Is It Okay If I Want to Move in with My Boyfriend During College at Age 19? - Ridgecrest,CA

If you have to ask and get affirmations from others to validate this decision, then you probably are not ready to do it.

I tried this when I was 19. When I broke the news to my parents, my dad told me he wasn't supporting me so I could play house, he was supporting me so I could go to college and get a degree. He told me if I wanted to be an adult and do this, I wouldn't receive monetary support from him anymore. I was angry and acted like it, but stayed where I was. I thought it was the end of the world.

When I look back on this (I now have a 25-year-old and 16-year-old) I am embarrassed that I tried to use my parents in this way. It was unfair and very immature of me to do what I did. Just like what you are doing.

You either do this on your own, or you stay where you are and accept your parents' help. But don't use them like you have been doing. It's so unfair to them, and I promise you someday you'll regret acting like an entitled brat. I sure did.

you would be making a HUGE mistake. get your degree. if your boyfriend really loves you, he will encourage you to stay put and concentrate on your studies.

also, don't depend on your boyfriend to be your only friend. i feel so sad when girls put all their eggs in one basket.

your parents sound like amazing people. stop disappointing them. FOCUS

What's the rush, really? You have the whole rest of your life to be tied down to sharing your living space with your partner. Enjoy this time of living on your own, with other women your age. Preserve your space and your independence. Ever hear the phrase "I can't miss you 'til you're gone"? It means that with space between, relationships grow stronger.

If you want to move in with your boyfriend and your parents don't approve, then I think it's time to put on your big girl panties and be prepared to pay your own living expenses.

I'm not all that conservative but I think that living together without a ring on your finger is stupid, and to do so at such a young age is even dumber. If you were my daughter (or son), you'd be paying your own expenses if you moved in with a significant other while in college.

Really, don't rush this. Get a life. Live a little. Enjoy your independence and stand on your own two feet now and after graduation.

I think that one of the reasons you haven't made good friends is because you're putting all your emotional energy into your boyfriend.

Look, I married my highschool/college sweetheart. We're married 30-something years later, too. But I did NOT live with him. I made real friends and had a good balance between friends/fun and my boyfriend.

Your time in college will NEVER be duplicated. Life gets harder and more complicated once you leave college. Right now you are trying to jump past all of this and make your boyfriend the real object of your college experience.

If I were your parents (and by the way, I have one kid in college and one to soon go), I would tell you that you can pay for school on your own if you're going to move in with your boyfriend.

You'll look back on this time SO many years from now and WISH that you had tried harder to be a real college student and not a little girl draping all her hopes and dreams on a boy.

You have your whole life to live with this boyfriend or others and hopefully your husband some day. You only have four years to be young and carefree in college (vs being an adult with total responsibilities). Take advantage of these years. I'm so happy I did and it's honestly one of my biggest hopes for my daughters - that they study but also have fun and make great friends in college. They are unique years. Try to take advantage of them and not grow up too quickly.

If you were my child (and I have a teen close to your age) I would be livid had I been supporting you this past semester. Paying rent for an apartment that you don't live in. Buying groceries that you feed to your boyfriend. What a waste of your parent's money. Entitled much?

If you move in with him, after all, you are over 18, as your pointed out, then you need to become financially responsible and financially independent of your parents. Do you really expect them to pay your rent while you shack up? Do they pay your phone and vehicle expenses also?

Add all those things up. Can you afford them on your own? If not, will your boyfriend be paying them for you? You are 19 - if you want to live like an adult then you must act like an adult.

And a 30 minute commute from your parent's home to your "college town" is too long? Wait until you are commuting an hour, one way, for work.

Go live at home for the summer. Save money for the fall. Then if you still want to live with your boyfriend, pay for *all* of your own expenses.

Don't use your parents and their money as a safety net. Stop taking advantage of them. Stop lying to them.

"Is it okay if I want to move in with my boyfriend during college at age 19?"

If you feel you have to seek permission to do this then you are too young.
Sure I wanted to live with my boyfriend when I was that age but I wasn't ready to play house.
As it turned out visiting each other when we could (we went to colleges an hour away from each other) turned out to be perfect - and romantic.
We didn't move in together till we had our degrees and had started our careers and were officially engaged and had a date for the wedding picked out.
I was 26 when we moved in together and 27 when we married.
We were ready, established and didn't need to ask anyone's permission.
We had our son 9 years after we wed and our 25th anniversary is coming up this August.

If you plan to move in with him in May, then you plan to pay your own way, IMO. We support my SD and pay for her rent in lieu of her living in a dorm. I had no illusions that she spent a lot of time with her BF or he with her...or should I say xBF. They recently broke up. She is also 19 and they had been dating a while. So it's very good that he didn't live with her so she didn't have to move. I would feel incredibly used if she lied to me about where she lived and used me for money. We give up a lot to pay her rent and support her. I bet your parents do, too.

If you're "grown" enough to live with your BF, you're grown enough to own it and pay for it. I also agree that you should be on the lease and you should be on equal footing. And if you can't afford to foot the bill yourself, then don't live with him. We are encouraging my SS to get his own place before he lives with or marries (maybe) his GF. He's 24 and never really did the being on his own not in a dorm thing. I think that is an important milestone. NOT living with my BF-now-DH was one of the best choices I made. I knew I needed more time to figure out single life.

Don't move because it's easy. Move because it's right and you're mature enough to say so to your parents and take care of your OWN expenses. You say that your parents still mange your scholarship money. You need to take that control for yourself.

The other thing is if they don't support you, then you're not a dependent. It may affect your scholarships and other financial aid.

And I also agree that if you have to ask us for permission...you're probably not as ready as you think you are. I would ask myself why I thought it was important to move in. What do you expect? Do you want to get married? Do you think this is a necessary step? Do you want to play house? Be honest to yourself. Sharing food is very different than FT sharing space and bills and chores and having no "out".

ETA: If you do move in with him, you need a better backup plan than "I'll just go live with Mom and Dad who I didn't respect enough in the first place." Wow. So you lie to them and then expect them to take you back in? Poor form.

I also agree with the poster that if you think 30 minutes is too far, it kind of makes me wonder why you're talking about moving in. Convenience? Many many adults commute 1+ hrs one way to support themselves or their families. If your relationship couldn't survive a half hour commute, that really makes me wonder how solid it really is. If you mainly don't like your roommates get another set.

Ran across this today and thought of this thread: http://www.womansday.com/sex-relationships/divorce-diarie...

Now, it's just a blogger's POV, but it's an interesting read and something to consider. Especially the "move in for financial reasons" part.

Hi Maria,

My oldest will be turning 19 soon.

If your parents are paying for your rent and groceries, they may well opt not to do that anymore if they don't approve of you living with your boyfriend. How will you pay for that yourself? Do not sacrifice your education for a relationship. Your education should be your top priority. Allowing yourself to become financially dependent on a man with no means of support at this stage is also a mistake.

Not being BFF's with your roommates is not a reason to move in with your boyfriend. A boyfriend should never be everything to you. You should still have your own friends and social life.

However, if you are wasting your parents' money by having them pay rent for an apartment that you aren't living in, that is very thoughtless of you, and I'd suggest that if you are thinking this is okay, then you are not yet mature enough to be in a relationship where you are living with your significant other.

If you were my college aged kiddult, I'd strongly suggest that you reconsider your planned living arrangements.

I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband) at 19. First we lived in my parents house, and then got our own place just after I turned 20. I was also pregnant.

I love my husband and my family more than anything in the world...but I would also love to go back and redo things, be a teenager and a young adult on my own. I never had the opportunity to be young and free because of choices I made. I dealt with them responsibly, but I wish I had been more responsible BEFORE having to make the adult decisions that gave up my youth.

Be 19. Don't move in with him. STOP lying to your parents. Be you, make friends, have time ouside of him. 2.5 years is nothing compared to a lifetime, and you don't want to look back and resent him for this time and you not having more friends. Honestly, you're still really young. Don't do it.

That you don't see this makes me doubt you are as mature as you think you are. You are in college which is your main priority, not playing house. My daughter met her boyfriend her freshman year and although they spent a lot of time together they never moved in together.

The reason is simple, college is number one! If, huge if but possible, they broke up the stress on their college would be catastrophic. Neither would have the option of going back where they were, it would be a huge mess.

I didn't have to say anything, they came to this on their own because they are mature, not children wanting to play grow up by living together.

As it is they have been together for six years, they are finally moving in together this summer.

If you were my daughter I would call you out on this, not because I have any problem with sex or any of that but because it is stupid. Thankfully I don't have stupid kids so I never had to call them out.

Some of the other posters brought up a good point, every check via the school is in your name. I took out parent plus loans, even they came in my kid's name. If you can't even be truthful with a bunch of perfect strangers I doubt you are capable of being honest with your parents. Don't use us to perfect your story, tell them the truth and listen to them.

No kid likes to be told they are not mature enough for a decision they want to make but you really are not. This is your life you are playing with.
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Ya know, you can keep tweaking your post, adding, removing, the fact is we are not your parents. Even if you can get our approval that doesn't mean your parents are going to buy what you are selling. Sorry but living 30 minutes from your school makes you work/classes excuse lame.

Next

As long as you are not asking or expecting them to pay for anything you can do what you want. But destroying your relationship with them may be permanent.

You need to be honest and communicate with your parents.

We support our daughter 100% but if I learned that she's using me, hiding truths, lying and covering up things... We'd have an issue.

Communication is key. You need to be able to communicate with your parents and don't be surprised if they cut back some support.

If you we're my daughter and I found out that you had been lying to me.... That would be the biggest issue. I could understand living together but not deceit.

From what you're describing, I'd vote "no."
BEING independent is O. thing.. Playing house while someone foots the bill is quite another.
Why don't YOU take control of YOUR scholarship money, your income and YOUR bills? You're an adult.
THEN you can freely make your own decision s and choices

I have a son your age and here's what I would say to him:

"Sweetie I love you more than my own life. I will always love you, no matter what you do. Unfortunately I cannot participate in something that I do not agree with - namely, living with your SO while you're still dependent on me (or other people) for your livelihood. That's an adult decision and competent adults are expected to support themselves. I love you too much to not give you my perspective on this, and I cannot give you my blessing or financial support to take this action."

That's just me. Other people may handle it differently and that's fine.

I say you should move in with your boyfriend . . . . . . . . . . on your wedding night. Then it is appropriate. Unless you are going to college to be a boy's sex toy. If that is your aspiration, tell your parents. Quit taking money from them and support yourself.

The issue you will have with him usually comes about 9 months after you have sex on the right day. If he is really loyal to you, he will have married you.

ETA: Wait to get married until you graduate and move in with him on your wedding night. 18 is way too early to get married for 98% of the girls and boys out there. There are the 2% that are the exception, but your letter doesn't sound like you are a 2%-er.

Good luck to you and yours.

Yes absolutely. And have kids.. lots of them.

If my daughter wanted to play house with her boyfriend at only 19 yo there is nothing I could do to stop her but if she felt ready to make this kind of adult decision then I would expect her and her new family (boyfriend) to pay their own way.

I also think it is a terrible waste to be spending money on an apartment you do not live in for the most part. It is time to be honest with your parents but don't be surprised if you don't like their response.

Best of luck!

Personally, I agree that it isn't a great idea. If you are so absolutely convinced that this is a forever relationship, then why not go ahead and get married?
And if you aren't absolutely there, then why set yourself up for the chaos of the eventual breakup? Do you really want to have to find a place to move all your stuff (not to mention actually move it) while you are in the middle of a nasty break-up, just before final exams? It could happen. Never say never.

Have you considered that part of the reason things seem to be going so swimmingly well is that you DO have another place to call home and retreat to, if you are feeling a little annoyed--or he is. ? Even just knowing that you have that, whether you make use of it or not, can make a big difference.

And yes, if you decide to formalize this live-in scenario, you will shift your focus onto house-playing, even if only for the short term. Oh what fun! You get to shop for bedsheets together. And set up the bathroom! Woo hoo.
You need to be focused on the longer term future. If your parents aren't supporting you (you said it is scholarship money?)... then why are they the ones getting the checks? When I had a full ride scholarship, the checks came in my name.

I'm sorry to sound like a downer on this... but I'm assuming you have come to a parenting website to get mature advice. Benefits of being older and "been there done that" is that some of us can see past the rose colored glasses.

Please go back and re-read B's excellent answer.

If you have to ask this question, you are not ready to move in together.

If you have to worry about others' approval or seek others' advice -- whether the others are your parents or strangers here on a forum -- you are not ready.

If your parents still support you financially in any way at all -- you are not ready. This is not because "they hold the purse strings so you have to do exactly as they say" -- no. It's because anyone ready to move in with his or her boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse should be independent of his or her parents.

If you are thinking in terms of "if something were to happen such as a break-up I would be able to move back home" -- and you are thinking exactly that as you say in your post -- you are not ready. Moving in with someone with "I can always run home to mom and dad" in the back of your mind? You are not ready. Repeat it over and over.

If you cannot see WHY it's a bad idea to move in with someone when you are

Not financially independent
Seeking advice from strangers about this personal decision
Having enough doubt that you are keeping the option of "run home" open

.....then you are not ready.

Welcome to mamapedia, Maria!!

You want to be an adult? Start acting like one. That means stop depending upon your parents and starting taking care of yourself.

Your parents provide for you and you are lying to them. How childish. Just so you can get laid??? Is that what this is about?

You haven't made friends at your apartment because you're not thinking with your big head...you're too concerned about playing house with your boyfriend. If he respected you and your parents? he would tell you no. He doesn't. he's getting a free ride...you give him a romp in the sack...groceries, cook and clean for him...and it doesn't cost him a dime...he's living high on the hog!! You are being taken advantage of.

You want your parents help? Then you act like a respectable adult and stop playing house. Or fess up and tell the truth....you are using your parents for money...your boyfriend is using you... guess you two will be great together...wonder what will happen when the money stops????

If you are depending on your parents to support you, I think you need to be honest with them regarding your intentions.

Personally, if I were that age and wanting to move in with a boyfriend, I would want to be on the lease and thus, paying part of the rent. That is part of growing up-- being honest about what's going on and working *with* your parents to find a reasonable and equitable arrangement. Personally, as a parent, if I found out I was paying money for my child to live at an apartment they really weren't using, I'd be pretty upset.

Something to consider: for many adults, a live-in arrangement with other roommates does not mean that everyone becomes friends. It's great to live with friends, however, at your age, I was already moved out, supporting myself (working full time) and paying my share of the rent in a house with a "nice but nothing more in the way of friendship" roommate.

The other thing your parents may be concerned about is that you would be more dependent upon your boyfriend, and as parents, they want to make sure that you are being treated well and feel you have options. Should you and the boyfriend break up (I know you will say "we won't"-- and I'm not saying you will, but it does happen) you will need a backup plan. This is something to go into the conversation with your parents having already worked out. We hear so many bad stories about couples these days, I'm sure that your parents would love to know that you were mature enough to have a viable fallback plan.

I do think being straight with your folks IS the more mature option. It's always better to be honest than live with a lie. If you and your boyfriend are both on board with living together and feel you can manage it and really want to do it, then be honest with your folks. They will feel worse about him if they think *he's* not being honest with them, too. If you can all sit down and talk to them as adults, discussing intentions and plans and showing on paper how it will work (budget) that will go farther than continuing not to tell them.

Julie S made some good points too-- college should be your A#1 focus right now. And do be prepared for your folks to say that if you want to play house, you pay your own way in the world. They did send you to college for an education, not a social life. Sorry if that sounds a bit gruff, but I can tell you what I would think of my son going off to college and moving in with his girlfriend-- not much.

You are definitely old enough to do this. If you are prepared financially and emotionally to do the following
Pay for school
Pay your share of all the bills in the boyfriend house
Pay for your own health insurance
Pay for your own car expenses including repairs and insurance

Understand that regardless of how close your parents live they may not allow you to move home.

If I was your parent I would be livid that I had been paying for an apartment you were not living in. This boy may or may not be your forever after but you are not a grown up yet or you would not have been sneaking to live with your boyfriend.

Our of curiosity how are your parents able to "manage" your scholarship money? Most of them must be paid directly to the school not to the student.

Well, your parents have every right to say that if you do that, you are on your own financially.

As a parent, I probably would be the parent that would make you pay your own way.

If you are wanting to act like an adult, then step up to the plate and pay ALL your own way.

I did exactly what you are doing. Happily my parents (while not thrilled) accepted that I was old enough to make this decision. They continued to support me (tuition, room & board - 1/2 of my apartment) and I continued to work summers. I got my degree (and my graduate degree). Our 30th anniversary will be in 2 weeks and my parents love their grandson very much. That is the grandson who never would have been born (if they had made me choose and I chose school) or the one they never ever would have seen (if I had chosen DH). I am extremely grateful they did NOT try to control me by making me choose between college and love. Best of luck. And seriously - if the relationship doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. I would make sure to finish your degree. Oh, and please disregard the advice to get married. Nineteen is not even close to old enough to marry.

Paying tuition is not a license to control you. But please consider that they are strict because they love you and are trying to protect you.

ETA - I am trying hard to wrap my head around the number of people who would just throw out their investment in their kid's education because the child chose to live with someone. If you are 19 and having sex - you should no longer receive the tuition and support your parents have saved your whole life for you. Um, why not? How is 'playing house' with a boy really different than 'playing house' with college room mates. You learn the same skills - division of labor, consideration for other peoples' things and space, negotiation. And so what if it doesn't work out. LOTS of relationships don't - friendships as well as romantic ones. I just don't see that paying tuition enables you to control your child's sex life. It enables your child to have the most promising future you can help them achieve. How selfish to cut off their tuition because you don't like the fact that they are growing up.

Just be prepared for your parents to stop financially supporting you if that's what they decide. Yeah you are over 18 and can make your own decisions, but so can they, and you know that saying about he/she who holds the purse strings (holds the power, or something like that).

My sister moved in with her BF around that age and my parents cut her off financially. Not necessarily because they disapproved of the guy, or the cohabitation, it was just like "ok if you want to live so 'adult' then you can live like an adult and pay your own way". My sister knew that was the outcome and felt she could swing it on her own so she did. It wasn't easy though. It totally slowed down her schooling because she couldn't pay for so many units at once. Plus she had to work a lot to pay her way and couldn't put as much attention on school. She was #2 of 6 of us sisters. After seeing her experience "roughing it" through school with her boyfriend, do you think any of the rest of us 4 sisters moved in with our boyfriends before finishing college? Heck no, we stayed on the gravy train through school and not a one of us moved in with a boyfriend until we had made it through college and got real jobs.

Maybe present it to your parents as a trial thing, like you're going to see how it goes for the summer and then re-assess with them how it's going and how the expenses are working out.

I think a lot of parents are wary of supporting their child, and their childs significant other in these situations. Because let's face it, a gf/bf's expenses become much more commingled than two or 3 girlfriends expenses do.

I did this. And it worked out well. We just celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary. BUT...we know we are an anomaly. Most of the kids we knew back then are broken up or divorced. I did not struggle with the decision. I knew it would mean that my parents no longer supported me financially. I accepted that responsibility. I knew my parents would not agree, his parent with either, for that matter. My parents were not thrilled, they tried to explain the cons.

This was NOT easy. Living together was stressful at times. Money was non existent. We fought. We struggled. We did without. It took me MUCH MUCH longer to graduate, because there were semesters I couldn't afford school. We loved each other, but love simply isn't enough.

I would encourage you to wait. Anyone struggling this much, isn't certain of her choice. You are looking to others to say "Sure! Do it," and most people are saying to wait. If you are going to do it, be sure you can accept the consequences. Because there is no going back. Had I broken things off with my then, boyfriend, it isn't like my parents would have gone back to supporting me. I would have been on my own. Don't lie to your parents, all lies are eventually discovered. It's not worth the hurt and heartache and mistrust. I encourage you to really consider what you are about to do....you don't sound ready to me.

You are of age to move in with your boyfriend for sure. If and only if you are self-supporting. I did this myself at your age. I moved in with a boyfriend, struggled, worked, and never took a dime from my parents while I did it. They weren't happy about it because of their religious convictions, but I was an adult and could do what I wanted. I would not dream of expecting them to support me while I did that.

I thought their old fashioned religious ideas were outdated at the time. But you know what? I really wish I would have stayed in school and not played house. I did eventually get to be independent and successful (once I left the guy). When a relationship is in the past, you realize how much wasted energy you spent on it when you could have been focusing on yourself and your goals.

You say you will still get your degree and pursue your goals. Even without their support? Great!! Do it! But if not, I would seriously consider not moving in with him. If you can do it all; disappoint them, stop hiding, move in with him AND keep their financial support, then lucky you.

But if you have to make a choice between their support and moving in with your boyfriend, you'd be BETTER off, paying a little less attention to your relationship, spending a little more time making other friends, and keeping the financial support you are very lucky to have for the betterment of your future.

Best wishes to you at this very important time in your life. I wis I'd been smarter at that age :)

I have a daughter, and I'm going to tell you the same thing I told her. IF you are old enough to live with your boyfriend, you are old enough to pay your bills and support yourself.

Maria - you are a young lady and I truly believe that every woman should know how to support themselves before they move in with boyfriend/husband. You don't. Your parents are supporting you and your boyfriend is supporting you if you move in with him. You say you are sharing food expenses, NO YOU AREN'T. Your parents are sharing the food expenses with your boyfriend.

You need to grow up. You are not making friends because you are so focused on this young man. Pull back. Live your life. You can have a boyfriend and not live together. It does happen.

For the record, my daughter is 25. She graduated from college, has a big girl job and her own apartment. She does NOT live with her boyfriend of 3 years.

You really seem to be torn about moving in with your boyfriend when you know it will disappoint your parents and make them mad. It may also cause them to cut you off from any financial support. Are you prepared for that to happen? As a parent, I would be concerned about you finishing college. If you move in with him, your focus will shift. Since he is not going to college, you may decide not to study or finish your degree which will be a problem at some time in the future. Do you parents like your boyfriend? Is he marriage material and is that what your future plans will be? What happens if the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship ends or you start to have issues? Where will you go? These are all the mature decisions you need to be making. Please think carefully about your decisions.

If you want to move in with your boyfriend, that's fine. But you should NOT expect your parents to continue paying your expenses or managing your money for you if you do. If you want to live like a grownup, that includes paying your own bills and taking care of your own business.

There are numerous studies that have shown that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced.

Don't move in together until you are permanently committed to each other (married) and until you can support yourselves financially.

I moved in with my boyfriend while I was in college, just days after I turned 20. (We were formally engaged shortly after, married within another year, and we're still together 15+ years later, in case anyone wonders.)

The difference between my situation and yours is that I wasn't lying to or hiding things from my parents, I worked and paid my own rent, and I managed my own school finances including scholarships, loans, etc.

If you want to make adult decisions, you must behave like an adult. Right now you're in "misbehaving child" mode if that makes sense. Being an independent adult means you are willing to accept the potential consequences of your choices, including parental disapproval and the withdrawing of their personal funding. So that's the first question to ask yourself - are you willing to be open and honest about the move? If not, then don't move.

The other thing to consider is the state of your relationship with your boyfriend. For us, the marriage discussion was already on the table. The move-in wasn't just for convenience, it was a step towards our mutual goal.

If you're not actively moving towards a permanent arrangement together and/or you think a breakup is an actual possibility, then you should not move in with him, regardless of your relationship with your parents.

Best of luck to you, with whatever decisions you ultimately make!

Don't do it. Yes, it sounds romantic, but if you plan to marry him and stay married for the next 50 years--DON'T DO IT! Use these 'freedom years' for your own growth. Join meetup to get new gal pals.

A big NO. It's tempting and thrilling and what happens when the thrill is gone and you are not prepared to care for yourself? Please listen to the mommas on here of various ages. I am one of the older ones on here and I would tell my daughter the same thing in a heartbeat.

My daughter-in-law moved in with my son before they got married (I think it was about three months into the relationship) and it was a hard two years of them finding out who they were separately and together as a couple and as a family. My son has a teen son who also lived in the home and it was a challenge but hey they have made it with a lot of hard work, sweat, tears and love.
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The world considers you an adult at 18 but you are not financially independent. You still rely on mom and dad for support. These college years are for you to "find" yourself and become who you are. Yes, living with a bunch of girls in not exciting because you are in each other's way at some point each day. It does teach you to share and how to navigate life's hurdles.

Playing house is what it is playing house and with no real commitment, he can walk away and leave you high and dry when he finishes playing house and moves on the next one or the one he will marry. That may not be you.

Build your foundation for financial freedom and independence. Travel and learn about life. Get a great job and live on your own by yourself without anyone in your space for a good five years. Respect yourself. Then if you feel you are ready consider marrying and that would be around age 30. Your 20s are coming up and it is a time to find out who you are.

People live well into their 80s and 90s so you are at the beginning of your life's journey. Life is not a race it is an experience that you participate in daily with lots of twists and turns.

the other S.

You are an adult. I know of at least 3 couples who did this while in college. One of the ladies had a friend that would come stay and act like a roommate when her mom or dad would come visit. Boyfriend would sleep on someone's couch. The others just went home to visit and it was a non-issue.

I think that you need to talk to the Bursar's office and find out what would happen if your parents dropped your financial management. Would your financial aid be terminated since they are the ones who filled out the paperwork, it's based on their income and returns. You need to find out the long term effects of what is going to happen.

You should be able to do what you want. You are over 18. Going to school and working too. I don't expect our kiddo's to work during college unless they want to and are making excellent grades.

I think you have 2-3 months to make this decision. With your eyes wide open. If you're living with someone they are your "mate" whether you have a wedding or not. They are in a committed relationship with you. They won't be able to claim you on taxes or as a dependent so they do not have to totally support you. If you were married I do think your financial aid would be based on your joint income. But that would take time, if you married him even on December 31 2014 you wouldn't have a tax return filed until spring 2015. So your fall 2015 FA would be based on that income. Then up to that point your income would be tied to your parents. If they refuse to help you with the FA information such as their income tax papers you might not be able to apply for assistance.

So the long term effects of that would be you'd have to drop out of college and go to work. Then when you and boyfriend finally do marry or you've worked long enough and filed your own individual taxes for several years you'll be able to file on your own income alone.

This decision is a serious one. Of course you want to be with him...why not?

There's no valid reason to not do this other than it effects your ability to remain in college. So find out what the bursar's office or the financial aid office says will happen if your parents stop filing for your financial aid and you file for it as an adult yourself.

Then go forward from there.

Because I think you will be financially tied to your parents income and won't be able to file for financial aid on your own until you've lived on your own for several years and filed income tax several years independent of your parents. Then you can file on your own income. So if you move in with him you're out of school.

I'm going to be blunt. Here's the reality...you are 19 and too young. You don't feel young I'm sure but what until you are 29 and look back. I feel like a woman doesn't even start knowing who she is until she is 25 and then you keep growing from there. I think this is your first big relationship and b/c you are older than 18 and on your own you think the next step is moving in. I personally think the best age to meet the one is about 25. You are going to graduate college and get your career going. So many changes in your life in the next year and you are going to be exposed to so many new people and things in the next few years. You are 19. There is no rush to move in. You need girlfriends right now and not to be just about a guy. Guys in there early 20's are not really the settling type...! Late 20's is a better age for guys to get married - more mature and have their careers going. Don't move in with someone unless marriage is the next step!!! It is a BIG DEAL to live with someone. Money, buying furniture, etc. When it doesn't work out it's not so easy to just break up. I know you are thinking with your heart right now...that's what you do at 19. You are hiding it from your parents b/c deep down inside you know they don't want that for you right now and you know they are right. This is such a great time in your life. You are at college, getting independent and lucky you that you have your parents helping you out. Have FUN! Don't look back and regret that you were all about a guy and missed out on this experience. You need girlfriends. Be 19!!! Also it's not worth it to damage your relationship with your parents. Stop for a moment and think if you had a daughter that wanted to live with her boyfriend at 19...would you really be ok with it? I got married at 29 and had kids in my early 30's. I feel like most of the mom's I come into contact did the same thing. We got to live before settling down and starting a family. Marriage and having kids is hard. You don't know until you get into the stage of life. I'm very thankful I had experiences in my early 20's to help shape me and help me be a better wife and mom today.

well, you're over 18, and it sounds as if you are feeling that you want to take charge of your own life. terrific!
part of being an adult is learning how to be honest, even when it's uncomfortable. 'hiding stuff from them' is dishonesty.
so decide what you want to do. there's nothing childish about being supported by your parents while you're in college, and i think it's the smartest thing to do. you can move in with your lover when you graduate and are prepared to take on all of your own bills. if it's a true love, it'll still be there.
if you absolutely can't wait to live with him (which i tell you true, is an adolescent reaction- adults know how to live with delayed gratification), then woman up and tell your parents, and be prepared to take on your own bills, even if it means going to school part-time while you work. if your bills are covered by your scholarship, YOU need to manage the money.
thus far you haven't actually been sharing expenses, you've been dishonestly having your parents do it.
i don't have any ethical issues with you living with a boy, although i do think you're rushing it. but you're not behaving in a mature, responsible fashion if you're lying to your parents. step up to the plate, whichever way you go.
khairete
S.

Are you prepared to finance the remainder of your college education? You have to consider if what will happen if they decide to financially cut you off.

There is no simple answer. You have to make the choice that is right for you and be ready to deal with the consequences. Think it through carefully.