Book Suggestions for Parenting Teenagers

Hi, here's a great book,
"How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk" by Adele Faber. I bet you can get it from the library.

I have a 14 year old and have bought and recommended tons of parenting books over the years. Once kids become teenagers, recommendations either by using ratings at Amazon or from others can become less useful, unless the specific issues are the same as those you're experiencing with your teen.

A couple of years ago I bought "Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!" after being recommended it and finding it rated 5/5 by 50+ readers at Amazon. It wasn't useful for me and my husband at all. It speaks to issues we don't have with our son and I doubt we'll have with our daughter (now 10).

Now, that being said, my son took Psychology this year at school and shared with us everything he learned about the adolescent brain and interactions between adolescents and their parents and told us that our relationship isn't "normal" in that we listen and are logical and hear him out before passing judgement or punishment.

He's said we have sort of an anti-"vicious cycle" ~ we listen, so he talks to us, so we listen, so he talks, and so on. That's NOT to say we have the "best friend" syndrome so many parents do today, absolutely not. He's still a child, we're the parents. There are rules and punishments for breaking them, but he knows telling us he screwed up is better than us finding out the hard way. And talking things out ahead of time is even better.

I'd suggest borrowing before buying or checking things out of the library first. Or ordering at the local bookstore if things aren't in stock. At ours you don't pay until you have decided for sure you want it.

Hi, L.,
The absolute best book I read when I really needed it was called "Uncommon Sense for Parents of Teenagers" by Michael Riera. He talks about how to become a valued consultant in your teen's life, rather than the managerial role most parents play when their kids are younger. It was excellent, easy to get through in short order, and it is the one book I re-read for my second teen when I felt like I needed it. I also liked "Get Out of My Life--But First Will You Take Me To the Mall", for the early rebellion stage--but the Uncommon Sense book dealt with typical high school issues year-by-year and how to stay important to your child while allowing them to learn to fly--which does sometimes involve falling first. It's easy for all of us to want to help our teens avoid the mistakes we made, but we need to remember that those mistakes are how we learned to do things right...buy your friend this book, or get it from the library (but she will want to re-read parts of it, I guarantee you!)
Good luck, and thanks for being there for her. Parenting teens is way harder than parenting infants--but I enjoyed it so much more and love the adults my kids have become!

Greetings L.: Having raised 5 of my own children and several foster children I have found that the books written by Dr. James Dobson are wonderful and teach how to be firm yet kind ( esp when you least want to) I also found Redirecting Childrens Behavior to be incredably informative, and anything by Stephen R. Covey, show that you don't have to be a friend/buddy but how to set boundries as a parent . I have had as many as 4 teens at once in the home from all stages of life and I counted on Dr. Dobson to get us through it. There is one more book that may be out of print called " Living with your children and still liking them" I believe the distributer was Deseret Press. I hope that you enjoy the adventure of parenting a teen. I promise there is nothing quite like it. But it will be the most rewarding thing you will ever do!!
Nana G

The book I found to be the most helpful is "Yes, Your Teen is Crazy" by Dr. Michael J. Bradley. The focus is on teens with more severe problems, but I found this very helpful as it allowed me to put my daughter's behavior in perspective.

Even though my teen's behavior is not nearly as negative as most in the book, I learned many things that have helped me tremendously. The author does a great job of explaining what is going on inside of a teenager's brain that causes them to behave the way they do. He also does a great job of explaining how we, as parents, can make our teen's behavior worse by the ways we act and react to them. I learned many "do's and don'ts" that have helped me keep my sanity.

It's definitely worth the time to read.

The book For Parents Only by Shaunti Feldman and L. A. Rice is a good resource. My Bible study group did the book and we loved it. The authors polled teens and pre teens on subjects that parents find important and got the viewpoint of the kids. From this viewpoint they offer advice and guidance. It's a real eye-opener and I highly recommend it.

I personally like the child rearing books written by Dr. James Dobson. He has several out on parenting teens. Dr. Dobson writes from a Christian perspective. His books were more helpful to me when I was raising my children because even though he says basically the same things as most other child rearing experts, he says it from the perspective of a parent who has experience and you know he understands how difficult raising a child can be. Some of the others seem to give a "formula" and indicate that parenting is a snap if you only follow a few simple steps... and we all know that's not true.
Another author I found to be quite good .. was assigned one of his books when in a Child Development class in college .. is Fitzhugh Dodson. I don't know if his books are still available for purchase, but your friend might find them in the library.

Hi L.,

Patt and Steve Saso, who I have seen speak in the Bay Area, have written several books about parenting teens.

10 Best Gifts For Your Teen, Raising Teens with Love and Understanding is a wonderful book written by them.

L.

I agree with the suggestion of HOW TO TALK SO TEENS WILL LISTEN AND LISTEN SO TEENS WILL TALK, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I used their earlier book (HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL LISTEN...) a lot and didn't use the teen book as much since we already had the principles in place. Another posted mentioned the importance of listening to your teens, which I will second. It doesn't stop them from doing dumb things, but you're much more likely to hear about problems and--using Faber's principles--they're more likely to hear your concerns.
I also liked GET OUT OF MY LIFE, BUT FIRST COULD YOU DRIVE ME AND CHERYL TO THE MALL? by Anthony Wolf. It helped with perspective!
These are both available through the Santa Clara County Library system, and proably through other libraries as well.

Hi L.!

Since you do have a background in family life, I am sure you can agree that there are many philosophies on how to raise children! I think most of us can agree there are some basics that appear in every method; consistency & follow-through. My favorite book on parenting teens is from Dr. Thomas Phelan - I am sure you are familiar with 1-2-3 Magic. His book, Surviving Your Adolescents, is an easy, fast read. It is humorous - so much so it is worth reading aloud with your parenting partner (who, by the time the teen years come, may have different ideas on how to parent!) and helps you find reasonableness. He allows for each parent's degree of tolerance - because we are all different. He offers homework assignments - and I have found without actual advice on actually implementing ideas, the words just stay on the page and the ideas remain in your head. These homework assignments include talking with your teen and sometimes parents need a opening line to do that - and this gives you one. It really is a fun read at a time when - if parents are at wits end - lightens the mood and puts life in perspective.

How to talk so kids will listen,and how to listen so kids will talk and How to talk so kids will learn are excellent books for parents and teachers and are useful for any age group. These books are written in simple language with examples shown in sketches on what is right way or wrong way to deal with various situations. I also like How to negotiate with kids.
-Rachna

Hi L.,
I'm a therapist who specializes in teens and their families-- I always recommend 'The Answer is No!' and 'How to talk so your kids will listen'-- that one is good for any parent.

I *just* read this recommendation from a friend for this author. Jane Nelsen has a book specifically for teens as well. My friend included the index to her page which I haven't fully explored yet (I only just got it!)

http://www.positivediscipline.com/index.html

I haven't personally read or tried it but since she is married to a marriage and family therapist and they have great kids, I strongly trust their recommendations.

Love and Logic series has some pretty good books for that age group. My son is only 4 so I haven't gotten them yet, but the excerpts I have seen in the newsletters sound good.

Hi L.!

The only "Book" I can think of reading to help get a family through the Teenage Years is THE BIBLE!

My husband and I read the Bible more when we were raising the Teenagers (which are actually my stepkids).

It's funny actually, now that they've moved out and are living successfully on their own.....we don't read the Bible as much anymore :O)

Anyway, that's the book that got us through!

When it comes to being a parent of a teenager, the word FAITH comes into mind. A parent MUST have FAITH in themselves to teach their children, they must have FAITH in their children to make good choices (most of the time) they must have FAITH in eachother to back eachother up, too. But truthfully, where does this FAITH come from? Hopefully it came from a successful marriage, if not it can come from the Bible!

When my husband and raised teenagers, we were MADLY in love with eachother, but we had alot of blended-family issue's that we'd been working on for years. With the kids turning into teenagers only a few years into our marriage...... scary for us :o) Anyway, it all worked out, we're happy, the "teenagers" are grown up to 23&25 now, and they seem "happy"....and the "new kids" LOVE their sissy and bubby......so it all worked out for us......thanks to the Bible and our FAITH!!!

I hope that somewhere in my short story you can find advice to give your dear friend. My advice: Stand up straighter and be stronger than you ever have before, you will question yourself MORE than ever wondering if you handled the situation(s) right or wrong. Be honest and fair with your child. If you made a rule that didn't work out the way you thought.....it's OK to change it, but be honest with your child and tell them why you are changing. This is where honestly comes back to you from your child. It "opens up the door" for them to talk to you when they've made a bad choice and need you to know.......

I wish her all the best raising their teenager. It makes me emotional just thinking about it all again :O)

~N. :o)