I Really Hate Pregnancy. Is This Normal?

The world really doesn't need more babies, either, so if you can't face another pregnancy, why not consider adoption? This has been a wonderful option for several couples I know, and they got the gender they most wanted.

I have 3 boys; one of them was adopted. I adore my children, but I also hated being pregnant (though, no, that's not WHY we adopted:). Still, you have options if you want more children. And if you don't, that is perfectly fine. You are NOT the only woman who feels like this.

Dear A.,
Some women love being pregnant and some women just really, really don't.
My sister hated being pregnant so much, she swore "never again" before her son was even born and she meant it.
She absolutely loved her little boy and is a really good mom, but she didn't want another child badly enough to put herself through pregnancy again.

She later remarried and got 3 step-sons, so she got more kids without doing any of the pregnant part. It worked out perfectly for her that way.
You do have time to make a decision about this.
I never heard the term "caboose baby".
I certainly had one of those, my kids are 10 years apart. I didn't plan it that way, but I wouldn't change a single thing if I could.

I hope you get some good responses, but like I said, you do have some time to really deeply consider the pros and cons of another baby and if you're up to it.

Best wishes!

Listen to your heart - if it's telling you to stop, I'd do it despite what other people may expect of you.

I'd love one more, but I don't know if it's wise for me to as I'm only 18 months clean from chemo and almost 35.

Kids are a blessing, but when you don't enjoy being pregnant, it makes wanting them difficult. If you love your 2 boys completely and are happy where you are, I'd say be content with the family you have an enjoy the time you have with them and your husband.

Two ways to look at this... if you really want a third child and you are aware of how challenging you are during pregnancy, start putting away money now to pay for help. You could hire a short-term cleaning company and a part-time babysitter (if you are a SAHM) to help out. It's only ten months and the long-term joy of having a child is worth it.

You could also look at it as though you are questioning whether or not you want a third child and your pregnancy symptoms are a reason not to do so.

I liked being pregnant and didn't have any complications or major issues, but many of my friends hated it. Truthfully, not all aspects of parenting are easy and fun, so look at it that way!

I think it can be normal. I have heard lots of women say this.

Follow your heart and body. Remember there is no guarantee of a girl if you have 2 boys..

If even just thinking about it is that stressful... then maybe don't have another pregnancy.
Have you talked to your Husband about it?
Plans... can always be changed. Its not "law" that you "have to" have 3 kids.

I would really not make yourself into something you do not want to do.
And talk to your Husband. Its your body as well, and your well-being.
You wouldn't want to "resent" being pregnant a 3rd time... or resent anything to do with the kids. It will affect the whole household and your level of happiness.

Next, you really want a "girl." Well you can't guarantee that outcome. So, if you get another boy... what then? Will it affect you negatively & more in addition to being unpleasantly pregnant?

good luck,
Susan

I find this funny because I was just asking some of my friends if I am the only one that ENJOYS being pregnant. Most said that they didn't, but it was worth it when the baby was born, and a few that did.

That being said, you need to decide for yourself how many kids you want and if you are willing to go through that again. I don't think that anyone else can decide that for you.

Hey A. -

I hate being pregnant too. Don't feel bad!! You are definitely not the only person out there who wants to pass on the whole 9 months of THAT thing.

I hate gaining the weight, being uncomfortable, not being able to eat or drink what I want, feeling exhausted all the time, being sick, and having lots of back pain, joint pain, headaches and muscle aches that have to just HANG OUT since I can't take anything for them that would do any good.

I agree with Peg - there are so many kids out there who need homes. Why not consider adopting a new addition and skipping out on the 9 month pre-game?

Just my two cents. I feel the same way!

Oh my gosh, I know how you feel. I was sick the whole 9 months with both of my boys. My first was 1 when we got preg with our second, poor thing only went outside on the weekends with daddy....because I was so sick. They are now 3 and 5 and we are 14 weeks preg with our third. I am just as sick....nothing is different. We waited this long because hubby was not ready for another child before. If you guys are I would reccomend to start trying now. It is hard to think about baby stage now when my boys are .....well not babies anymore. The way I look at it, yes this stinks......but it will pass, you will make it and the younger your kids the less memmories they will have about the preg. Go for it:)

Hi A.,

You are definitely not alone in being miserable during pregnancy. My girlfriend has 2 miscarriages and when she was pregnant with baby #3, she felt so miserable that she didn't want to be pregnant any more, even though she wanted that baby so badly. With those feelings of course came guilt.

Pregnancy changes your body so much from day one, and some of it is permanent. I actually like my body better after having a baby, and I find myself sexier (as does hubby).

I am currently pregnant with baby #2 and I am miserable. I feel like I cannot function. I feel like I am useless to anyone, and my family gets frustrated when I cannot "perform" as I usually do, making dinners and cooking and cleaning and playing baseball.

What I can tell you is, if you have a good support system, you can do another baby if that is really what you and your hubby want. If you have someone who can watch the kids or take them to school/day care when you feel ill, and if your hubby or parents pitch in to help, you probably would get through the 9 months just being able to focus on you and baby. If you feel ill and want to simply lay around that day, maybe everyone can pitch in to help you get to that point. Planning and getting everyone on board is key.

My kids will be 6 years apart and I am thrilled with that. My son is old enough to be able to help and really know what is going on when the baby gets here, in my opinion thereby limiting jealousy. I also feel I got to spend a good portion of my son's younger years focusing on just him and creating a special bond. There are so many advantages and disadvantages to having kids a certain number of years apart. Try not to make that a stress for you in making your baby decision.

As sick as I am and as useless as I feel, I know without a doubt it is only temporary and it will be sooo worth it when the baby gets here. We can only have babies for so long during our lifetime. If you are younger, maybe wait another 2 years or so? Or, you could start trying now and "get it over with" and be done after that, if you both choose.

Whatever you decide is only for you and your hubby to decide. You will make a good decision for you. But you are not alone in your concerns! Best wishes!

I know a lot of women who hated it - so don't feel bad! If you don't feel your family is complete - you could adopt! We adopted our last two - a girl and then a boy. It was a fabulous experience! We adopted them at birth - you could do that, or opt for a little older... So I, essentially, got more babies without the stress on my body or the labor.

Good lukc and God Bless -
C.

You are so not alone, I have heard this a lot.

I am a big believer in doing what is right for your current family as it is right now. If you feel like your family is incomplete and that is worth suffering through it again, then go for it. (Feeling like you want another is not the same thing as having always just thought you'd have 3.)

But if the needs of your family outweigh the need to have another baby, put that family first. That includes you too. If you can't be a good mommy to your 2 that you have now, and a good wife and a good person to yourself, maybe it isn't worth it. Don't put such high expectations on yourself to do what you think you are "supposed to do" that you suffer needlessly. I see nothing wrong with stopping with 2 if that makes you all happier in both the short and long term. I have always said I just wanted 2, so I can't even contemplate having 3. But if I think I need to have one more after I have #2, I will. I have also thought about whether or not I feel done with one, but I truly don't feel like we are complete. But I would stop at one if I thought it was what is best for all of us.

I don't like being pregnant either. I have SI joint problems (Hip) and arthritis in my lower back, 4 bad discs, chronic pain. Being pregnant makes this worse, and limits what I can take for the pain. I've also had gastric bypass, so what I can eat is more limited and I get incredibly barfy.. I usually spend the 9 months sick, tired, in pain and cranky.

That said.. we're expecting number four. hah. What it came down to for me was that 9 months is a small price to pay for the child that follows. We didn't feel like our family was complete. As a parent I make a lot of choices that aren't always the best choice for me - but they are for our family. This is one of them. :) Happy to do it.. even if I am miserable.

You just have to decide what you want more. And you also need to consider that number three could be another boy, do you want another child - knowing there are no guarantees on the gender? (I know you *know* that... but it's different when you actually discover it's not what you were hoping for - sex wise)

Good luck

I'm pregnant with my second, and I feel the same way. This pregnancy has been so much easier than my first one, and I'm still pretty miserable. I have never understood all the wonderful joy that is supposed to come with pregnancy. I'm sick, I'm tired, and I can't do anything of the things I want to when I'm pregnant. Only you can decide if it's worth it for number 3 (remembering that number 3 very well may be a little boy). If you really want another child and don't want the pregnancy, I think adoption is a great option.

I wasn't a fan of being prego either... so you aren't alone.
I have 2 girls that are 16 months apart so talk about feeling like I was prego for 2 years straight!
Being tired doesn't even come close to how I felt and then having to carry a 1 year old around on my sore tired body was even worse!
Our main reason for not wanting a third is 2 reasons, first being the prego part, we (hubby and me) are both over that and second AFTER the baby is born I was even more tired! Two little ones, one of which is up ALL night, and then the toddler up all day. I truly couldn't wrap my mind around how a 3rd would add to all that. Made me sick to my stomach! And what if we had a 3rd girl??? Oy!
We got my hubby fixed when our youngest was 2 months old and it was great! Our family is complete and we feel like we can go on vacations and everything is even. He takes one hand, I get the other. For us a 3rd just seemed like it would disrupt our balance as a family
Good luck on your choice. Deep down you know what you want, so follow your heart.

I feel the exact same way about pregnancy as you! Absolutely hate every minute of it, have constant headaches, throw up every day, am incredibly fatigued till about 5 months along, etc. If I don't eat every 2 hours I throw up and I still lose weight during trimester 1. The only way I could stand it was to space my kids far apart enough that I sort of got a break. I have a 5 year old and a 1 year old, and like you and your husband, my husband and I would like a third but there is no way I will consider it until my baby is at least almost 3. Partly this is so the youngest is old enough to somewhat take care of themselves because I can barely get out of bed during the first trimester and a half.

I have loved having my kids four years apart. I feel like they get more one on one parent time than they would otherwise, and my son didn't experience any displacement when his baby sister was born. He was old enough to be really excited for her. But it sounds like you are pretty set against spacing them like that. Even a three year gap would be a lot better than a 2 year gap though. It gives you a chance to recover and prepare yourself mentally.

If you don't like the spacing option then I'm not sure what you should do. It does sound like you really would like a third, maybe to the point where you will regret it if you don't. Like someone else said, maybe adoption would be a good option if you feel comfortable with that.

It sounds like you still want to have children and that it is a priority, but that you're nervous about the pregnancy and all that comes with it. I can totally relate to you. I'm pregnant with my third boy right now, and the first trimester was pretty rough being exhausted and taking care of the other two boys (ages 4 and 1), especially since I got really sick as well. But somehow I made it through, and my kids are totally fine. It well worth it of course for the beautiful little child that is soon to be here in a couple months.

I guess my point is that yes, it is hard, but you really will survive it if that is what you really want. Follow your feelings, that's all you can do. If you feel like there's another child meant to be in your family, then there's your answer. Good luck!

I have a girlfriend that hates being pregnant too. I don't think it's abnormal, it is a pretty rough state of being. I would look at it a couple of ways, first, in the grand scheme of things, it really is such a short time that you are pregnant and kids adjust fine to these things. I have two boys and a baby girl and it is incredible to see them take care of her. A second thought is, my little girl is 10 times harder than the boys ever were. She is the cutest, sweetest thing and we all adore her but her emotions, tantrums and pushy attitude is not what I expected - AT ALL! Come to find out, all of my friends that have had a girl as well as boys say girls are harder. So something to consider when you are weighing your options.

In short, kids are the greatest thing on earth and dealing with 9 months is nothing compared to the lifetime of family. I say do it, it will be over before you know it. = )

Don't let the rest of us decide for you. There is nothing wrong with having a 2 kid family. There is nothing wrong with changing your mind about what you thought you wanted before you had the actual experience of having babies. And there is nothing wrong with saying, "Actually, for me personally, pregnancy sucks." It doesn't mean that you don't love the babies who are a result of the ordeal.

If you do decide to go for #3, would it be possible to budget for and hire temporary help? I had a rough second pregnancy, and my husband and I decided that hiring a college kid to come in several times a week to spend time with my daughter and help with the house was worth the money.

my pregnancies with my boys were much worse than with my daughter. i got so sick of people saying that they loved being pregnant because i was so miserable. during my second pregnancy (the second boy) i could hardly keep my eyes open. i would get up in the morning with my son, put some snacky foods and a sippy cup on the table for him, turn on the tv, and doze on the couch as much as possible. i think my son got a little too attached to watching tv, but it was temporary. i often had to call a friend to babysit him while i took a nap. as much as possible, call on your friends and family to help you out. many of them may do it simply because they have been in your shoes before.

I hate the 1st Trimester and the last few weeks of pregnancy! But the reward is worth it to me. I know how you feel. My son is almost 1 and during my 1st Trimester he was in his play pen a lot, because mommy was too sick to play with him while daddy was at work. I could only get up to feed him, change him and give him snacks. At times I felt like a bad mother, but it was all I could physically do. It's up to you what you want to do. Talk to your husband about it, and ask him what he thinks and suggests. Every pregnancy is different, so the next one might not be as bad. You really have to weigh out the pro's and con's, but you do not HAVE to have another baby. Good Luck in making your decision!

Oh I know how you feel, I did not like being pregnant. I felt terrible with both my pregnancies. I don't know how I got through it. I did not have a 3rd because I could not bare the thought of being pregnant again. I just can't believe my ears when I hear my friends say they loved being pregnant.

Pregnancy changes your body chemistry is many ways. Thus, you should expect to feel different (and not in an improved way); not to mention constant pressure on the bladder. Pregnancy also releases hormones in amopunts and combinations that can lead to depression and anxiety. Your boys are 3 and 1, and you're pregnant now. Hmmm. Having three children under the age of five is not a restful or relaxing concept. Then, there's the thought of three college educations at the same time. That's about $75K/yr for 12 years ($900,000). Of course, you can always pray for a scholarship. Why not stop with two? The additional time that you can spend with each child (compred with having more children) is precious,

Charles W.
Author, Jacob's Courage

I hated it too! I have my two boys, and I would FREAK OUT if I got pregnant again. Hubby is getting snipped next month. I felt awful the entire time both times -just like you, weak, sick, so tired I could barely live -I tried to enjoy it, but it sucked!

To second Peg's idea -I have a friend who hated it even more than I did, and they're going next week to pick up their new baby in China!

There are ways to expand your family without being pregnant. Why not consider adoption? There are thousands of kids here in the US and all over the world that would love to have a happy secure home. It would also guarantee the little girl that you want without the pregnancy that you do not = )

Dear A.,
Pregnancy can be very challenging physically and emotionally. I can relate to your symptoms from times when I was pregnant! One of the great parts about being a mother and a wife is talking things out with your husband and God and figuring out what is best for you and for your family. If you aren't able to take care of more children, then you can enjoy the ones you have been blessed with.
I wouldn't worry about hurrying to have a child because of a spacing that you think is ideal. You can wait a little while--the best decisions are not made in haste--wait until you feel at peace with your decision. When you do what you feel great about in your heart and mind then you will not have regrets. You will save money and emotional energy by being patient with yourself and others about this. If you still feel like you are not able to be pregnant again after you have waited, then you can move forward with life. But if you feel ready after having waited, then hooray! You can look forward to enjoying a third child, hopefully.
Do keep in mind that what you feel today doesn't mean you will feel this way for the rest of your life. We women are always changing! We can improve our health, and often women experience differences in pregnancies. Keep the long view in mind: what will you feel happy about 50 years down the road? Children are a precious gift and do grow in their abilities to help out. They teach us and stretch us and love us.
Happy decision-making!
L.

I hated being pregnant!! Love my kids loved actually having them but couldn't stand being pregnant!! I have 4 kids!! I can tell you it is worth it later...My last three are close together. I guess I'm glad I sucked it up for nine months instead of getting several years down the road and wishing "what if" good luck!

I like Peg's Idea of adoption, but I don't think that would work out with your baby schedule. But during my pregnancy I felt the same way. I had to quit my job doing retail because if i stood for more that 5 minutes my hips would feel like I ran 100 miles and then got sat on by a 300 lbs man. I was non stop throwing up, always hungry (I did lose 30 lbs which was great!!! to bad i gained it all back :( ), my baby was an incredibly strong little guy, people didn't believe me how badly it hurt when he kicked. They just thought it was the normal pain of babies kicking, until he was out and kicking them while holding him. I was tired beyond belief. Just waking up made me tired again. All in all not so much fun, so I feel your pain. I just hope you can find away to have you third child. And hopefully a girl!!