I Just Found Out He's Prob Gonna Deploy in 2012 for a Yr. What Am I Supp to Do?

What did you think was going to happen when you got involved with someone in the military? What should you do with the baby for a year? Be its mom and raise it.

wow you got the notice WAY in advance that gives plenty of time.
I thought you were going to leave him b/c he'd gone crazy and he was married to someone else.
You aren't married to him you don't have to stay with him.
We just do it. My daughter was 6 months old when my husband left for a year and then a few yrs later my son was a year old when he left again for a year.
It's what you get when you marry military. They are gone a lot. It's their job.

find a day care now get him to sign a power of attorney so when he is gone if you need something you can get it. have him draw up a will. the jag can help you do that. its hard but its doable and its part of being married to the miitary. get a military Id so you can get medical treatment on base. you just adjust that is all you can do.

Do you ever think about the consequences of something BEFORE you jump in?
Sorry, but everything you've written about this situation with your boyfriend/child/the military makes me wonder what the heck you're thinking doing almost everything you do.
Welcome to the military. Men sign their lives over, get deployed, possibly killed. It's the reality we face when our husbands join. If we can't deal with that reality, we stay civilians.
I realize youre not married to this man, but you DID have a child with him, which means you're going to have to deal with the consequences of whatever his employ brings.
Cowboy up. Raise your little girl the best you can. Get good friends that will help and support you. KEEP BUSY. That's how we do it.

I've been looking at all of your posts tonight and I really don't understand why you are still with him? He has hit you and been violent in the past, your not married, so just leave. You seem very unhappy and seem to have very negative feelings for him. My husband was a marine. He is out now, but when he was in, he had to deploy also. It was hard, and we didn't even have kids yet at that time. But, it's just something that you have to deal with. Take care of your baby. Make friends and have play dates, keep yourself busy. Move back home with family. But, since you are not married, you won't have a lot of help with the military. The wifes club wasn't that great of a help to me and we were married and living on the base. Sorry, but that's how the military works. If you aren't married, then they won't tell you anything and they won't do very much for you. I wish you well.

What would you do with the baby if you were a single mother....not just for a year, but the rest of your life?
Im not trying to be mean but geeezzz, what do you expect from life? It's not all lollipops, rainbows and sunshine. There are hard and rough times and you put your big girl panties on and deal with it.
You got involved with someone in the military, you are not married to him, you either stay and support him and he should support you, or you leave.

Was he in the military when you were screwing around with him? If so, then you knew what you were getting into. I think you need to be strong and perhaps go live with your family while he's gone. You have a lot of growing up to do for your little girl. Start doing it.

We just do, we have no other choice.

What do you mean what are you supposed to do?! You take care of her. That is your job...you are the mother.

This man has already gone to war and will probably be going again. He defends our country, our feedom, our lives and faces the possibility that he may lose his life doing it. How can you complain that you have to take care of your child while he's away from home?

You want to know how military people do it? We just do it because there isn't another choice. Most of us worry constantly about the safety of our spouse while he's gone to a war zone in addition to caring for our kids, our home, and sometimes working full time. The stress level is high, but we do what we have to do.

I think you need to face the facts: You are not cut out for military life. Not all spouses are. Since you aren't married to him you need to walk away now before you ruin his life, your daughter's life, and maybe your own.
And personally, I think you need to grow up and be a mother to your little girl. You complain that you've done so much on your own without help from the father or family. Guess what? That happens. It is called life. Who lied and told you life was easy?

Grow up and be the best mom you can be because your daughter deserves it.

I grew up in the military. At most, my dad was home 6months a year. Often less. And this was back before the internet, cell phones, or any other way to stay in touch except for mail (which would be helicoptered off the boat periodically, and phonecalls from port -usually with the loud background noise of the bar making it practically impossible to hear anything).

My mum loved being a military spouse. All the benefits of being a single parent (absolute autonomy & independence) when he was away, and none of the downsides (aka she got his paycheck on the 1st & 15th each and every month). When he was home it was honeymoon all over again. LOL... we'd essentially be "sent outside to play, be home by dinner" for the first 2 weeks or so whenever my dad was home. Add into all of that the amazing travel we got to do all over the country and the world, all of the amazing things that MWR sets up, free childcare, free med & dental, free airfare (spaceA)... transitioning into a more "normal" life of 9-5 after 35 years as a military spouse when my dad retired was actually quite difficult for her.

As a child with a Navy Dad... that was my "normal", so it's hard to really quantify it. But I do know I'm really close with him now as an adult, and felt close to him 365 as a child. Even though he was away a lot, we always knew how much he loved us. To me it was an invaluble lesson; A person doesn't have to be physically WITH you in order to be important to you and for you to be important to them. And when he was home we'd be sitting on his back while he did pushups, jumping into leaf piles, eating the pancakes he'd make every sunday morning.

No matter where we were stationed, about 2 weeks after school let out we'd fly spaceA to my grandparents to spend the summer. If my dad wasn't out to sea he'd join us for a few weeks of leave. If he was, then no worries. We'd stay for 2 months, every summer, in Seattle living in my grandparent's home with our mum. ((I have to admit, I had sunnier recollections of Seattle than the city warrants)).

The military is just a lifestyle. I have to admit, I strongly prefer it to many other options out there. But there is now way to change it. The military just "is". Take it or leave it... but there's no fighting it. Moving every 2 years, deployments, top secret schtuff (aka can't talk about a lot even when they are home), reveille, politics... it's all part an parcel of the job.

I agree...

We just do; we have no other choice.

Honey this is how it is when you have a child with someone in the military. You do what you have to do. Find a good support group; family, friends, other military wives. These people should be able to help you when you need it most, swap watching the child for awhile so you/they can get an hour or so to yourself/themselves, a shoulder to cry on when you need to, a cheering team to say you can do it.

I was on a bowling team and one of the ladies was three girls ages 4 - 10 years old and I loved wathcing them, giving her a break or helping the girls with homework or just having fun with them. She is an amazing women and honestly just did what needed to be done to keep things going at home, it was not always fun, happy and many times it is stressful but that is when you have that support system in place to help you make it through. If you do not have one then JUST DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE to keep your child health, safe and growing as well as yourself.

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and feeling very over whelmed. Counseling, support group and church can really help you through this.

You have had a handful of post tonight with a lot of issues/vents and you really seem to need help so please find that strong support from family, friends, church and counseling.

I'm not a military wife, but my husband travels a lot for work.
Seriously, did someone promise you a rose garden? This is his J-O-B and it's what HAS to be done (I appreciate it).
Women in a committed relationship miss their spouses, suck it up and do what needs to be done to keep the home fires burning. can you do that?
I think you'd have less anxiety about your baby, your boyfriend, your job and life in general if you marry or split up.
Good luck.

Well as the others have said, it is time to grow a back bone. No, no one ever told you that a military wife is a single mom, a person who has to fix and repair everything by herself and keep a sunny disposition but it is the truth. You will be alone a lot of the time with a small child(ren) and you have to cope.

At least you are being prepared or notified that in 2012 he will beoing for a year and to get ready.

What you do is join military wife or spoue organizations, you join mom groups,lyou go back to school, you get a job (if you can), you take up a hobby, and you take care of your little family. You become friends with your neighbors in the same situation and do things together and as a team.

In order to be a military wife you have to be an independent woman that is self-reliant and not a clinging vine.

It is time to get your big girl panties and put them on the right way. Being in the military as a wife is different from the civilian world and the only way to know is to be part of it which you are sort of. There are things that military wives do that are not expected from the outside world. We wives are expected to stand tall and support our husband while he is doing his duty to protect our country from outside influences, to keep the home front fire burning and there are many lonely nights. Yes, it is a thankless job many times but you DID marry a man in the military so you should have know what you were in for.

My best to you. Get in touch with the Family Support section or such and talk with them about help and how to cope.

My husband was deployed with the first Gulf War Desert Shield/Storm and was gone from our while we were stationed overseas. He also did tours to Asia with Viet Nam and at the time I had a 16 month old, a house to care for, a yard, a dog, a full time job and a car and truck payment. I didn't have time to complain; just "Do it" Like the Nike commercial.

The other S.

PS Being that you are not married to this guy. You don't have many legs to stand on. After reading that you are the one that had been choked I would start a life separate from him. If you can get an ID for the baby for medical good luck and possibly a pass to the Commissary for formula you will be doing good. Otherwise you are cut off from use of the BX and things. When you did it you really did it up good. Sorry to be so blunt but this is the real world and this is the military. They do not recognize girlfriends only spouses.

My son was in the service for six years.My brother-eleven. Most people who fall in with military people should have some notification or possible advice that the person could be deployed. Where they go is confidential a lot of times, so you don't always know that, but seriously if he was a hot, young good looking man with a uniform, didn't you think there was some work that went along with it? So your hormones took over and you had a baby, now it is time to put yourself aside and do your homework. Be in contact with other Military moms, There are websites all over. Plan monumental visits. Stay with people you do care about like family or good friends. Not romance. You have not even given this a chance. Unless you thought he was in a Halloween costume, you made a choice married or not you have a child together. And I am going to guess he doesn't like it any better than you do. He's the one who's taking the bullets for our freedom.

If you can't handle then leave.Your the mom your raising your girl what do you mean what are you suppose to do with a baby for a year just like anyone else it's not going to be easy.I have 3 with some help from hubby but now a sahm mom for 8 yrs.he works FT he is now home more often in the early evenings by 7 before that it was after 8 after I already did everything for my kids.

I have been an Army wife for almost 9 years, 4 of those years we have been apart. What do you do when they are gone, with kids or without kids? You live...you continue on in life just as if he was there. Military men (and women) get deployed...that is what happens. Be grateful that you know this far out. Our last deployment, we had 5 days notice before he left.
It sounds like you have A LOT to think about. From reading previous posts, you don't have a very stable relationship and it seems like motherhood might not be agreeing with you 100% either. You have to think about what you are going to do in your relationship. You need to do what's best for your daughter, because she is now #1....not you, not your significant other.
You might consider some kind of counseling for a third party unbiased opinion on everything.
I don't want to sound harsh at all but if you are already freaking about what to do if he leaves in a year, you just may not be cut out for being a military spouse/girlfriend.

A little more info would be helpful.

My husband travels non stop for work. I was home alone for a year for each of our newborns, and he's been gone pretty much the whole past year, and will be gone again most of this year. Don't worry, you'll be busy, an it's really nice to have the time alone with your baby. If he's financially supporting you while he goes, you're better off than many moms. Count your blessings and be sure to cherish the time. Your baby can sense if you're bored or annoyed.
Wait, WHAT?! Just read another comment below-he's hit you??! If that's true then the option is easy. LEAVE NOW> Do not raise a child with a man who hits women. Scram. Seriously. Right now.

Go ot therapy so you can get some perspective. You should not make any big decisions in your current state. Then, you need to decide whether or not you are going to continue with a military man. If you can't handle it, then leave. I promise that if you continue like you are, you're gonna make him want to put your eyes out. Heck, I wanna slap you just to calm you down and shut you up. I can't imagine what it must be like for him to deal with what he's got on his plate and then have no support from you and have you just harping on him with every little thing. You are making things in your home worse because you have no idea of how to handle the situation that you are in, and you need help. Please get it.

Find your local YMCA-- they offer respite care for deployed families on a part-time basis (free childcare, up to 12 hours a week, I think?). Check with them and of course the resources on base, so you have a plan for getting your "adult" things done, sans baby. That being said, find some mommy and me gym classes, walking groups, and just take care of your daughter the best that you can. Make friends with some other military wives locally-- you will find that the military takes care of its own, and it isn't so difficult as you might think. MANY other women will be doing the same thing you are, some with multiple children... make some friends in a similar situation, and that will make it much easier to bear (adult conversation, someone to vent to, etc). Of course, from your other posts, it sounds as though you are not married to the father-- I am not encouraging you to do that "for the child" (very bad reason to get married), but you should probably figure out health insurance and benefits (such as those offered by the Y and on base) and how they may pertain to your situation, should you choose to keep your "single" status.

I have been married to my Marine for the past almost-5 years. We have a 20 month old son. Sometimes it has been overwhelming, but there are countless resources available IF YOU JUST ASK. Seriously, the DoD employs people just to make these services and advice available to you-- USE THEM!

my husband works on oil rigs, he is home maybe 3 days out of a month, sometimes less, so i know how it is.

What i do is deal with it, we text each other alot, send emails, talk when we can. When he comes home we make every day, minute and second count. We plan family time, friend time, fun time, etc.... and when i think its hard i remember its harder for him.

I have a 7 year old and a 2 year old, i dont drive and i have no sitter. I manage.

Did you not realize when you got married things were going to change? especially married to a military man, over half the time you are alone and having kids alone and raising kids alone, 3 and a half months is nothing! having a child is a total responsibility for a the least 18 years! and being married to a military man is a journey that is not always what you expect it to be. it involves a STRONG WOMAN. one that learns to juggle family and crisis so well that even she cannot WHINE about her life. when you married you made a vow to change from the selfishness of "only ME" to the self-lessness of We. it is time to GROW UP AND FACE LIFE, HEAD ON. there are so many programs that can help you, as a military wife. go and ask around, and if i were you, I think i would take care not to get pregnant again for a while, unless you are willing to give up the 18 plus years to raise your children. if you go to the chaplin, he should be able to direct you to some programs to help new mothers and military wives. good luck to you and know that it is time to grow up and stop the whining. and look into some programs to help you better yourself and help your family. good luck in all you decide to do.

You've got a year plus a few months to figure a few things out. You and your child s father need to figure out if you're getting married or not. Either way, he should do what ever has to be done to be sure he provides for his child. You are going to have to be pretty independent because while he's gone you will be running things and it'll be like you are a single parent. You'll manage and you'll all turn out fine.

Hi B.,
Military One Source, 1-800-342-9647 MilitaryOneSource.com is a 24/7 support organization dealing with counseling, money matters, child care and deployment. Try them for help in dealing with your issues.
Also, contact your nearest Blue Star Mothers of America chapter. We're also a 24/7 group who have firsthand knowledge of the difficulties and fears that go along with having a loved on in the military and/or deployed.
I wish you well and pray for the safe and speedy return of your Warrior.
Please don't be upset at him. The military is in charge and his choices are made for him. Enjoy this time as best you can and try to keep the preoccupation with deployment from taking that away from you three.
Please thank your husband for his service and I thank you, too, for standing beside him and "serving" as well.
R. Bianco, Rio Rancho, NM Blue Star Mother

Check out NACCRRA, a child care resource for military families. Many Goddard Schools will accept this for tuition. Good luck and I appreciate the sacrifice you and your family make in service to our country.