I Have a Jealous husband...What Do You Suggest?

I don't agree with these other posts. How dare they tell you to leave him! You love each other, he loves your son, you have fun together, he supports you - these are good things. If he's not gambling your money away or abusing you - these are good things. If his jealousy is the only problem you have, you can work it out. But, you need couples counseling. He needs to understand that outside relationships are healthy and that he's projecting his fears on to you. This CAN be worked out in counseling - but it will take time. Do you go to church? You may find support there. Does he have any male friends? Try to encourage him to do more with them. If he's busy with them, then you'll be more free to do your thing. Good luck and God Bless!

You need to get into counseling to correct the problems early in your marriage. This type of behavior is not going to help a marriage or either of you thrive in in the relationship. He does not trust you because he has been hurt before. This is something he needs to fix right away. WIhtout trust he marriage will not grow and develop in a healthy manner. Not allowing you to have friends and making you feel guilty about having them is exhibiting power and control in your relationship and it has to be corrected immediately. If you do not get help you will become isolated and powerless in the relationship which jeopardizes your self-esteem and self image and the simple joys of life. Your son will start seeing you unhappy and frustrated or maybe even depressed and this is not healthy role modeling for him.

I would say marriage counseling ASAP! He may be great in every other way but this is going to get at you after awhile if you can't hang out with friends or he freaks out anytime you're on the phone. In no way shape or form should he be upset about you going out to lunch with girls! Have you told him how you feel? That he's acting completely rediculous in that area and if he doesn't deal with it you're going to go crazy? I mean that in itself could be enough to lose you and then he still ends up alone. Lay down the law sister...that part of his personality needs to be dealt with fast and I do believe it can be dealt with...my only concern is like a few other said...will this lead to other abusive behavior down the road? Counseling should help you figure that out!

Hello J.,

No, it's not a clue to get out of your marriage. All of this is fixable.
First, give your "ta-ta's" shirt to a single girl who will wear it proudly... it's not for a married woman to wear. And why would you want your new husband to feel uncomfortable?

Second, he had been cheated on with his first marriage. He is keeping this one "safe" and treasured.

Third: You both need a hobby or sport together outside of the workplace. Something sacred that you both enjoy (outside of sex). Enjoy your hobby once a week at least. it can be walking the dog, bike riding as a family, or racquet ball.

Fourth: You both came into this marriage as individuals. That's why he was attracted to you. A girl's night out is harmless if you do it openly and honestly. Try once a month.
Lunch, movies, bowling night.. what ever. You can even suggest that the girls come over to your house for bbq and game night. Set a table in the back yard. Get him into your friendship circle with their husbands...

Fifth: Plan a couples night with your girlfriend and her husband. Something simple, like
dinner and movie.

Stay out of bars, dress decent (not like a Hooters girl) and tell him of your where-abouts.
Invite him to join you later in the evening.

Plan your craft times once or twice a week after your son goes to bed. Plan two-hours of time for yourself. Ask that he do the same. And you will respect his time too.

All of this is very healthy for your relationship to work.

If all else, go to church together and find some nice families to hang out with.

I have been happily married 13 years and had some growing pangs too.
We have our couple time, friendship time and family time.

M.

You need time to yourself and he needs time to himself even if he doesn't realize it. You'll be better together and have more to talk about if you do some things by yourself. You have to talk to him and tell him what you need. If he loves you he'll give you that time and work on his own issues.

Tell him what you told us that he's a great husband and step dad etc. So he feels good about himself and then you can let him know how he can be an even better husband. Does he have any friends or hobbies? Doesn't he ever want to go out with his friends? Or do something he likes. If he feels like he is doing something and not that he is being left out then it will help a lot. I know my husband loves it when I do things because that gives him time to play the computer.

It gives you guys a chance to miss each other too especially since you work together. Maybe even start in baby steps. Take a couple breaks a week not together and then work up from there. It will only get worse if you don't resolve this issue now.

I would say if he doesn't respond to this then you just need to do it for yourself with or without his approval. Yes you're married but he doesn't control you. If he won't give you what you need you need to take it.

I hope this helps.

Hi J.:
You asked for advice about nine months to late. You knew at that time,he was a (control freak)He was showing you his true colors,and you ignored them.Did you honestly think he would change after you married him? Your husbands problem is hes (Living in the past, and is treating YOU as he would his (EX) if she were still with him.She had an affair with a co-worker,so he fears you'll do the same thing.He will continue to manipulate you,and who you see and where you go,until you decide you've had enough,and leave or he seeks help. I don't know,if a man that controling can admit to having a problem.I'm sorry if my response sounds harsh,But I believe in being direct.Regardless of what you've read or what you've been told,LOVE is not enough to sustain a relationship.It's something you build, work on,to strengthen. Otherwise it becomes stagnant,and ends. Don't waste to many young years in a relationship,that you know is going nowhere. I wish you the best J..

Wow, on the responses and on your question.

Ok, the thing that worries me and this is bassed on tv/movies about the overly controlling kind, and people I have ment that end up in bad situations where they have to get restraining orders against the person.

I understand he's been hurt before. But is their anyway you can meet the ex wife. Just to find out if this controlling thing is new or was the same for her, and if he ever touched her the wrong way. Remember there are always 2 sides to every story, unless the story involves one being. This way you can read him deeper, and know what you might be in for. I'm only saying these things for yours & your sons best interest.

If this is all new then I would try to explain to him that a marriage is bassed on trust, you are not his ex, & you can't possible understand why she would do something like have an afair on someone that is so loving and caring. But that you are concerned that he is being to controlling and needs to get help with this controlling problem, and trust you or that this marraiage isn't going to work because it scares you. Try to work with him on this he sounds like he is or could be the best man ever. But we all need friends.

Guys that control this way, are usually not a good thing. They make you abandon your friends and keep you all to their selfs till you trust them, then they start brain washing you that know one would want to be your friend, that I'm the only one that likes you, your to ugly for anyone else to want you, and they start beating you, but you have no-one to go to because you now have no friends, and he's watching you all the time, monitoring you. Waiting for you to step out of line, so that he has reason to beat you. I'm only saying this because mom to mom I care that you are safe, and lets face it if you didn't have some kind of fear you wouldn't be asking this question. Have you ever heard (If it's to good to be true then it probably is). If he truly loves you like he says he does, he'll get help for the controlling issues, and trust you to go out with girl friends, after all your not gay right? Be careful! My prayers are with you, I hope this is truly a great man and things work out for you. J.