I Need Help

I know of a Mom who took everything away from her 10 year old daughter, except for her bed clothes & hygene products. Everything the girl wanted or needed had to be done only with the Mom's permission. The girl even lost her extra activities at school before she started acting respectfully...
Good Luck! peace, M.

ok well I am a young mom to a 13 year old. I was having very similar problems with my daughter and my sister gave me a very effective idea. I tried all the taking things away for short time and grounding and all that but never got through to her. well I went in her room and took EVERYTHING out except her clothes, and her bed. sounds harsh huh? I thought so too. She was grounded for an undisclosed amount of time. She had to prove herself to me and earn my trust and earn her things back. As she progressed, I would allow her to decide what she wanted back. She got one thing at a time. Tv, mp3 player, going to friends, use of the phone, etc. She ended up being grounded for about 3 almost 4 months before she earned everything back. Oh, your daughter will be VERY angry at 1st BUT in time she will see you are serious and you have to, no matter what, stick to this punishment. My daughter has more respect for me than she ever did and we have a very special bond now which I am loving. hope this helps you!

Hi L.. I don't have any teenagers, but this is what my SIL did and I thought it was great. Her daughter was mouthing off one day and her mom was getting ready to run errands and had previously told her she could stay home by herself. Well, my SIL told her she had five min to get dressed and get in the car or she was going shopping in her PJs. My niece was mad and my SIL said, "you want to act like that and be dis-respectful and say you don't like me, now you are going to spend all your time with me so you learn how to act properly". I don't know if that helps at all, but I think all children go through it at one age or another. Be strong and Hang in there!

Hi L., I really feel for you! This must be SO hard! The advice the last person wrote sounds like just what you both need. I have a 14 year old son and have gone thru similar "growing pains". He didn't care when I took things away (for the most part), either...or at least he wouldn't let me know it bothered him. Finally, he matured and I have a real relationship with him. We moved a long distance in two vehicles with my husband and oldest son so we got to spend a lot of alone time together. I think that really helped us form a strong bond. He and I fought a lot over school and his behavior before that. Spend the time with her - she just needs to see that you and she are in this together; going thru a lot of the same things and you will not give up on her. Teens can have a hard time seeing outside themselves, I think. Once they realize they are not the only one with problems, they will open up and help you out. Hang in there! You will most likely end up VERY close after all of it is over because of going thru the hard times together.

Hi L.

Wow your daughter sounds exactly the way i was when i was 14. I swear that has to be a stage all girls go thru. My best advise is two things. One talk to one of her schools officals. ask them if she acts the same way with them or ask them for advise. They go to school that long to learn to deal with children so maybe they can help you out.

Or you can do what my parents did, which straighten me out big time. Take her down to two places. Franklin county children services and have he watch what happens to teenagers when they act up. if you stay down there long enough you'll start to see teenagers come in wearing handcuffs. That scared the hell out of me. 2nd place is to take her down to the Juvinelle Hall so she can see what its like in there and have her talk to some of the girls in there. I am sure they will tell you the same story that one told me when my parents took me down there. That they acted the same way she did and thats what caused her to end up in here. let me tell ya, i respected my parents, i stayed in school graduated with top grades in my class, so that worked for me. Maybe it will work for your daughter. Keep your head up and stick to your rules. Remember the more you let down the more they are going to back talk to you. Start more restrictions no phone, no tv, no friends nothing. and if she sneaks out , find out where shes at show up there and tell her if she doesn't come home, you'll have the police bring her home.

All that worked for me hun, i hope it helps.

She sounds a lot like I was when I was 13 and my parents were getting divorced. I didn't care about anything anymore. I went from being a straight-A student to getting D's and F's. And my parents couldn't punish me because I didn't care what happened to me anymore. My mom finally took me to counseling where I was diagnosed with clinical depression. Ten years later, I'm doing much better, but at the time I was struggling with peer-pressure, my parents divorce, the typical rebellion of growing up, and suicidal thoughts. If my mom hadn't taken to see a therapist when she did, I might not be here today. Please at least take her to be evaluated, and family counseling might be very helpful for all of you during this stressful time, if you're not already doing that. And don't forget to tell her everyday that you love her and that she's special and that none of this is her fault. (You might think that she would realize that, but that's not always the case.) Good luck, I'm sure she'll work through this.

HI L.,

I can't imagine how helpless or scared you feel. I went through something similar when I was 14. I started to rebel when my parents got divorced and by 14 I was pretty much out-of-control. It sounds like she is really angry and it is causing her not to care for you or herself. I don't know if I have any advice, but I can tell you that:
1.I will pray for your daughter and you.
2.I can give you my number for you or your daughter to talk anytime ###-###-####.
I hope this isn't overstepping any boundaries. I am sincere.
Take care,
J.

A therapist for your daughter, she is probably acting out due to the divorce.

my oldest is 16 and it's going to get worse before it gets better. it's a rebellious phase that they go thru that sometimes we find it hard to remember. just try to talk to her and not at her and assure her that whatever she is going thru, you will be there for her without judgement. sometimes i think kids have a hard time talking to their parents because our opinions matter the most to them whether they admit it or not. however, if she is having eating issues, either way, or she loses interest in her appearance, or suddenly has new friends who she is hesitant to introduce you too, you may want to talk to a professional.

My advice may seem a little rough, but I have already raised 4 teenagers, and working on my 5th. As far as her talking back, don't sit and argue back with her. Just tell her that you will not argue with her, she was told what to do, do it and end it. If she says anything, ignore her. Show her that you mean what you said. You are not going to take her mouth. With the grades, start calling the teachers, guidance counselors and whoever else at school that can help you keep track of her school work. Show her that you are paying attention to her school work and you are not going to stop until she shows improvement. The lying will take some private detective work on your part. A parent is suppose to get into their childrens lives as long as they are under 18 (i still get in my son's live and he's 20 and will have a baby in 2 months...lol). I had a stepdaughter that lived with us for a while, that was big on the lying. When she left, I read the letters that were wrote between her and her friends, I called the school and found out information through them. Try to stay one step a head of her, so when she gets caught, it shows her that you are not playing around. (hopefully I explained that right). Your daughter will call you a bunch of names and not like you very much, but this practice is what you call "tough love". Your children will not always like you, but deep down they will never stop loving you. Hope I helped!

L., I know divorce can be really hard on children of all ages have you looked into some couceling for the family and are you and soon to be ex still working together to try and help the kids with the big change?

hi L. - just wanted to recommend a great book - it's called "the new strong-willed child" by dr. james dobson. has some great advice on dealing with strong-willed teens, no matter what your religious beliefs. hope that helps.
E.