4 Year Old Son Called Male Friend "A Girl"

You just remind him that anyone can have long hair or short hair or no hair and hair doesn't relate to whether they are boys or girls.

That being said, it's not the last time this Mom is going to hear this.
That she should get bent out of shape over what 4 yr old says isn't reasonable if she's going for a unique look for her son.

I think it might be a good time to talk about differences and similarities among people. Hair length, skin color, height, etc.
It's ok to notice differences, but more important to accept them.
How boring would the world be if everyone looked the same?!
Great topics for a 4 year old!

If she doesn't want her son to be called a girl she should cut his hair. My oldest had a boy in his swim class with long hair. Mom said his curls were so beautiful!! She would rip everyone a new one for asking how old is your daughter and stuff like that. Well sorry, at that age, how else do you tell?

My point is pretty sure mom is more upset than the child. Heck I wouldn't be surprised if the boy went home and begged his mom to cut his hair because the kids are teasing him.

I don't think he "has the makings of a bully" as someone mentioned below.

He likely has the common belief based on social norms that little girls have long hair, and little boys have short hair. Further, he likely thinks that a little boy with long hair looks "girly."

I happen to agree, but that's my personal opinion. I think that mothers love to let their little boys' hair grow long without paying mind to the fact that social norms GENERALLY dictate that their little snowflakes will get picked on. It's more about his mom's feelings than her son's. So, that said, don't give your son TOO hard of a time.

I think that a simple, "Son, some people prefer long hair and some like short hair. If a boy doesn't get his hair cut, his hair will grow long....but that doesn't make them a girl. They're still a boy. Please don't call your friend a girl anymore, okay?"

If it bothers his mom so much, she should cut his hair short.

4 year olds don't realize that their observations can be hurtful. If my 4 yr old son saw a boy with long hair, he'd say he was a girl too.

I don't think you need to address it again with your son. Ask the teacher to let you know if it happens again. If it does, then give your son a consequence for continuing to do it when he was told not to by the teacher and Dad.

He's 4.
Simple "mistake."
He was not trying to be mean or callous, I am sure. (?)
But the long-haired boy's Mom, was upset.
So you/the Teacher talked to your son about it.
Fine.
But besides telling your son "don't do that anymore...." I would have explained to him, that boys also have long hair. Even grown men, may have long hair. It does not mean they are a "girl."
I told my kids that when they were Toddlers.
No big deal.
And even boys or grown up men, have earrings too.
Its just doo-dads.
Not a gender thing.
My kids know that.
At school, both my kids have classmates, boys, that have LONG hair. No biggie. No one makes fun of them. Everyone knows they are a boy.
Some girls also have SHORT hair. It does not make them a "boy."
Its just, hair.
The Surfers here, even the kid surfers, they often have long hair. Lovely long surfer hair! And its no big deal.

You said that that long-haired boy, is your son's friend.
But if he is calling that boy a "girl" in order to "tease" him..... then that, is, rude. And uncalled for.
As far as the Mom being upset about it, well, being her son has long hair, she may encounter her son's long hair confusing other kids in the future. But that is their, personal choice, to have the son have long hair. Or not.

He is in preschool. It is totally appropriate for him to think 'long hair = girl." It is appropriate for the teacher to explain he is a boy with long hair. The mom has had to heard this before. Your son is not the first nor the last who will do this. My daughter was very confused when she saw an earring on my uncle. She is three and kept on saying earrings are for girls. I have never taught her this. She does not have pieced ears and i rarely wear earrings.

I agree with Mira. Feelings got hurt and he might not need the Gender 101 talk.
edit: I usually have talks with my kids. I do not think it would hurt if you asked about his day and some how 'hurt feelings child' was brought up.

Well, at 4 years old, if the kid looks like a girl then to them he is a girl. Its not being mean, bullying or whatever nonsense. If the Mom wants to avoid this issue, cut his hair. She is the one who put her son in this position.

Don't say anything. Your son has been fussed at by teacher and dad. Give him a break.

First I would find out if he is doing it on purpose to be mean, or if he is just slipping up. At 4 my youngest still often mixed up he and she. If he does understand what he is doing them make sure he understands that it bothers the other child, but be careful about how you approach it, because if we teach our boys that the worst thing they can do is insult another boy by calling him a girl, then what are we teaching them about girls?

Yes, it's overkill. This child is a 4 year old.

And I'd ignore the other kid's mom. She is the one letting her 4 year old boy have the long hair, yet she gets upset that another 4 year old calls him a girl? She's a piece of work. Sometimes people want to have their cake and eat it too and that's what SHE is doing. Her kid can have the hair she wants him to have, but no one better mistake what sex he is, though to another child, he doesn't look like a "he".

Don't coddle that ridiculous mom. She's going to get a lot more reality checks other than your 4 year old. She's the one putting her son into this position. There's nothing wrong with her son having long hair, but she doesn't get to act like this towards another child.

Drop it from here - your son can't possibly understand why this kid has long hair. He's too young.

There is nothing wrong with verbally reinforcing this message.

Since your son is so young, and he presumably didn't mean any harm, you don't need to punish. Just say, "I'm so happy you promised not to call Johnny a girl anymore. That was hurting his feelings, and a great kid like you doesn't hurt his friends' feelings."

And, you don't have to go into Gender Politics 101 over this. Feelings got hurt. Not good. End of story.

That's classic, mama wasn't there so I have to do it to make sure it's done right, thinking. Let it go. Don't beat a dead horse.

Well was he doing it purposefully to be rude or did he think this kid was a girl? If it was the latter, all you need to do is tell your son that he is a boy and you should be good to go. Kids that age make mistakes like that all the time. In fact, so do adults. I can't tell you how many times both children and adults have mistaken my 5 year old for a boy. Since she likes to wear "boyish" clothes and wears her hair shoulder length, it is an easy mistake to make. So unless your child was doing in in a taunting manner, I do not think you need to worry about it any further.

I'm sure the teacher and your husband handled it well, but you can ask your son to tell you what dad and the teacher told him. Ask him if he understands. It wouldn't hurt to reinforce then lesson.

ETA: Was he teasing, or was he confused?

When my daughter was 4 she associated boys with having short hair and some facial hair, girls have long hair. So it might just be confusing for him. Just have a talk with him. Put him in the other kid's shoes.

I would review it with him...at that age, I can certainly understand the confusion...I did the same thing myself...a brother of my dd's classmate had long hair and I swear he looked exactly like his sister! Fortunately, I didn't say it to the kid or the mom, but I kept asking my dd how old her friend's sister was and she told me it's a brother!

Does your son go to school every day? I would maybe address it once more on the night before school or on the way to school and just say something like, hey remember when we talked about "Bobby" and how he's a boy and not a girl? Remember that today when you guys play at school okay?

Also, you might want to just loosely and generally say things like boys and girls can have long or short hair, or boys can like pink and girls can play with cars, etc. Just sort of break down those gender stereotypes as best you can. I try to do this with my kids whenever a situation presents itself. I have one girl and one boy who are pretty close so I think that makes it easier for me, but I feel like it's just good practice.

In your situation though, I mean, he's 4, I don't think he was trying to insult the kid, I truly think he just didn't get it.

I'm not sure that I'd bring it up again since he was already talked to, unless he keeps doing it. I'm just wondering if the boy was upset or just the mom. It reminds me of when my son was about that age, we had his hair long but short on top. Other boys starting calling him a girl and that's when he decided he wanted his hair short.

He's four...YES it's overkill! Now that your child knows the man with the long hair is NOT a girl...Case CLOSED.

I'd go about it a different way, since he's already been admonished for his comments. (I assume?) I'd just have an honest conversation along the lines off "how would you feel if...?" and/or "I know you are a sweet boy and you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, do you think hearing something like this might have hurt his feelings?"
I had nearly the exact conversation with my (then) 4 yr old about a boy in her class with long hair.

A teacher friend said it best! "Women dress their boys like the men they are attracted to". The mama needs to cut his hair. Of course she won't read this... Don't talk to your son any more about it. Even if we're being mean, he's been reprimanded.

Just remind him once again not to do it.

You need to have your son think about how HE would feel if someone called him a girl. Teach him empathy - put himself in someone else's shoes and treat that person the way he would want to be treated.

It sounds like your son has the beginning makings of a bully. Get that under control.