"I'm Bigger, Faster, Taller than You"!

He's discovered pride (and one upmanship).
It will be a little while before he discovers the humility that should go with it.
When he's stating something that's factual, well yeah - he's bragging, but somewhere out there is a father who's bigger than HIS Dad.
He will out grow it sooner or later.
Just keep working with him and he'll understand eventually.

Someone is always going to be bigger/faster/stronger. I don't see what the problem is. Maybe it's because I am a realist. I know my kids are fast and strong, but I always let them know that they will run into someone faster and stronger! It's a part of life. My kids are great and their souls have not been crushed because "johnny" down the street can beat them in a foot race.
L.

I feel really sorry for your son if this is serious. There is nothing hurtful about being competitive. There will always be winners and losers, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.

I can't imagine doing to any of my kids what you are doing, I would find that to be hurtful parenting and my kids are known for their kindness and empathy. You can teach your kids all the fake feelings you want but that isn't empathy.

You know, he is a bit too young to understand empathy in this context. You can keep bringing it up, but here's the thing:

This IS something a lot of preschoolers do.
"I'm older than you" bigger, faster, whatever....

I told my preschoolers-- "well, that is not a kind thing to say. Everyone has things they do well and things they don't know how to do yet."

or : "You know, being older (bigger faster, etc.) doesn't make anyone a better person than anyone else. We are all the same. You will always be older/faster/better than someone else... and you will also be slower, younger, shorter than other people."

This is really about being 3-5 years old and wanting to impress others. It's pretty common. A lot of kids tell tall tales around those ages. One of the kids I cared for told me that her father was playing baseball for the Texas Rangers! 'You wish that your daddy was a famous baseball player, huh?'

When your son is older, if he's deliberately putting others down, then do have some sort of making-amends to follow through. That it's not kind to speak to others that way and you expect more kindness. We have a kid in the neighborhood who is old enough to know better and who does this a lot with the other kids. I tell my son "he's trying to feel important. I'd just ignore him. You know that no one is any better than anyone else." Big brags eventually get ignored or called on their boasts as they get older. But at 3 or so, I don't work so much on the empathy piece (esp when the turn four and start saying "I wouldn't care"...) but just matter-of-fact information to level the playing field. When no one else buys into their 'greatness'... that's enough of a consequence in my opinion. Kids will bicker about stupid stuff in any case if they are in the mood to bicker.

This is normal. It's what boys do when they are around other boys. They try to see who's top dog.

The thing is, he's going to meet other boys who do the very same thing. And they'll figure out a way to work it out.

"My shoes are faster than yours!"

"Nuh UH. I got these shoes yesterday and they're WAY faster!"

And then they'll race and see. And the argument will be over.

"My brother/sister is taller than yours."

"Whoa...he/she IS tall!"

Argument over.

There's nothing wrong with a little competition. Eventually they'll get knocked off their pedestal and have to learn a little humility. So just let it happen and don't be TOO over the top with your "you're hurting people's feelings" speeches and lessons. They do occasionally have their place when he needs a reality check, but all too often that reality check will come in its good time.

This is completely normal. I seriously doubt he's hurting anyone's feelings. Didn't you ever play "king of the mountain" as a kid? It's completely normal for children to assert themselves and express a desire to be the biggest, best, strongest, smartest, prettiest, etc.
Unless he uses his words to purposely hurt someone else (like calling someone weak or slow or ugly or stupid) leave it alone, don't over think it.

Empathy usually happens around age 6 to 8. What is interesting is most religions have mile stones around this age (First Communion for Catholics).

Your examples are not mean in my opinion. These statements are developmental on track for his age. He is making comparisons and observations.

If he is typical, he will out grow it, yet not as soon as you would like. I still hear first graders saying things to their peers (usually out of earshot of a parent or teacher).

He needs to learn to lose anyway, so good for you. Hopefully he will learn how to be a good sport. Down the road though, he is still young enough to get away with being a poor loser.

He is noticing differences. Life is a competition. I'm not sure I completely understand your reasoning behind this. How is he hurting feelings? I'm all for empathy but I'm not sure that is what you are teaching here. Why can't he be prideful of the fact that he was faster than someone?

Honestly, there will be a natural consequence to his actions. Someone will be faster than him someday.

I think sometimes we can over talk to our kids. Sometimes a "that is enough" is really enough!

IS his daddy bigger than the other kid's daddy?
DOES he run faster than the other kid?
IS his borther taller than the other kid's sister?

If so, then these are merely observations, not insults.

Normal, normal, normal...
He'll meet his match O. day soon and it will all "click."
Keep making the observations but not to the excess.

Sometimes kids fixate on certain things. You will see in the coming months if he "grows out" of this, or if he becomes aggressive with it.

Sometimes, rather than offering lengthy explanations over and over about bad behavior, you need to just say "That's enough, son" in a bit of a sharp manner and send him to his room.

I don't think he is deliberately trying to hurt anyone's feelings, nor do I think he is trying to make himself appear "better" at whatever it is. I think this is just a natural commentary as he is aware of these things. He's just making observations! Totally normal and age appropriate.

You have to teach him how to make these observations without making others feel badly, though. And that takes time, and yes, some maturation. He may very well understand (when you point it out to him), but he isn't thinking in that way when he makes his observation. He is just saying what he notices in the moment.

It might be more helpful if you address when it IS appropriate to make such observations out loud and sort of re-direct whom he shares those observations with (you).

"It is really cool to notice all the differences in people, isn't it? Some are bigger/taller/faster/slower/heavier/greener (or whatever)! But when you say it out loud TO the person, it can sometimes make them feel bad about the difference. What if you just wait to share what you've noticed and tell ME all about it when it's just you and me? okay?"

It might be a while before he is able to recognize (before speaking) which things are not appropriate to say to spare someone's feelings. In fact, some ADULTS have never figured it out and have no filter. But your kiddo is not even 4. So if he can just wait to talk to you about his observations, then he will avoid accidentally hurting feelings. AND, you can discuss with him how whatever he has noticed might affect how someone feels (both good and bad).
Be patient, and encourage him. He'll get it.

(making himself look "better" comes as he gets a little older... but I don't think he's there yet, at just 3 1/2. When he is 6, if he is still doing it, THEN he is trying to be impressive.)

This is typical for this age, but I always followed it with the same type of response which is along the lines of "Everyone is good at different things" or "Everyone is different, and that's what makes everyone interesting.' etc.

Sometimes I used specific examples. Once my son came home from K and said "I'm better at math than Johnny." And I say "Yes, you are good at math and that's great. Everyone is good at different things. I bet Johnny has things he's better at than you, like maybe he's good at reading, or maybe he can run really fast. Can you think of something that Johnny is really good at?"

So, yes, typical, but you can still use it as a teachable moment.

He is not too young to understand empathy. Just be consistent. I give examples with my kids like your doing.
My kids are kind and polite. For me its as important as going to church and doing well is school. Not everyone feels the same way. Some people really don't seem to care if their kids are gracious. Just keep doing what your doing. Remember although he is not too young he is still learning about people feelings.

Great answers already...but this brings back a long forgotten memory.

I completely remember the day in Kindergarten when a boy came to school and boasted about how his new shoes were faster than anyone else's. So we all raced, and he was right, he won. He had brand new rubber sneakers on and I had on those stupid girl slippery shoes. I went home and begged my mother for a new pair of sneakers. Red. White laces. Rubber bottoms. I got a pair, went to school and showed them off and told that boy that my new shoes would be faster than his new shoes. We raced and I won. And for many months I thought it was the shoes for sure. I remained faster than the boys in my class until about the 5th grade, and remained faster than most of the boys until about the 7th grade. And slowly accepted the fact that it had nothing to do with the shoes at all. Childhood logic is slightly skewed.

I'm sorry, but, IMHO, this is why government is trying to regulate EVERYTHING. Because people are blowing little stuff out of proportion.

Look at your examples; all are simple statements of fact, except the one about the shoes. Just like the "you're a man" comment yesterday, these are not put-downs or anything for anyone to feel bad about - they are statements of fact. If children cannot hear a statement of fact that doesn't boost their self-esteem, confidence, etc., then take them out of school. The teachers are teaching them spacial concepts in math - one number is bigger than the other, etc. Is that hurtful? No. And neither are these comments. The one about the shoes could be taken as a challenge - is it hurtful to challenge someone to a race? No. Your son is obviously starting to notice that things grow and change and he's applying that to the world around him.

I don't consider this a problem at all.

Fanged Bunny : I think your son is just realizing the difference between himself and younger children and is talking about what he is seeing. The fact that you think it is hurtful is amazing. There is no put-down in saying a baby can't walk, doesn't wear shoes and has no candles. What is offensive or hurtful about that? Again, just statements of fact coming from a child who harbors no ill-will toward anyone.

If parents don't grow a tougher skin, kids are in for a really hurtful life because you are basically teaching them to be hurt by unhurtful comments.

Mine is nearing this age and is all about comparisons too. His vocabulary though for it, is in terms of birthdays and candles. Felix has two candles, he uses diapers and not the toilet. The baby is so little, it isn't wearing shoes and can't walk, it doesn't have one candle.

Then he talks about all the things he can do since he has three candles, and all the things he hopes to do when he gets bigger.

I insert a bit of empathy as follows- we are all growing. One day Feliz will be able to use the toilet, one day the baby will be able to walk etc. It's all good.

Best,
F. B.