I Want to Help My Friend - Parenting Books/movies?

ETA
You are very wise to recognize her question was really a vent. But it does give you an opening to say "Well Bob and I really liked this book" or "My girlfriend Suzy just had this situation, and she raves about that book".

But then I'd go back to listening. :)

You're such a good friend! :)

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ORIGINAL
I'll echo Mom on the GO - listen.

Now for the direct answer. Most of the time when people send books/articles it's taken as passive aggressive. Likewise, it might also be seen as an outsider trying to stick their nose in.

Your friend knows where the library is and a book store. Let her find the books. You're needed for moral support, not parenting/marital instruction. (meant to be direct, not rude)

Well, if they're not going to consistently enforce rules, nothing is going to change.

My default advice is to post house rules and review them (and the consequences for breaking them) daily.

Sounds like that would be a stretch for your friend's family.

Don't you love people that wonder why what they ARE doing isn't working, yet can't find time for counseling or reading a book? THAT is a great definition of denial.

Oh--at your house--YOUR rules.

Unfortunately, the only advice I had is for you...be there to listen. Don't point fingers or place blame. This is their problem. They should have gotten on the same page long ago, and are now paying the price.

I think the only thing you can safely recommend to them is "consistency". Whatever they do, say or choose as a parenting style is up to them. But without consistency, nothing will work.

I will keep and eye out and see what others recommend tho!

A) Nothing can help people like this. If they wanted help or books they'd get them.

B) IF you think they could watch something I recommend the show "The World's Strictest Parents." Free episodes are on cmt.com

It's a great show because they'll see how much happier and respectful even the worst teens are with the host parents with BOUNDARIES vs their own wimpy parents with no boundaries who the kids literally HATE. it could wake them up and give them lots of good tips IF THEY CARED.

But again. Usually people like this don't really want to change.

You know what has helped me: watching Wife Swap. Watching the train wreck that other families seem to have. What works, what doesn't, how other people discipline or don't. How change happens. It's really been educational for me. As a result, I've started my kids (12 yr old boy, 8 yr old girl) doing chores. My son is not anywhere as bad as your friend's daughter, but what motivated me is that I don't want to get there.

Anyway, maybe watching Wife Swap would help them. (I also let my kids watch the show. So they can clearly see right and wrong. We usually end up agreeing.) Some families are lovely and need just a little tweaking. It's really nice to see when families change for the better thanks to someone else stepping in.

Jane Nelson wrote some great POSITIVE DISCIPLINE books.
BOUNDARIES with your TEENS by John Townsend would be good for her too.

Well, for now just listen to her. It's a shame she won't listen to you, but maybe it's the delivery. Make her want to ask you HOW do YOU do it? You are obviously doing something right. Unfortunately it sounds like things have to get worse for her to ask you (or reach out to anyone) for help.

For a long time I wouldn't listen to people around me either. But I realized if everyone close to us (2,3,4 people) were saying the same things to me, something was off and * I * needed to change the way I did things.

We hired a parent coach and it appears the # 1 rule is that both parents have the follow the rules and set the example. Guess who wasn't at first? Me. But I'm coming around.