If You Could Talk to Your 21 Year Old Self...

-STOP using the tanning bed!
-Eat better and exercise smarter
-Good grades aren't good enough; great grades open more doors

and LOL @ CAWriterMom: I tell my high school students ALL the time that they're not fat, their inner thighs are not fat, and that right now gravity is their friend :) LOVED how you mentioned the 'skinny' part.

I would tell my younger self not to care so much about what other people say and think. To spend time enjoying life and making myself happy instead of spending so much time and energy making others happy -- to find a happy medium so I don't end up being walked all over. I'd also tell my younger self to stop being deluded about where my family is at mental health wise and get them help sooner rather than later b/c enabling them just makes everybody miserable and worse off. Finally, I'd tell myself that I end up happy with a wonderful husband and perfect little son so please don't waste time and heartache on the other guys!

Wow - at 21 I had one kid, got married, and was pregnant with #2. I'd like to go back to 18 and tell myself to enjoy being young. But not if that meant I had to give back any of my 3 angels or my hubby. I just wish it all could have happened a few years later.

Not to settle anymore for loser guys, especially any that have ever had the slightest affiliation with a fraternity. You're going to meet someone even better when the time is right.

Stay focused on your degree and career. It's going to allow you a lot of freedoms in the future. And while you'll have to settle sometimes for lousy jobs after college, they're going to lead to much better ones down the road. Don't lose faith in the work world.

You are skinny. Really. In fact, you're borderline underweight. Appreciate this. You really do look good right now and you're so fortunate to be able to eat anything and not gain.

Finally, it all works out in the end. :)

The number one thing I'd tell myself...."YOU ARE NOT FAT!!!!" my mother always told me id look back at pictures of myself and realize.

If only i spent those years enjoying what I had.

Nowadays, bloated, stretched out and sagging. Ho hum!

LOL

I guess I might say.....

OMG, you will NOT believe all the FANTASTIC things that are going to come out of your REALLY BAD decisions for the next 24 years!

:)

"Be smarter with your money."

That's it. I'd never want to ruin all the other surprises she's in for. :)

Hmmmm...I have learned a lot since 21!
Here are somethings I would surely include in the conversation:

•Develop a career so you are capable of supporting yourself. Never depend on a man for financial stability! There is no more pathetic feeling than that of being "trapped" because you cannot afford to get out of a bad relationship.
•Live your life, travel and experience ALL you want before having kids. You can always take them back to those places again.
•Never let anyone change your mind about what you know to be best for you. Don't second-guess yourself.
•Fall in love with someone because you want them, not because you need them, in your life.
•When attending a wedding, it's OK to wear what you "have" already because (in the words of my mother) "everyone IS going to be looking at the bride--not you!"
•Never buy a black car.

I love, love, love your question.

* As with other posters, I'd tell myself to wear the darn string bikini and flaunt the 5'10", 125 figure! After kids it all changes! LOL!
* Don't waste time on silly, immature boys you cannot change.
* Don't be afraid to pursue your aspirations - no matter how far-fetched they may seem.
* Don't be afraid to tell your parents you don't want to major in ______ to make them happy.
* Don't jump into love - It will evolve if it's meant to.
* Experience a breakup with a true love, and take weeks/months/year to get over it, and don't let anybody make you feel guilty about it!
* Enjoy your freedom, take trips, stay out late, drink responsibly, have a blast. It all goes too fast! These things are difficult to do without lots of planning/preparation when you're married with kids.

Wouldn't this letter be a great gift to our kids when they turn 18 or 21?

Thanks for the post! :)

I would tell myself "You don't have to drink just b/c you are 21". Drinking was a HUGE problem between hubby and I. We met in High School and that whole stage of 21 for us were not fun.

(Just a side note.. we are still married and survived the whole "drinking stage" but if I could change it I would)

I would do everything I could inspire confidence in myself and get myself to see how gorgeous I was. (I'm still a hottie! :)) I would tell myself being skinny and so-called "tall" (5ft 5in) are not bad things and I would get myself to wear my hair down and to take way more pictures and show my pretty smile in all of them.

I would tell myself to accept the the tangible things people tried to give me. Especially, my grandparents. They tried giving me sentimental things, such as family photo albums and my childhood storybooks. I couldn't bring myself to accept those things because with my grandmother I knew she was doing it because she and I both knew she was dying. With my grandfather, I didn't want him to think I was coming around just so he would give me things. I didn't realize that he was doing it because he knew he was dying.

To top it off, I would tell myself to be direct with people and to stop always sparing the feelings and stroking the egos of people who didn't try to spare my feelings and never encouraged me.

I'm not sure what I would say but I would take lots of pictures. Funny to think how cool I once thought I was.

Theresa's answer made me laugh out loud.

Actually, if I were going to say anything to myself, I'd say everything that everyone else has said, and about 100 pages more worth of stuff.

But, since we know from movies like "Back to the Future" that we have to be really careful not to change the past, I would say, "I can't tell you anything, 'cause it will change the future, but Future You thinks you're a bimbo."

But then I would tell me what Theresa said.

Hmm. Interesting! Now that I think of it... There's not much I would change, because even the hard, scary stuff has gotten me to where I am now. BUT I would tell my 21-year old self not to date seriously until my late 20's, and use that intervening time to travel more! Maybe even work abroad. I wish I'd taken more time to stop and smell the roses before settling down to marriage and kids. But like I said... it's hard to regret any of my early-20's decisions because fortunately, they've all turned out okay!

I would tell myself to not get engaged to the guy I got engaged to on my 21st birthday, break up with him, save myself a ton of hassle and continue to pursue the relationship with my now husband that I knew at the exact same time and was only friends with at the time due to aforementioned relationship. That other guy was nice and all but we really only worked as friends but kept trying to make more work for some reason. We remained friends after we did finally break up and it was a much better relationship and my now husband and I got the chance we needed finally. Happy as a clam with my marriage, family and life. I was pretty "together" at 21 except for the retched relationship.

I would tell myself:
- It's okay to ask for help.
- I deserve to feel happiness and self love/compassion. That I should value myself.
- I need not hold onto (with death grip) anger/hurt/grief/etc.
- That I will always have much to learn, and a lesson can be found in and from almost anyone.
- I would have beautiful, healthy, child(ren) and that I would be a capable loving mother.
- I would have the strength to move through and heal.
- It would look like what I have now.
- I am not a victim, but a survivor. *I* have to see and act as such; I have to own my life, feelings, experience, and world view.
- By realizing (and letting go) of what I have no control over, I have an ability to affect change internally (and then, by privy, externally).

I would want to give myself a hug. I think it would have helped to have faith in my ability to be who I want to be. Better late than never ;-)

ETA: A bunch of flowers for Theresa's response!

I agree! Where the stupid bikini! You have an amazing bod and you should revel in how great you look.

That love really does find you when you're ready for it. That you should enjoy college - school, date, have fun without worrying about the future.

I was so worried that "Mr Right" was out there and that I needed to seek him out. I dated great guys, but think I should have relaxed and just had more fun.

You're talking 21 year old grad, right...I would tell myself to stop listening to advice coming from people, who didn't even go to college...don't stay close to home...you have to go where the jobs are...come straight out and tell that looser to get lost!...He's nothing more than a stalker and will prevent you from meeting new people, because he's chased all your friends away and he's not even a boyfriend! Call the cops if he won't get lost.

I love this!!
I had a hard time my first 2 years in college, I didn't really know what I was going to study at first. I just went to college because my parents and brothers had and I didn't want to be the only one in my family without a degree. If I could go back, I'd tell myself that it is all going to work out. Funny because it took me 6 years ,since I didn't declare a major until my 3rd year. I met my best friend and my husband in my last 2 years of school. If I had known what I was doing and finished in 4, I may have never met them. Because that 18 year old me made me who I am today, I wouldn't want to tell her too much! I love the way my life turned out and I wouldn't want to risk changing that!

wonderful question.

I would tell myself it's ok...really...to just be me.

That someday I will let go of the anger and hurt that had driven my life at that point - and that my Dad will be my friend. ;-)

Oh - and have a little "mini affair' with the cute guy at work - even though i married my high school sweetheart with no regrets it would have been fun to experience the thrill of somebody different... :-)

Good question... But there is a tiny bit of paradox here. Without our stupid mistakes and doing what we had to do when we were young, we would not be our present selves.

I would still tell myself to find a better and healthier way to live my life.

This also reminds me of a little book I once read where there were quotes from senior people (80-90 year olds) about life. It was very inspiring. I wish I could find it again...

Don't take that d**n retail job out of college..........Negotiate a higher salary and forget retail as a career. LOL

I would tell my self to get over it! I wasted too many years broken hearted and wondering if I would ever get back with my HS boyfriend. Guess what..I didn't and I am happy. Just wish I had those years back....

Keep doing what you are doing ... if you do not continue on this path then you would not have what you have today and what you have is irreplaceable.

nothing unless i knew i'd still end up with my daughter the way she is now....if i could still have her the same then i'd tell myself to live life and stop ceoncetrating on what makes others happy and thinking about settling down so much, and to party it up b/c you're only young once. Live the fairy tale, don't dream it, and travel!

Good question! I will have to give that some thought!!

I think I would just tell myself to RELAX!! and that everything is going to work out. Quit stressing over the small stuff ~ and the big stuff cause it all works out in the end.

I also like CA Writers answer - I look back at pictures now and think "WTH was I thinking? I was HOT ~" I would like to go back and give myself a big boost of self esteem I think. I have it now, but back then, I was pretty hard on myself!!

I'd tell myself to find a way to push through and complete my degree.

Stop dating who you are dating at 21 your inner voice is telling you something for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also would tell you that your body is awesome and you are not fat!!

While reading this I thought of a "million" things would tell my 21 year old self. To be honest, I would not tell me anything. One less drink, one less boyfriend would alter the future I have. I would not have the younger 2 children, I would not have all the degrees I have now, and I would not have met the people that have been in and out of my life since then.

Now if you had asked what I would tell my 35 year old self....that's a whole other story. I would've said "drop him like a bad habit and don't put his name on the birth certificate, relocate as fast as you can".