"I Don't like Boys"

Updated on September 23, 2011
J.V. asks from Chicago, IL
15 answers

My hubby and me are having a disagreement: he thinks kids go through an anti-the other gender stage because they are programmed to, but I think they are taught such things. What do you think?

My 3.5 year old girl has recently been saying "i don't like X because he is a boy." I believe her 4.5 year old friend taught her this, as my daughter spends a lot of time with boys and will tell you her 1.5 year old brother is her best friend. It is only the occasional boy she will say "i don't like him, he's a boy!" to, unless of course she is will a group of girls who are saying such things.

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Featured Answers

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

I think it's a development stage.
Most go through it one way or another, some sooner, some later.
When my son was in pre-school he thought girls were yucky.
When I pointed out that Mommy is a girl he got this horrified look on his face and proclaimed "Mommy is NOT a girl! Mommy is MOMMY!".
It was hard not to laugh but I was SO glad he didn't think I was yucky.

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T.N.

answers from Albany on

Probably a little of both. Either way, enjoy it while you have it, soon she'll be a teenager and change her mind about boys!

:)

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

I was just thinking this today. MY 10 year old has had it with girls, he has two older sisters, 13 and 16. So his dislike of all girls definitely comes from his association with "them".
Why do they have to paint their toes, they smell funny, they are so bossy, I was just singing, I was not bothering them!. Of course, his mere existence bothers them.
The girls never really had a boy hatred period, until he became maybe 7ish. But when they were all little he was cute and did everything they said, unitl he grew a spine.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

.

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K..

answers from Phoenix on

I'd say it's probably a little of both. In any event, I'm sure it's a phase that will pass.

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S.!.

answers from Los Angeles on

Not sure - My 4 year old girl refuses to play with boys (except her brother). And I really couldn't say who she could have possibly learned it from??????

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B.S.

answers from Rockford on

My sons both say they do not like girls and have for as long as I remember but they play with girls and love their girl cousins. It seems that they hear it somewhere and it is something they say but do not really mean. I tell my kids that they need to be nice to everyone and if there is someone they do not want to play with it is fine but that it is not okay to be mean to other children (I do not distinguish between boys and girls because it is important for them to hear that they need to be nice). They all grow out of it and when they become boy crazy you will wish for this time back.

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S.E.

answers from Chicago on

I really think your over thinking it. At 3.5 it means nothing. She's not using bad words and isn't acting in a hateful or hostile manner. It's just the whole "cooties" thing. Boys have cooties. Boys drool, girls rule thing. It's just a phase. See what she thinks about boys when she's 13.5.

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K.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I think both.

There are some ages when kids are more likely to prefer not to associate with the other gender. I think about 4-5 grade is one.

3 1/2 seems a little young. My granddaughter of that age has only recently figured out boys vs. girls. Maybe because your daughter has heard it from other girls for her it is part of learning to distinguish between them.

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J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Neither of my daughters went through any stage where they didn't like boys. Granted they are both serious tom boys still I don't think girls naturally think boys ick. It is taught perhaps as you think by a friend.

I know some girls think it is girly to not like boys mind you.

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C.D.

answers from Chicago on

Going back to child psychology classes, it's a developmental stage. The words themselves are learned but at this time they are soaking in their world and figuring out with whom they identify and why. Boys and girls are clear classifications. When she says I don't like him he's a boy, she may not be making the connection as an adult would. She may just be stating that she doesn't like something he did along with stating he's a boy to clarify who she's talking about. Sometimes we draw quicker conclusions for WHY kids say what they say at a young age when really they are just thinking out loud and piecing together their world. If they are connecting it, it is sometimes with the thought process of I'm not like that (yucky, cooties, etc) so it must be boys who are. At any rate, can just reiterate at such times that boys are great just as girls are great, that kind of thing.

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C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

My son is 7 and he has always liked girls. He has plenty of boy friends too and he likes to play spy or soldier or whatever with them. But he also will invite girl friends over and they end up playing "store" or riding bikes or a board game. He tells me now and then, I like girls. I don't know why the other boys do not. Anyway, my husband and I think it is great he has girl and boy friends and we tell him you can be friends with anyone and it does not matter if they are a girl or a boy. After all, I have friends who are men. His dad has friends who are women. But yes, it seems like many of his friends do not want to play w the opposite gender. I know a lot of their parents very well and I seriously doubt the parents are telling their child to play only w their own gender. I think for some kids it's just a normal thing that they want to play with only the same gender. My son had a girl and a boy friend over at the same time and the little boy commented on how he didn't know girls liked to play boy games too. He was honestly surprised! (It was like, wait? Girls can be cool?!! Woah!) They all had a blast playing together. Here's my theory. Some parents (especially some dads - a certain kind of dad) discourage it. You are a boy! You don't play with girly things! And some kids start preschool or kindergarten and they get a message from their peers not to play w the opposite gender. Boys have cooties!!!!! Gross!!!!! My son heard this once he started school but he ignored it for some reason. (He is VERY stubborn! No one tells him what to think!)

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C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

of course they learn it.....i agree.

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R.C.

answers from Chicago on

Well, duh, they have cooties! Did you not know that?

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

I think that at this age it's learned. As kids reach puberty (4th or 5th grade) they go thru a stage of thinking the opposite sex is unlikeable because they are learning how to deal with hormonal changes.

Your daughter's phrase, "I don't like him. He's a boy." sounds like a phrase she's learned from her friend.

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