I Need Help - Phoenix, AZ

HOw old is your boyfriend? just wondering this sounds like a reaction of an inmature person. I dont doubt he is upset but you/he should not give up on a family over a name and it maybe should have been decided together. What is your reasoning for not wanting her to have her fathers name? (did you write before cause of your mom?) it sounds like there may be a need to get family counceling. I would say as long as he in not a violent person, and is responsible and capable of caring for her then YES he should be able to see her. Please dont use your daughter against him as a tool to get back at him. Its not fair for anyone, I am not trying to side with him but there are better was to deal with this situation. When you and him decided to make and have this child you committed to form a family and you need to see if you both can make this work. You need to do what is best for you and your baby, she should be your #1 priority! Congratulations on the baby! Let us know how it all works out.

OK, first of all if he can't handle the child having your last name until marriage, TOO BAD. It is an easy thing to change...you get married and go to vital records and have the name changed...no big deal! ANyways, If you aren't together now over this, I would go through courts and get child support and custody, if he's flipping out over a name, you never know what he is capable of doing, but that's just from experience. Congratulations on the baby, they are precious gifts, don't make her grow up too fast, because before you know it she already will be! Hope all works out for you.

Dear J., It's not over! He is still the daddy and holding against him that he can't see her is just not right for you, him or your new baby who is by the way going to want to know her daddy. In the state of Arizona the laws state that he can not put his name on the birth certificate and it is your chose as to what the last name will be. Good luck and try to work things out it will be worth it!

Just try for a minute to put yourself in his shoes. If someone else was having your baby and going to raise your baby, wouldn't you at least want the child to have your name? To him, your daughter having his last name may signify that you really are a family. And you took that away from him. It doesn't make the family any less real, but a last name is a really big deal. Especially in our society, where kids typically have their father's last name. If a child has it's mother's last name, that tends to imply that the father isn't involved. Children with Dads that are involved have their Dad's last name. To take that away from him is to imply that you really don't want to be a family. And keep in mind, if she wasn't important to him, he wouldn't care about the last name. This seems to be a big deal to him. Remember, this little girl is as much his daughter as she is yours. Good luck and congratulations on the birth of your daughter.

hi J.,
If you guys are havimg problems now how are you going to work anything out if you do get married. You should let him see the baby he just said that to you to hurt your feelings because you hurt his by not talking to him before putting your name.He does sound pretty immature, I think you guys should get together and talk it through and not over the phone.Congrats on your baby girl and goodluck.

Congradulations on your little girl coming into the world!!!!
That is what's important now....
I think you should DEFINITELY let him see his baby, you be there too, and watch his heart melt...it will. Oh man what a distraction!! All he can think about is his last name...it's actually ridiculous....you two have a NEW BABY...enjoy it!!!
Here's what I think you should do regarding the last name.... Ask him if he can be patient and let the dust settle...(let some time pass) and then talk about it again...you need time, you just had a BABY for goodness sake and your first baby at that.
Understand he might think your kicking him out of the process though, but I wonder WHY in the world were you SO SCARED to tell him?? Is he mean to you?? I don't know, it all sounds messed up... Put his name and your name at the end of your baby's name with a (-)....You don't even use the last name when you talk to the baby anyways!! Really small and really not huge...mountian out of a molehill baby...
May God bless you and protect you while you start out your new life as a momma. I hope this helps a little

If he wants to see her, then you have to let him, Just as, he has to pay support, even if he doesn't want to see her. The fact that he won't marry you is a good enough reason for not giving the baby his last name. He is telling you that you are "good enough" to have sex with, birth and raise his child, but not "good enough" to spend the rest of his life with!?!?!
Why should you go through life not having the same last name as the your child, just because he doesn't want to marry you. What if you gave her is name, and in a year from now he is married to someone else??? From the way he reacted, it sounds like he is a child. Cut your losses and move on.

You can always change her last name later. But I do think you should have a disscution with your boyfriend and see if you can't come to some sort of compromise.

I think you should have talked with him about it first. You are in a relationship right? And maybe your overreacting just a bit?!And YES, you have to let him see his daughter!!! Are you sure your ready to have a child?

J.
Why didnt you talk to him about it before you did it? I know when you ask the question the first time alot of people said it would be easier to have your last name, I still agree with thatbut you should have talked to him and not do it behind his back. I dont think you have any right to keep him from the baby unless his actions of rage like the one shown over this subject is a common accureance. This really isnt something that should have ended the way it did, it could have been avoided. I would tell him you are sorry, work out visitations and hope for the best. my 2 cents
Congrats on the new little baby and I hope you can work things out like two ADULTS, that you have now become.

J., you are bonded with this man for as long as your child breathes. You are co-parents. This is a ridiculous conflict for her to be deprived of her family over. His name, your name... your daughter will be who she is no matter what her birth certificate says, but not having both parents God provided for her will adversely affect her life. She is his child as well as yours, and if you take him away from her, she very well may grow to resent you, plus you could be in for the fight of your life. Is all the drama worth it...REALLY?

J.,
YES you should let your little girl see her father and get to know him. Your problem with him, is not hers. The problem between your boyfriend and you, should not affect that little girl and her future of getting to know her father. I don't understand why it was so important for your baby to have 'your' last name anyway instead of his. Especially since you all were together and were going to get married, and especially since she IS his daughter. To me, I think it was very selfish of you not to consider his feelings on the last name. That's his little girl too, and he's probably feeling like you excluded him totally. And you did. And I would feel that too if it were me. Now, please don't use your daughter to get back at him in any way. Don't put her in the middle of your dispute with him. That's exactly what you will be doing if you don't let him see her. That's spitefullness and your daughter deserves better. Let him see her and get to know her. And hopefully later on down the road you and your ex can reconcile somehow and be friends....for your daughters sake. Grow up and have maturity in your future decisions because you will be a prime example of how she will become as an adult. So will her father. And your boyfriend went off on you like that because of what you did. Can't you see that? You totally excluded him from his own daughter by putting your last name and didn't consider his feelings, and didn't consider the fact that he is the father...and you act like it's a total shock to you that he said, "Keep your family over there". You can't think for one second that he won't want to see his little girl. He spoke without thinking first because of what you did. Give him a break! The right thing to do is to call him and apologize to him that you did not think about his feelings, and do the right thing and change her name to HIS.