I Want to Be a Housewife!

I'd probably keep working until I have kids. I would imagine staying home with no kids would get old fast and you probably shouldn't make major decisions while dealing with the heartbreak you're dealing with right now. JMO....good luck!

There's an old saying, "Never in the history of man has there been a tomb stone that said, 'I wished I had spent more time at work' "

I say go for it. Many women wait until the baby comes to stay home and then they have no time to make at home friends that they can connect to in times of loneliness.

I'm a teacher so before kids during the summer for 10 weeks I got to be a temporary housewife and then after kids, a temporary SAHM.

As far as the housewife thing goes - I love, love, loved the freedom to come and go as I pleased for my ten weeks off. But, for as much fun as it was I always found myself ready and wanting to go back to work toward the end because I was, dare I say, bored!

Be forewarned - the role of the housewife minus the children is vastly different than the role of the SAHM. Housewife minus kids = a complete and total breeze (not knocking it whatsoever, just saying it is soooooo easy when all day long you do what you want when you want and don't have to tend to a helpless child's needs).

After I-won't-tell-you-how-many years of being a housewife, I can tell you emphatically that you do not waste your college education when your career is homemaking. You may use it differently than in the work place, but you use it, and you use it ALL. You use more education than you ever thought you had. Talk about sharpening your mind! And being a homemaker before the baby arrives might get you in a good routine that will help you later.

"Just a housewife" was coined to disparage women who don't get a paycheck. Do you measure people's value by salary? I don't.

BUT.... don't decide this minute! You need to give yourself time to recover physically and emotionally before you make ANY big decisions.

i am truly sorry for your loss!! it's NEVER easy.

I would work and put all of my paycheck into savings or paying things off so that when we get pregnant again, I won't have to stress over money....or the what if my husband loses his job?

We have six months of his salary in savings. We based everything we did, from buying the home to a car, on HIS salary alone and NEVER included mine. So my salary when i worked was 'bonus' and now that i'm not working? not a huge stress..although the dollar doesn't go as far as it used to!!

You are NOT wasting your college education by staying home when you get pregnant again...

I have a college education and I have never used it, technically. However, it makes me feel like a SUPER housewife and mother to have a college education, and yet have chosen to stay at home. I love it!!

I would stay at home. You will be able to get your house in perfect order, and you'll learn a lot about yourself and the kind of wife and mother you'll strive to be.

My family could really, really benefit from me having an income..we are very poor..but my husband and girls wouldn't have it any other way. I am also homeschooling, so there's that, as well.

Don't feel guilty. Try it, see how you like it. I'll bet you'll love it. And it will give you so much time and energy to do special things for your husband, and he WILL feel special knowing he's taking care of you while you're taking care of him. I honestly believe that if you can (I know some just can't) that you should do it.

I am so happy for you! I am sorry you've had to deal with what you've had, but you've made a good decision for your future, and I am happy for that.

do it!! You will love that you took a some time off for you before your life is consumed by babies and kids. You need a break! Maybe you can take a leave of absence for your mental well-being. I enjoy my time with my kids but I do wish that I would have had at least 6 months or more of just me time before having them. If you can do it and you want to, then go for it. :)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Rule #1 for anyone after experiencing a major loss is DO NOT MAKE SIGNIFICANT CHANGES FOR AT LEAST A YEAR because they are likely reactionary, not thought-out.

Right now your household operates absolutely fine the way it is. Yes, IMO you would be wasting a college education to stay home and be a housewife, but that is aside from the point.

After you have a child, you can make the decision as to whether or not you want to return to work. For now... keep things the way they are b/c you need to heal your heart before you quit your job. Also keep in mind that your husband has a good job right now, but if you can work for another year and bank your salary you will have a great head-start on a college fund!

I know it feels like there is lots to do at home but after a few weeks just being a housewife believe me you will be going nuts!!! Maybe you can take a few of your vacation/ sick days now to pamper yourself and recover from your loss. but then I would go back to work. I was a stay at home mom with my eldest and I loved him to death, but it can be lonely and isolating and after working and making my own money it can be hard to go to not contributing to the bank account, and i had a lot more time to go shopping also- which is very bad for my bank account! lol. take care!

I am absolutely supportive of stay at home moms (I am one too), and will even care for other kids in my home so they don't have to be in large daycares. I also suffered a miscarriage my first pregnancy (and my third, fifth and sixth), so I understand the need for time to heal physcially and emotionally.
I'm sure the deep cleaning is very therpeutic for you... BUT, there is only so much deep cleaning that can be done in a years time. I say, go back to work, keep those social ties and your mind busy and active while you are trying to conceive again.
Work the first 6 months of pregnancy and save every dime while living off your husband's salary. This will give you a good idea of what that budget will look like, and give you a chunk of money to buy things for baby (nursery furniture is expensive!) or start saving for college.
You might find once you are home that it is hard to find ways to fill your time (before baby, after baby you will have ALL your time filled!). You will most definitely lose friends, as they have work during the day and will continue socializing with those they work with. Making the trasition to stay at home mom was difficult for me because I had to seek out new people to hang out with during hours I was used to having planned out for me.

Wow! So great to read your post today!! I think it is wonderful that you find the domestic chores so therapeutic. I do too!! So many times people begrude these duties or hand them off to cleaning companies. I too feel so good after making my home clean and tidy..and welcoming to my family and friends. I really find such fulfillment and joy being a full time homemaker..but alot of that too has to do with what I do to feed the "me time" and not "losing my identity". I really believe being home has allowed me more time to develop talents,hobbies and friendships that I just wouldn't have time or energy for if I was back in the workplace. I was a teacher before kids came along.

I saw a post from a woman that mentioned her husband is attracted to her more now that she stays home and takes care of home and family. My husband is the same way. He tells me all the time how much he appreciates my work keeping up the home and kid's stuff. I think you begin to value eachother for what each contributes to the household..it is different work..and only one produces a paycheck but there is sooo much value having one person keeping their finger on the pulse of the home.

I think if you don't need to work then go for it! If he supports you then definitely go for it.

You mention wasting your education..soooooo not true! You enjoyed getting your education and working for a while in your field right? Then why a waste? You will be a great example to your future kids that an education is so important. We don't get an education just to eventually make money. You learned so many skills that can be used in the home..and your interactions in the community. You have expertise so that someday you have the option to go back to work if you'd like to. Education is NEVER a waste!! Don't ever let anyone make you think you are wasting your education because you stay home and put focus your knowledge on the people who deserve it the most. A paycheck does not equal what is of most value!!

I think this recovery was a good time for you to see what you value most in life and what speaks to your soul..and that is focusing your time and energy on your home and family.

I am sorry to hear of your D&C. It is a sad time for you and your hubby. I have been there 2 times. ...recently losing a baby at 5months pregnant. It was such a hard time..but peaceful too cuz I immersed myself in my family and being home and filling my time with friends and hobbies....I am home full time and was able to do so.

I hope recovery goes well ...better days are ahead..I promise!!

Maybe you should take a vacation and think about it. Stay home and recover from the D&C and think things over. I wanted to be home when I had DD but that didn't come to pass for a year and now I work PT from home. It's not always easy. There are plenty of things you can do to not feel like you're "wasting" an education, and it can be as temporary as necessary. I'm also college educated, but being home with DD is more important than my career at this point. When she's in school I'll re-evaluate. I am able to do this because my DH has a good job and I don't expect SSI to be around when I retire and we are planning accordingly. Don't forget non-employer life insurance for yourself. You are valuable, working or not.

Hello....

I was a 2nd grade teacher and resigned when I was 28 weeks pregnant with my twins. I loved being a teacher. I could have stopped working earlier, but I think after a few weeks of me cleaning house, running errands, etc... full time would have gotten old. I think you should take a couple of weeks to grieve at home without having to think about work.

However, I think it would be a good idea after that to go back to work and work for a few months and then re-evaluate your dilemma when your loss isn't as fresh. If you still feel like you want to be a full time housewife, then consider just cutting your hours at your current job.... if that's even possible. Or... would your boss allow you to take a leave of absence for a couple of months just to see if it's something you would permanently want to do?

Blessings to you.

Hugs-

J.

Do it! I decided to be a SAHM when I was prego with my first. But I would have done it before that too, if I felt like it. But I got prego two months after we were married, so it's not like i had a lot of time to decide to stay home prior to getting prego. :-)

It's not brainless work (though parts of it are!), so you're education will come in handy. I've found it more challenging than any job I've ever done.

And, I know some women might find this offensive somehow..maybe? But when I quit working, my husband somehow became even more attractive to me! He loved that I was staying home, so I fully had his support. I guess it made him seem more manly to me that he was taking care of us! :-) I don't really know how to explain it. It was just a surprising result of the decision. I still feel that way about him. I like that he takes his job so serious for us, and he feels the same about me. I view being a SAHM as one of the most important, hardest jobs there is. It certainly doesn't compare to any demand of any previous jobs I've had! (and this is not meant to insult anyone who is a working by mom choice or by force of situation, just sharing my view on it).

If it helps you feel any better, a pediatrician that we used to see chose to be a SAHM! She was a doctor. I was so shocked, but I thought it was awesome too. Definitely not a waste of education;-) I think it's the perfect thing to educate yourself for.

Good luck deciding!

I think that if you are able to financially, you should do what makes you happy. If you are content and happy, you will have a better chance of carrying your next pregnancy to full term. (Very sorry for your loss, btw).

I say go for it!!

Personally, I found being a working mom way too much for me. It was okay when I just had one, but after my second was born it became too much. I constantly felt like I had to make a choice between my family and my job, and all too often I felt my family was on the loosing end. So when we decided to relocate out of state we decided to have me stay home, at least for the summer, to see if we can financially pull it off. It's only been a few days, but already I'm a thousand times happier. I love cooking, cleaning, spending time with my boys (and now I'm not cranky when I do). I have a college education too, but don't feel I'm wasting it in the least. It's all a matter of what fits for you and your family, and it staying home is what fits, then go for it. I felt a bit guilty when we first made the decision, but taking care of my family is a full-time job, so now I'm just enjoying it.

A.

I don't think it's something to rush into.
I think you should take the time between now and the delivery of the baby to lay a solid groundwork for achieving your goal. It may be next month, next week....but get a plan.
Stash some money for baby things and an emergency fund, etc.
Live for a while O. just O. paycheck and completely bank your income.
Devise a good, workable budget on the O. income.
Contribute to your 401Ks, IRA, etc...
Then GO FOR IT!

I am working from home today because I honestly get more done when I'm at home than when I'm at the office. My current position is 100% virtual, so it's fine for me to work at the office or at home. Also, I am taking my little breaks that I would be walking around the office to do some light cleaning or switch a load of clothes. And my full lunch hour can be spent taking a nap, watching TV, or doing some house work - whatever I feel like when it comes to it. I have to work and I like working, but I do envy the mom's who don't have to. But they probably envy the mom's who get to. I think the grass is always greener. Try to be happy with where you are and NEVER feel guilty for any decisions you make. Good luck mama :).

I think that because of your recent loss, it is probably not best to make any drastic changes to your life any time soon. If you really love being a house wife, maybe you can cut back to part time? Honestly, if my son were gone all day from the house, I would be bored pretty quickly. Cleaning, dishes, laundry, etc. gets mundane as it is, but if you didn't have anyone at home to distract you, I think it would make it more difficult on you in the long run. I also think that going to work will actually help you to not focus solely on your loss and, hopefully, allow you to heal faster! If it were me, I would stay at my job and put the money you earn in to savings for your future children. Good luck!

If you don't have to financially then go for it. I have always stayed home, we have twins that are in 4th grade and I have my RN degree. I have people ask me all the time if I feel like I'm wasting my degree, well no, I don't because I still keep it up just in case there ever is a time I would need it. I too am very fortunate and don't have to work and it works for us.

We look at it this way, things are totally different now. We like the fact that I am home when the kids get home, both of them are very active in sports and I am always there to take them to everything. We never have to find other people to take our kids to things. And believe me it is very important to kids to have their parents at their stuff, as they get older they may not act like it, but they are. Also, I am able to cook, we rarely eat out, we also think this is very important.

If your heart and gut are telling you to do it..then go for it!!!

You can also try working from home, obviously not analizing crimes/crime scenes.
I work from home, so that I can be a housewife and mom to my two beautiful daughters. I can give you some information on what I do, PM me if you think you might be interested in learning more. Now would be a great time to get started, so that you can relax a little around the time the baby is born and then get back into it, as baby gets on a little bit of a schedule.
This would especially be a good option if you are able to take a little time off work and see how it goes.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

I think you might get bored of all the deep cleaning and errands after a few weeks. Your husband may start to take all the cleaning and stuff you do for granted, then when the baby comes and you're not able to do as much (trust me), he might get whiny about it. Also, you'll have about a year of being a housewife before a baby comes along (hopefully). How does your husband feel about it?

I say, keep working till you're about 6 months along. Save some extra money and then you'll still have 3 months to get your house all ready for your baby. That's what I did and it was perfect.

College grad myself, stay at home mom for 15 yrs now. My only advice: keep in touch with others-I got so wrapped up in my kids lifes-running them everywhere, being "the" PTA/Scout/etc. mom. The youngest is now 15 and I am trying to find something to do with my time since all those activities filled it up earlier and she is no longer in them!!
Even considering going back to work part time just to have something to do-now I know why I see so many senior citizens at Walmart!! lol
The other thing I will tell you that I learned this year while doing retirement counseling, my Social Security was based on my last employment salary not on total paid in!! Which means when I did work and had a good salary, that record is gone and they base it on my last employment which was subbing at the school and lower income!! So check into all issues before making that decision!
Other than that, I love it and was glad I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to stay home.

I understand how you feel as I kind of like cleaning too and I LOVE organizing the house. I picture not working too when my kids in school most of the day and it's so appealing at first to not be rushed a lot, have time to myself etc. Then I envision a month or so out. My house is perfectly organized, my yard looks great, my wardrobe is sorted out etc. Now what do I do?... Most options involved spending money - probably what you won't want to do. Some things don't cost money like exercising and you could do volunteer work etc but picture it and see if you'd feel a little adrift. If I were you, I'd keep working and save as much money as possible to have extra after you do have a baby. Then even when you're on one income, you'll definitely have money for extras and if you will have plenty of money anyway, then put it all in a college fund. Once you are pregnant and through your first trimester, then resign your job about 4 or 5 months before you're due. That'll give you plenty of time to enjoy being home etc before the madness begins. And I hate to say it but if you don't get pregnant again right away or you have a miscarriage, you could start going insane with nothing else to focus on... I hope that doesn't happen of course!

.

I've been a "housewife" for 11 years and I love it - most days. My house isn't 100% perfect, but it's clean and somewhat neat. I cook a nice dinner most nights and I'm available for my daughter after school and on days (like today) when she wasn't feeling well and needed to go to the doctor and get an x-ray. My husband loves that my daughter and I are relaxed and happy to see him when he gets home. I make sure I treat myself to a pedicure regularly and my husband knows I'm always available to him (works out nicely for both of us). I do run a Pampered Chef business that gets me out of the house and earns me some good $$, but I seriously don't miss working one bit. I worked for an insurance company for 15+ years and then on Wall Street for a few years before I had my daughter. I don't miss either of those jobs. I still keep in touch with old co-workers, but staying home beats working every day. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I am taking applications!! Okay, just kidding but sometimes as a SAHM I honestly feel like I need a wife to take care of me! If you feel this is your calling, and it honestly is, then by all means go for it. Please live your life for yourself/family and not for what others think. Also remember when little ones come along, even with sales/thrift shops/donations from friends/family members, the costs add up. Maybe go part-time and bank your salary so you can boost up your savings. Now go forth make it shine!!

I think that you should do what makes you happy! Your college education will never be wasted. Just think how lucky you are to have a choice. You can choose to stay at home right now and then when your kids are in school, you might find the itch to go back to work - even PT.

Be happy - that is the best thing you can do for yourself and your kids.

And feel better!!

I'm so sorry first off. Is there anyway you can take another week off? I don't think you should full on quit since. When I was pregnant I was so sick that I had to quit school and work. Staying at home, even though I was doing much needed resting, cleaning, errends, I was bored out of my mind! I did enjoy the house work, but the rest? Oh my word! The boredom level cant be measured. For the first few weeks it was ok, but after that I just wanted to go back to work or school.
Ask your work to give you just a little bit more time, or maybe a telecommuting possibility? I think you will find that it get's pretty boring. Or it could just be what you need and you can make it work. But I would defiantly do a trial run before I jumped in and quit.

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose a baby.
If your husband is in agreement, I would definitely opt to stay home. I think you both will find great benefit from you being home to tend to the things of your household. And, it frees you to offer help to others in need. Even when our children are grown, I have no intention to go work for someone else. I think there is way too much to be done in my home, my church, my community to waste it on a job. Please note, like you, I am not in a position to need to earn money to maintain our home. Obviously, if a woman needs the income to maintain a home, then it isn't a waste to bring that money into the home. For me, it would be a greater expense for us for me to work than for me to work where I am, doing what I am doing (at home). If you have the option, I think your time will be more beneficial in your own home, working for your husband in the things around the house. Blessings to you!

If you don't have to work, quit. What do you do in your job that is so earth-shattering? Most jobs are one form or another of paper-shuffling, no matter their lofty title.

The most important thing about a college education (other than helping us to get a job so we can survive), is that it teaches people to think, and exposes them to different world views and opinions.

After that - if you have the income covered - volunteer for a needy cause. It will probably mean more to you and the world in the long run than your current job does. (Sorry if I'm wrong and your current job helps disabled people or orphans or something like that.)

(P.S. I'm assuming from your post that your husband has a REALLY good job, and you are quite comfortable financially. If you're on the edge, keep your job as long as you can.)

it's natural to crave change when you've just gone through a personal tragedy. just understand that underlying this desire is a need to make things other than what they are, ie that if you change your life circumstance it will help you grieve less. and of course, your loss deserves grief.
but if you don't need to work and want to stay home, why not try it? as others have suggested, it's probably best not to make any big decisions for a while, as one never makes great decisions from a place of mourning or fear. but that doesn't mean it's not right for you be a housewife! there's no denigration in it. and it's certainly not a waste of your education unless you quit critical thinking and intelligent application of information in your life and turn all bovine. there's a faction that stereotypes all housewives this way, but it's certainly not true. my college-educated mother never worked, and remained a brilliant, incisive, stimulating person to be around.
give yourself a little time and see if this calling persists.
khairete
S.

Doing what you "enjoy" is a major key to emotional health and happiness.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can really see how you might need some down time with a job like yours! It might be a good chance to take care of yourself, your home and your husband before you add little ones to your life. Good luck in your decision and I am sorry about the baby. I had a miscarriage, too. It's a very sad thing to go through.

I don't know your job... but I would keep working until you are close to having a baby (ideally).

Why? because although being a SAHM or a "homemaker" is very rewarding, and most of us really do love it... There will be times that you REALLY miss "work"... the adult interaction... the relationships... the exta money to go out to a nice dinner or get your hair done... etc.

But, if you don't really LOVE your job, go get one that you will - especially if your husband is doing really well where he is. Get a job that is fun, rather than choosing one based solely on your paycheck! It will make you less stressed (good for conception) and those memories will be looked on fondly when you are at home with the pitter patter of little feet.

Or- split the difference and get a part time job, and stay at home "half time". Without any babies (yet) you'll have plenty of time at home to cook, clean, and be a domestic goddess... but a part time position will give you a lot of adult interaction and experiences!

Good Luck
-M.

Maybe a happy balance of both would be good for you. Can you cut back to just working part-time that way you can still work a few days a week but get the house wife feeling more than you currently do now. That way you are still feeling like you aren't wasting your college education and enjoying the extra time at home.

Good luck with what ever you decide. May God bless you with a wonderful and healthy child!

~S.

Keep working until the baby comes along. In today's economy, you just never know about jobs. If you don't need the money - great! Save it for a rainy day, pay extra toward your mortgage, start a college fund, etc. Of course staying home would be fabulous, but work while you can; you'll be glad you did.

I would love to be a housewife too! I have ALWAYS wanted to be a stay-at-home Mom and a attentive wife to my husband, however, in this economy, I HAVE to work. We live in a world that praises anyone who climbs the corporate latter, yet shun the woman who CHOOSES to take care of her family. I don't understand... We also live in a NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND country..if all the adults are climbing the corporate ladder, who's taking care of the CHILDREN - there being left behind (literally).

I don't know, I think there's something nostalgic about a mother being at home, taking care of the house while the father is at work. In my opinion a house and a family runs better when there are set roles. Sorry if I sound feminist, I am not. Just wish we could go back to a simpler time when "I'm busy" wasn't the phrase of the day and kids actually played outside, dinner was prepared and on the table when the children came home from school, and fathers were heroes because they did whatever it took to take care of the family. :)

Hi,

Why not take exercise your rights with the family leave act? I don't quite remember how long you get, but at least if you get the time off and find you really would like to keep working until you do have a baby, then no harm done.

All the best to you!

the best favor you could possibly do for yourself is to remember that men dont live forever. and where will you be then ? no income, no husband, your house will look great but you will no one to share it with, take a few years, work as much as you can, then have a baby, that way, you will be able to afford to take a few years off.
K. h.

i think this is a case of "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence." you wanted to be a SAHM, so now you sadly would just be a housewife instead to have any part of that dream. i am a SAHM as of a year ago and i desperately want to work again, even part time. i am miserable at home and so much happier at work. yes a part of me thinks that i am wasting my education by being at home. i have a neighbor friend in the same situation. she's highly educated but a SAHM now due to the economy. we both would love to be where you are, a woman with a career. just food for thought!

I think you are very emmotional right now especially what you've been through. I think you need to heal from that before you make the decision. IMO..personally I would work and save as much money as you can in preparation for your future family and then quit to stay home. Right now I think your vulnerable and hurting.....take some time i.e. vacation and process. this.

This may be repeat advice but I would start living off of your husband's income now. Make a budget and figure out all of this while you have this "free" time. If you can live off of his income now then you will be able to make it when baby comes. You can also start saving your income which will help with budget shortfalls/emergencies/college fund later on when you aren't working.

Well, If it was me, I would just say what you wrote to your husband, & see what he says because he is in your life for a reason & if it is not a necessity you work then?. & it does not mean that you will never ever have a job again. Maybe a break is what you need, a change, even if no child at the moment, maybe if you chose to start being a house wife/(what you seem to crave) then the baby and other happy things will follow:)
With LoVe, enjoy your life!
-K.

We waited until I had DS for me to quit working. While it's great there are many things that we are giving up that before we had DS and before I quit working we would have never thought about giving up. Things like going out to dinner, smart phones, for me even driving as much as I used to. Would I change it? No. Do I miss being able to go have lunch with friends or go shopping? Yes. There are lots of sacrifices that we didn't think about when I quit working, so I would make sure that like others have said live off of just his income and put everything that you make in an account that you don't use.