his infancy :(
Listen to your heart , only you can make this decision. There is no right or wrong, just what you want. Good luck!

Honestly, it's such a personal decision. The words about who will remember you most when you die - FAMILY. If you can afford to stay at home, and that is where your heart is, that's what you need to do. And it's possible you may come up with a way to stay connected in your field - think outside the box on that one and see what happens. Only you can decide if you will be happy doing more. But from your post, it sounds like you want to be at home for a while.

EDIT - from your So What Happened: travel a couple days a year might be FUN, actually - though it's work, it's a break at the same time. I wouldn't let that stop you. You need to assess what you want, what the job change offers, etc. and go from there. Don't not do it because you might have another kid, but don't do it cause you think you should. Good luck!

Would you be able to handle it? Yes - you're a mom and we always manage to handle anything that's thrown our way, don't we? Albeit, many times not so happily! Which answers your second question - will you be happy? Maybe...maybe not. I sort of relate to how you're feeling. I was working full-time when I first got pregnant and quitting my job that I loved and paid very well was never a thought in my mind...until my extended maternity leave was over. My 5.5 month old did not do well in daycare and I couldn't handle that (I had exclusively breast-fed her and had started expressing and giving her a bottle to get used to it before I returned to work) she refused to eat or sleep all day at daycare. I asked for leave without pay for a couple more months, they said no so I said goodbye.

Luckily, we were in a position that I could stay at home and we decided to go with it and had baby #2. My goal was to stay at home with them until the youngest started kindergarten. Well, #2 will be starting kinder this fall and I applied a few months ago for an administrative position in the same general field in which I worked before. The difference is that I was not in administration before; I was one of the people that the admin staff worked FOR. But I was also on call 24/7/365 and in a high stress job. When I decided to go back I didn't want the stress anymore and I, too, don't have giant career aspirations. Although I'm very over qualified for the admin position I will be doing, I feel that I will be a happier wife and mom. I don't want to bring my work home with me. It's a significantly lower paying job than the one I was doing before, but it is also much more than I've been making for the last 6 years as a stay-at-home-mom! Taking care of my family and being happy is of utmost importance to me. I am totally okay with not having a succesfull career because I know I will have a successful family.

I'm sorry I wrote a book here - I tried to keep it short but that didn't work out too well, did it?! =) This is all very fresh for me right now so I can relate very well - in fact, I haven't began working yet as I'm waiting for them to complete my background investigation - so I'm constantly on edge awaiting that phone call that will give me a two week notice to turn my life upside down! Best wishes to you, I'm sure you'll makethe right decision for you and your family.

I got promoted while out on maternity leave with my first baby. This job was much more stressful and required a very small amount of travel a couple of times a year. Turning it down would have been career suicide, and any future opportunities probably would not be offered to me again. So I took it. I came back from maternity leave to a brand new job. Looking back now, I don't really think it was that much more stressful. However, the absolute KEY to my success was the fact that my new department was very family oriented. They were very understanding of time I needed for sicknesses, dr's appts, etc. Without their support, it would probably have been a VERY different experience. I have since had another baby- and they are still supportive. If you can get that kind of employer, then go for it! Otherwise, I say stay where you are.

Jobs are temporary at best. Tomorrow hubby could come home and be out of a job. You could find that your employers do not want to keep you if you are not interested in working full time and advancing your career. Your child will be in school in a couple of years and you will be home alone all day long. Will you regret not having that job to go to every day to make you feel fulfilled?

If you have at least 6 months food supply and the total amount of working capital money saved up to pay all bills and have some left over then perhaps that could be a goal. Even businesses are required to have 3 months of operating money in the bank in case there is a problem. I think if you are financially set then there is no issue of working or not working. If money for college is there, supporting them while they go to school, etc..they by all means be a SAHM.

I think when a family can do it then it may be a choice for them. If the family would have to save, cut out basic life needs like going on vacations, spending time together doing activities, then the family needs mom's income more that they need her to be at home all day.

If you do not want to add to your work load but would enjoy one of these jobs then by all means apply but in the interviews be honest. Tell them you really like the stress level of your current position, the hours, lack of travel, lack of bringing home stress, etc...tell them what you'd like in the new job duties.

I have been through this agonizing decision and I get how difficult and all consuming it can be. One suggestion is to try to separate out what you think others expect of you and what YOU want or need to feel fulfilled. The other thing is timing. These opportunities may be available at your company this year, but please don't feel confined to your company's timeline. Do what works for you and your family, knowing that other opportunities will arise.

When I went to law school, I never imagined I'd want to be a SAHM. I was focused on being partner at a large firm and specializing with further education. When my first baby came along, I was thrown through a loop. I didn't want to be away from him daily and, to my amazement, I WANTED to be home with him and the "big cases" at work became only mildly interesting me. After a lot of (stress, tears, analysis) thought, I decided to quit my job (p/t was not an option - I tried) and I haven't regretted it. My education isn't going anywhere. When my boys are in school f/t, I will have plenty of time to reignite my career. However, I will never again have the opportunity to be give more or be here more for my little boys.

Yes, many of my law school friends stayed working with young families and have surpassed me careerwise - and that's okay. Good for them for making the right choices for themselves and their families. I worked out what works best for me and mine, and I am happy with my decision. I wish you all the best in sorting out what works for you and yours.

If it were me, I would go for it. Get that nice title to put on your resume. Take the money you are earning and work to put a lot of it away. In 2 or 3 yrs when you have another baby, you could take a long leave of absence and have that savings to live on. If you earn more now, you will be able to stay home longer leter. Or pay off debt so that when you have another you can just work part time.