I Think My 13 Year Old Is Having Sex?!

I was having sex when I was twelve. I would say she is definitely having sex. When I think back, the only way my parent's could have changed my behavior is if they had found something for me to love more than that boy. Get her involved in something that she loves and consume her life with it. Horse riding? gymnastics? At this point, you may have to force her to pick something. Even if it costs money, get her involved in something she really loves. Spend lots of FUN time with her. My mom did not take the time to do anything with me and I was bored. I would much rather have done stuff with my mom than be around my boyfriend. Good luck!

In case this is real...

Take her to Planned Parenthood. WITH you. Get her birth control right away. Not to condone, but to prevent. Make her sit through a class on healthy/safe sex and go there with her. Get her some counseling, either through PP or a counselor. These are enormous red flags regarding her self-esteem and unmet needs. You don't want her having sex but you certainly don't want her to seek validation of her self through having unprotected sex to feel 'loved'. And that's usually where this stuff stems from.

Then, she goes EVERYWHERE with you for a while. Everywhere. Go to the store? she goes. The doctor? She sits in the lobby with her younger siblings, or hire a sitter for them and take her with you. She doesn't get a life for a while. Period. Talk to her about her future, about her reputation. And then, keep her close. She'll need to earn back your trust... and her phone back.

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck…

I'd bet my right toe she is. If you give your child a phone and she deletes all her texts, why does she still have a phone?

If you leave your child in charge and she breaks the rules, why do you leave her alone?

I'll calling troll on this one, but just in case, let me say this -- you are ALLOWING her behavior. I'd be contacting the boy's parents and telling them what your suspicions are. I would take away the phone IMMEDIATELY, as well as computer access. And I would ground her so that she only goes to school and comes right home. I would also find her activities that are bigger than her world - volunteering, working, clubs - you've given her too much free time and too much freedom to get into trouble.

1) Doctors office for STD tests, pregnancy tests, (the doc will talk about birth control, don't worry).

2) The oh so (vomit) military STD talk. Seriously. I looooove sex. And whenever I taught this class, Just. Couldn't. Have. Sex. (Even with my husband later on! Where there was theoretically no risk!) for about a solid week after looking at untreated STD images for half an hour. In an odd way, the asymptomatic & tiny speck ones were the most damaging, as part of that course is getting people to say healthy or infected... and when infected LOOKS healthy? Wheeeeeee. So. Gross. To note... Even for soldiers... The fact you can get genital warts in your mouth tends to be "news". Just because she's has sex Ed, doesn't mean her education is complete.

3) Welcome to Grounding. Until morale / your trust in her improves.

4) to your daughter: Talk to me, or talk to a counselor. Your choice.

Tell her "do you like it that everyone at school thinks you are a slut?"
And that her brother got suspended because he was trying to protect your reputation?
And in the end, that boy she is having sex with, will NOT even care... about her.
But her reputation will already be ruined, and/or she will lose friends over it.

Nail her window, shut.
Put a window alarm on her window.
Take away her phone. And/or replace it with a basic phone only. And no texting/data plan.
Ground her.
Take her to the School Counselor.
Take her to an OB/GYN for a check up and STD testing.

And, what about your Husband?
Does he know about this?
Don't you KNOW... that boy's parents?
Go over there.
Their son, is going out with a 7th- 8th grader.
Good grief.

A question like this makes me think TROLL but in case it is a genuine question ....

First, I'd wonder what types of ongoing discussions you have been having about sex. I think that often, the less information kids have, the more they experiment. By this age, my kids knew the facts of life, about birth control and that while we don't believe that sex is for marriage, it is only for adult people college aged and above, and we explained why teen sex is a bad idea.

Where would a 13 year old have contact with a 17 year old? 13 year olds are in middle school and 17 year olds are in high school, so they are not in school together. If this was my 13 year old, she would not be left alone, ever. Not home alone, not going out to movies/pizza/mall with friends unless you or another parent was going along, and if she said that she had plans with a friend, I would call that friend's parent to confirm. I always told my kids that I trusted them until they gave me reason not to. Your daughter has given you reason not to. She doesn't need to talk to you . You can do all the talking. Get her in to see a midwife or gyn who can also discuss safe sex and test her for STD's.

You may have no idea how to deal with this, but you'd better figure it out and soon.

Call the police and report the boy.
Your daughter needs counseling contact Planned Parenthood for advice.

Does her father have any relationship with his daughter? Because it doesn't sound like you have a close relationship and are in fact, afraid of conflict.
Why on earth would you let any of this go? There are crisis counselors at school that will find you a good family counselor. Are you going to have to get over your fear? Yes. Might as well tell adults that can help, her classmates already know.

If you don't get help now, I hope you are ready to raise your grandkids.

Get her on birth control. Or, if you are the girl in question, get on birth control.

Wow, amazing, did you know there is another question about a boy having a phone relationship with a girl in Washington.....

Seriously people are calling troll on this? One of mu best friends was like your daughter in middle and high school. She came from a family very involved with church. She had sex in the church parking lot. I'd cover for her saying she was sleeping over my house. We'd go over my boyfriend's house, at the time, and her boyfriends could have alone time. She started having sex at 12. I was 15. We both knew to be careful
she wasn't on the pill though. I was for medical reasons.

That being said, she'll find away. My parents and even my friends parents all shamed sex making it taboo. We couldn't go to them for questions. Honestly, ask her is she want to be on birth control. It helps a lot more than just keeping a woman from becoming pregnant. Some pills even make your sex drive decrease. Take her to get doctor so she can ask questions. Don't shame her if she also wants to try things on her own if you know what I mean. My mom did and it drove me to doing more things with guys becuase it was easier to go out with them then try to do stuff in the house.

And this might sound crazy, but hear me out. Let her have that 17year old boyfriend. But make him come over for their date nights. Invite his parents over often so they know they're dating without telling them they can't date. As soon as you say no, they'll go behind your back. Make it so uncomfortable for them to be around each other they realize how stupid it is.

And for the people saying call the cops on the 17 year old are horrible. He'll. Have a record for ever. He'll never be able to get a good job. Maybe even ruin his chances in the future. The girl Is just as much to blame. Maybe the parents didn't say no to the boy. Lets face it, kids are dumb now a days. He might not think he can get in trouble. Find a way to scare him without actually ruining his whole life. Be manipulative like they are.

No words. Just, I am sorry all this is happening. Sex is for married couples only. Did you talk with her when she was younger?

I let my daughter date an older boy thinking it wouldn't last and I was wrong. It lasted two years! I began to trust him and think he was good for her. I talked to them a lot about not having sex. They broke up last year and she has since told me they had sex before she was even on the pill. I can't believe I trusted them so much. I am normally not that easy to fool. I hear things all the time that kids at school are doing even though its against their parents rules. From now on I will stick to my gut about what I want and not give in.

The best thing you can do for her is to drag her to the doctor or planned parenthood and get her on a RELIABLE form of birth control. Today if you can. Do not wait. Do NOT get her on the pill, do not rely on any teenage boys to use condoms every time. Get her on the shot or something along those lines to make sure there are absolutely no birth control f%$& ups.

Yes, he may be criminally responsible here, yes, 13 is too young and have sex and she shouldn't do it, and yes, birth control does not prevent STD's... BUT the one thing that your REALLY don't want is for her to get pregnant. Most other things can be dealt with more or less easily but a pregnancy at 13 really screws a kid up.

Unfortunately I know quite a few women who got pregnant as teenagers and 99% of them are screwed. Many had abortions or adoptions which screwed them up psychologically, they ended up depressed, taking drugs, promiscuous. Some got pregnant again on purpose during their teenage years to make up for the baby they aborted or had given up.
A few had their babies and will likely never make it out of poverty (they are in their early 30's now). So do NOT let her get pregnant.

Do not think you can "control" her. She will find a way. If you can get her some counseling, call the cops on her "boyfriend"... but do not think that that would put a stop to it or would keep her out of harms ways for good.

Get her on birth control. Don't wait.