Uninvited to a Birthday Party?

How incredibly rude! I'd say, tell him to invite a friend and just take them to McDonalds or something to play. Let them get an ice cream, etc.
My 9 year old would be crushed if something like this happened! Poor little guy!

Awwwwwwww.....my heart aches for him. How unbelieveably RUDE of this mom--I don't care WHAT the circumstances are. That's just wrong.

How about a movie and a HUGE banana split after?

Museum?

wow, this is the craziest thing I have ever heard. I would avoid this kid from now on.......what a brat......and the mom, what is she thinking????

I say let him have the present that was meant for his friend and then take him to a movie or something like that. But seriously, the mother of the other little boy is so obnoxious for letting her child act like that---I'm sure that kid won't turn out spoiled at all (sarcasm).

Spoil him tomorrow, whatever you do, but also talk to him about the phrase "taking the high road." That nobody in your family would never uninvite anyone to a party, that he should consider inviting this friend to his own next party anyway, just to make the point that polite, good people don't let little squabbles ruin whole relationships. You could let him keep the gift for himself, or even better, make a point of bringing it to a charity (a homeless shelter or children's hospital.) He's only 7 so it's hard to help him feel bigger than all this, but if you can, what a silver lining you can make of this.

My first little deviant thought was if you knew the other kids invited you could invite them to you house instead...then I felt bad about that thought too. How sad for your little boy. To be sure the other little boy would miss out on something fun thing at your house and then he would understand the feelings getting hurt.

How awful is that parent to "let" her child uninvite someone over a fight about a race. Ridiculous. Well one the most fun I do with my two kids that are 7 and 10 is letterboxing. All you need is a handsize note book, a stamp for each person who wants to participate and an ink pad (under $5 for all) then you go to www.letterboxing.org and find a letterbox near you. They are listed by location and also difficulty. Print one out and then you drive to the location and follow the directions on the paper once you get there. It's usually worded like a treasure hunt. You know like take 2 steps to the right follow 30 steps to the big oak tree. At the end is a box, usually a tupperware container, inside will be a notebook and a stamp and you stamp their notebook with your stamp and stamp your notebook with there stamp, we also bring a pen so we can sign our family name. This is great fun, they are all over the world and you can do as many as you want or just one. Lots of times the person who created the box will give you some tips about the location and maybe a good place to stop for lunch. or you can alway bring a snack and have a picnic since some of the letterboxes are in public state parks. If it's a rainy day, my kids love for me to bring out the air mattress and put it in the living room and then we pick some of our favorite dvd's from our collection and watch movies, I let them have snacks on the mattress (which usually is a no-no) and then we make homemade pizza for dinner, each kid gets to make their own their way. I hope you have a good day and can distract your child. And I would try to lead your child away from this friend as he doesn't seem to be a friend at all. good luck

Maybe call the mom and ask her why she didn't bother to call you and tell you, that she had to call your SIL.

Does anyone else think that is ridiculous that the mom didn't call her but called someone else to tell?

I'm sorry to be rude, but she needs a phone call on manners!

BTW, I like the answers you have gotten already.

Good luck and have lots of fun! Oh and tell that rude mom that you guys had lots of fun w/o them!

W. O. W. I'm sitting here in utter shock. That may possibly be the rudest behavior I've ever heard of. I just don't even know what to say except that other mom gets the prize for worst parenting skills. I hope you find something *fabulous* to do with your nephew. And good riddance to that loser of a friend and his awful mother. Just shocking. Really.

The mother of the birthday boy has done her son a huge disservice. Short of some horrible behavior on your nephew's part (such as something abusive), she should not have done this. That said, you use this as a teaching moment so that your nephew never does this to anyone else, and he learns about how feelings get hurt. If there was a dispute over who won a race at recess, then it's a good time for the mom to find out if her son hurt the other boy's feelings by not being a good sport or by gloating, whatever. Otherwise, it's a lesson in sportsmanship - does a race justify a big over-reaction? Beyond this, I would let the kids work it out on their own, but if I were your sister in law, I would not have the boys play at each other's houses for a long time. They can play at school and, if they are invited to another kid's house, they can play there. She should demonstrate excellent manners and take the high road if she crosses paths with the other mother, but it's a good opportunity for your nephew to see how you handle people who have hurt you - you don't hurt them back or be rude. I would give the nephew some attention but I wouldn't break the bank or go overboard - he needs to learn that you move on, not that you get a phenomenal reward every time you get your feelings hurt. That sets a huge precedence.

Since not "breaking the bank" is relative, and most of the current suggestions are for things that cost $, I thought I'd add that simply doing something with the little boy (whether his family, or yours, or both) might be enough to take his mind off the "uninvitation". I love the idea of baking him a cake - would he like to help? A walk/hike on a pretty spring day? (Is Salmon Brook still there?) Getting to pick up an item or two at a dollar store? Throwing a "party" (even a pretend one in a sandbox or somewhere?) for either real friend(s) or a favorite group of dinosaurs or teddy bears? Idk, maybe I'm old and boring and offering lame ideas! lol. I just know that a day at the movies and a "kid place" can add up to big bucks.
I also love the idea for donating the gift to a charity, though I suppose "taking the higher road" could also include still giving the gift to the bd boy - as he can't help it if he's learning rudeness from his mother.

I hope your nephew has a great day regardless!

WOW! HOW MEAN!!!!

Take him to egg and TP the house where the party is. LOL. just kidding.

That is so sad. I wonder what happened? If I was that mom I would tell my son that he can't just uninvite someone because people have feelings. He would just have to tough it out and then he wouldn't have to hang out with him after that. Maybe the son told the mom some convincing reason to not invite your nephew. I would ask him what he wanted to do. He is probably at the age where he knows what he would like to do.

Updated

That is so sad. I wonder what happened? If I was that mom I would tell my son that he can't just uninvite someone because people have feelings. He would just have to tough it out and then he wouldn't have to hang out with him after that. Maybe the son told the mom some convincing reason to not invite your nephew. I would ask him what he wanted to do. He is probably at the age where he knows what he would like to do.

OMG -I am flabbergasted! That has to be one of the tackiest, silliest, absolutely CLASSLESS things I've ever heard of! Quite honestly, that fact that your SIL hasn't cleaned her clock says good things about her. I don't think I could let her off without at least writing her a letter to let her know that she upset and hurt a little boy -all the while teaching her son that being a Grade A jerk is just fine.

I don't know what's available near where they live, but maybe a day at one of those go-cart, bumper boat, arcade places would be cool -or an actual amusement park if any are open near you. Depending on what the kid likes to do -I would take it in that direction. Maybe put a few things together -a hike, a sporting event or a movie coupled with a meal at his favorite place or something.

I can see it. This happended to us. Would I do it, I can't say. It would depend on what my child came home and told me. Would I call and say 'you're uninvited!' No, but if my son was really upset, I probably wouldv'e called your SIL to see your nephew's side of things.

My son, his friend, and 2 others - all age 6-8 - were playing wrestle/tackle football at the babysitter's. Mind you, none of them know the rules for football, they just think wrestling and football are COOL! The friend started crying that he got hit with a stick and instead of going to any of 3 parents that were standing right there, went home to his mom. Who didn't come out while everyone was there, but waited hours to call and suggest that my son apologize for hurting her son. I wouldn't do it. My son said that he hadn't been the one that did it, and that's all I had to go on. So the other mom and I agreed that the boys should take a break from playing together... then she says 'oh and I guess that this means that you won't be at his party this weekend.' 'oh, well, I guess not.'

Within days the boys were talking again, (sooner than the moms) and come the weekend the friend called to reinvite my son to the party.

Just remind your nephew that this will pass and every friendship has arguments. Take him out to a fun movie or activity and let it pass.
M.

Unbelievable. Just. Incredible. What is wrong with people. Anyway. I would return the gift and use the money to go to one of the 3d movies that are out. And eat something yummy.

...My child would be crushed as well ask him what it is that he would like too do? Not anything that is expensive but give him three things too pick and you can help him bring it down to the one that don't cost alot.. It will be special for him to pick just what he wants too do for fun...
I think that after I calmed down I would have to call that parent and just ask them what it was that my child done?>
Good Luck!!!

I'm very sorry that this happened to your nephew. I'm sure it must be sad for him and even worse for you (the grownups)!

I think that you should try to detract attention from the situation, not mention it. If he does, try to make it a teaching moment such as, "I know how much it hurt your feelings. This is why we should never do this to someone else. You are a nice, good, kind boy with lots of friends; and I love you very much. " Or similar. It seems hokey I know but really this is how we set examples for kids. Above all he needs to feel loved and accepted.

Focus on how glad you are that you have the day together! And tell him that.

As for something fun tomorrow, anything with your undivided attention will probably make him feel great. Also, nonstop running around! If the weather is not good an indoor gym; if the weather is good, any neat park that he hasn't been to yet (just ask him). And then an economical meal like McDonalds, then a rented movie with popcorn at home with you. Or a craft.

W.O.W!!!! I think I would send an etiquette book over to that mother. We haven't been in this situation, but i cannot even imagine un-inviting a kid to a party. RUDE RUDE RUDE!

Ditto on what all the all the other mothers say. I think this mom is setting a terrible example for her son. My heart breaks for your nephew. I agree with all of the other suggestions. Plan a special day for your nephew- something he'd really like to do. Maybe a special pizza place, a museum, or whatever. As for the gift- I suggest you donate it to charity and talk to your nephew about doing something nice for others.

Uhh, SPOILED!!! Mom and kid should both be avoided from now on. I know someone who did this, and not even for any specific reason (just changed her mind about the guest list). The daughter plays the mom like a fiddle and gets brattier every year.

I definitely agree with baking a cake -- real cheap, and you can let him frost it and put whatever kind of crazy toppings on it he wants (sprinkles, gummi bears, choc chips, etc). Borrowing a movie from the library and making popcorn is another idea that would be cheaper than going to the movie theater.

Though personally, I would probably take back the present and use that money to do something fun that he normally doesn't get to do (we never go to Chuck E. Cheese, for example; it would be a wonderful treat for my child, though painful for me since I despise that place!).

Sad thing is, the "friend" will probably be all over it by next week and will have wished he hadn't uninvited your nephew. Especially when he hears that his present got returned or donated to charity or whatever (being so selfish, this will probably matter to him).

Hope it comes out okay. It is unfortunately a learning experience (especially about how NOT to treat your friends), as another poster said, but the best thing to learn from it is that you don't have to let disappointments get you down -- maybe he'll have even more fun doing whatever alternative you decide than he would have at the party. Good luck!

(I am amazed at your SIL's forbearance. I would have had to make it quite clear how ridiculous the other mom was if someone had called me with an uninvite like that.)

That is just amazing. I really can't believe a parent would go for that, unless there is more to the story. We seem to be living in a world that refuses to teach our kids human decency at times. I'm very sorry for your nephew. I think I would call the mom back and ask her if it was possible to help the boys talk out their difference. It's a shame to throw away a friendship over a little spat!! You'ld think the other mom would know this!!!! I've had to do this with my oldest daughter, and she is still friends with the girls. It was a great learning lesson for her about how to deal with conflict in a healthy way!!!

You've gotten excellent ideas and I'm sorry I don't much to add to that, but I just had to respond and say how sorry I am that this happened to you guys. I just couldn't believe reading your post, and NO I've never heard of that. I can't believe how low some people will go. Thats outragious!
I have a few things I'd like to say to the mother of that child , ;) .
This too shall pass and with the right guidance your nephew will be a better man for it.
Hugssss.

My heart just sank when I read your post! Just wanted to let you know that I am SO with you on your opinion about what this Mom has done. Kudos to you for wanting to turn this negative into a positive for your nephew! You are a great Aunt! You got lots of great suggestions on what to do to help get his mind off this. Have the most fun EVER tomorrow!!!

wow is all I can say. I can't believe the mother actually made the call and uninvited the little boy. Do you really want your child going to the house of a parent who would do something like that? Never...in a million years...would I have crushed a little child like that just because they had a disagreement with my child. That is immature and ridiculous. He is 7 and he will be hurt and you don't have to break the bank. Spend the day doing fun things and constantly reminding him that he is loved and that some people are mean and unkind but that doesn't mean that he has to be. My heart hurts for your little boy. I wish he didn't have to experience such cruelty at an early age, but you know what...that's life and it's only going to make him better equipped to deal with the idiots of the world. good luck.

[NOTE: Oops, I just realized this was about your nephew, not your son. Just substitute "son" with "nephew". If you have a good talking relationship with your nephew, you can have the discussions mentioned below with him; otherwise, his mom or dad can have them with him.]

Personally, I can't believe the mom allowed your son to be uninvited. That seems immature and not taking the responsibility to teach her own son to move beyond disagreements. But what is done is done.

I would talk with your son about how it feels, have him describe it, and help him know this is not the way you solve disagreements (to avoid contact). You don't need to do it in a preachy way, just explore what he is feeling and let him know your family would handle that differently (or how you would handle it).

Then I would plan a fun hike with your family and a special packed picnic, if the weather is nice. If it's not great outside, then I would devote an hour or two to special family time without interruptions from calls or internet or electronics of any sort. Build a fort, make a home movie, play Legos with him, play a stack of favorite board games, bake a special thing together. Make him feel special with your presence and time.

And then call it a day. It's not the worst thing that could ever happen to him. It feels bad but you need to help him get over it, too. Someone once told me it's always best to go THROUGH your feelings rather than AROUND them. That is one of the best pieces of advice I have ever been given in life!

It's not fun when uncomfortable things happen, but, sadly, life is like that sometimes.

P.S. The important thing is to not make it this huge thing between the adults. Kids get over things like this much faster than the "adults". Depending on the connection with the parents, a conversation might or might not help. The parents need to discern whether it's worth it or not.

How terrible! I too would say tough Johnny is coming and you WILL BE NICE!
What does he like to do? I am assuming after school tomorrow. My kids love to go bowling, maybe a friend or two also not invited could do that. Or take him out to eat at a Buffet place. We love Golden Corral or Hometown Buffet.
I would not play too much into it. Sometimes the more mom and dad make of something the bigger it tends to be in the child's eye. Although, I'm sure you would like a few choice words with the mother of the party boy. How rude.

Assuming the party was not there, how about the Jump Zone? And then lunch at McDonald's. How about a museum, like Kidcity etc. The weather is supposed to be okay, invite a friend for a playdate at a park? Oh and there is R&B Sports in Winsted - go carts and mini golf, with DQ right around the corner - Good luck, sounds like maybe it would be better if he tries to make a new best friend. Although at this age, kids seem to gravitate to trouble, not understanding that they may set themselves uo for failure. All this said, I am shocked (!) that the mother would agree to call you and uninvite him. I think we all know that she should have explained better manners to her birthday boy. Once the party was in full swing I am sure that they would have gotten along just fine, I mean really. Good luck! If it was me, I would be heartbroken.

That's horrible and completely immature of the mother. What a difficult situation. What does he enjoy? Can you take him hiking or are any of his other friends available for an outing?

The sad thing is that they will be friends again and the moms will reasonably so have ill feelings toward one another, I am sure.

OMG... well, that is reallllllllyyyyyyyyy awful.
Geez.

I guess, now, that child will think that he can outcast anyone... and not really learn about "friendships" and what that means.
I guess, he will have a shallow understanding about how to "fix" disagreements.... but I guess, this boy's Mom is going along with it because it is her son's Birthday and the birthday boy is getting whatever he wants... even ostracizing a "friend". And I assume, this boy is the one that "lost" the race???? What poor behavior.

Teach your nephew, well his Mom should... use this situation as a "learning moment" in life... that some people are incapable of being "fair" and do not know what sportsmanship or friendship is.
That he should not take it personally.... and that he is the better person...
Maybe, getting him something REALLY special... to show him that he is a REAL special INDIVIDUAL... and that, he is loved...

Unfortunately, this can be a real positive learning experience for your Nephew...

Maybe bake a special cake for HIM... to "celebrate" HIM... for being such a special boy. And make it a cake that he likes.

All the best,
Susan

Just when you think you've heard it all. This is truly one of the dumbest and saddest things I've heard. The kids get over it long before the "adults" do.