If You're Bummed Does Your SO Comfort You?

Yeah you really answered your own question. Most guys don't want to be around people when they are bummed or they go out with the buddies and ignore their problems. They have been trained that women are talkers so they will ask if you want to talk. You say no that is all he has in his arsenal since you didn't say lets go out, ya know?

I always hate when women expect men to read their minds and get upset when they don't. At least you realized this was a communication issue. :)

It is only natural for women to stay, not men. Can you J. imagine how annoying we are when men are upset? No wonder they pick a fight, they J. want to be left alone and it makes us leave.....and post about it on here...

It depends on the situation, but I have learned with my husband that it's simply not fair to ask him to "guess" what I need at any point in time. If I need a hug, I ask for it. If I need some "quiet", I ask for that too.

My husband isn't an overtly emotional person and he doesn't come from a warm and cuddly family. Staying with someone when they are upset isn't "natural" for him, but he will do it if that's what they need. When his nephew died (age 2), he literally sat on the couch with his sister in complete silence for hours because that's what she asked for. She knows him almost better than I do and was the one who cued M. in years ago... no hints, J. ask and he'll move mountains for you.

I suggest you do the same.

Your husband can't see inside your head or read your mind. You should say, "I don't want to talk right now, but I need a hug and would like you to J. sit and chill with M. for a few."

Because I think your husband thinks that when you don't want to talk, you want to be left alone, which is probably what HE likes when he says he doesn't want to talk.

Communication. Use it.

If I'm extremely upset about something, I tend to go in "shut down" mode and will J. go to bed. I have had hubby come home, find M. there and crawl in with M. and J. hold M.. He's pretty good about things like that and always asks if I need something. And I am woman enough to tell him if I do and he will do it! I don't play games with him to "test" him to see how he will handle my many moods. I don't think that's fair to anyone. J. yesterday he and I practically had a brawl with one of our kids teachers, started off the day pretty rough. He brought M. home flowers because he knew it pretty much ruined both of our days. I would J. tell you to tell him what you need, when you need it and not leave it up to him to figure out on his own, because likely he won't. Good luck!

When I'm upset, I usually want to talk to my husband about it. A lot of the time, it's my family stuff that has nothing to do with him. Sometimes I really J. want someone to hear what I have to say about whatever I'm feeling. My husband has, over the years, become a very good listener. Sometimes I swear, the only thing he can say to make M. feel better is - I'm sorry your (fill in family member here) sucks. Honestly, he can't solve the problem because my family is who they are, so J. hearing that from him makes M. feel better. Strange but true.

Okay, so you answered your own question. You have to ask for what you want. When you talk about it later, you can say, "Hey, I'm hurting too much to actually say it at the time, but I always want a hug when I'm feeling down." You still might have to ask, though, but the heads up is good.

Also, it's not someone else's responsibility to nurse you through your sadness. Now, if I'm experiencing a really tough event--death of loved one, etc.--then I expect my husband to kinda stop what he's doing and tend to M.. If something crosses my mind that makes M. have to take a moment, that's MY issue to deal with. I do not and should not expect him to stop what he's doing and spend endless time J. holding M.. I can specifically request a few minutes of his time, but any longer is unreasonable. Part of beign a grown-up is dealing with our own stuff. Part of dealing with our own stuff is knowing when and how to ask for help, but we should not expect others to experience what we experience.