I Need Some Help..... - Midland,TX

That's tough. You can't bring her daddy back into her life. Just love her and keep on working with her on her inappropriate behavior. What about having her find something to do that would help her get her frustrations out. She's unable to express her feelings in a productive way. I hate to suggest a councilor but maybe it would he a good way that she can feel she's being heard and a good way to let out her frustrations by talking to someone. Just help her feel as much love as she needs and keep her talking you.

She is testing you to see if you will leave her too. She doesnt need spanking or pulling out of activities, she needs to know being bad wont bring Daddy back, not did it drive him away. She needs to know Mommy will not go away, no matter what. She is testing to find out these things. Read her books EVERY night like Mr. Rogers talks about Divorce and Love is a Family by Roma Downey ! Please get these books I highly recommend them. And make up stories about a little bunny or other cute animal who coincidently is in the same situation as your daughter, she used to live with mommy and daddy bunny but now she lives with just mommy bunny It wasnt anything she did that made Daddy bunny leave, maybe daddy bunny has his own problems. and she misses daddy bunny so much and luckily for her -the mommy bunny loves her more than the whole world and will never go away...etc etc etc. Counseling would be great for her she doesnt understand why he left and worries it was her fault, and worries you will leave too. Rather than worry and wait she is being bad to see what will happen. poor little thing

Oh, my heart breaks for your little girl. That poor dear is so angry and confused and misses her Daddy. Get her into therapy ASAP!

Can you ask her pediatrician about getting her some counseling? That might help a lot.

I would look into counseling or play therapy. This has to be really hard on her and she is just acting out. Give her all the love and positive re-enforment you can. I would also talk to her about her actions though, explain that she can't hurt people just because she is mad.

Poor sweet girl, I'm sure you are having a hard time to mom. Hang in there, this will get better.

Maybe she needs to be pulled from such activities until she deals with these issues? Tell her you understand you miss daddy but that does not mean that she can act like this and will not be doing dance or anything until she can behave like a 4 year old.

You need to stop taking things away from your daughter since you have already taken away her daddy (in her eyes). You need to be spending every spare minute with her. She is in a lot of pain right now since her family is torn apart. She doesn't understand the words that say you and daddy still love each other. She only sees what you do. Looking at your other post, I don't know how you have any time to spend with a new guy if your ex doesn't have the kids ever. You can't be leaving your daughter with anyone right now as she is feeling abandoned. She needs the security in knowing that you will not leave her too, to go hang out with someone else (family, friends, guys, anyone right now). It is extremely important that you put all of your energy into her or she is in extreme pain. Nothing right now in your life can possibly be more important. If you think you need a date, just ask yourself if your daughter's pain can wait. Will it be hard? Yes, of course, but right now your daughter is telling you she is hurting terribly. Don't respond with more stuff taken away.

You need to get your daughter into therapy.
She needs to work out her feelings and understand that spitting in another child's face won't bring her father back.
Maybe she is secretly hoping that if she does something BAD enough, he will have to pay attention and be involved to do something about it.
It's pretty normal for kids to think that way, but you know you can't allow her to continue these behaviors or attacks on other children because she is hurt or angry. That would be like me punching the mail man because my panty hose weren't on sale when I needed them to be.
Her feelings are valid and a good therapist will help her work through her feelings and appropriate ways to express them. They use play therapy which can be very enlightening.
Ask the school if they have any referrals. Ask the local women's shelter. You need someone who specializes in children of divorce.

Best wishes to you.

I agree with the counseling, however my 4 year old boy exhibited this behavior for a very brief time when he started his preschool. Anytime kids go through a change, they exhibit behavior they normally wouldn't. I think the counseling would be a great way to explain why things have changed and what to expect now that mom and dad aren't together. She obviously misses that part of her life, however needs to be shown other ways to express herself. Our situation was much different, it was just a new school, but we always sat him down and talked to him, the teachers at the school and I had regular communication and I always reinforced what they did at the school. I also expressed my expectations of him and it did get better pretty quickly. You'll get there, you just have to be patient(both my husband and I lack this quality), and work through it with your daughter and her school.

why is your ex not seeing his kids? mine didn't see mine except maybe once every 3 months for the first year we were divorced. then i took him to court and MADE him pay child support (it comes out of his check automatically) and MADE him take the kids every other weekend, which he has done faithfully since the weekend after the court hearing. the kids need to know that they still have a daddy and he loves and cares about them. take him to court or enforce the order you currently have in place. and get her into counceling immediately. best wishes...

1.)Extra hugs, firm consistent discipline and a regular schedule to help her regain a feeling of security. Letting things slide because she is having a rough time is likely to backfire. She needs to know that the rest of her life has not changed.
2.)Some help from you or a counselor in how to appropriately express her feelings.
I'm sure this is the last thing you need right now, but take some deep breaths. It will take time, unfortunately.

Oh my goodness, no. I realize you are upset that she did all these things to the kids in school, but you should not have approached it by spanking and taking away privileges. You should try another approach, such as sitting down with her, explaining what she did and letting her know it is not right to do so and show her how to release her anger without touching other people. Same lesson, different approach.

You are right, that would make it worse. Not excusing the crime, but she is emotionally hurting already and you just magnified it. It's like hitting a child when they are already down!

In her mind, her world has collapsed, daddy is gone, nothing is the same anymore, and mommy is punishing me for being hurt. So please love on her some more, be there for her as much as you can while you continue to remain calmly firm about the rules. Show her the good times with her father and talk talk talk.

Try explaining it to her that, even though you and her daddy arent together, it doesnt mean that you dont love eachother. it just means that you love eachother in a different way and that it has nothing to do with anything of her. Try and talk to your ex husband and see if maybe things would be better if he came and seen her three times a week and then on a sunday.

I know this may be hard, but im kinda going through with my ex fiance of 3 and half years. I adopted his son david when i turned 18, because he had a drug problem and the mother and her family didnt want him. and the court granted me custody because i have a home that is very loving and that of a place a child would be safe.

he asks me " mommy where did go" and i simply say, daddy made a bad choice and he is in time out at another house.

just talk to the father and your little girl. if you need anything im here for you.