The Reader's Digest version is I fired our lawn guy for not doing what was in the contract. I had repeatedly talked to him and refused to sign a new contract 18 months ago when ours ran out. His negligence caused $2500 in plant loss plus hundreds in sprinkler repairs which he said he could not and would not do even though he and his crew broke them.
He called the next day acting like it was a surprise and I never gave him a chance to work it out. I heard the same thing after repeated meetings with the private school my child was in. I took her out and later many parents followed suit. The teacher was nonrenewed and is not allowed on campus anymore. My dad also ended up nearly dying so I switched nursing homes. Before that day, I had 5 full meetings to remind them of the care plan and what they were supposed to do.
My question is am I too nice? I don't yell or cuss. I don't say "Now, if you don't do x or stop doing y, I will fire you." To me that would escalate the situation. Am I miscommunicating?
The lawn guy called me the next morning IRATE and DEMANDING I give him another chance. I laughed because I couldn't help it. That set him off to threaten to sue me at which point I told him "You send me proof that our contract is not expired and that I OWE you money and I will pay you minus the plant loss with labor, sprinker repairS, and to pay someone to remove the yard waste you threw on the vacant lot. We have not heard from him since. Thanks for your advice. My dad's new nursing home didn't bill his insurance after 4 requests so I took the papers they needed to complete and handed them again to them in person and said "This HAS to be done today"
I also let the head manager know that the insurance company needed those papers and this was the 5th time I asked so it needs to get done. They did it that day, but they pouted when I came back to check.
I don't think you are the issue. As you've explained you have have had open lines of communication from the get go with these different circumstances. Let's face it caring about people is out the window and sometimes to get what we want we have to move on. You were right.
I think you're doing just fine. Maybe they didn't take you seriously but when the other people find out that you fired the people before them, THEY will most definately take you seriously!! =D Good job!!!
What's the question?
ETA: Oh, you've updated it.
Yes, sometime's you have to spell it out for people ;)
ROFL... YES YOU ARE THE ISSUE!!!
Because you AREN'T getting walked over, taken advantage of, snowballed, used.
GOOD FOR YOU.
Businesses aren't children. You're not required to even give them ONE chance. And quite frankly, for the damages (landscaping and injury), you COULD sue. Choosing not to is showing them more generosity than they probably deserve.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. The problem isn't you it is them. The problem isn't that you aren't expressing yourself well either. I didn't want to believe it when my husband told me but I have seen for myself it is sad but true. Men deal with women differently. In each of these cases the power in charge was a man. Men try to play on your emotions or pretend like you are inept or incapable or expressing yourself when they are in the wrong.
Maintain your stance for excellence in the kind of work and atmosphere you desire to have for your home and your family.
It's called "manipulation." I don't like it and have gotten to where I don't indulge it.
For someone who is under contract, I consider the contract their one chance. Everything is in writing so they know what your expectations are. I don't get people who think they should get multiple chances to do what they agreed to do in the first place.
Of course we're only hearing your side of the story, but your actions sound entirely reasonable to me. I've known people who would insist on another chance, no matter how many they'd already received. My first husband comes to mind. I held on and gave him chance after chance for 13 years before I finally left him and filed for divorce.
He was completely shocked. And I should have done it years earlier.
He is trying to make you feel bad. Texas is an employment at will state. Yay! My thought when I terminate someone is "hey, you terminated yourself, I'm just the messenger".
If someone tries to argue with me, I just shut it down and say "this isn't open for debate. You did not perform the service you were contracted to do, you know that and I'm done."
Next time, I would say "If this isn't fixed, we will make other arrangements".
It's truly sad that these days you have you yell and get upset before anyone takes you seriously.
Maybe at the end (or beginning, just as long as it's really clear) of any conversation regarding an issue you have, say something like "This is the first/second/third time I'm bringing this to your attention."
Perhaps when the contract is written/relationship begun, you can explain that when you're unhappy with a situation you will bring it to their attention calmly and rationally and that shouldn't be an indication of the level of seriousness - you just choose to behave professionally in a professional relationship and not yell or get visibly upset.
Update: you've added information since I posted - three weeks may not *typically* be enough time to see a change in a classroom situation. You added at one point that the teacher was basically completely awful and his contract wasn't renewed - meaning things probably wouldn't have ever gotten better. However, the director may have been basing her timeline on a reasonable adjustment period for a teacher to make necessary changes.
As for the nursing home - you say "so he better get out of my way." That seems an odd statement...
As another poster said, we're only getting your side of the story. You sound reasonable - but are your timelines/expectations reasonable? Do you clearly lay out what you expect to happen? You said you told the yard guy's employees some of the issues - you can't really be sure those issues were brought back to the big guy in charge.
Obviously, based on the information for the yard guy, you were completely reasonable in expecting him to live up to his end of the contract and do what you were paying him to do. He sounds like the type who tries to manipulate situations and people as Angela S. said.
If all else fails, simply document in writing every time you have an issue or complaint. Most business take written complaints seriously, regardless of tone.
We have a saying: Money talks and BS walks.
It's your money, whether it's a lawn care company, a nursing home or a private school.
When it's not working out for WHATEVER reason--you leave, get someone new or discontinue being a patron. Use YOUR money to get the products and services YOU deem worthy.
In that respect, I don't understand why this is even a question. LOL
IF you choose to give the lawn guy a chance or two or three or twenty AND you express what you do and don't want done, and he can't fill the bill, why would you think twice about firing him? (I do take a bit of issue with informing the employees because then you're 'assuming' he 'got' the request/criticism/warning which he may have or may not have.)
Also, I think if more people treated their doctors and hospitals the same way we treat most substandard service providers, the country's health care would be O. where 'the cream rises to the top", KWIM?
Hard to do when you live in a city were UPMC is the tallest building and about as close to a monopoly as you can get!
Sounds like you've done nothing wrong. These days people think they're privileged and will take advantage of nice people. Maybe you are a bit too nice when you talk. You don't have to yell but be firm and lay out the facts with no confusion. If you're doing that then they're just trying to take advantage of your good nature.
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
With help around the house, I always make sure any issues are written out. If there is a problem with the work that is being done, I will approach them about what is not being done correctly and what needs to be changed in writing along with a note that failure to comply with the contract can lead to termination. (I am also a teacher - we use the same techniques with our students). Then if things continue to not be done correctly, you have the signed paperwork that said that complaints had been made before. I have had to fire one cleaning lady, and this helped me to ensure she knew what was expected, and what went wrong, so when we (finally) let her go I didn't feel badly at all.
If you've repeatedly talked to him & talked to him & he didn't improve then why stay w/him? Sounds like he's being a bit unprofessional & immature when it comes to correcting his 'mistakes'; he shouldn't have been surprised he got fired after being talked to many times. As far as your other issues, you delt w/them as you saw fit. I don't think you're miscommunicating, by removing your child/father from those situations, you're communicating right there letting them know they're not doing a satisfactory job for you & I'm sure you told them when you withdrew them from there. By saying something like "Now if you don't do X or Y I'll fire you" it sounds like you're having to babysit them. They know their jobs & should do it right. If they're slacking in their service, that's their fault, not yours, you shouldn't "have" to say anything like "If you don't do this or that, I'll fire you"...they should know that already. Good luck!
If you were talking to my husband you would have! He comes from a dysfunctional family and he doesn't *hear* me (volume, words or otherwise) if I am not screaming or cursing. We're working on that! :)
Some people are just dense. Spell it out calmly, "If this isn't fixed, I will fire you, period."
I think the problem is that people aren't used to assertive women. You get what you want and aren't affraid to handle bad situations (from these examples) and that isn't always the way it is. I'm the same way, and have no problem telling someone what is on my mind...so I say you did nothing wrong and he's trying to work the system on you. Don't feel bad. He made his own choices. As did the school and nursing home.
Are you upfront from the get-go that you are THIS unhappy and if THIS is not resolved, you are leaving? Sometimes we hem and haw or don't use straightforward language. "Could you please do...." is different than "As stated in your contract, you must...." Or he could have just been hoping that you'd take his guilt trip and keep him on.
Now, it could also be a bad year. If you were not the only person who pulled your child, then it was not just you. Lots of meetings should have triggered the principal to realize that this was not a good situation.
No, there is nothing wrong with you. Some people just don't "get it' unless your are screaming and jumping up and down. You said you had told him of the damages that were caused and that he said he would fix them or could not. You had a contract for x amount of time. That does not mean you will continue to keep that contract forever.
He had many chances to fix things and couldn't comply. He had to go. He just doesn't want to.
The same thing for the child care and your parent. These places figure on x amount of dollars per month to run the facility and then you up root their plans. Sorry. They screwed up and wanted you to stay.
You do have the right to change and move in this country so far. So exercise your rights and do it. Don't feel bad about it. It is a done deal and move on to the next battle.
You don't need the headache from hitting your head on the wall. Stop beating yourself up about it. Have a great day!
The other S.
There are some businesses that do not listen to customers. Those businesses usually fail. You did the right thing. In fact, you may have given them too many chances. Ultimatums are okay for business relationships except when the kids/older persons are involved then you just remove them from the situation. Interview the heck out of your next people. Don't second guess yourself.
It's unfortunate that all these people had the nerve to act like you need to do more for them before firing them, but that's all it is, NERVE!
If you know in your heart you would have kept them if they were doing their jobs properly, then don't give it another thought.
I do sometimes think that being nice and calm when stating your demands is lost on some people, but that doesn't mean you should change. I went through that ALL the time in the garment business. I WAS ALWAYS nice, and always clear and PATIENT, but when a factory would make enough mistakes, I'd have to leave, and I always got some sort of shocked, angry response. Just because other clients were screaming and yelling etc maybe they didn't take me seriously. I don't know.
Poor work ethic is everywhere. If people need to keep their jobs, they should do them well, and you shouldn't feel bad. ESPECIALLY since you were fair and nice.
This is why I have started my conversations of complaint, I am more than capable of yelling and screaming but I would like to resolve this as adults. This usually turns into a mini-discussion about how people should not have to throw a temper tantrum to show they are angry unless they are say, two.
Sadly I think people have got used to being yelled at for the most idiotic things that it has reached a point that those of us who behave properly are not taken seriously.
Since I wasn't present at any of your meetings, can't comment on your communicating skills. I can however comment on the general lack of taking responsiblility for your actions. This country no longer considers personal responsiblity a priority. It started with Pres. Clinton (publicly) and has spiraled downward since. Everything is someone else's fault - no one wants to stand up and admit they aren't doing what they're suppose to. Look at our current administration - they toss blame around like it's a volleyball game!!!! When that's what is constantly on our TV's, it's what is POUNDED into our kids. I've taught MY children that you make a decision and go with it and then you take the heat if it was a bad one. Your choices form who you are and what you are and should reflect what you believe. Personal responsibility - it's something that DOES have to be taught because no one wants to be wrong or accept the fact that they may be. Also, lax ethics/morals start to creep in when you can blame someone else for what YOU didn't do. Unfortunately, nothing you can do about someone else's lack of either......just keep doing what YOU know is right.
No I think you sound like you are fine, but if you are interested in reading something on the subject the best book I have read on communication is called Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott. Loved it and it helped me a lot.
You are most likely NOT miscommunicating, people just don't like to lose customers.
