I Have 2 Boys, So Why Won't Moms with Daughters Play with Us?

Dear E., where do you live that moms with girls will not get together with moms with boys? Are there any mommy and me places near you? Try to find some new friends. Grandma Mary

If it happens before they know whether you have a boy or a girl, then it doesn't have to do with you having boys. That is so frustrating. It takes time to find people with the same way of doing things. Keep persevering.

I have always thought that moms of boys were a lot nicer as well!! And the girl moms get WAY worse as the kids get older-just wait. I thank my lucky stars for having boys so I don't have to deal with their cattiness and their competitiveness. Most of them I know blatantly live through their little girls -it is their chance to do it all over again.

For some reason the moms of girls like them to play with other girls. It has always been frustrating to me as well. My little boys are much sweeter and better playmates than most of the little girls that I know. They are rough but at least they aren't mean and conniving.

My only advice is to concentrate on making friends with the other boy moms as your little one gets older.

Its just the Mom's.... whatever feelings on it.
Maybe they just have 'gender' hang-ups.

For me, my first child is a girl.
From an early age, we had play-dates with Moms who had boys.
I saw it as no big deal.
My daughter... didn't mind and she liked having friends... not it being a 'gender' thing.
In fact, in Preschool, her best buddy was a boy. Even in Kindergarten, her best buddy was a boy.
Even now... we still have play-dates with a friend of ours that has THREE boys. No biggie. They can all play together.... and they have fun.
But I now also have a son... so BOTH my kids, can play with all the kids.
Its no big deal, to me.

I guess, different Moms have different feelings on it... per 'gender.'
And IF the Mom, has a "girl" child, only... and no sons... then yes, maybe they just have a preconceived notion... that boys are "rougher" and not as behaved... which we know is not true. Because, some little girls... are just not nice... ..
It is not a gender issue... to me.

Or why don't you just make new friends, who don't have those hang ups.
Or, ask those women... 'why' they don't want to have play dates with you, since you are the only one with a "boy."

Personally, I don't experience that, where I live....

all the best,
Susan

because you have boys and boys and girls like different things, behave differently , etc. They are just different.
Maybe they don't think they will get along well at a play date. It's easier to be friends when you have things in common. And when it comes to genders , as much as we don't want to admit it, they are different in many ways.
Maybe they only have "girl things" at their house or maybe you only have "boy things" Girls are drawn to dolls , play "house" type things where boys are drawn to action figures, building toys etc. No this is not true of all boys or girls but it is true of most. There could be any number of reasons.

I have one of each, btw.

"This happens before they even know whether or not I have a boy or girl. Does anyone else get this reaction?"

I was intrigued by your last remark most. Why do you think other mothers would "shun" you before they knew the gender of your children? Do you parent in a radically different way to those in your community? This question isn't to be judgmental, but I'm just wondering. I'm from Portland, OR, and we're usually pretty relaxed around here. Yet, for what it's worth, in my years of nannying (children of both genders) and being a parent, I have found the playground/park scene sorely lacking in the way of connecting with other parents. As for playgroups, I have found that it's really not the best way for me to get any social time in, because we need to be focusing and present for the kids, so having any sort of meaningful discussion is a moot point.

May I suggest reconnecting with friends in the evenings, after your husband is home and kids are put to bed? I stopped going to my playgroup for the reason above (needs to be child-centered--which mine wasn't) and started hanging out with girlfriends at least once a week in the evenings. Much more satisfying....

OR, maybe they *are* all stuck-up prigs and you are better off?:) BTW- there was a great post on this on Mamapedia voices... "Fear and Loathing at the Mom's Group" or something like that. If they have it archived, check it out. you aren't alone!

Wow I absolutely disagree, I have two girls and I do not act like that at all. in fact my daughter's best friend is a boy, they've played together since they were 1 and 6 months old (he is older by 6 months) they are like brother and sister and his mom is my best friend.

What I have experienced that is the moms with boys that don't allow them to play with girls, maybe because they don't want their sons to play any "girly" games or with "girly" toys.

In fact when my oldest girl had her birthday party years ago in kindergarten,
we invited the whole class, almost everyone came including boys.

HOWEVER, when we tried the same for 1st grade and invited the whole class again, only one little boy showed up and the rest were the girls. the same thing happened in 2nd grade, but this time none of the boys came. Eventhough I had sent unisex theme invitations no Disney princesses or ponnies, still not one little boy showed up.

We are homeschooling third grade so I don't know what would have happened this year, but I would probably not have invited boys and the reason is that my daughter was really hurt that none of them showed up, just because she is a girl it doesn't mean she didn't notice that they weren't there, she had invited all of her FRIENDS, not only because they were girls.
And Mallory that's quite catty what you said about moms of girls, pot calling the kettle???

So based on your "what happened" it sounds like it has nothing to do with the gender of the kids, but that you are surrounded by a different class of people who have different lifestyle and values than you do. You need to find some more down to earth friends. Good luck

Honestly, I haven't noticed anything like that. In fact, our neighborhood is all boys with one little girl and her mom loves that she can be with the boys. I get the same impressions (no issues from moms of girls) from moms at preschool, the community center, church, etc. Maybe it's just your area?

That's really strange. I have 2 boys who are 4 and 2, and with their playgroups and preschool friends, everyone plays together. We've had lots of playdates that are mixed genders. It's a shame your friends with daughters feel that way, because they're not doing their girls any favors! Maybe you could google and try to find some other neighborhood, city or community playgroups around your neighborhood. I know if you live in NYC, it's enormous, but there are probably some groups near you that meet on a regular basis or something -aside from the classes and playgrounds you're going to. I met most of my "parent" friends that way -a neighborhood playgroup. Most of my "old" friends don't have kids, but I've met some great people near me with children the ages of mine. Good luck!

I have never heard of this before. Maybe it has nothing to do with the kids.

I have three girls and most of our playdates are with more boys than girls. My oldest girl has a good balance between girl stuff and boy stuff so she adjusts well either way. My middle girl is the tomboy in the family so she loves doing things boys like. My youngest is ALL girl so she has a harder time doing what the boys do, but she adjusts to it after a while.

Not all moms of girls are rude and standoffish, but I will say that I know what you are talking about. The ones that are very competitive are like that, but I hope and pray that I never come off that way. If I do I hope the person that feels that way says something to me so I change my attitude.

It must be the group you hang out with or the area you're in. Where we're at, we all play together. The girls will play with trucks and the boys will play with dolls. They don't care. I'm so sorry you have to go through this :(

I never cared about the gender. I look for kids who know how to play nicely and whose M. I can chat with. I did notice by age 5 many moms starting having girl only birthday parties with feminine themes.
It is hard to make M. friends.

I think the argument that girls and boys like different things is way off for children under about 3.5 to 4 years, because until then children do what is called "parallel play". Meaning they play by themselves while sitting next to another child.

Hang in there. At least your little guys have each other. I can totally sympathize with your need for something akin to adult conversation. Friends of mine with older children say once they start group activities like sports or music, then you'll find parents with whom you are compatible. I am sure hoping so! LOL.

Good luck.

I am just now reading your post. I have a boy and all my friends had girls, and I know exactly what you mean. I even had the husband of one of my friends tell my friend that his daughters were not ALLOWED to play with my son.
I guess, trying to think of it from their point of view, playing with a boy wouldn't be my first option if I had girls.
Since then, I am still great friends with the moms- we go out to see movies, dinner, etc... WHEN we can get away. And we still talk on the phone daily.
But for my son, I got him involved in BOY only sports and we have all made some awesome family friends with some of the players and their families. It's been wonderful and the bond between us is strong because we all have boys.
I don't know if this helps you any, but I just wanted to let you know that you were not alone.
R.