Need Advice - Birth Control for Daughter or Not????

Absolutely put her on the pill. I have a 17 year old and a 15 year old. I am very open with them and they are with me. Sometimes they say get mad because they don't want to talk about things like that but you have to. The school they are in has had 1 to 2 pregnancies every year for the last 7 years. The kids know they shouldn't but they do it anyway. I explained to them I don't agree with it. I don't tell them, but I also know I can't control every move they make. We are in a very small town. It can happen to anyone. Be open with her tell her you don't agree, but you don't want her pregnant. You want her to enjoy being able to go to prom and all the other things without a baby on her hip. I got pregnant at 17.

I think she should be on birth control. I got on the shot when I was her age, and I know it works great for some people, but I wouldn't stop bleeding after I got it. I ended up having to take the pill to re-regulate my periods. It will be ok, you are a good mom for caring. :)

Please, please, please put her on bc AND get her the HPV vaccine Immediately! You are describing me at 15 and guess what? I had a baby by 16, had to drop out of high school and am still dealing with the effects of it. My mom, like you, never knew what I was doing and wanted to believe I had changed so it was easy to convince her I had. There is a high probability you will regret it if you don't get her on BC now!! Good Luck and feel free to e-mail me if you wanna talk anymore...
J.

I am a Christian mother and my work is in the ministry. What I can say to you is that no matter what you do and say, you cannot ultimately control your child's every action. Know that you have done all you can do and say to her, that she knows you do not agree with her.

Having said that I would put her on birth control. It isn't a license or permission to have sex but a precaution because she has broken your trust and you cannot trust her. I would continue to do as you are doing as well. I tell you from experience. My daughter was one who always professed she would never get pregnant, she would never have sex outside of marriage. She is the youngest of my three children. I have been married to the same man for 29 years. She has had a stable Christian upbringing.

Her senior year she was pregnant. We as a family supported her and the baby was born into our Christian home. We all have taken care of this baby, and allowed her the ability to go to college and work a job, and be amoung people more. My grandson is 17 months old and two weeks ago she up and tells us she is taking him and moving in with her boyfriend whom we have not felt good about at all (he isn't the father). I don't blame myself, and I won't let this destroy me, but I am hurting for my precious grandson who is very upset about these changes, which places our family in a whole other realm.

So I say to you save yourself even more anquish. We don't agree whatsoever with the path our daughter has chosen and she knows this and we have done everything we can to make her see. We continue to stand on God's word and pray as a family for she and our grandson. Take it to God and let Him lead you in this decision. God bless you and we will be praying for you and your family.

No matter what any one else says to you, you are the mother and you make the rules.I grew up in a Christian home all my life with my siblings. Of the three of us I was the only one to save my self til marriage. You make the rules and unfortunately kids will make their own decisions but that doesnt mean that you change your rule! DO NOT put your daughter on birthcontrol. There is a whole side to life that comes along with that that I think a 15 year old doesnt need to deal with. I am a youth pastor and I really feel that something that you might look into is getting her very plugged into a youth group. People act like and makes decions like the people that they are hanging around. If she were to start going to a youth group she would most likely be one of the only people being sexually active and then she will feel awkward about it. All teens hear about all day at school is that 'every one is doing it' but not every one is doing it. If your rule is not to have sex then putting her on the pill is saying well my rules can be changed for you if you don't obey them. Keep her at home. Take away all her priviledges, switch her schools if you are concerned about her getting pregnant but by putting her on the pill you are saying its ok to have sex and by the time she is married she will have had multiple partners most likely and her personal value will be in the trash can. Again the decision is yours alone but I truly think that you are already ify about doing it and that should be your first red flag. Change something else, and if that doesnt work change something else. But stand by your words. You are her mother and it is ok for you to be mean and make rules. I've seen it in the youth ministry tons of times and they might hate you for a while but when they are older and don't have the responsiblitly of a child in their early 20's she will thank you!

I was that child when I was her age and I did get pregnant and it made my life hard. I've heard stories of parents putting the pill into food, like how you give dogs their meds, and it working, but the best thing is to tell her about what you did when you where her age, wheither it was wait or not, and tell her why and what positives and negatives you faced. sounds corney, but it works. Also, invite the boyfriend to the house and talk to him about responsibility and how lucky they are to not be parents yet, but let them know how easy it is. Communication is very important, but trust is too, and if your honest and show some trust, she may do the same. Just know that no matter how hard you try, she will find a way to have sex if you just tell her no, but if you open up the lines of communication, she is more likely to talk to you and possibly quit having sex. Hope it helps.

ok well let me tell you that i dont have any daughters who are teenagers, but i was once one. and i did pretty much what she is doing. of course i was 12 years old and my mom had just passed away. so its worse. anyways my first scare was when my sister n law who was a nurse at the hospital found out that one of the boys i was having sex with might have aids, so she immediatly told my brother who quickly sat and talked to me. asked me if i was using protection when i was with him. well i wasnt. so they took me to a clinic and they had me tested. thankfully i wasnt positive but i did have an std. (clamidia). so they put me on birth control and was givin so many condoms. well i took the birth control once and i never used the condoms. i think back now and i say how stupid could i have been. i regret it. so many people who have died of aids and still like that i didnt care. but you dont think about stuff like that when your not aware of the concequences. what could happen. what that could do to you. educate her. show her some videos. thank god i never had a child when i was a teenager. its so hard to raise my kids now and im almost 30. girls can be difficult and when there in love theres no reasoning with them. just let her know what can happen and that you love her no matter what. keeping her a prisoner is not gonna help belive me. i ran away.talk to her let her know all the bad things that can happen to her. even if she thinks they wont happen to her they will. tell her she means the world to you and you dont want anything bad to happen to her. tell her she can trust you with anything and youll be there for her if she needs your advice. tell her to respect herself. cause any guy that wants to have sex with her doesnt respect her or himself. ask her does she think he would stay with her if she didnt give it up? she just needs guidiance not punishment. sometimes you have to be a freind not just a parent. good luck friend.

Hello, I am 32 yrs old with 2 kids and I used to be your daughter. My mom did finally take me to get on the pill (at planned parenthood) and I'm glad she did, otherwise I could have been a mom way before I was ready. She also had the nurse show me pamplets and talk to me about a mulititude of sexually transmitted diseases and I think this had more effect on me than anything else. I continued to see the same boyfriend for many years, take the pill, AND use condoms to prevent disease! Putting me on the pill did not make me a "slut" or more sexually active, it just prevented children before I was done being one myself. It also prevented my boyfriend from being a dad before he was ready, which is good because after 4 years of being together he decided to leave and go "sow his oats" with others. He would not have been around for any kids. I hope this helps!

You should talk with the boyfriend's mom because IF she gets pregnant you both will have to do some talking. You two should be on the same page. BC is a decision your daughter has to make and the doctor was right when he said it's UNETHICAL not to tell her and I doubt your daughter is THAT naive. CONDOMS are not 100% neither are pills. You really need to talk to her about STDs...HPV is a big one out there. Chlamydia is another huge one. I hope she got an STD check. I worked with kids teaching abstinence and it's just the way they think. All they think is that if they use condoms they are safe...but they aren't they can still get an std if no fluids were exchanged. They can still get pregnant if he didn't ejaculate inside. HPV can be transmitted just my genital contact. HPV has been shown to have a link to cervical cancer. YOu might want to also research Guardasil the "vaccine" and see if that is an option since she is sexually active. YOu might have to start trusting your daughter. YOur daughter needs to know she can trust you and approach you on ANYTHING. That's what I tell my girls at the schools...their parents are their best friends. If they have any questions I alwasy tell them talk to your mom about it. Their number one reason why they don't....They don't want to upset you or have you think badly of them! That said be aware and talk to your daughter. Approach her about all these issues and be her friend and her mom! I hope this helps you.

FIRST OF ALL BREATH! LOOK AT THIS FROM ALL ANGLES. DO YOU KNOW WHY YOUR DAUGHTER FEELS SHE NEEDS TO BE HAVING SEX SO EARLY? TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTER I KNOW IT'S HARD AT THAT AGE BUT IF YOU FIND OUT THE WHOLE PROBLEM I BELIEVE THE ANSWER WILL BE EASIER FOR YOU TO DEAL WITH. THIS DAY AN AGE IT'S AWFUL WHAT ALL THE KIDS ARE DOING. BE GLAD YOU FOUND OUT BEFORE ANYTHING HAS HAPPENED. ANYWAYS HERE'S MY POINT IF PUTTING YOUR 15YR OLD DAUGHTER ON BIRTHCONTROL IS THE WORST THING YOUR FAMILY HAS TO GO THROU DO IT. I DON'T BELIEVE PUTTING HER ON BIRTHCONTROL SHOULD GIVE HER THE FREEDOM TO BE SEXUAL, BUT IT'S BETTER TO PROTECT HER ONE OF THE ONLY WAS YOU CAN. TALK TO HER THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO DO FIND OUT WHY SHE NEEDS SEX TO MAKE HER FEEL GOOD AT THIS AGE. YOUR FAMILY IS IN MY PRAYERS GOOD LUCK HOPE THIS HELPS.

http://www.safeyouth.org/scripts/teens/after.asp

Hi"T".
Very difficult situation. Unfortunately, studies have shown that our children are wayyyyy more advanced, in almost everything, than when we were their age.
The above link may help a bit but I also suggest going to the school and meeting with the Principal, Counselors and finding an after school program which requires her to be present or she'll have to face consequences. Right now, there aren't any consequences, other than house work and not going out, when you are around, but what about the time when she is alone in the house while you and your husband are at work? There are many organizations after school that are not associated with the school which might help, too. Find one that involves your teen, instead of babysitting her. Maybe one where she helps an elementary after school program. Some are with the YMCA and they will pick her up after school and take her to the elementary school where she will be "working". Therefore, she will be responsible for the care of others and won't have time to focus on herself, until you come and pick her up. Most of those after school programs end at 6:30pm.
Don't be embarrassed about meeting with her Principal and Counselor. Get her involved in something now. Better safe than sorry.
As far as placing her on birth control. That will have to be her decision, completely. I would have a serious talk with her and have all involved present; You, Your Husband, Her, and her boyfriend and his family if possible. Don't attack her (them) but make them aware of the consequences in an adult, serious manner. You may also want to rent videos from the library about teens who became parents. You can ask the Counselor if he/she has any, too. It's going to be hard but set all emotions aside and just deliver the facts.
I'll pray for you and your family.
Take Care!
D.

Ok, I don't have a teenager, but I was one! And I helped my brother and sister a lot when they were teens. My advice would be to yes put her on birth control...not as a license to have sex but to protect her from becoming pregnant too young. Of course you need to discuss it with her and make her realize this does not mean she should be having sex and it will not protect her from stds. But, the truth is if she's had sex, she's gonna do it again with this boyfriend or another. Secondly, I'd have her babysit a baby for a day or even help. A baby is hard work and she needs to see that...she could even talk to her cousins about how it has changed their lives.

Goodluck! Just keep that dialouge open, the more honest and up front she can be with you the better! Also...having sex is not the main problem about what she did...make sure she knows lying, skipping school, that is a big problem!

Honestly, I remember what it was like to be a teenager having sex, and I say put her on the pill. It's a better option then the alternative which makes you and your hubby grandparents. She's gonna do it. Kids are sneaky and it would be naive to think that "punishment" would be reason enough to make her quit. I say put her on the pill and educate her so she doesn't end up pregnant or with an STD.

I have always heard teenagers are difficult to handle. I know I was at that age. I was also a teenage mother. My mother did not talk to me about birth control. I wish she would have. It wasnt until after I was already pregnant that she did . I told here I wasnt having sex anymore. Dont take that the wrong way Im glad I have my son he means everything to me. I cant tell you if putting your daughter on birth control is right or wrong. Just know that even if she said she wont do it again , she might. I did even after I knew what could happen.I wish you the best of luck and God bless .

I feel that not having sex before marriage is the best way to go. However since you know your daughter IS having sex. The possiablity of her getting oregnant is higher and possiably ruining her chances at going to higher education. I think taking her to a doctor,and talking with her. Explain about your views about sex,STD's and teen pregnancy. I would start her on the pill after that. I was once a high school kid and saddly had the occasional skip from school to be with my boyfriend. My mom did not know anything about it....hope this was of help.

Yes, I advise you to try to get her to take birth control. It may seem to her like your are giving her the okay for having sex. However, you are trying to protect her from the consequences of having a child at 15 or 16. Which is worse, sending the message that she can have sex, or her being forced to decide between an abortion, adoption, or raising a child at 15? How would that baby's life be? Would you raise it for her? I would suggest the pill and then explain that she may take it or suffer the inevitable consequences. I would also point out that some pills will give her shorter, less painful periods also. Hopefully, your daughter will be able to build trust again. Until then why take a chance?

I think you should put her on the pill not the shot. The shot has some bad side effect. When i turn 16 i put my self on the pill. It regulated my people but i was also sexually active. I wanted to proctect myself. I understand that it is a had desicion. Your little girl is growing up. If you choose to do this you should sit down with her and tell her how you feel and let her know that if she dose get on the pill that it dosen't give her the freedom to have sex. Get information on SDT and to always use proctection no matter what. She dosen't know what her boyfriend has been with. I think you should talk to her boyfriends parent and they should talk to him also. I hope this help. Good luck

I don't think that you need to feel embarassed in any way.

I think that you should definately teach abstinance; however, because you and I both know that she is young and "in love" that she will probably continue her behavior, it would be best to provide her with birth control. Whether you decide on the pill or the shot, that's going to be up to you, her and the doctor. But, regardless...teach her to use a condom, too. The diseases that are out there have deadly consequences.

I hope that you find peace with whatever decision you decide to make.

T,
Where are you guys at? If you would like, I have a suggestion for you. Please email me on the side at ____@____.com

I am actually in the process of making the appt for my 16 yr old to get on birth control. She came to me and told me that she is feeling like she will be ready to have sex in a couple of months and doesn't want to risk getting pregnant. I know I should be thrilled that she felt safe enough to come tell me this and I handled it well with her, but I was very upset. She has promised to wait until she is "safe", so I scheduled the appt a month out and then the pill takes 2 months before she is safe (so she thinks), so 3 months seems to be the longest I'm going to be able to postpone the inevitable. She has already had the HPV vaccine and we discussed that she will still need condoms to protect her from STDs, but I guess as a mom that is all I can do. I told her that once she starts having sex, I would like to know and I would answer any of her questions. That way I will know exactly what is going on, just in case she gets into unsafe situations. Good luck to all of us, this is but another stage to them moving out and on with their lives....I hope I live through it!!!! :)

Take it from me, I was the exact same way when I was young. I had sex too early and thought it was perfectly okay, despite the fact that I knew other young people who had gotten pregnant and STDs. She is going to have sex wether you put her on the pill or not, giving it to her doesnt give her a free ticket to do it. It tells her that you care about her future. Make her pay for the pills that way she has some responsibility with it. Just think about when you were a teenager, if there was something you wanted to do you were going to do it. Even though you are very strict with her now trust me she will find a way to do it if she wants to. Just do what you need to do to protect her as best you can and some kind of birth control beyond condoms is it!!

She's going to have sex anyway (as you've already found out)- why not get her protected? I was 16 when I went on BC and it wasn't a license for sex- it was something I was going to do anyway, so why not be protected and not get pregnant?

Planned Parenthood is about a whole lot more than birth control. Actually, they could answer 80% of your post, and discuss with you and your daughter the dangers, consequences, etc. of having sex at such a young age. It is a lot more common than parents think, and Planned Parenthood is a really great place to go to learn and get advice and things like that.

BTW, I go to Planned Parenthood for my Depo shot, and the only side effect I have had from it in the past three yrs is slight nausea a week before and after my shot. Whoever said it is horrible, is wrong. I know plenty of women that have used it with no problems.

Wow this is a tough situation for any mom! It wasn't very long ago that I was the 15 y/o you are describing! My parents did some of the same things you are trying to do and I will tell you from experience THERE ARE WAYS AROUND IT!! It is good to give cerfew but keep in mind what is done at night is just as easily done during the day! She will always find a way to do the things you tell her she can't do. Birth control is something you should do, I personally recomend the pill not the shot! Birth control ISN"T telling her sex is ok, it's telling her that if she is going to do it you want her safe! You are not going to be able to stop her if she wants to do it bad enough. Continue to talk to her but don't get too "nosey" let her tell you without asking! Just be the mom and be there for her no matter what, if she has that then she will always tell you what is really going on. This is tough for any mom, I know it was for mine. I have 2 very beautiful children know and I know my day will come too!!!! I hope this helps, if you have any questions or need to talk please feel free to contact me!

YES, YES, YES!!! YOU ARE BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY. SHE IS GOING TO HAVE SEX WHETHER YOU WANT HER TO OR NOT. GIVE HER ALL THE FACTS ABOUT STD'S AND SO ON. SHOW HER PICTURES OF WHAT CAN HAPPEN IF SHE GET ONE, BUT PUT HER ON BIRTH CONTROL, BECAUSE CHANCES ARE SHE WILL GET PREGNANT. GOOD LUCK

If kids want to have sex, they will find a way to do it no matter how many restrictions you put on their time. Put the girl on birth control. She's too young to be having sex but she's way to young to be a mother.

I don't have teens myself, but have a lot of experience working with them. Teenagers need to feel respected as the young adults they are. It would go far in your daughters eyes if you had a candid conversation with her about her options and what SHE thinks would be the right things to do. You're right, every teenager today knows the risks that come along with sexual activity (their invinsibility complexes are a whole different issue). If your daughter has decided to continue to be sexually active she will find a way to do so, and there isn't much you can do to stop her. This sexual recklessness may be just a phase but a baby or the emotional effect terminating a pregnancy would leave on your daughter last a lifetime. I would suggest encouraging your daughter to start birth control (maybe an IUD so she couldn't accidentally forget to take her pills), but again, it's her body. Make sure she has access to other forms of contraceptives as well for disease prevention. Remember, if she's decided to,she is going to do this with or without your help. Why not give her all the recources to be safe with her decisions.

Put her on Birth Control, it is better to be safe than sorry and no matter how much you punish her for doing what she is doing if they want to have sex they can always find ways around your rules. It is better for you to be sure that her future is protected against being a young mother than to leave it up to her boyfriend to wear a condom.

Having been that child (though just a bit older), all I can say is if shes anything like me, she will do what she wants to do, when she wants to do it, with no regard to how it makes you or your husband feel. Because y'all are mean, and you hate her, and you dont understand, and you are ruining her life (what she might be thinking, not reality!!!) If it were me, I would go ahead and put her on birth control, better safe than sorry. I started b.c. at 17, and my mom was terrified that I thought it would mean I could be promiscuous. I didnt actually think that. In reality I started to think well, she knows I'm having sex, and she put me on bc, now its just not as fun anymore because I'm not having to sneak around as much as I was. Also, I would talk with her about it, try to make it a little less taboo, so that maybe she will feel more apt to talk to you about things, not just things involving sex, but anything. I honestly hope you get some advice that you feel is worth trying, and that it helps in some way!!! I'm sorry that you are going through this. At least you are not completely clueless.

Well i'm a mother of three b-24 g-21 g-20 and I got pregnant at 15 with my boyfriend showing up everymorning when my dad went to work and we hung out all day at home. My older sister took me to get an abortion without my parents knowledge and its something I think of everyday still to this day I always say she would be 30 years old this april, can you see me with a 30 year old. Its really something I haven't gotten over. They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and when my middle daughter started going with a boy at fifteen, he was 4 years older and I allowed it, one because she always hung out with older kids cause she was more mature for her age and didn't like the way the other kids acted,two so that i could keep an eye on her cause the three summers before she would get caught sneeking out and be grounded the whole summer but did she sneek out then I don't know we can't watch them 24-7 and to have to lock all doors and windows is not safe, what if there was a fire. So I had talks with them and told them if ever they felt like they thought it was time to have sex please have enough respect to tell me so we could put her on birthcontrol so we wouldn't have any babies at 15 well he was a weird-doe and wouldn't let her tell me but some how I found out and put her on them because had she gotten pregnant I wouldn't have let her get an abortion because of what i've gone through, and i didn't do it to start with cause it would be giving them permission, well they did it anyway, yes in a way it does give them an ok to have sex but unless you can and are willing to have her watched 24-7 and that means in your sleep and you have to try and have a normal life which you can't then put her on birth control. Do you really think deep down two teenage kids have learned their lesson and their not going to have sex anymore after they have experienced it and he has the permission to do as he pleases and she thinks she is in love? the odds are no. I remember hearing about kids having sex in school in the drama room, the bathroom, etc cause you know it's just a quickie for the guy they don't care about the girls needs if they even know they have any. All we can do is what WE think is best for our child and family and we have now one to answer to but ourselfs as to what we do in life and any higher power that we believe in, thats it. I hope that i've helped you in some way and if you want to know more of why I did what I did let me know. take care and good luck.

It is true she will have sex with or with out her being on birth control. I know you feel that putting her on birth control might make her feel like she can have protected sex, but at least she won't get pregnant. I feel that it is best to educate our young people about sex rather than just saying no or it's bad don't do it. If we educate them and explain to them sex is ok but they need to be responsible and be safe. I hope all works out for you. Also I say the shot is the best method of birth control so at least you know she is taking it. I am very forgetfull so I am pretty sure a 15yr old is too.

I'm also going through this but it's the other way around.... My son is 15 and his gf is 16. She is on the pill. My fear isn't only whether she gets pregnant, but just the fact they are so young and not understanding the consequences of what comes with sex.. The mom is no help at all... She claims that they have plans with for their daughter and so it will never happen.. I have gone through so many problems with this family and I try so hard to trust my son but he has already told me they have had sex one time... But I doubt it's only been one time.. I have a 13 year old daughter and I pan on getting her on the shot. I took my neice to get it when she was 15. The doctors here say it is the best thing for young girls who are or plan on having sex.. I know it pretty much gives them the ok to do it but atleast they won't have 18 years of punishment.. I say take her to get it.... But explain to her that she still will need to use condoms to gaurd against STD's... Kids are not like we were back in the day, and if they are like some of us were back, then the shot is the best way to go... I'm here if ya ever need to talk.. I can give you my email addy..

What does your husband think? I would say talk to her some more about sex. If she says she is still going to have sex with her boyfriend I would say put her on birth control. But I would talk to her more and explain that sex it's eveything and have her go talk to her doctor. Also if you are going to church some of them have classes for the teenagers to go to about sex. I think your bigger problem is the boyfriend and his mother. The fact that the mother didn't think anything wrong of it and ask you to take care of it for her is very negative. Tell your daughter that be honest with her. If his mother is like that trying to pass the buck to you than what's going to happening if she does get pregnant. I believe that our children are represented in us, If we have good morals than our children will too. It's clear that this woman doesn't want to help with this problem.
Hope this helps,
L.

Dear Mom:

I have read your request and my heart goes out to you. I too have a 15 year old and know that it is not easy. i am not sure if she is having sex or not but I have also wrestled with the question of birth control. I myself found myself pregnant and a lone at 16 with a baby because I felt like I was in "LOVE". I was on birth control pills but was not using them right so I do not think that is the answer. Have you tried taking her to a place where they have teenage girls who have become pregnant and allow them to talk to her. Sometimes at that age they listen better to their peers than us "old people".
Also seat down with your daughter and get to the heart of the problem. For me I was serching for love and felt that by having sex that meant that the young man loved me and I in turn was showing him I loved him by giving him my body but now at 32 I now know that was never love.

also you say you are worried about a baby but as my husband tells me that is the least of your worries. Now there is HIV and other sexually transmitted disease that leave you stertile and sick.

I think locking her in the house doesn't help because then she thinks she is missing something and where there is a will there is a way. Gradullay give her some privileges back as she earns your trust.

Believe me my heart goes out to you because I have been a teenage mother and I have a teenager. Keep the faith my sister and feel free to email me if you would like to talk more. ____@____.com

also check out my web-site and my book may help you. www.blessingofsisterhood.blogspot.com

Hi.... well, i think trapping her in the house will not solve the problem because as soon as she's able she'll escape! Trust me! So, what you have to do is accept this "guy." And give them bounderies, like, a curfew, and tell them or show them what will happen if they have unprotected sex. It doesn't matter if they don't want to hear it, tell them! Tell them to think about that conversation right before they get undressed. And I don't think birth control will be a good choice, because what if she does get pg'ed while on b.c.? i think you could take them both to the drug store or take them back to the doctors, both of them. Or take them by the OGBY clinic to see or talk to some moms! That will surly work. If they are in love they will embrace the idea and wait, if not, all they want is sex, then you need to talk about it more! Another option is also involving his parents. They may not be as scared as you are, but just let them know.

GOOD LUCK!!
CJR

I think you should.

I remember putting my mother through the same thing. I believe that if she has already skipped school and gone behind your back, she will probably do it again! She is at the age where her peers are doing it and if you don't you aren't cool, or its just fun. I know you don't want to give her any reason to believe that you agree with her behavior, but I would recommend that you get her on the pill. Also, let her know that you do not give her permission to give her body away to anyone, and everytime she gives it to someone she is decreasing the gift that she will be able to one day give to her husband. If she gives a little piece of her gift away to every boy that comes around how will she have anything left for her husband? Also, please remind her that at this age boys care more about sex and who will give it to them than about one particular girl. It is pretty much all about the numbers! I would also stress the FACT that females contract sexually transmitted diseases more than males due to the way we "house" bacteria, viruses, etc.-it is the perfect condition for growth. Just because a boy looks like he is healthy and there is not a visible sign of an STD, does not mean that he is not a carrier!
Therefore, I would stress ALWAYS wearing a condom if she plans to have sex, because she is the one that will have to live with the outcome, not him.
I hope this helps.

You sound like a great mom. A bit like my mom. I wasn't too long ago when I was in your daughter's shoes. I too was in high school when I lost my virginity. After the 1st time it wasn't a big deal to me. My mom had her suspicions and would keep an eye on me but I found ways around it just like your daughter can. My mom did end up putting me on birth control the last semester of my senior year because I was going off to college and she didn't know what would happen. She also used the excuse that it would regulate my periods. I was all for that. After I found out we couldn't pay the left over balance for college I moved out on my own. I went wild. I couldn't stand being under all those rules. She tried warning me but I did as I pleased. I ended up getting pregnant by a man that was so wrong for me. I was 20 when I had my daughter and it changed my life completely. It wasn't till then that I realized why my mother did the things she did. I was able to appreciate my parents more. And my daughter brought me back to God. I am now a Pastor's wife with whom I have a son. My mom is very proud of me now. :) I told you my story to give you encouragement. What you teach your daughter will stick with her the rest of her life. So to answer your question If I was in your shoes I would put my daughter on birth control but also explain that it does not license her to have sex and it does not prevent 100%, nor does it protect her from diseases. I hope this helps.

Yes most definitely put her on birth control. I recently had my first granddaughter and I am only 38...my daughter is 18-a senior in high school. She was not taking her birth control as was directed and I wish that I would have put her on the shots. (every 3 months). I love my granddaughter with a passion and no matter what circumstances, she is here. But my daughter is in no way old enough to accept the responsibilities that come with being a parent. She will even tell you that she loves her daughter but she wishes she would have waited. It is a lot of work. The father skipped out...could not handle the responsibility so now my daughter is a single parent. Your daughter would probably end up being the one who had all of the responsibility only. But please don't trust her to take the pill...get her on the shot. If you don't watch her take it, she may tell you she did. The shot is effective and you don't have to take it daily. Please don't be naive like I was. She told me that she was not having sex and look where we are. I never thought this would happen to us. Guess who supports my granddaughter....you got it. Me and my husband. So if you don't want to start your family over again, please consider it. No matter what anyone says, you will be taking care of her child. My helping goes to the point that I feel that I started my family all over again and my youngest is 14...

i understand your you are feeling i have a total of 8 children and three teenagers 2 r boys so i had the talk with them one has followed my advise and other did care what i had to say. we also have a teenage daughter who is moving way to fast i didn't want toput her on the pill but i didn't want her to be brought down by having a baby so early in life i want to go to college and do all the things i didn't get to do.. So i put her on the pill after all ! i surely don't want another baby to take care of not that i would the baby but i just stoppe having children myself. my youngest being 1 y/o.. i hope this help and if not i am always here to talk.... at least i can understand.....

Let me just say this. When you speak to your kids it doesn't go in one ear and out the other. It may seem that way, but it doesn't. Don't EVER stop talking to them. Second, DO NOT put her on birth control. All that says to her is, "Mom doesn't like it, but she condones it." What I would do is leave her alone with one of her cousin's babies, or if you have a friend that has a little one (and I mean a baby, not a kid) then maybe schedule a whole day (or more) so that she can really have a taste of what it would be like to have to raise a baby. She'd lose out on so much being so young.
Also, go to the library or look up online some pictures of genital warts, and herpes and other STD's so that she KNOWS what she's putting her body at risk for. Remind her that it's not too late to stop, and that it's not okay for her to have sex. Remind her that she is just a kid, and that she should be enjoying being a child. She needs the truth of it, and she needs her parents to PROTECT her.
However, if you don't agree with all of this and you still want to talk to her about taking birth control, then DO NOT PUT HER ON THE SHOT! That type of birth control has HORRIBLE repercussions such as terrible migraines, out of control weight gain (30 pounds plus) no matter how much exercise you get, and terrible, and uncontrollable mood swings. Look up forums online about the drug before you use it on your child. There's a lot of really awful stuff out there that claims to be safe. Be sure before you start testing it out on your daughter. I'm sorry that you're going through this right now. Just don't give up. Good luck.

You already said you have lost trut in her. Do you trust her to not get pregnant? She's already having sex, so unless you want to be a grandparent soon, I would recommend you put her on birth control and attend a safe sex education class to teach her about STDs. I understand your not wanting it to seem like you are giving her permission to have sex, but just let her know that you want to protect her from being a teenage mother and/or contracting an STD. Protect her with education and birth control. Good luck, I know this is hard.

First off this is nothing to be embarrassed about..at least youre making the effort to figure out some type of help for your daughters situation. I would definitely recommend that you put her on Birth Control...the IUD is pretty much only for those who are already mothers...the pills are easy to forget to take...I would choose the shot for her since its only every few months....and I doubt it will make her have sex more...Also, someone else mentioned sex ed. classes...I think thats great...especially one that shows pics of different stds...I remember when I was in high school we had a health class that showed us really gross pics....some of the students I knew both guys and girls that were sexually active went to get checked....As far as her freedom goes...I think I would also ground my daughter, but in all reality, if she wants to do it shes going to find away....and for the boys mother..there are many like her....some parents get too involved in their own lives that they rather not deal with their children so they allow them to run wild...good luck with her and never give up on her...Every parent has to deal with sex at some point and kids are starting earlier and earlier with the passing years...these are going to be her most critical years and how you act will help mold her future...one day she'll be thankful you made her a "prisoner".....Have a good day.

Oh my gosh, I know exactly how you feel. I have a 14 year old daughter, who is an excellent student. Well that is what all her teachers have told me. She is an all A student, in the NJHS & first chair saxophone. I even had friends who said they wished their daughters were more like my daughter.
Well, we had a big surprise at the beginnig of this school year. My husband & I found out she had a boyfriend. I was in complete schock!!!! My husband I confronted her that weekend. At first she denied it, but I got the truth out of her. I totally went balastic on her that night. My daughter now has NO FREEDOM, and like yours, she now has a lot more chores around the house. We took away her radio, i-pod, new clothes & she is not allowed to close her room's door for no reason whatsoever. I did want to take off her bedroom door, but my sleep in her room when they come into town. Oh yeah, she was even in sports, but no more. I even had her coaches call me & asked me to please let her play. But, I am one to stand by the rules. She definitely lost a lot a priviliges. Now, she does say she was NOT sexually active & I do have a deep gut feeling to believe her.
My husband has been after me to start talking to her about birth control. I tell him that is like saying, "okay now you can have sex" I completely I understand you.
But on the otherhand, like my husband says it is better to be safe than sorry!!
I wish you the best of luck with your situation.
M.

Don't be embarrassed. Do get her on birth control. If she's already done it she probably isn't going to stop. It just seems to be the way it is sometimes. It doesn't always matter how 'well' you've taught them or how well you trust them or not. Kids are not mature and don't fully grasp the consequences of their decisions. I don't think putting her on bc will enable her to have sex, she's already doing that. I think it will help to protect her from unwanted pregnancy although bc is not always 100%. The best thing that you can do is take the situation as it is, deal with it head on, and keep communication open with your daughter.

This might be a little harsh..But you cant lock your daughter in her room forever in fear shes going to do something wrong!! Everyone makes mistakes, because the second she moves out or goes to college shes going to go crazy have more sex do drugs and drink, because she finally has some freedom!! I know I was your daughter a one point I had my son at 17 years old. And I learned my lesson, I take care of my son who is now 4 everyday and its hard I missed alot, but that doesnt mean my mom locked me in my room she knew that wouldnt do any good. You have to at least let her out of the house a little at a time like she can go with her friends for 2 hours to the mall, check on her make sure shes there!!! If shes not or shes late for her curfew you knock it down to 1 hour with her friends. And then so on. Then if she messes up enough ground her for a week....but not make her a prisoner I promise you will regret it when shes older!!!

I understand your point. I suggest you talk to your daughter about starting birth control, but make it very clear to her that you are saying that it is ok for her to continue to have sex. We can't be with our children all the time, but we can help them make safe choices.

I'm only 26 and my daughter is only 4 months, so I can't give you much advice. But I can refer you to a resource that, if you are a Christian, will probably be a big help.

www.restoration-international.org

In fact, they are having one of their family camp meetings in Oklahoma (the closest one to us here in the Valley) the first weekend in April. If you're a Christian and serious about getting your daughter (and your whole family) on the right track, I would suggest you consider attending. At least order some tapes or call them. They offer free counseling over the phone. If you call, you can mention my name as the one who referred you. I have known them personally for many years and can tell you that what they preach they live in their own lives.

What I can say is that to get her to stop, you need to get her heart. That might be hard to do, but Restoration International specializes in just that area. I do hope you'll give them a try. And best of luck with your daughter.